


A Company of Three

by Madd4the24



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Big Bang Challenge, Infertility, Infidelity, M/M, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 145,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madd4the24/pseuds/Madd4the24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel's ultimate goal had always been a child of his own, and when he'd married Blaine, he'd truly believed he'd found his happy ending. Yet seven years down the line he was childless. He had tried to be patient, tried to let pregnancy come on its own, and still, seven years was a long time. Long enough for him to seek medical assistance and learn the horrible truth that he and Blaine would never have a biological child. Crushed,  Kurt turned to the only option he felt he had. A donor. A perfectly anonymous donor to provide what Blaine was incapable of.</p><p>Kurt was never supposed to know his donor. Neither had Kurt planned on his marriage falling out from underneath him, meeting his donor face to face, or for his donor to end up being everything he'd never known he wanted. He hadn't meant to fall out of love with Blaine, or in love with his donor, Dave. Especially considering Dave didn't have a clue who he was, or that Kurt was carrying his child.</p><p>It was an impossible situation, filled with betrayal, secrets, dishonesty and severe consequences. And no matter what, Kurt couldn't see an ending for any of them that didn't end in disappointment and hurt. He only hoped he could still have his happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start off by saying this fic is pretty much my baby of all my babies. Mostly because I've been trying to get it written for over a year, and the idea has been with me longer. Originally this was intended to be an OT3, or Dave/Kurt/Blaine, but then I fell so out of love with Blaine's character that I couldn't stand to write Kurt in a happy relationship with him. Because of that, I thought this might never get written. But obviously it did, and I don't know how I made it work, but it odes.
> 
> Firstly, my knowledge of the theater is limited. I have a season pass to the theater in San Francisco, and I have friends who majored in that same vein in college. What I've written here about the industry I do not claim to be the read deal. It could be way off the mark, but this is fiction, so we're going to pretend this is exactly how it works. 
> 
> Next, there are themes of PTSD and stress disorders in this fic stemming from military duty. I have never experienced any of these personally, but I do have friends who did. My generation was the first to go to war after 9/11 and I've had many friends come home different from how they went. I'm only taking a generalization of their experiences for the sake of this fic. I don't claim that this is a shared response by all servicemen and I mean no disrespect to anyone who's had a difference experience.
> 
> Lastly, I just want to throw this out there, though I'm sure we can all agree that in real life, men do not have babies. When you write mpreg you can either go two routes. You can try to biologically explain it, or you can ignore the logistics of it and pretend like it's completely normal. I usually go that route, considering I majored in history and not biology. 
> 
> Now enjoy the fic!

Kurt’s foot tapped idly, even impatiently, as he glanced around at the waiting room for the millionth time. Gratefully the small room was deserted aside from himself and Sam who sat next to him, and Kurt supposed he ought to have been thankful for small favors at least. But then he spied another motivational poster, this one depicting ‘Teamwork’, and his annoyance spiked again. It was almost as bad as the poster with the giant whale on it. Kurt hated those motivational posters.

Sam’s warm hand came down on his knee gently and the blond asked, “You aren’t nervous, are you?” Sam gave him a kind, genuine smile.

“No,” Kurt huffed out. He wasn’t nervous. He was terrified. And a little angry. Maybe even stressed. He couldn’t help glancing at the clock, knowing he’d be cutting it close. Maybe scheduling his appointment during his lunch break had been a poor idea, but he hadn’t really had the time elsewhere. And Doctor Martin was the best in his field, anywhere in the state. Kurt had to see him, but he was furious that it was Sam who’d accompanied him. Sam shouldn’t have been burdened with his problems, even if his long time friend had insisted. 

Sam’s eyebrows drew together as he said, “I thought you’d been looking forward to this for weeks? Months even?”

“Looking forward to isn’t exactly the phrase I’d use.” Kurt let his fingers stretch down to his knees and he sighed. “It’s something that has to be done. I have to be here, because nothing else is working. I’m just …”

“Afraid?”

Quietly, Kurt nodded. One of the motivational pictures across the waiting room was a rainbow. Kurt thought he’d seen it before at work, in the production director’s office. Probably. Annoying people tended to collect annoying things. “Which is stupid, I know.”

“Hey. No.” Sam tired to comfort him gently, “Anyone would be scared. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you don’t get to be scared.”

It was likely true. But no matter what, doctors made him nervous. Doctors delivered bad news. They always did all they could, like when his mother had been sick during his youth, but it was never enough. Doctors couldn’t be trusted. Probably shouldn’t be.

Kurt let his fingers flex out and told Sam, “I’m sorry you had to be here today. I’m not your husband. I’m not your problem. You shouldn’t have had to come and deal with this.”

The blond man’s arm was stretched out across the back of Kurt’s chair, and he shrugged in a way that was authentic enough for Kurt to believed him when he said, “I’m … how did Mercedes’ parents put it? A no good, unemployed, leech of a human being. Obviously I’m in this for the lollipop you’re going to get after, and we both know I don’t have a job to get to.”

Kurt absolutely hated that Mercedes’ parents rode Sam hard for losing his job a few months prior. They’d never been overly fond of him to begin with, and Kurt had never heard the end of it with both Mercedes and Sam, but he knew her parents had tried to keep things civil in the beginning. Until, at least, he’d been laid off. Now they called him lazy. They said he was living off Mercedes. And undeserving of her. And it couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Something will come up,” Kurt said. “I’ve seen those self help and motivational books on your coffee table. Isn’t that what they all say? It’s not like you’re a high school drop out, Sam. You have an education. Have you thought about looking outside the city for work?”

“And commute?” Sam asked, pausing like he hadn’t really considered it before. His shoulders fell. “I don’t know. I’d have to be back before three every day. Not sure I could do that.”

Kurt winced a little. He’d forgotten about Mason. The ball of energy and mischief that kept everyone on their toes, and who was Kurt’s favorite person on the planet. It probably had something to do with Mason being his godson, but the truth was the truth.

“I have to be there for him.” Sam’s mouth pulled tight. “He’s only at school until two, and he’s home by three. Someone has to be there to get him.”

And then Kurt spied the poster with the fish on it. It made him think of sushi, and how badly he desperately wanted the doctor to tell him he was barred from eating it for however long. He wanted the customary lecture about smoking, not that he did, and drinking, which was a social habit of his and easily quit. He wanted his prescriptions and Do/Do Not list, and everything else that came with it. He wanted what Mercedes had, and what Tina had and what Christian Hong had needed to drop out of the musical for. He wanted it. He was desperate for it.

With a laugh, Sam added, “But on the bright side, Mercedes and I don’t fight about Mason anymore. No more spending unnecessary money on child care. And I guess, if you really want me to be an optimist here, I’m getting to spend more time with my kid now in a day, than I usually got to in a week. If you subtract Mercedes’ parents, and the loss of income, and my dignity, and probably my self worth as a man, it all kind of works out. Mason makes it pretty even in the end.”

Was that what children did? Kurt wasn’t stupid. Love didn’t pay the bills. And children didn’t bring about world peace, but some days he wondered if they really did make just about everything else better. Mercedes and Sam had always been happy, but never so much as when Mason had come along unexpectedly. He made the beam. He made them shine. He made Kurt jealous of them.

Tentatively, Kurt broached, “So you like spending time with him. That’s great. But I could start nosing around out there for you. See if there’s any work my side of Central Park.”

When Sam made a face at him, Kurt grimaced. “I don’t need you getting me a job, Kurt.”

“I’m not promising you one.” Across the way the receptionist smiled coyly at him, blinking through her lashes. She probably thought he was a adorable. Kurt had rather hoped he’d outgrown the adorable stage of his life. He hoped it all the time. “What I’m saying is that everyone needs a friendly boost to their feet sometimes. It’s not pity and it’s not charity. It’s not a done deal, either. But if you need the help, and you did say you’d lost your dignity, then man up and take it.”

“Working in your line of business?” Sam asked, face aghast. “I don’t even know how to sew. Mercedes has to hem my pants half the time, and sometimes I just tuck and pin with clothespins. I tried staples, too, once.”

Kurt laughed a little, and it felt good. “I’d never put you to work on sewing anything. But every good production needs a runner. An intern. An assistant.”

“You want me to be someone’s coffee bitch?”

“Depends.” Kurt looked over at him, one leg crossing over the other at the ankle. “There are worse jobs in New York city, by far. So I’ll let you think about it.”

Sam nodded finally, and it felt like a victory. Then Sam said, “As long as you don’t stick me anywhere near Rachel Berry.”

Kurt blanched. “Never would I do that with my worst enemy, Samuel Evans.” 

Kurt settled back into the seat in the waiting room, glaring daggers at the inspiration posters, and listened to Sam tell him about Mason’s recent trip to the science museum. He tried not to feel snubbed that earlier that week he’d tried to take his godson to the museum of fashion history and been completely denied by the rambunctious five year old. 

Sam, despite Kurt’s insistence that he was fine alone, accompanied him into the doctor’s office when his name was called, and after they were seated, once more put his hand on Kurt’s knee in a way that promised solidarity and support. 

Doctor Martin had been recommended to Kurt through his general doctor, and was probably costing his medical insurance company an arm and a leg. But Kurt himself would have paid the ridiculous fee to find the answers that he was looking for. Even if Blaine thought answers would come all on their own. 

“Mr. Hummel,” the doctor said, formal to a point of severity, and Kurt didn’t bother to correct him, “I’ve had ample time to look over your blood work and tests. They were extensive, and I have a much better picture of your health and viability at this time.”

Kurt swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I keep thinking something is wrong with me.” It was humiliating to admit it, but Sam squeezed his knee and it was just a little bit easier. “But my husband and I, we’ve been trying for years now to conceive. Four or five, and I mean actively trying. Since our marriage. But we weren’t exactly using protection before that. So seven total, I suppose. If we’ve been having unprotected sex for so long, how is it that we haven’t managed to conceive yet? It seems unimaginable.”

Doctor Martin wore half-moon glasses, the kind that reminded Kurt of Albus Dumbledore from Mason’s favorite book series. But on the Doctor the glasses made him seem uninviting and harsh. 

Martin cleared his throat and said, “Concerning men, Mr. Hummel, I’m sure that by now you’ve read several medical journals and you’ve found that the conception rate in men is much lower than in women. Disregarding the sixty percent of men who aren’t able to conceive at all, the other forty percent find it much more difficult than their female counterparts.”

He did know. He’d read it a million times over, praying that he wasn’t defective in some way. Blaine couldn’t carry their children, and it was up to Kurt. He had the necessary means, but was it saying something that he was unable to manage the simple act that other people did all the time? Where was his baby? Why couldn’t he have one?

“It’s hard to conceive as a man,” Kurt agreed, feeling his face heat, “and the miscarriage rate is twice in men what it is in women, along with the autism rate and stillborn rate. I understand that even now medicine has no explanation for this, or the rate of infants who still suffer from SIDS in both genders. So yes, I know. But I also know I’ve been having unprotected sex for up to six or seven years now, and nothing has happened.”

Doctor Martin’s gaze slid over to Sam. “Are you a viable option? Often when a couple comes to see me, they’ve been concentrating on one partner carrying the child. It might be best to--”

“Oh, god, no,” Kurt nearly shrieked, and he wanted to hide his face in his hands even as Sam burst out laughing.

“Excuse me?” Martin asked sharply.

“Sam isn’t …” Kurt looked to the blond who was doubled over, smacking his own thigh playfully as he laughed hard. “Sam isn’t my husband. He’s my best friend’s husband. But he’s one of my most trusted friends, and anything you want to say to me is fine to say in front of him. I’ve known Sam since high school.” Kurt cleared his throat and tried to focus back on the topic at hand. “But my husband, Blaine Anderson, he isn’t able to carry. He can’t. So it’s up to me. And I need to know if there’s something wrong with me, or if I’m doing something wrong that I can fix. Because you don’t understand when I say we’ve been trying all the time. We have been trying every day, and statistically, even with the low conception rate among men, I should be pregnant right now. I should have already been pregnant.”

It felt like all of his friends were passing him by. They were all starting their own families, and making him an uncle and godfather and all of the titles that he didn’t actually want, but had to take for the sake of friendship. It wasn’t fair that Mercedes had gotten pregnant with Mason on accident, a fluke given her birth control, or that Tina was getting ready to pop out her fourth. Why was it that Quinn was on and off again with Joe, but they had two children, and Santana was a proud mother to a beautiful little girl Kurt knew was her world. Even Finn was a father.

Doctor Martin opened Kurt’s file and glossed over it for a second, before stating, “You’re in perfect health, all things considered. If anything, you’re a bit underweight, but your numbers are strong, you’re clean of all of the major diseases, and you’re quite fertile.”

Kurt frowned. “I’m fertile? I think not being pregnant right now would say otherwise.”

“Being fertile,” Martin said, “is not the same as conceiving. As with women, there are a number of factors that must be aligned at the same time. While I do agree that I would have expected you to have conceived before this, it’s also very normal that you have not. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but the best course of action may be time. You’re still young, Mr. Hummel. Youth is on your side.”

Kurt steeled himself. “I’ll be thirty later this year. And unlike women, who care capable of having children all the way up until menopause, I know it’s different for me. For each year that I don’t conceive, I know my chance diminishes. I’m cutting my success rate every year that I’m not pregnant. I know I seem scared of never getting pregnant, and I am, but I’m even more scared that it’ll happen when I’m forty, and I won’t be able to sustain the pregnancy at that age. I want a healthy baby, Doctor Martin, and I’m not prepared to suffer a miscarriage or cause my child severe birth defects because of my age.”

“Kurt,” Sam said softly, and it was the first time he’d spoken up since being in the room, “no one is ever prepared for a miscarriage. You can’t predict them and all you can do is try and cope.”

He felt his throat go dry. “I’m sorry, Sam,” he said hoarsely, thinking of the months he’d remained by Mercedes side, trying to console her and get her back on her feet. It had been half a year before she was ready for a memorial service, and twice that before she wanted to go back to work. During that time Kurt and Blaine had all but turned their guest room into a nursery for Mason while he stayed with them. 

“It’s fine,” Sam brushed off, but Kurt knew it wasn’t.

“There have been recorded cases of men well into their forties carrying and delivering healthy children,” Martin said. 

“And the number is low.” Kurt shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to take that risk. I want to be pregnant now and avoid it completely. Blaine thinks …he thinks it’ll happen when it happens. He thinks I’m not being patient enough.” 

He also, much to Kurt’s frustration, didn’t think it was a big enough deal to take work off from. Kurt had asked him to be there for the appointment. He’d rescheduled three times trying to work around Blaine’s meetings, and finally nothing had seemed to work. Blaine wasn’t worried, and he didn’t see the point of making a big fuss over it. But Kurt didn’t want to end up the childless couple that kept plants and fish and stamp collections. He wanted a baby, even if he knew it wasn’t high on Blaine’s priority list. In fact part of Kurt, the part he didn’t like to dwell on, knew that Blaine had only agreed to have a baby to appease him. Blaine wasn’t in love with the idea of their family being bigger than the two of them. 

Kurt said, “I’ve been more than patient. That’s why I though something was wrong with me. But there isn’t?”

Doctor Martin shook his head slowly. “Absolutely nothing. You will just have to let things run their course. However, if your partner can’t carry, and you’re having trouble conceiving yourself, there are a couple of other options for you to explore. You may want to consider in vitro fertilization. Some men choose to go this route because of its higher success rate, compared to any other natural process. However, the average rate of success is typically in the third or fourth attempt.”

“And it’s expensive,” Kurt said flatly. They weren’t hurting for money. Kurt had a fulfilling and rewarding job, and Blaine was one of the city’s best attorneys. But their insurance wouldn’t cover something like in vitro, and if it took a minimum, on average, of three to four tries, Kurt couldn’t begin to calculate the cost of something like that. What if it took longer? What if it took five or six or more turns? How many times would they be willing to try? How much money would they dump on something that had a chance of never taking? “What else is there?”

“Surrogacy,” Doctor Marin suggested. “Some men have opted to use their own genetic material and have a surrogate carry their child to term. It can be expensive as well, but the success rate if a female surrogate is used, is much higher.” 

The idea seemed immediately offensive. If it was Kurt’s baby, he wanted to be the one to carry it. He wanted the experience, with the good and the bad that came along with it. And he didn’t want to pay someone else to steal the experience from him. 

Still … if it was the only option, and if it was the best one ….

Kurt asked, “You ran every test? You checked everything? My …” he wasn’t sure he had the courage to say what he needed to. But eventually he managed, “I’m an only child. My parents were trying forever to have another baby after me, but my mom couldn’t conceive, and when my mother did finally manage, she miscarried. That’s when they found the cancer. I want to know if there’s a chance that … that something like that could be messing me up. The doctors didn’t catch it with her until it was too late. Could it be the same with me?”

“No,” Doctor Martin said definitively, and so firmly that Kurt believed him wholeheartedly. “You had extensive testing done. I ordered a full workup for you, nothing was missed. You are the picture of health.”

Kurt had spent almost a entire day in the hospital. He’d had blood drawn, gone through a full physical, had several scans taken, and even seen a psychologist. As much as he wanted there to be something that the doctors had missed, if only to give him a reason for his failure to conceive, he knew there was none. 

“Then just …time?” Kurt felt like he was giving up by deferring to what Blaine thought they needed. He was tired to waiting. He didn’t know how much longer he could wait. 

“Maybe,” Sam said quietly, “you and Blaine should start thinking about adoption? Would it really matter if the baby was yours biologically? Isn’t the important thing just to have one? Kurt, this is New York. There are three times the amount of kids, as there are willing parents. You’d get one pretty fast. You could probably even pick the one you wanted. A kid who looks kind of like you or Blaine could be out there for you.”

But it was important. It was so important to have a baby that was half his and half Blaine’s. But the bigger worry on his mind was something he barely dared to say to Sam, especially with Doctor Martin listening. Regardless, he told Sam, “I know I make it sound like Blaine and I want this baby equally as badly.”

Sam winced. “You’re not fooling anyone, Kurt. If he wanted the baby as badly as you did, wouldn’t he be here? Wouldn’t he be sitting where I am?”

Kurt felt ashamed for Blaine, and for himself as well. “Yes.”

“I thought so.”

Kurt felt compelled to add, “It’s not that he doesn’t want a baby. It’s not that at all. He told me, he wants one if I want one. But I know, he’d be perfectly happy if we didn’t have any kids. His job is his baby in a lot of ways. All the attention he would have to pay to a child, he pays to his work. And I know he’s worried about splitting his time. He doesn’t have a lot of it to begin with. He just wants to make me happy. I guess he doesn’t need to have a baby to be happy, not like I do.”

Kurt ran a hand over his face and tried not to dwell on how ridiculous he sounded. He was twenty-nine. He was a mature, capable adult. He had a husband, and friends and his dream job, and still he wanted more. He felt pathetic. 

Doctor Martin posed, “You said your husband is unable to carry?”

Kurt startled a little, looking up at the doctor. He’d really expected Martin to tell him to get himself together, and maybe to go back to see the psychologist before pursuing the baby matter anymore. Wasn’t that what any normal doctor would do?

“Not because he was born unable,” Kurt answered. “He was sick as a child, he doesn’t like to talk about it a lot. I think he said it was the Mumps. After that there was also a series of medication that he was on. His body won’t sustain a pregnancy. He’s not an option. And in any case, he wouldn’t be willing to take time off from work to go on leave, and have the baby, and then recover after. His job wouldn’t allow that, not like mine. It has to be me.”

With a frown, Doctor Martin asked, “Can you get me a list of the medications he was on? And his diagnosis file?”

“That was twenty years ago,” Kurt said, not understanding. “A bit more, actually. I guess I could get a list from Blaine’s mother, if she’ll take my call.” Kurt’s eyes cut over to Sam and he said, “You’re not he only one with in-law problems. But I think mine have the opposite issue with me. Blaine’s parents would have given anything to have him marry a woman, but at the very least I think they expected me to stay home and pop a kid out once a year for as long as possible. They kind of consider me defective at this point.” He considered himself a little defective, too. Only Blaine’s parents never got to know that.

Sam questioned, “Doesn’t Cooper have about a dozen illegitimate babies out there?”

“Four or five,” Kurt said with a sigh. “At last count. Or the ones Cooper is admitting to. But they’re absolutely not legitimate, and Blaine’s parents won’t accept them unless they are.” Which was a shame, because Kurt knew, despite Cooper’s playboy actions, that he was a good father to them. Blaine and Cooper talked all the time on the phone, and Blaine told Kurt that Cooper spent all of his free time with them, and spoiled them rotten, and tried to be a good father, whether he was or wasn’t. Kurt thought in the end, all that mattered was putting in the best effort possible. 

“Get that list,” Martin said, closing Kurt’s file. “And have it faxed over to me as soon as you can. I’ll give you a follow up phone call in about a week.”

“Follow up?” Kurt shook his head. “Did I miss something? I thought you basically just told me today that I’m fine, and I need to stop pushing this. Isn’t this just a game of Russian roulette with my body?”

“I like to give all of my patients a follow up call,” Martin said, hands folding on top his desk. “In case any other opportunities or information present between now and then. But between that time, the absolute best thing you can do for your body is to get a solid eight hours of sleep each night, load up on your fruits and vegetables, stay in shape, and stay off any medication that isn’t over the counter or strictly necessary. I don’t think I need to remind you that the male body is very fickle when it comes to anything that can prevent conception. You aren’t on any prescriptions right now, are you?”

Kurt shook his head. “Nothing now. I was on anxiety medication for about six months when I was sixteen and high school was hard for me, but that was over a decade ago.”

Doctor Martin wrote something down and said, “Make sure to send me that one on the list too. And do your best not to consume any alcohol, smoke, or be around any second hand smoke.”

“Isn’t there like some kind of fertility treatment you can give him?” Sam asked. He looked even more displeased with their findings than Kurt felt. “A shot? Some pills? If that Octomom can pop eight out at a time because of fertility drugs, then shouldn’t you be able to give something to Kurt that’ll give him one?”

“Due to physical and biological capabilities between the male and female bodies, it doesn’t quiet work the same way for each gender. Fertility drugs might end up hurting Mr. Hummel’s chances, more than helping them. Now yes, there is always the chance that anything I prescribe him might work, and he might end up with multiples, but there is an equal chance he could upset his body chemistry and effectively sabotage any natural chance he might have to conceive. It’s a craps shoot, essentially, and that’s why I didn’t suggest it.”

“No.” Kurt stood. “I want to do this naturally. I want to do it the way I’m supposed to. I’m healthy. I’m fertile. I just have to keep trying, and worry less.”

Doctor Martin stood as well and held his hand out to Kurt. “If anything comes up in the near future, I’ll be sure to let you know, Mr. Hummel. But my best advice to you is to keep trying. And try not to judge your own situation against those of people around you. You time will come. The body is something we’re understanding better every day, and in my professional opinion, I’m telling you there is nothing wrong with yours.”

“Thank you,” Kurt told him, and made sure to get the office’s fax number from the secretary before he left.

“Sorry,” Sam said when they were in the car, driving back towards the heart of the city. 

“For what?” Kurt asked with a half smile. “No matter what he said, Sam, you weren’t going to be able to fix or change anything.”

“I know.” Sam leaned against the window of Kurt’s car. “But I really wanted you to get some good news. I know how long you’ve wanted a baby. Forever.”

With a sigh, Kurt said, “If I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer. Or however long I’m meant to wait.”

“But I meant what I said about adoption, Kurt. You could adopt.”

“I could,” Kurt agreed. And Sam was right, there was no shortage of children waiting for home placement in New York. He and Blaine could easily pass any background check and have a baby in their home, or a toddler, in just under a year. It wouldn’t be anything difficult, but Kurt really did want to experience having his own baby. And it was important to have something biologically related to himself. And there was another fear. Kurt said, “Sam, I wasn’t exaggerating when I said Blaine didn’t really care either way about children. He’s not looking forward to being a father, but neither is he upset I want us to have one. Yet I emphasis that he’s okay with one. I have this fear, Sam, that we’re going to go through everything to adopt, and have that child, and then I’m going to get pregnant. I don’t think Blaine could handle two children, and I know I couldn’t, not with my job, and without his full support. What kind of a place would I be in then? Where would that put my family?”

“And what if you never get pregnant?” Sam asked bluntly.

Kurt’s fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel as he brought the car to a stop at the red light in front of him. “It’s going to happen,” he vowed. “I’m just not doing something right.”

“But the doctor said--”

“The doctors told my parents they weren’t trying hard enough, too.” He hadn’t meant to snap at Sam, not after he was being such a good friend, but Kurt was beginning to see the parallels between his situation that of his parent’s decades ago. “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t meant to raise my voice. There just … there has to be more I can do.”

“Relax,” Sam offered. “Stop stressing out over this. Stress can effect a pregnancy, so maybe it can effect conception, too. You know, with your blood pressure being too high? Makes sense a little. Anyway, your work is too stressful right now for you to be throwing this on top of that. Your just got your budget approved, didn’t you?”

“Last week,” Kurt confirmed. “Now I refine my sketches for a few weeks, and after that we start production. Opening day is in ten weeks.”

“And what about Blaine?” Sam pressed. “He always has a major work load. So maybe you should each be focusing on work for right now, and let the baby thing just sit. If it happens, it happens, and if something new can be done, Doctor Martin is going to call you, right? Plus, he did go over a couple of options with you. Think about those, Kurt, and figure out what’s best for you.”

He did have a lot of things coming up in the near future, not just work related events. And when he stopped to think about it, there wasn’t a lot of time to worry over a baby. Maybe Sam was right.

“Okay,” Kurt said. “Both you and Doctor Marin make valid points.”

“Good you can still see reason through that baby haze,” Sam teased. 

“Very funny.” Kurt caught sight of himself in the rearview mirror, and he startled for a moment, really noticing the faint lines at his eyes from stress, and the pale color to his already too white skin. He looked like he needed a long nap, or maybe a vacation. He and Blaine hadn’t been on vacation in years. “Do you want me to drop you at home?”

Sam glanced down at his wrist watch. “Nah. I know your lunch break is already over. Thompson is going to give you hell as it is. I’ll take the train into the city. It’s just about time to pick up Mason, anyway. You get back to work.”

When they were nearest the subway station that would take Sam to Mason’s school, Kurt locked a hand around Sam’s wrist and said, “I really appreciate you coming with me today, Sam. I didn’t want to do it alone, and with Mercedes out of town right now, there weren’t a lot of people I trusted to come with me. It means a lot you did this for me.”

“You’re practically family, Kurt,” Sam threw over his shoulder as he slid out of the car. He ducked back down to say, “And family does these things for each other. If you really want to show your gratitude, you can watch Mason on Thursday night when Mercedes gets back in town. Otherwise, call us even.”

“Deal,” Kurt promised. “Give me a call when you want to drop him off.”

Sam shut the door and then with a happy wave, disappeared down into the station. 

Kurt drove directly back to work and his boss, Marcus Thompson was lurking about, shooting him dark, disapproving looks. Kurt counted himself lucky that the older man didn’t have a lecture waiting for him. Instead he let Kurt slip back to his office and sink into the chair at his drafting desk. There was an open sketchbook in front of him filled to the brim with costume designs for Kurt’s current production. 

He leaned heavily on the desk and tried not to think of anything baby related anymore. It wasn’t doing him any good and it was only distracting him from work. He needed to concentrate, especially with production only a few weeks away and Thompson breathing down his neck. He couldn’t afford to focus on a baby that wasn’t even conceived yet. Or the nagging feeling of dread that came with the notion that Blaine hadn’t made even the slightest effort to come with him. Sometimes Kurt felt like Blaine was slipping away from him. And some days, the bad ones, Kurt felt like he was already gone.

Determined to focus, Kurt spent the next few hours improving upon his designs, and then another few fighting with the production’s set designer, and the director himself. Kurt was by no means a people pleaser, but he also understood the necessity of everything being cohesive. So he tried. He really did. At least until Thompson tried to tell him that his designs weren’t practical, and the set designer began asking him to scale back the details of the clothing.

He used his last break of the day to drop his car at the local auto shop for routine maintenance, and with notice to pick it up the following day, reluctantly headed back to work.

He was so engrossed in work that by the end of the day he had several missed calls on his phone, one from Finn, one from his dad, two from friends, and another from Mercedes.

He skipped over Finn’s to save for later. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to his stepbrother, but Finn seemed difficult as of late, suffering from PTSD after being relieved recently from his last tour of duty. It certainly wasn’t Finn’s fault, but it was taxing, fending off several calls a day, all of them from his increasingly paranoid brother. Finn needed to talk to someone. He needed help, but he was resisting, and even an intervention from Kurt and their parents had done nothing but increase his sense of anxiety. Kurt made a silent promise to call him before bed, and to talk him down from whatever panic he was in.

He also passed over the two calls from his friends, and listened briefly to Mercedes’ voicemail where she jokingly demanded that he not get any wise ideas about stealing her husband. 

Kurt called his father back right away as he gathered up his things for the night. 

“Hey, kid,” his dad greeted. 

Kurt closed his office door behind him and tucked the phone between his ear and his shoulder. “Hi, dad. You called? You know, there is this thing called voicemail. You call, leave a message, and let me know what’s going on.”

“Very funny,” his father grumbled. “You know I have aides for that. They take all my calls and make them and--”

“I get it,” Kurt laughed. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Maybe I just want to talk to my favorite son.”

“I’m your only son, discounting Finn, of course.” It was cold outside when he stepped onto the busy sidewalk, even with the sun only just beginning to set. It was an unnecessary reminder that it was still early in the year. The warmer months wouldn’t come around for a while longer. “But I think something is on your mind. Something important, and the fact that I have a voicemail from Finn on my phone, I’d say it’s probably related to him.”

He could hear his dad moving around, probably still in his office. “Your brother calls you just about every day.”

“In the morning,” Kurt corrected. “I suppose I give him a pep talk in the morning, to help him get through his dad. He only calls in the afternoon or at night when something is going on. Is something wrong?”

Kurt hailed a cab and was out of the cold a few seconds later, and in time to hear his father say, “Finn’s agreed to come out to DC and stay with Carole and I. At least for a while. We’re going to try and get him into some kind of counseling, and maybe into a post service job program. He’s vulnerable right now, especially after he lost his partial parental custody to Sam last week. So it’s best if he stays with us for a few weeks, maybe more if we can swing it.”

“Does he want to be that far from Sam?” Kurt asked. Finn had problems. He was emotionally unstable, and psychologically damaged from his tour of duty, but Kurt didn’t think for a second that he’d ever hurt his daughter. Never, under any circumstances. And as damaged as he was, being near her, and spending time with her, seemed to make him whole. Nothing else came close.

“Her mom is making it difficult,” Burt said with a sigh. “On Finn, that is. Part of me knows she’s just trying to protect her daughter, and part of me knows that Sammy doesn’t need to be protected from her father. I guess it’s a thin line to walk. Regardless, Finn needs to get better, and Sammy’s mom is going to think about going back to shared custody if he does. So even if Finn doesn’t want to be so far away from her, he knows it’s necessary.”

“So it’s good for him after all,” Kurt surmised. He gave the cabbie directions to his loft and settled his bag on his legs. “But is it good for you? Don’t pretend like Carole hasn’t been feeding me all the information the doctor has been telling her about your health. Hypertension. Your preexisting heart condition. And that’s only the start of it. Can you properly focus on Finn if you still have to worry about you, too?”

Burt said, an edge of annoyance to his voice, “I can take care of my family, Kurt. I’m the adult. It’s my job to take care of my children, no matter how old they get. Not the other way around, Kurt.”

“I just want you to be careful,” Kurt said firmly. “You’re not as young as you like to think you are. Nor as healthy. And I know you don’t think Finn would ever hurt any of us, and I agree he wouldn’t on purpose, but he can’t control when he has flashbacks. His perception of reality is distorted. He could easily overpower you or Carole.”

Gruffly, Burt said, “I’ve already been talking to one of the best psychologists in the area. She thinks that friendly faces, faces associated with good things, like friends and family, will keep most of that away, and keep his triggers at bay as much as possible. He won’t hurt us, Kurt. And keep in mind this is your brother.”

Voice flat, Kurt reminded, “My very tall, very strong, very hurting brother, dad.” He took a deep breath. “But if you think it’ll help him, and the psychologists thinks it will too, I’ll support you. Whatever you need from me, I’ll do it.”

“What I need,” Burt responded, “Is for you to come visit eventually. Sooner, rather than later, would be nice.”

Kurt had to wince, watching the people and buildings fly by. “That might be easier said than done. You know production starts up for me in a couple of weeks, and it’s frantic after that. Neither will it get any easier later when the show opens. I won’t be free for months, dad, and that’s being generous. I have to be on hand for each and every one of the shows in the beginning. Just in case. And to oversee everything. I can’t come visit.”

The disappointment from his father was palpable, even over the phone. “You sure?”

“Sure.” Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m really sure. Sorry.”

“No. No, it’s okay. I understand.”

Kurt gnawed on his bottom lip for a second, then said, “I know it’s still pretty far off, and you need me there sooner, but I was thinking we could all do Christmas up in DC. Maybe even Thanksgiving, too.”

“You sure you don’t need to spend the holidays with Blaine’s parents this time around?” his father questioned. “You spent the holidays with us last year, too.”

Kurt didn’t know if it really counted. Finn had just been discharged from Langley, was in shambles, and for their family it had been more of two weeks tiptoeing around each other with none of them really sure what there was to be thankful for. Kurt had needed to be with his family, and Blaine had been there to support him. 

“Trust me,” Kurt said blandly, “the last thing I want to do is spend the holidays with Blaine’s parents. I never know what they’re going to be more annoyed over, the fact that Cooper is bringing home another baby, or the fact that I’m not. Trust me, I’ll find a way to get out of being with them. Maybe we’ll split the holidays.”

He could tell his dad was angry by the way he said, “You don’t let them put you down for something that’s out of your control, Kurt.”

“I know.” They hit some traffic as the cab pulled down towards the financial area of the city. “I’m on my way home right now. I’ll talk to Blaine about the Finn situation. If I didn’t think that New York was just an accident waiting to happen, I’d invite Finn up to stay with us. But I don’t think it would be good for him. I’m afraid it could be bad.”

“I’ll let you go then,” his dad said. “I promised Carole I’d be home an hour ago, anyway. I love you, kiddo.”

The endearment still sent warmth down to Kurt’s toes, even at his age, even after hearing it so many times in the course of his lifetime. “Love you too, dad. Drive safe.”

Burt scoffed. “You know they don’t let me drive anymore, either. I think I’m a glorified toddler up here.”

Kurt laughed and hung up the phone, missing his dad fiercely. He couldn’t wait to see him again. The distance between them had been great for Kurt to mature and grow on his own, but only for that. Kurt missed seeing him every day, and their phone calls could only cover so much ground. 

Kurt and Blaine shared a loft apartment of a more than decent size in an uptown area that was located around just enough to be an exciting place to live, but away from the chaos that was downtown New York city. On the periphery of Midtown, technically. There was a nearby park, one of the few in the area, a series of good, family owned and operated restaurants surrounding them, and a bit of shopping available that Kurt liked to take in on the weekends. It was a nice, family friendly place to live, but it only served to remind Kurt that they had a big place, and a spare bedroom, and opportunity all around them. 

Blaine had been angling for years to turn their spare bedroom into an office space for the both of them. It hurt Kurt, not only because he knew that Kurt wanted that room for a nursery, but also because Mason used it when he came to visit and stayed overnight with them. 

“I’m home,” Kurt called out when he came through the door. He pulled his scarf free from his neck and hung it nearby, setting his bag on the floor to take off his jacket. 

“Hey,” Blaine called out from across the loft. He was seated on the sofa in the open living room, papers probably from work scattered around him, and the TV muted with the news on in the background. “You’re home later than I expected. I thought we might go get dinner tonight. I’ll be late at the office for the rest of the week.”

Kurt toed off his shoes and said, “I had to stay a little later at work. Fighting with the set designer. And the director. I don’t think we have the same vision. I’m not even sure we know we’re working on the same production.”

“I’m sure yours is the best,” Blaine said, clearly distracted. 

“I’d like to think so, too,” Kurt mumbled. He spoke up, “I had to go in for the appointment today, remember?”

Blaine looked adorable in his glasses when he looked up from the sheet of paper in front of him. He frowned, searching his memory, and then said, “Martin, right? Doctor Martin? That’s who you were referred to?”

Kurt landed less than gracefully on the sofa next to Blaine and tucked his feet up under him. “Yes. Doctor Martin. I wanted to talk to him about my test results. To see if there’s something wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart,” Blaine said, setting his work aside and leaning over to kiss the corner of his mouth, “we already talked about this. There’s nothing wrong with you. These things just take time. You can’t rush your body. It’s going to be ready when it is.”

Kurt’s finger brushed across Blaine’s rough jaw as he said, “We have sex just about every day. Whenever we can manage it.”

“Totally the best part of my day,” Blaine laughed, stealing a full kiss this time.

Kurt returned a smile and relaxed against the cushions. “Agreed. But what I’m saying is that something feels wrong, when you have unprotected sex for so many years, and there isn’t a little us running around anywhere. So that’s what I talked to Doctor Martin about. That’s what we discussed, and to see if I was doing anything wrong, or if anything was wrong with me physically.”

“You’re alright, yes?” Blaine asked, eyebrows drawn together worriedly. “There’s nothing wrong with you?”

As much as it hurt to admit it, Kurt told him, “Apparently it’s all in my head. I’m perfectly healthy, there’s nothing stopping me from getting pregnant, and I need to stop worrying about getting pregnant. It’ll happen when it happens, I guess.”

“I told you,” Blaine said gently. “You get so worked up about it, but there’s nothing to worry about.”

“I know.” Kurt felt like pouting. Something had felt wrong. Something still felt wrong. And he couldn’t explain it or figure it out. And he was even more conflicted now that he had proof that he was wrong. He felt all mixed up. 

“I guess I just want that time to be now,” Kurt said, propping himself up on an elbow. “I’ll be thirty this year. You’re already thirty. Most of our friends have kids already, and we’re not getting any younger. I want to be able to play with our child, or a the least keep up with them. And I want to have the baby safely. I have to do it soon, or we could miss our window of opportunity. I think I’ve been patient up until now.”

Blaine straightened up, shuffling some of his papers around. “On the bright side, we are not ready for a child.”

“Not ready?” Kurt frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“Look around.” Blaine gestured. “Not kid friendly.”

They were, to be fair, sitting on a white couch, situated on a beige rug. Their interior was very modern, Kurt had picked everything himself, and there were sharp edges everywhere. Nothing about the apartment screamed baby friendly, and Kurt was always bringing home dangerous props that a toddler would love to get into. Blaine did have a point. But still …

“Mason sleeps over all the time,” Kurt argued. “We haven’t had any major accidents yet.”

“For a day or two at most,” Blaine said, “except for that one time. And he wasn’t even walking back then. Can you imagine a kid here?”

“We could move,” Kurt posed. “We could move closer to your work. Aren’t you always talking about how long the commute is? We could get a place closer to your firm, with a bedroom for the nursery and an office space for you. As it is, we barely have enough space here. Moving might be a good idea.”

Blaine openly scoffed, and earned a scowl from Kurt as he said, “You handpicked absolutely everything in this apartment, sweetheart. From the kitchen to the bedroom. This is your dream place. You’d give it up in a second?”

“For a baby?” Kurt pondered. “Yes. To make us a family.”

“We’re already a family.”

Kurt could tell Blaine was annoyed now. He had to be. Every night they talked about having a baby. Every night Kurt felt like a failure, and every night Blaine plied him into feeling better. It had to be tiring. Kurt knew he was tiring. 

“I know we’re a family.” Kurt reached for Blaine’s glass of wine balanced on the glass coffee table. “And if it’s just the two of us for the rest of our lives, we’ll still be a family. I don’t want you to think that I don’t think that.”

“Good.”

Blaine smiled at him and Kurt could have swooned. Blaine was still so handsome to him. Still such a total package. Kurt wasn’t the nervous, small town hick anymore, and he wasn’t eighteen, on his own for the first time, and nervous to go past first base with another boy. But Blaine still gave him butterflies. Not as frequently anymore, and not as severe as he used to, but they were still there. They’d probably always be there. He’d been lucky enough to marry the love of his life. How many people could say that?

“Want me to make you something to eat?” Kurt asked, climbing to his feet. “You did wait up for me.” He downed the last of Blaine’s wine and replaced it, carefully setting it away from Blaine’s open laptop.

Blaine tugged him down into an open mouth kiss, taking full advantage of Kurt’s surprise. When Kurt was properly lightheaded, Blaine said, “We can make something together.”

Over dinner, a simple pasta with Blaine’s favorite, pesto sauce, Kurt told him about Finn and about his father’s call. 

“We can go for Christmas,” Blaine assured. “My parents are probably going out of the country again this year anyway. I doubt they’ll miss us. But I don’t know about thanksgiving. My mother met Martha Stewart in the Hamptons a couple of months ago and now she thinks she’s the new Rachel Ray. I’m sure she’ll want us to come over for Thanksgiving so she can show off how amazing she is.”

“Sounds like your mom,” Kurt said, refilling their wine glasses. “But speaking of, I think I need to call her tomorrow. And by my face you can tell how excited I am over that prospect.”

“You? Voluntarily talk to my mother?” Blaine made to stand up.

“Where’re you going?”

Blaine pointed to the large, bay window across the loft. “I’m just going to go see if I can spot any flying pigs.”

“You’re so funny,” Kurt said dryly. “Actually, it’s more that I have to. I told Doctor Martin how you can’t carry a baby due to your childhood illness. He’s curious as to which medications you were on at the time, and the treatment you received. I’ve got to fax him a list, and shoot, I forgot to ask my dad which anxiety medication I was on when I was sixteen. I can’t remember.”

Blaine, looking ashen, asked, “Why would he be interested in a list like that?”

Kurt shrugged. “No clue. But if it’s helpful in any way, I’m going to get it to him. I mean, it can’t hurt, right? Do you think your mother remembers them all? Or should I plan on contacting your old pediatrician? Can I even access those files, even as your spouse?” 

“Wait, wait.” Blaine’s hands came down harder than Kurt had expected on the dining table. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with some strange doctor that I don’t even know having access to my files.”

Kurt couldn’t see why not. “He has access to mine. And he’s a doctor, Blaine. He’s only here to help. I don’t think you’re a super secret spy with classified files, right? So I don’t know why you’re acting like this is a problem. Plus, he wouldn’t be a stranger to you if you’d gone with me today. He’s not the most likeable guy, but he’s professional, and I can tell he’s good at his job.”

“You know I couldn’t go today,” Blaine said snappishly. “I’m working on the Mendoza case. It’s a multimillion dollar lawsuit. I can’t just take a break whenever I want to.”

“I rescheduled three times,” Kurt said, and now he as getting angry. “I tried to make it work around your schedule, regardless of mine, so don’t give me that. And stop trying to be confrontational. Especially towards me. I’m just saying, I wanted you there today. The doctor thought Sam was my husband, and it was embarrassing. You’re my husband, no one is more important than you, and when I go in for a consult because I think something’s wrong, you’re the only one I want there.”

Blaine’s face softened and he apologized, “I know. I’m sorry. Work was … it was stressful today. I don’t mean to take it out on you. And you’re right. I’m not a super secret spy. My records aren’t classified. Call my mom. Ask for them. And if they help, then that’s great, and you get your baby.”

Kurt set his fork down and nervously licked his lips. It had been a long time since he’d asked, but now he had to. His stomach was all knotted up as he said, “Blaine, if you tell me right here and right now that you don’t want a baby, I’ll drop this. I will stop going out of my way to press the issue.”

His husband took a long drink from his wineglass. “Kurt …”

“No,” Kurt interrupted. “Tell me the truth. The absolute truth. Blaine. Please.”

Blaine reached across the table and took Kurt’s hand in his own, holding it firmly. “The truth is, Kurt, that when I was little, and I imagined myself all grown up, I never once pictured a family with more than one person. I didn’t dream about having kids, or look forward to being a father. That’s the truth. But what’s also the truth is that I love you. And I married you because you are the only person I ever want to be with. I want what you want, and if you want a baby, then we should have one. Marriage is about a balance, and just because I never saw myself being a father, doesn’t mean I can’t be one.”

Kurt held his gaze for what felt like forever, trying to search out a lie in his eyes. But there wasn’t one to be found, and eventually he smiled gently. “Okay. Thank you for being honest.”

Blaine leaned across the table, bumping it with a laugh, and kissed Kurt. “I love you, dummy. And we’re going to be okay.”

Kurt nodded and took a bite of his pasta. “I know we are.” He’d get the records to Doctor Martin when he could. It wasn’t a priority. Blaine was. Blaine and his job needed to be the two most important things in his life. And everything else could wait. 

***

The two weeks between Kurt’s sketches being approved for synchronicity by the director and the set designer, not to mention the dance coordinator, and the actual construction period of them, flew by. The time of preproduction on any one of his projects usually did. It was the excitement of producing something new, coupled with the frantic rush to produce perfection as fast as possible. Kurt both loathed and loved it. But regardless, it was always the biggest distraction he could hope for. It served to take his mind from the topic of babies, and how often Blaine chose work over home. 

But when the two week period of was over, and he had a respite of a desperately needed forty-eight hours, the first thing he did was call his best friend up and demand a lunch date. He always felt guilty ignoring her when he was working hard. Most everyone else could wait, but Mercedes was special.

“You look,” Mercedes said when she came blowing into the restaurant fifteen minutes late and a squirmy Mason being tugged after her, “like you haven’t seen the light in a year.” She arched an eyebrow. “Maybe more.” 

As she lifted Mason into the booster seat that Kurt had already fitted onto the dinning chair, the boy gave his godfather a wave and a bashful, “Hi Uncle Kurt.”

“Hi Mason,” Kurt returned, wiggling his fingers back at him. “You’re not giving your mom trouble, are you? I thought we talked about the necessity of good behavior.”

“Yes,” Mercedes said with a laugh, “argue logic with my five year old.”

“I’m a good boy,” Mason protested. 

Kurt leaned over a kissed his fringe, assuring, “I bet you are, Mason.”

“So,” Mercedes sighed as she sank into her chair. “I need a strong drink.”

“Problems,” Kurt assumed.

But his best friend only shook her head and clarified, “Not a problem. More like I’m wedged between a rock and hard place and I could use your advice. Everyone knows you always give the best advice, Kurt.”

Kurt chuckled into his water. “Must be why everyone comes to me with all their problems.”

When Mason was happily coloring and properly distracted, and after a round of drinks had been ordered, Mercedes asked, “Do you remember when I told you that getting that gig in Atlantic City this past month was important? I mean, really important.”

Kurt’s head dipped. “It paid well, didn’t it?”

“Well, yes. There’s that.” Her eyes crinkled in a smile. “But it wasn’t the money that attracted me to the show. It was the producer. He’s done some pretty big names in music. I was kind of hoping that he’d notice me. Or maybe that he’d just like my voice. I’m pretty sure any shot I ever had at becoming a star went out the window the day I picked family over career, but it never hurts to dream, right?”

“You are a star,” Kurt protested. “I bet you can’t find me five people who have more range and emotion than you do.”

“You’re one to talk,” she teased. “I haven’t forgotten we were in glee club together.”

Kurt shrugged. For him, music was a passion, but more of a hobby than anything practical or necessary. “You know fashion has always been my first love. I was designing wedding dresses when I was six. When I was little I fully intended to design the next British royal wedding dress, despite the fact that Princess Diana had sons.”

“Anyway.” Mercedes waved a hand. “The point is, I took that job in Atlantic city on a whim and maybe in a bout of stupidity. And yesterday there was a message waiting for me on the answering machine when I got home from grocery shopping with Mason.”

“Jesus,” Kurt nearly demanded, “tell me already.”

Mason’s mouth fell open in an O shape and he stared saucer sized eyes up at Kurt. “Mommy,” he whispered fiercely, “Uncle Kurt swore!”

Kurt deadpanned at her, “We need to talk about what you and I clearly think are different definitions of swearing.”

Her hands covered Mason’s ears as she said, “Is it so much to ask that I’d prefer my five year old not to swear or take the lord’s name in vain?”

Kurt looked apologetic and said, “Alright. Sorry.” Mercedes released Mason’s ears. “But he goes to school now. Chances are, he’s going to hear something a lot worse from one of the other kids, or from the TV, even.”

The grimace on her face told Kurt that she already knew as much, and then she said, “The message on the answering machine, the producer, he wants to use me as a backup singer this summer. He’s got a tour he’s undertaking, a three or four month tour, and he’s been looking for complimentary voices for a long time. He wants to offer me a spot on it. It pays well. Very well, Kurt, and Sam and I have been talking for a long while about moving Mason to a private academy. We just haven’t had the money.”

Kurt never wanted to step on her toes, especially with Mason, but he had to remind, “Mercedes, last year I offered to pay for Mason’s tuition to St. John’s. He’s my godson. I want him to have the best opportunities in life, and that means the best education possible. The ratio in his current class is thirty to one. At St. John’s it would be ten to one, or better. I’m not offering out of charity. I’m offering out of love.”

“I don’t like school,” Mason declared, scratching out a picture of something green and brown, probably a tree to go along with the house that was already drawn. “Boring.”

“At a private school,” Mercedes said, “I’m hoping he’ll be more stimulated. But no, Kurt, I can’t let you pay for his education. I know you mean well, and I love and appreciate that about you, but there are some things a mother needs to provide for her child on her own, and if I take this job, if I go on tour this summer, I’ll have the money for his first year’s tuition. If Sam and I make the money count, maybe even his second.”

He reminded, “It tore you up to be away from Mason and Sam for those two weeks in Atlantic City. How are you going to mange three or four months?”

She shook her head, fingers tapping out on the menu in front of her. “I don’t know. And I want to know if you think I should even consider it.” She huffed a little. “Summer is the time of the year when Sam and I spend the most amount of time with Mason. Is it fair to him to give that up to earn money?”

“Money to provide for him,” Kurt reasoned.

Their waitress came by shortly after that, and once they’d ordered, Mercedes said, “Things are really tight, Kurt. I don’t like to spread my business around, but money is getting to be a bigger and bigger issue between Sam and I. I try not to take it out on him, I know it’s not his fault, and I see how much time and effort he puts into getting a new job every single day. But we’re close to not being able to make it. At this rate we may need to move to New Jersey.”

Kurt laughed, and then remembered, “I don’t suppose Sam told you about my job proposition.”

Mercedes fitted a napkin into the front of Mason’s chest even as he protested he was big enough not to spill anything. “He told me you offered to make him someone’s personal … gofer. We’ll use that word. He was less than enthusiastic.”

“I know it’s not his field,” Kurt told her, “and I know it’s probably one of the last things he wants to do, but it will give him a source of income. And it’s not like I’d be sticking him with Rachel Berry or anything like that. I wouldn’t torture him.”

She promised, “I’ll talk to him about giving it a go. If only for Mason’s sake. But you still haven’t give me an answer as to what you think I should do with the job offer I got. Stop trying to avoid it.”

Her gave her a weak smile. “You know me to well, Mercedes. The truth is, it’s a decision you have to make. I think that it’s an opportunity you may not get ever again, and you should keep that in consideration. That and the fact that Blaine and I are always happy to help out with Mason. If you go away for a few months, we’ll be there to help Sam every step of the way. That’s at least one thing you won’t have to worry about.”

“Every bit helps.”

Their food arrived, and Mercedes turned the topic towards his production, and it was something he was happy to chat about for hours. Even though he knew she wasn’t as completely enthralled by it as he was, she still played the part of a dutiful friend and listened carefully.

“You’ll be coming to opening night, right?” Kurt asked. “It’s still months off, and everything is still a jumbled mess right now, but you’ve got an invitation if you want to. You know Blaine and work. He’ll probably get stuck there, so I’m going too need my best girl on my arm. Just like I prefer.”

She accepted his invitation quickly and settled a hand on Mason’s curly hair. “Maybe you should get both of us a ticket, Kurt. Start my little man on the arts early. I’ll be overrun in a few years if I don’t get on it ASAP. He’s already too inclined to sit on the couch with Sam and watch a Sunday afternoon football game.”

Mason beamed. “I love the Raiders!”

Kurt assumed that to be a football team. Neither he nor Blaine were into sports, and even growing up with his father, the most that had been on in the house was college basketball and college football. Kurt remembered his father claiming that going professional ruined everything. 

“You think he’ll sit through a two and a half hour show?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” She shrugged. “He might fall asleep halfway through.”

“How about we test run it first,” Kurt offered. “No offense, and I love the kid a ton, but if he ruins my opening night because he’s cranky, you might suddenly have a lot of free time on your hands, Mercedes. Being childless is all the rage right now. You remember when you could actually go out at night, right?”

She cracked a smile. “I barely remember. Feels like ages ago. In fact, I’m still trying to figure out why you’d be so keen on giving up your free time. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine when you have a baby.”

“I don’t think of it as giving it up,” Kurt said, spearing a piece of grilled chicken from his salad, “I think of it as putting it to better use.”

“Fair enough,” Mercedes said.

They were nearly through the meal completely when Kurt’s phone began to buzz in his pocket. Typically he wouldn’t have even checked it until after lunch was through, but Kurt’s PA this production was Rory, an Irish and skittish kid who seemed unable to make any confident decisions on his own. Kurt felt more like a babysitter, even though he liked the foreigner enough. He simply didn’t think Rory was suited to such a stressful job. The kid needed a job at a library, or something that didn’t cause him to break out in anxiety caused hives. 

“Take it,” Mercedes urged, trying to wrangle Mason into eating the apple slices he’d gotten with his lunch.

Kurt didn’t recognize the number on the phone immediately, and the caller ID was an address more than anything else. So he warily asked, “Hello?”

“Mr. Hummel?” Kurt recognize his voice right away. “This is Doctor Martin.” He tried to think about how long ago he’d sent over Blaine’s information. Maybe less than a week, certainly before production had started on his clothing. It was just hard to say exactly which day it had been.

“Ah, yes,” he cleared his throat, “what can I help you with, Doctor Martin? Has something come up?”

The man was direct and to the point as he said, “I’m going to need you to come in to see me. I’ll have Jenna fit you in at your soonest convenience. But I do need to speak with you, and as quickly as possible.”

Kurt felt his stomach drop out from under him. “Is there a problem?” he asked shakily. “Is there something wrong?” With me, he wanted to ask, even though it had already been established that he wasn’t to blame for his lack of pregnancy. 

“There’s just an urgent matter that I need to discuss with you. It can’t be put off. Can you come in today?”

Reflexively, Kurt shook his head, feeling lightheaded. Mercedes’ eyes were on him as he said, “I’ve got to work all day today, and I just don’t have the time. But tomorrow? First thing tomorrow morning?”

“Eight?” Doctor Martin asked. “It’s early, but this can’t wait.”

“Okay,” Kurt said shakily. “I can do eight. But please, Doctor Martin, can you tell me if something is wrong?” He hated the tone in the man’s voice, reserved if only for fear of upsetting him. Kurt was no child, and he wasn’t unstable, either. He could take bad news over the phone. He could cope. 

Carefully, more than Kurt expected, Doctor Martin said, “I may have found the issue with your problems. I suggest you bring your husband in with you, Mr. Hummel.”

The chances of that happening, Kurt knew, were slim to none. Blaine had only continued to work one big case after another, citing their importance to him every time Kurt tried to make plans for them, or do something romantic. Kurt had always known that marrying Blaine meant marrying his job in a lot of ways, but this was important too. 

“I don’t think he’ll be able to,” Kurt said honestly, “but I promise you, I’ll be there tomorrow morning. Eight.”

When Kurt hung up the phone there was such a lump in his throat that he didn’t think he could manage to eat any more of his lunch. 

Mercedes asked, “What’s wrong?” and seemed genuinely confused and concerned at the expression on his face.

“That was my doctor,” Kurt said, voice straining. “He said he needs to see me as soon as possible. There’s … I guess something came up recently. Something important. About getting pregnant? It can’t wait.”

Encouragingly, Mercedes said, “This could be a good thing, Kurt. Maybe he has a solution. Maybe he knows a way to make it happen for you, Kurt.”

“I don’t think so.” Kurt couldn’t help looking over at Mason, who was so adorable and so perfect. “He said he wanted me to bring Blaine, and it didn’t sound like good news. Oh, Mercedes, what if I never have my own Mason?”

“You can borrow mine whenever you want.”

Kurt slumped. “Thanks.”

Mercedes pinched him hard and he jumped high in the air as she said, “Think positive, Hummel. You don’t know what he’s going to say. Don’t think it’s the worst. Don’t.”

He tried not to. But it was on his mind the entire night. And when Blaine came home late, and fell into bed without so much as a word, Kurt felt utterly alone in his troubles. 

He barely slept that night. Mostly he laid quietly next to Blaine, soaking in his warmth, talking himself into not saying anything in the morning to him about Doctor Martin’s call. There was no point in getting Blaine all worked up over something Kurt knew nothing about. And he knew Blaine had to be in court that morning. He wouldn’t be able to go no matter what. 

Kurt was parked out in front of Doctor Martin’s office an hour before he actually needed to be there. He hadn’t been able to help himself, and after two rounds of coffee, Pilates, and a walk through central park at an ungodly hour, Kurt wondered if the clock was ticking exceptionally slow just to torment him. It seemed an eternity before it was fifteen to seven, and he couldn’t sit still in the car any longer. 

“Mr. Hummel,” Doctor Martin greeted when Kurt was finally in front of him. 

“Call me Kurt,” he responded. “If you’re about to tell me that I have some horrible reason that I can’t get pregnant, that everyone missed the first time, and that all my baby dreams just went down the drain, then call me Kurt. It’s the least you can do while you shatter the fantasy land I’ve been living in for several years now. And by several I mean almost seven.”

There was another folder on Doctor Martin’s desk as he agreed to use Kurt’s first name, but the file name was blank and Kurt wondered what was in it. 

“Mr. Hummel … Kurt, it comes to my attention that I never asked you for your husband’s medical records. In fact, you never once mentioned that he received a physical at the same time as you.”

Kurt frowned. “That’s because he didn’t. Blaine and I both receive biyearly physicals every six months, but out timing has been off a little bit and we were mismatched this last round. I had mine five weeks ago, and he had his several months ago.”

Doctor Martin shook his head. “For the purpose of my office, Kurt. I asked you to have a fully checkup done. It was assumed that because this is a matter concerning both you and your husband, that both you and your husband would have the work done. But I’ve checked with the hospital. There’s only record of your checkup, Kurt. And not your husband’s.”

“Yes,” Kurt said slowly. “Blaine didn’t have one. I thought I was clear about that. Because the problem is with me, right? I’m the one trying to get pregnant here. Why would it matter if Blaine had any bloodwork done?”

The doctor sighed. “It wouldn’t be the bloodwork I’d be interested in.” He opened his file looked to Kurt. Waiting.

Kurt shrugged at the look. “Blaine’s healthy. He’s one hundred percent healthy. He hasn’t been sick in ages, and it’s something I’m thankful for every day. I don’t see the point in Blaine having the series of comprehensive tests that I did, if he’s been healthy for over a decade now.”

“Because there was a time in his life when he wasn’t,” the doctor said bluntly. “And I’m mostly concerned with the Mumps you mentioned, and the treatment he received for it.” He read off a list of highly complex words that Kurt wasn’t sure he could even pronounce, let alone know what they were for. He only knew that it had to be what he’d faxed over to the doctor’s office. It had to be the list that Blaine’s mother had been overly reluctant to give him. He’d chalked it up to her just not liking him.

“I answered your questionnaire,” Kurt said defensively, “when I first came here. I listed my medical history, and Blaine’s. I listed everything you asked for.”

“But not his previous condition. You left that off.”

“I couldn’t remember at the time. That was so long ago. That and the prescriptions.” Kurt gestured to the paper. “I probably couldn’t even say them. But why are they such a big deal? They haven’t been in Blaine’s system for a very long time now, and I’ve never taken anything like that.”

“If your husband were ever to relapse, or anyone else find themselves diagnosed with Mumps, these medications would never be prescribed to him again, or anyone else in his condition.” The doctor closed the file, folded is hands over the top and gave Kurt something that looked scarily like sympathy.

“No?” Kurt asked warily.

Doctor Martin was graying at the temples, and seemed like he’d delivered too much bad news over the course of his lifetime. And the pit that had been in Kurt’s stomach the day before, and the ball in his throat, suddenly roared back to life. He couldn’t help the feeling of dread that he was soon to be just another in a long list of people to receive bad news from the doctor.

Kurt told him, “I tend to be very direct. And I prefer it if people are direct with me. So whatever you have to say, just say it.”

Doctor Martin nodded. And then Kurt’s world came crashing down.

The doctor informed him, “At the time your husband’s doctors wouldn’t have known this, but more than enough studies have shown now that a good deal of these medications, especially used in combination, have been known to cause sterility. In fact, Mumps itself has been attributed to fertility issues in men.”

Kurt reached a hand forward onto the doctor’s desk to steady himself, breathing sharply as the words began to sink in.

“While,” the doctor continued, “it is completely normal for some couples to try for a great deal of time to become pregnant before conception actually happens, I think we need to face the truth of the situation, and take into account that your husband may have been impacted by both the illness and the medication he took as a child.”

“He’s sterile?” Kurt asked, face flushed. “You think he is? He can’t … we won’t … are you sure?”

“No,” Doctor Martin said honestly. “That’s why I’m going to arrange for your husband to have a complete workup done. We’ll get to the bottom of this. A large percentage of men and women who used these medications have since become sterile, but not all of them. You could be one of the lucky few, and you could just need to be patient, as we originally discussed. Neither does everyone who contracts Mumps have fertility issues.”

“And what does it mean if he’s sterile?” He felt stupid asking. He knew what it meant. He knew how it would change their lives forever. But also wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing anything. Maybe there was still a chance. Maybe.

Martin leveled with him, “If he’s sterile, then you won’t ever be able to have any biological children with him. He won’t be capable of reproducing, under any conditions. I’m sorry.”

Kurt’s other hand came up to the desk and he braced himself against it, having trouble drawing in breath.

“I know this must be devastating for you to hear--”

“You know?” Kurt said jaggedly. “I don’t think you know. My dad is the best father in the entire world. Maybe of all time. He loved me and nurtured me and accepted me and never made me feel like I wasn’t the most important person to him. When I came out to him, he treated it as nothing out of the ordinary, and asked me what I wanted for dinner. He always encouraged and supported me and I’m the man I am today, because of him. I’ve always wanted to take that example and have a family of my own. It’s all I could think about when I met Blaine, and when I married him. And then every day after that for the near seven years we didn’t use protection. So don’t tell me that you know. I can see the pictures of your family around this office. Don’t even think for a second that you know.”

Martin only nodded silently. 

“Oh, god,” Kurt breathed out. “He’s sterile.”

“Not necessarily.”

Kurt might have whipped toward him so face he suffered whiplash. “I thought you said--”

“I wasn’t finished.”

Slowly Kurt let himself relax against the chair. “What else is there?”

“We talked about the possibility of sterility,” Doctor Martin explained, “but there’s also the chance that your husband’s sperm count was only impacted. Diminished. He could still be viable, and quite capable of reproduction. The two of you may just need to consider a little modern intervention in helping him along.”

Kurt dared to ask, “I could still get pregnant? I could still have my husband’s child?”

“I don’t want to promise you anything.” Doctor Martin looked hesitant to give him even the barest of hope. “I’ve read the reports from my fellow colleagues on this matter. Only a small number of people, smaller in number than the ones who weren’t affected at all, suffered a diminished sperm count. In the male gender, of course, but there is always a chance. I’ll need you to have your husband checked out as soon as you can, and the results forwarded to me. We can go from there, after we know more.”

He wasn’t sure how he managed it, but he stood a few moments later, and hung his bag over his shoulder. He had all of his work supplies with him, and had intended to go directly after the meeting. But now he wasn’t even sure if he could drive his car. Work seemed out of the question.

“Kurt,” Doctor Martin called after him, “I think you should keep in mind, at the time that your husband was prescribed these drugs, they were experimental. He was essentially a test subject for parents who were desperate to cure their children. No one would have known about the consequences.”

Kurt tried to swallow down the lump in his throat s he said, “I would never blame my husband for something that isn’t his fault. That wouldn’t be fair. I’m upset and I’m mad but I’m not blaming him. I’m not even blaming his mother, because I know if I was lucky enough to have a child, I’d do anything to save their life, even if it meant trying something risky and unknown.”

“Of course.” The doctor nodded. “But there is …”

“What is it?” Kurt was in the process of sliding his jacket on and he stilled. 

There was a tight, pulled look to Doctor Martin’s face as he imparted, “Your husband wouldn’t have known at the time he was prescribed his medication, but it was common knowledge that Mumps could affect fertility. Also, my notes indicate he’s had the same primary doctor for most of his life. Even when he was seeing specialists for his illness, he still revered back to his primary. Is that true?”

“Yes.” Kurt nodded. “Doctor Roberts is a family doctor. Blaine even tried to get me to see him early in our marriage. Blaine trusts him implicitly. What are you saying?”

Martin rounded the desk to put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder as he said, “If your husband’s doctor is at all competent, and I’d like to believe that most doctors are, he would have kept up to date with your husband’s medical records and progression. He would have known about the published studies concerning the side effects of the drugs prescribed. He would know they cause sterility. And her certainly would have known about the link between Mumps and fertility. I would think he would have told your husband. In fact there’s no way he wouldn’t have not know.”

It felt like betrayal. 

It felt like he was stabbed in the heart, or that maybe he didn’t have a heart at all. He felt like he’d been lied to and manipulated and more than anything else, he felt like a fool. He felt like the one person in the world that he’d chosen to give his heart to, and who had known how badly he wanted a baby, had been playing him all along. He supposed he was just one big joke.

“Mr. Hummel!”

Kurt nearly slammed into the doctor’s consult room’s heavy oak door in his near sprint to escape the room. His bag was flopping around behind him as he breezed past the receptionist, not sparing her more than a glance. When she called after him as well, her voice joining Doctor Martin’s, she was ignored the same way he had been.

He dropped his keys at the car as he fumbled for the button to unlock the doors. “Damnit!” He could feel the wetness on his cheeks as he bent to retrieve them, and sucked in a deep breath to calm himself.

He had to know. That was what it came down to. He had to know if he was a fool, and if everything had been a sham. And he couldn’t afford to wait until after Blaine got home late, or had time for him, or whenever it was convenient.

Kurt drove directly to Blaine’s building and darted past the door man as he said, “Mr. Hummel. How have you be--”

“Later, Carl!” Kurt called over his shoulder. He was hurting so badly, but Carl had always been good to him, keeping him company during the early days of his relationship with Blaine, when there had been many nights spent waiting for Blaine to let out from his junior associate tasks. 

His hands clenched into fists as the slow moving elevator took him up to Blaine’s floor.

“Kurt?” Blaine’s secretary asked as he came around the corner, probably looking a little bit carzy. “Honey, what’re you doing here?”

Kurt’s hands slammed down on her station’s surface, startling her. “Where is he?” Kurt demanded. “Is he in his office?”

Blaine had one of the offices the furthest down the hall, and it was always impossible to tell if he was in or not, especially since Blaine was distracted easily, and liked to keep the blinds drawn. Of course when they’d been younger, or maybe just more adventurous, Kurt had come to see him at work once or twice with nothing but the intent to distract him. The days seemed so long ago now, not merely a few years previous.

“No. He’s not, sweetie.”

Blaine’s secretary was relatively young, and certainly peppy enough, with sandy brown hair and a girlfriend that scared the crap out of him. Finding his manners, Kurt asked sullenly, “How’s the baby?”

The secretary, Jillian, smiled brightly up at Kurt and said, “Santana’s got her today. I’ve decided not to try and predict the level of chaos I’ll come home to.”

Kurt wanted nothing to do with a betting pool like that. Santana had always scared him. Ever since high school when she’d been vicious and self serving and maybe even vindictive, and then later on when they’d both ended up in New York and she’d decided to stray from the dark side, probably around the time she’d met Jillian. 

“Where is he?” Kurt asked again. The anger was fading into nothing but hurt, and he wanted to confront Blaine before it was gone completely, and he was nothing but a sobbing mess. Before he fell apart completely from losing something he’d never really had a shot at in the first place.

Jillian pointed vaguely down the hall. “Conference first thing this morning.”

“Thanks,” he humbled, and took off down the hall.

“Kurt! Kurt no!” He felt Jillian running after him, her heels clacking on the floor. “You can’t go in there! It’s a client meeting!”

Kurt threw open the conference room door harder than he needed to and took a deep breath as he spotted Blaine at the front of the room, surrounded by a dozen other people.

“Kurt?” Blaine asked, confused and worry pulling at his face. “Are you okay?”

Jillian skidded to a stop behind Kurt and apologized, “I tried to stop him, Blaine.”

“What’s going on?” Blaine asked.

“I need to know,” Kurt thundered, his eyes wet again. 

“Know what?” 

Kurt squared his shoulder and snapped, “I just saw Doctor Martin this morning. He said you’re probably sterile, and that you already knew it. And you let me go on like some stupid twat about having a baby and being a family and you let me get my hopes up for nothing. You knew and you played me for a fool.”

“No. Kurt.” Blaine took a step towards him, hand out. “You don’t--”

“Did you know?” Kurt seethed. “Did you know and did you string me along?”

Blaine froze. “Kurt, sweetheart, I don’t …”

“You better tell me the truth,” Kurt leveled, eyes narrowing. “Because if you lie to me this marriage is over. We are over. So you better be real careful about what you say next.”

Behind him, Jillian squeaked nervously.

When next Kurt saw Doctor Martin it was a tense six days later, and Blaine was next to him. They were seated silently in front of the man with the air thick between them and everyone too afraid to be the first to speak. 

And Martin, who was too stern and too uptight in Kurt’s opinion, looked like he’d rather be anywhere else on the planet. Kurt didn’t blame him. Neither he nor Blaine had been fun to deal with, and if anything they’d been difficult, if only because of the nosedive their relationship had taken. Blaine hadn’t known, and he hadn’t lied, but for some reason it was hard for Kurt to have faith in him. It was a horrible feeling.

“Well, gentlemen,” Doctor Martin said, clearing his throat. “I think we should get right too it. I’ve--”

“Am I shooting blanks?” Blaine asked, cutting him off with a stony expression. 

Martin rephrased, “You’re biologically incapable of fathering any children. I’m sorry. You will never be able to.”

Kurt’s shoulders folded in and a dry laugh forced its way from his mouth. He could feel Blaine stiffen against him even further, and then Kurt managed, “That’s just hilarious.”

“Kurt?” Blaine asked.

“All this time.” Kurt fisted his hands against his slacks, breathing deep. “All of these years I spent thinking I was the problem. Every day I got up and thought that maybe it would be the day that my body would cooperate, and every night before bed I told myself tomorrow would be the day. And I was absolutely delusional, because I’m perfectly healthy, and it’s my husband who’s sterile. That is just absolutely hilarious.”

With his brow creased, Martin asked Blaine, “Your doctor never said anything to you? Kurt said the both of you receive biyearly physicals. But that you had a childhood, family doctor that you preferred to see, and he went through the hospital.”

“I go twice a year,” Blaine agreed, nodding. “But honestly it mostly consists of Doctor Roberts asking me how I feel, and taking some blood. Then he checks my reflexes, and my mobility and after that we’re done. It’s probably a twenty minute visit. And I doubt he’s read up much on anything as of the past five years.”

Kurt leaned an elbow on the arm of the chair and supplied, “He’s seventy years old, and he’s been going blind for the past decade, more severely the past few years. I’m sure he’s a fine doctor, I just prefer to place my physical health into someone who can actually read the test results.”

Blaine cut a look over to him. “He was my grandfather’s doctor, and my mother’s, and mine.”

“Guess he won’t be our child’s.”

“Kurt,” Blaine snapped.

Kurt refused to look his way, his eyes fixed to Doctor Martin’s desk. “I think I have the right to be angry, Blaine. I have the right to get angry and stay angry and you’re not going to try and take that away from me. These were my hopes and dreams for the future that were just crushed, not yours, and I’d really appreciate a little empathy. Sympathy, if you can’t manage that.”

In an act that probably was meant to be comforting, Blaine brought a hand down to the back of neck. Kurt remembered loving the gesture. From times past Now it just felt suffocating.

“These … ah ….” Doctor Martin struggled to find his rhythm for a moment. “These repots of sterility are actually very new. With the medication, not with the Mumps illness itself. Six to seven years old, actually. Some of them are a little older, but it took quite a while for any of the pieces to come together. Just long enough for the vast majority of patients to begin wanting families, and finding it impossible. And even then, the sterility was attributed to the illness, and not the medication.”

“Isn’t there a lawsuit of some kind?” Blaine asked.

“Money?” Kurt demanded. “You want money from this, Blaine? Is that the lawyer in you? I really hope it is.”

Martin said, “Pending, but not expected to go anywhere anytime soon. Your parents, Mr. Anderson, along with everyone else, signed inch thick paperwork on the matter. There’s to be no accountability held for the manufacture or any of the doctors who prescribed. There’s no one to blame, unfortunately. It simply is.”

Kurt dared to hope, “Didn’t you say there was a chance that Blaine’s sperm count had been impacted? That maybe it’s just so low that it’s being confused for sterility? If even the smallest portion of the count is viable, we can try something, right? There must still be something we can do. Anything.”

The slow shake of Martin’s head was the final nail for Kurt. Everything had slipped through his fingers. And he was heartbroken. 

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” Blaine mumbled, leaning in close and bumping his nose against Kurt’s cheek. “I know how much this meant to you.”

“You didn’t even want a baby,” Kurt accused angrily, chest tightening in a tell tale sign that tears weren’t far behind. “You should be happy.”

Blaine’s hand at the back of his neck slid down to his shoulders and he tugged Kurt into an awkward hug, the chairs making it impossible for either to get a good grip. Then he kissed the soft, freshly shaven skin of Kurt’s cheek and said, “I love you, Kurt. Don’t you remember? I want what you want. But more than that, I want to see you smile. So if you’re upset, because you wanted this so badly, then I’m upset too.”

“I just …” Kurt huffed. “I wanted one so much. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.”

“It’s also,” Blaine said somberly, “the end of the road. Maybe we’re just not meant to have children. It doesn’t mean we aren’t a perfect family just the way we are. I don’t want you to think that we’re broken, or less of anything because we don’t have was Mercedes has, or even Finn. We started with just me and you, and it’s perfectly fine to finish that way.”

It wasn’t Blaine’s fault. Kurt repeated that to himself enough times that he began to believe it. Blaine hadn’t known, and while he obviously wasn’t heartbroken, he had been willing to give Kurt a baby. They’d tried constantly for years. Blaine had tried. And just because medication that had saved Blaine’s life as a child had also rendered him sterile, didn’t mean that Blaine was to blame. He couldn’t be, and it wasn’t fair for Kurt to try and blame it on him. Kurt would have rather had his sterile husband any day of the week, instead of no one at all.

“You’re right,” he told Blaine, trying to sound strong. “Maybe I’ve been … maybe I’ve been obsessing over a baby for too long.”

“Maybe?” Blaine cracked a smile. “You’ve had baby fever since before the wedding. But you always go hard when you see something you want. You have drive and dedication and those are just a couple of things that made me fall in love with you.”

Blaine wasn’t to blame. No one was. And Kurt couldn’t keep making it hard on him. People didn’t deserve to be blamed for things that weren’t their fault. And Kurt loved Blaine.

“Thank you,” Kurt told him, meaning every word as much as he could. “And I love you.”

Again, Martin cleared his throat, and he interrupted them by saying, “While children may never happen biologically for the two of you--”

“No,” Kurt said, turning away from Blaine to Doctor Martin. “I don’t want to adopt. I think for the right people, adoption is the most beautiful gift you can give a child, but I’m afraid if we do, that I’ll look at that child and think that they could have been mine. Biologically. And I’m afraid I might resent a child. That would tear me up inside. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“Okay.” Martin’s head inclined. “But you’re still very healthy, Kurt. And capable. Have you thought about seeking out a genetic donor to help you?”

Kurt caught his lower lip between his teeth and then said, “I’m not sure I understand.”

“A genetic donor.” The doctor gestured between the two of them. “It’s a very real option for couples who have one viable partner and the other who is incapable of carrying or conceiving. In fact many couples in your position choose to go this route. Your genetic material is still good, Kurt. And you could choose a donor who’s complimentary to your partner.”

“Pick someone who looks like Blaine?”

“Or maybe just shares the same attributes in him that you prefer.” Martin shrugged. “Some patients of mine prefer their donor’s genetic material to foster a physical likeness to their partners, and some prefer to mirror their intelligence, or artistic ability, or any other number of things. It’s preferential depending on the client. But it’s roughly the same amount of money that you’d spend if Mr. Anderson’s sperm count were low and required medical intervention.”

“I don’t …” Kurt looked to Blaine. “I never … we never thought about this.”

“A genetic donor?” Blaine made a face. “Like a sperm bank? You think we should just go pick out the best candidate and be done with it? Survival of the fittest sperm?”

“I know,” Martin ground out, “it sounds clinical, but with you preferring not to go the route of adoption, I think it’s your best bet. Most donors prefer to remain completely anonymous. You may not even be able to learn their names, and they retain no legal rights to the genetic material. The child would be yours, wholly, and at the very least, it would be related biologically to at least one of you.”

Blaine looked more than a little pale. “I’m supposed to just be okay with the idea of my husband being pregnant with another man’s child?”

Kurt winced as he tried to imagine what it would be like to raise a child who wasn’t Blaine’s. The idea was almost impossible. 

Kindly, Martin rose and moved towards the door to the office, telling Blaine, “It’s simply genetic material, and no more than that. Plenty of men are fathers to children who are not their biologically all the time. It’s a mindset, more than anything. But I do realize this is a lot to take in. Why don’ the two of you go home and think about it. Discuss it between yourselves and come to the decision that is best for your family. Check back in with me if you have any questions or if you think it’s the route you might want to go.”

Blaine’s hand founds his as Kurt stood, and it was a pleasant surprise. It felt even better when his husband squeezed it firmly.

“Do you need to get back to the office?” Kurt asked when they were to the car. “You can just drop me off. I’ll take the train to work if you’re tight on time.” Work would be good to get his mind off what he’d just had confirmation of.

“Things are rough at work right now,” Blaine admitted, “there are several big cases circulating around, and I feel like I’ve got my hands in all of them. But actually, if you have the time, I was thinking we could go get breakfast together. I think we’ve earned some time for just us. And we could talk about what we just found out?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Kurt wanted to know. “My doctor is advising me to get pregnant with another person’s genetic material, from a person who is not my husband. Like it’s some everyday thing and people do it all the time. Like it’s nothing.”

“Come on.” Blaine started the car. “Call Rory and tell him you’re going to be late. We need to go get breakfast, or at least a drink. I think we could both use a drink.”

It was nine in the morning and Kurt found himself out on a terrace, drinking a mimosa under the guise of it still somewhat being a breakfast drink. Blaine was making no attempt to hide the fact that he was on his second martini, a mostly untouched plate of food in front of him. 

It was their favorite place to grab breakfast, or at last had been when they’d actually had time to have breakfast together. Most mornings now consisted of grabbing coffee at a breakneck speed and barely making it out the door with time. 

“Better slow down,” Kurt grinned, pushing some of his own food around on the plate. It was just barely warm enough to be sitting outside, but that was probably because there was no breeze, and the sun was just starting to break through the clouds in a warm haze. Kurt let his head tip back and soak in the feeling. An hour earlier his world had come crashing down, and now he as trying to make the best of it. And appreciate what he did have, and not dwell on what he didn’t. 

“I will,” Blaine promised. “Its my last one. And by the way, People do do it all the time.”

“Do what?” Kurt asked, not opening his eyes. “Have two martinis before noon? No, dear, just a socialite like you.”

“Very funny.” 

Kurt felt warm lips on the corner of his mouth. “I try.”

“The genetic donor thing.”

At that, Kurt had to look at him, eyes maybe a little wider than he’d expected. “Are you saying you’re okay with shopping for sperm how I shop for material? The prettiest one wins?”

“No.” Blaine almost reeled back out of his chair. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. And I’m not really into the idea either, I think you should know. But you look like someone just shredded your best Gucci boots. But worse.”

“I’d give up all of my boots for the rest of my life to make this morning go away. To have it never have happened. But … but I know that’s not realistic. We have to live with the cards we’re dealt, and deal with them as best we can.”

Blaine pried, “But how do you feel about the idea of picking out a sperm donor?”

Kurt caught his fingers and he wondered why they didn’t hold hands more frequently. It was a wonderful expression of affection. And it gave him the strength to say, “I want a baby so bad. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. The time is right. I just know it. But the idea of carrying another man’s baby? Of having a baby that isn’t yours? It makes me a little sick to my stomach. I want it to be yours. It should be yours. And I don’t know if I want it so bad that I could deal with it not being yours. I just don’t know.”

“Then …” Blaine drew back. “We don’t have a baby? We keep the status quo? Because I know how badly you wanted a baby, Kurt, but it’s been working pretty well for us like this for a long time.”

But had it? Kurt wasn’t sure. He loved Blaine, absolutely, but they hardly saw each other anymore. They didn’t spend any real time together, they didn’t go on vacation, and the only time they were together for a long period of time was during one of Blaine’s company parities, or at Kurt’s shows. And they didn’t really talk, either. Not like they used to, not about their feelings and hopes and dreams. Everything was beginning to feel stale between them. A good part of Kurt had hoped a baby would change that. At least a little.

“I guess.” 

“Look.” Blaine hung an arm around Kurt’s shoulders and said, “I know things have been stressful lately, but how about we think about getting away for the weekend? Neither one of us can leave for much longer than that, but I say we book a hotel, drive up somewhere, and just deal with us. No one else. I think it’ll do us some good.”

That had Kurt’s eyebrows rising. “We never go anywhere anymore.”

“We’ll go soon,” Blaine said. “And in the meantime, you should call your dad. Talk to him. I know it’s not quite the same circumstances, and your parents had you by the time they got their bad news, but there was a time when your father heard exactly what we did. He’s been where we are, to find out biological children aren’t an option anymore.”

“I don’t want to put this on his shoulders,” Kurt protested. “He’s got so much work. He doesn’t need to deal with out problems.”

Blaine traced the rim of his glass with his finger and reminded, “He’s your father, Kurt. He loves you and I’m sure he doesn’t see you as something he has to deal with. Give him a call. You always feel better after you talk to him.”

“I will,” Kurt said, “as soon as I get the chance. Now we have to hurry, or the both of us are going to be so late we might as well stay for lunch.”

Blaine laughed. “They do make a mean Panini here.”

With a calming smile, Kurt gave Blaine’s hand final squeeze. “I think we’re going to be okay.”

“We were always going to be okay,” Blaine said with a dazzling smile. “Because it’s me and you.”

It was likely because Blaine sounded so confident when he spoke, that Kurt gave into his urging and ended up calling his father a few days later. It was that or the overwhelming feeling of depression that seemed to well up on him over night. He’d been certain that not having a baby was something he could get through, and that he and Blaine would be enough, and then quickly it seemed that he was wrong. His heart ached and he felt nauseas over the truth of it all. Work was starting to feel more and more like an escape, and seeing Blaine was only becoming a reminder of their missed opportunity. It took him nearly a week to realize he was avoiding going home as much as he was avoiding Blaine.

So he called home. But it wasn’t his father he got on the main line. It was Finn. 

“You don’t sound happy to talk to me,” Finn teased when Kurt stumbled over his words.

“No! It’s not that.”

Finn laughed loudly. “No, dude, I get it. I know. We haven’t talked in a while.”

“I don’t know what’s more strange,” Kurt told him, resting against his drafting bench in his office. “The fact that we used to talk every day after you were discharged to work on your dependency issues, or the fact that your dependency issues went out the window after we stopped talking to each other all the time. This is your psychologist’s work, isn’t it?”

Finn scoffed and said, “She just said I shouldn’t carry you around like a baby blanket, not that I couldn’t call you. You’re the one who’s got the frantic life. My day consists of my therapy session, the soup kitchen, helping mom clean the house, and maybe, if it’s a particularly exciting day, checking my facebook status.”

“I have been busy,” Kurt admitted, then apologized, “I didn’t mean to ignore the family. Sorry. Just … some big things have been happening. Bad things.”

Kurt could hear the scrape of a chair and then Finn said, “Tell your big brother everything.”

“You’re younger than me by six weeks.”

“And taller by six inches. So tell me what’s going on.”

Kurt remembered when talking to Finn had been difficult. They’d struggled to communicate for so long, and it was almost hard to put into perspective the fact that it was done so easily now. And so Kurt told Finn everything, about Blaine’s sterility, and their doctor’s suggestion and how he’d thought they could be okay, but it was feeling less and less so every day that passed.

“And you think it’ll be weird?” Finn questioned. “For you or for Blaine?”

“For both of us. Don’t you think? Nothing says I love you like some guy having a baby that is not his husband’s.”

Finn snorted, “No offense, but your husband can’t exactly give you what you want, Kurt.”

“So I’m supposed to just find it where can?”

“Well … yes?”

“That is a horrible idea.”

His stepbrother wanted to know, “Why? Because you think it’s going to hurt Blaine’s feelings? Kurt, you always get what you want. You’re really good at it. You work hard so you can play hard. And I know how bad you want a baby. I also know how much you deserve one. And it isn’t fair that I can have one by way of a faulty condom and you can’t because your husband is sterile. That isn’t fair to you, and you can do something about that.”

“Blaine is never going to be able to have kids,” Kurt reminded.

“But he loves you, right?” Finn questioned. 

“I should hope so,” Kurt balked. “We are married.”

“And you want a baby?”

“More than anything.”

Finn sighed. “Then why does it matter who’s kid it is? You’re going to carry it. You and Blaine are going to raise it. You’ll love it and take care of it and it will call you and Blaine its parents. Your dad is my dad, Kurt, and he isn’t related to me at all. But he’s who showed me how to be a man, and that’s better. Family isn’t defined by blood. If it was, I know a lot of people who’d be really pissed off. Family is what you make it, the same as your dreams. Nothing comes to you. You have to go get it. You have to be proactive.”

Kurt couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up, and he remarked, “I can definitely tell you’ve been talking to a psychologist.”

“She’s helping.”

“I can also tell.” Kurt moved a snatch of fabric to the side. “You sound so good.”

“Thanks.” Kurt could hear the chair scrape again. “But for the record, I really do think it’s a good idea for you and Blaine to look into getting a donor. That’s all it would be. A donor. Basic genetic material. It’s not another guy’s baby, Kurt. It’s just material. It’s your baby. And it’s Blaine’s. But that’s just my opinion.”

Kurt didn’t have long to talk, and after glossing over a few more topics he was forced to get back to work.

But Finn’s words sunk in, and all day they were all Kurt could think about. Originally the idea of having anyone else’s baby made his stomach churn, but Finn’s words had hit home. Parents were who raised children, not who made them. Parents were the ones who took care of children when they were sick and supported them and loved them. Blaine wasn’t big on children, but he had a great capacity for love. Kurt hated to see that wasted. A child deserved the kind of love Blaine had to give.

He just didn’t feel like he could talk about his change of mind with Blaine. As Kurt had struggled with his changing feelings, Blaine had gone right back to the life they’d had before they’d known anything. To him, everything was fine, and to Kurt, he was fighting a whole new battle. A different one. One he didn’t know how to fight.

“You’re quiet,” Blaine remarked over dinner. 

“Just thinking,” was all Kurt said, “about what I talked to Finn about today.”

He tried not to pull away. He tried not to feel something growing between himself and Blaine again. He tried not to acknowledge the gap between them.

Yet it was also on his mind, along with the growing idea that having a baby with Blaine, regardless of genetic makeup, was the right idea. Kurt had always felt he was meant to have children, and if not with Blaine, then who? One. Just one. He only wanted one. And badly enough to not care any longer where it came from, as long as he could carry it and nourish it and love it.

“I changed my mind,” Kurt blurted out several days after talking with Finn. They were on their way to have dinner with Mercedes and Sam and Kurt couldn’t take it any more. Every day that passed that they didn’t talk about his change of heart ate him up inside. And every day felt like a day wasted that they weren’t any closer to having a baby.

“About what?” Blaine asked, eyebrows up near his hairline. “Going to dinner with our friends? I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it’s a little late for that.”

“No. Not that.” Kurt folded is hands in his lap. “About having baby. I changed my mind about that.”

Blaine still looked confused. “But you said you didn’t want to adopt. You wanted the experience of carrying the baby. You wanted that almost as much as you wanted the baby.”

“At first,” Kurt tried to explain, “the idea of having anyone else’s child made me sick. I’m married to you. You’re my husband. It’s your child I should be having. But we both know that’s never going to happen. So I was trying to get used to the idea of never having a baby. But then Finn reminded me of something. Parents aren’t the people who give birth to children, Blaine. Anyone can do that. Parents raise children. They care and love them. That’s what a parent is. So why should it matter who’s genetic material we use?”

Blaine stared straight ahead as he drove, but did say, “I have to be honest, Kurt, I’m not comfortable with the idea.”

“I want a baby,” Kurt’s voice cracked. “And I know your capacity for love is so great. If we have a baby with a donor, you won’t love it any less because it’s not yours biologically. And you’ll still be the father. No matter what. Our baby will call you daddy. I can’t see that anything else counts.”

“Kurt.”

Blaine sounded more than reluctant. He sounded like no matter what Kurt was going to say, he wouldn’t be swayed. And once again Kurt felt on the precipice, with his future unknown. It was a feeling he hated. What if Blaine never came around? What if he never wanted a child if it couldn’t be his biologically?

Blaine was quiet for a long time after that, almost until they reached Mercedes and Sam’s place. But when he parked the care he made no move to leave it, sitting still for an eternity until he asked, “Is a baby that important to you? Do you want it more than anything else in this world?”

“There is nothing,” Kurt told him flatly, “I want more. And nothing I won’t do to get one. Nothing I won’t sacrifice. I was born to be a father, Blaine. And if I go my whole life never reaching that goal, I’ll feel like I failed. I’ll feel incomplete.”

Blaine looked so upset with him Kurt regretted his words.

But then his husband surprised him and said, “We should call Doctor Martin and at least look at the genetic donor database.”

“Really?” Kurt asked, feeling breathless.

“I want you happy,” Blaine vowed. “No matter what the cost.” And Kurt was too thrilled, too overjoyed to consider what that cost might be.

***

“Okay,” Kurt admitted a bit shyly, glancing across the kitchen at Blaine as his husband struggled with the juicer, “I have to say, this is all kinds of fun.” He was perched at the bar, laptop open in front of him as he scanned the donor database. “Far more than I expected.” 

“I’m glad someone is having fun.” Blaine gave a grunt of annoyance as he plucked an orange up and several more went rolling away. “I’m also glad we decided this would be a completely productive way for us to spend our Sunday morning. A Sunday morning we could be spending doing something practical, instead.”

One of the oranges rolled Kurt’s way and he tossed it back. “I consider this very productive, Blaine. I’m essentially picking out our future baby. Think about it. It’s exciting. How many people get to craft the kind of baby they want? Most people just get stuck with the luck of the draw. I mean, for all we know if we’d been able to have children together, you could have some horribly ugly recessive gene in you somewhere. We could have ended up with a very ugly baby.” Kurt added seriously, “I would have loved it all the same.”

Blaine laughed loudly and Kurt joined in as he said, “Of course, Kurt. I would be the one to carry the recessive gene.”

“You laugh,” Kurt said as he jabbed a finger at him, “but you’ve seen my family’s photo albums. We’re all very good looking. Your mother, however, looks the way she does because of her monthly botox injections.”

Blaine shrugged. “Fair point. But I don’t think you’re supposed to be having as much fun with it as you are. It’s not like window shopping.”

Kurt hummed and nodded. “You’re right. But I can’t help being excited. Now, get back to juicing.”

Blaine fed another orange through the machine. “I could just go around the corner and get you a bottle of OJ. A whole jug.”

“I want fresh squeezed orange juice.” Kurt scrolled the page down. “I’m loading up on vitamins this week. It’s a high vitamin, high nutrient diet. Meat free, too. I want to be pregnant by the end of the month and I’m trying to get my body ready.”

“Kurt,” Blaine sighed out. “Don’t you think we’re rushing things a little. We just barely made the decision to take this step. We have plenty of time. And even you can admit that right now isn’t the most opportune moment. I can’t divert any more of my time from work than I already have, and your production is just ramping up. I was thinking that maybe we’d wait. Just until your musical opens, and my caseload lessens. And then we’ll have more attention to pay to a baby. And I’ll be able to take better care of you.”

“I’m not a puppy,” Kurt said a little sullenly. “I’ve never needed anyone to take care of me. I don’t think I’ll start now.”

Blaine flipped the juicer off and passed the filled glass to Kurt. “I’m talking about you being pregnant. You and I both know the high rate for miscarriage in the first trimester for men. I know you hate the word, but you’re going to be delicate for a while. I want to be able to give you my full attention. I want to make sure you’re safe. Miscarriage leads to serious complications. I can’t keep you safe if I’m too busy with work.”

A serious expression settled on Kurt’s face and he said solemnly. “I know. It’s serious. People die all the time. But I’m not just anyone Blaine. I’m strong and I’m bullheaded and there’s no way I’d go before getting to grow old with you.”

Blaine tutted. “You can’t control these things.”

“I don’t want to wait anymore.” Kurt crossed his arms and settled back on the bar stool. The glass of orange juice was untouched in front of him. “I’ve waited years and years. And we have willing donors. Hundreds of them. I want to do it now. I can skype from home during the construction period, and once I hit my second trimester I’ll be able to work light hours at the theater. Neither do I, as I told you earlier, need you to take care of me. You go right ahead and work the hours to want, Blaine.”

“Of course.” Blaine swiped at the orange juice, dumping it down the sink. “You don’t need me to make the baby, so why would you need me to help with it?”

“Blaine!” Kurt closed the laptop. 

“What do you want me to say?” Blaine asked. “It’s the truth, right?”

Frustrated, Kurt told him, “I know all I’ve talked about for what seems like forever is how badly I want a baby. But maybe I’ve neglected to tell you that the reason I want this baby so badly is because I love you, and I think a baby is the next step for us. The right step. It’s right for us, not just for me. And I wouldn’t want a baby so badly if I didn’t think that. And I thought we agreed that getting a genetic donor doesn’t make you any less the father.”

“You seem convinced of that,” Blaine mumbled. “You’ve said it enough.”

“Because it’s how I feel. And it’s how I want you to feel. And maybe I don’t need your genetic material, but it’s not from a lack of want. But I most certainly want you to help me raise our child. I need you to be there for us. Like you should be.”

Blaine pursed his lips, then offered, “Are you sure you don’t want to wait? Just a little bit?”

“I’ll have another show after this,” Kurt said bluntly. “And another and another. The same goes for you, Blaine. You’ll have another case, and then fifteen more waiting for you attention. We’re never going to have he time unless we make it, and that’s the truth of it. So why wait? Why not make the time?”

“And there’s no talking you into waiting?”

“No.” Kurt shook his head. “Not with everything so close. I can’t. So either get on board and support me here, or shut up and make me another orange juice.”

Less than pleased, Blaine dragged the juicer back over. “You going to waste another one?”

“Wasn’t me who threw it out,” Kurt said, voice jumping an octave. 

He popped open the laptop as Blaine said, “At this rate I’m going to need to go buy another bag of oranges. And they’re out of season.”

Kurt scoffed. “You like expensive things, Blaine. It’ the snob in you.”

“Real mature.”

The juice was back in front of Kurt before he said excitedly, “Oh, come look at this, Blaine! This guy here, he’s a violinist. He’s a musical prodigy by his profile. Can you imagine us having a baby who’s that talented?”

Blaine made himself a glass of juice, eyes flickering to the clock on the wall as he said, “Look, Kurt, being musically endowed is nice. It’s cute, even, but how about we think about the practicality of today’s society.”

“Like?” Kurt arched an eyebrow.

“Start filtering by IQ points.”

Kurt made a face. “So my baby can be smarter than me?”

“No,” Blaine countered, “so it’ll have a better chance of avoiding a learning disability, and a good shot at making it to college. Maybe even graduating first in the class.”

Kurt hated the idea that intelligence was marked by a number. He reminded Blaine, “I know you’re very proud that you’re a NYU boy, and that you graduated with honors, and that you’re smarter than almost everyone you know. But I’m not stupid and I didn’t go to college.”

“You went to fashion school.” Blaine leaned across the bar to kiss Kurt. “That counts, sweetheart.”

“Then,” Kurt drawled, “as long as the baby gets some after high school higher education, you agree to be satisfied?” But was that fair, either? Finn hadn’t gone to college, he’d joined the Army almost outright, and Finn was far from stupid. He’d never been gifted in school, and never taken any of the more challenging classes, but he was intelligent all in his own way. Kurt never would have called him stupid, maybe just a little dense at times. Intelligence wasn’t a number and Kurt didn’t think it could be so easily quantified.

Blaine grimaced. “How about we discuss that farther down the line.”

That was good enough for Kurt, and it resolved an issue that Kurt hadn’t know was waiting to happen.

“There is a section on here of MENSA donors.” Kurt glanced to Blaine. “You have to practically be a genius to get into MENSA, right? What do you think about this guy? He’s got brown hair like me, hazel eyes like you, a pretty high IQ and he put down that he … oh … never mind.”

“Hm?” 

“Card carrying member of the NRA.”

Blaine reeled back a little. “Does it really say that on there?”

Kurt laughed as he pointed at the screen. “I think he wants people to know that he’s very patriotic. I love my country as much as the next guy, but I would prefer it if our little guy didn’t come out gun toting and a second amendment fanatic.”

“Just a preference.” Once more, Blaine looked to the clock. Kurt tried to pretend he hadn’t seen it.

“I’ve got an artist here, too,” Kurt said, moving on to the next profile. “A sculptor. Aren’t artist more likely to be intelligent? The arts and exposure to a person significantly impacts an IQ.”

Blaine set the juicer in the sink and rounded the bar, dropping a kiss to Kurt’s fringe. “Look, sweetheart. I know you’re really getting into this. You’re excited, and I guess you should be. That’s fine. But it doesn’t really matter to me. So you just pick the one you like the best.”

Kurt frowned deeply. “You don’t care what our future child looks like? Or has a history of?

“Not really,” Blaine shrugged. “The agency prescreens for health issues, yes?”

“Yes,” Kurt agreed. “They only accept donors who are completely healthy for chronic diseases, haven’t had cancer or any other major illnesses, and don’t have a family history of heart disease, stroke, or other issues. In factor Doctor Martin told me that they have the most stringent rules possible.”

“Then I don’t care.” Blaine flipped the water on. “If the baby is healthy, I don’t really care. You figure out the details, Kurt. You’re always good at that.”

Knowingly, Kurt asked, “Need to get to the office?” It was supposed to be their day, at least for the first half. Kurt had made Blaine promise that it was going to be their time for picking out their donor. But Blaine seemed severely less than interested. Kurt hadn’t really expected anything else.

“The Monroe case,” Blaine said by way of excuse. “I just started it. It would be great if I could get a leg up on everyone else and get some work done on it today. And you don’t really need me here to help you chose.”

The lump was back in Kurt’s throat. “I was hoping you’d want to be here.”

Blaine moved back to Kurt’s side and looked down at the laptop. There were no pictures for the donors, and no names, only information. He asked Kurt, “Are there any lawyers on there?”

Kurt did a quick search. “Three. One human rights lawyer, and two in corporate law. Oh. I missed one. An attorney, too.”

A little cheekily, Blaine suggested, “Let’s go with him, then. I like attorneys.”

“He’s a ginger,” Kurt deadpanned, looking ghastly. “Bright red hair, Blaine. I would like this baby to actually resemble us.” He paused, then said, “There are a couple of donors who have acting listened as a profession. Maybe I want the baby to take after me, instead.”

Blaine drifted towards their open bedroom and called back, “If that’s what you want, Kurt.”

Quietly, Kurt mumbled, “I want it to be what we want.”

“I just want you happy,” Blaine said, emerging back into the main area of the apartment with his briefcase in hand. “Like I said, a healthy baby is all I’m worried about. You pick all the traits you like. I’m going to run to the office. I think you have things covered here. We’ll talk later tonight about who you picked.”

“I can’t pick today.” Kurt seemed affronted. “This is our future child, Blaine. This is a major decision, maybe the only time we’re ever going to make it in our lives. We have to be sure. I need to be sure.”

“I though you didn’t want to wait,” Blaine said teasingly. 

“Now you’re being facetious.”

“Habit.” Blaine leaned over for a goodbye kiss and Kurt met him. Then Blaine suggested, “Why don’t you call Mercedes up? Get her over here to help you. Sometimes I think you married her, and not me. Or how about Tina.? I know Mike asked her not to work during her pregnancy due to the complications last time. I bet she’s climbing the walls. This is your day off, Kurt. Enjoy it.”

“Not a bad idea,” Kurt admitted. “Maybe I will. What time do you think you’re going to be back from work?”

“Hopefully?” Blaine slid his watch on. “Before the sun sets. It depends if I can wrangle Sebastian up to help me.”

Kurt was certain the annoyance showed on his face.

“I know you hate him, Kurt,” Blaine chuckled, “but just remember, the only reason he hates you is because I love you. He hates not getting what he wants. Almost as much as he hates being second best.”

“I’m going to run him over with my car,” Kurt promised sweetly. “Then I’ll just calmly explain the situation to the judge and no jury within three states will convict me.”

“You might be safer going with accidental manslaughter.” Blaine looked at him so fondly that Kurt almost thought everything was perfect between them.

Kurt admitted, “But I hate lying. And I think if I did lose it and mow him down, I’d probably want everyone to know it was intentional. Plus, I’m not worried. I know some of the best lawyers in the S\state, and certainly the best attorney in the city.”

“I’ll see you later,” Blaine promised with a grin. “And I’ll try not to give you a reason to cause bodily harm to anyone.”

Kurt offered him a small wave, and then when he was gone he looked back to the laptop. Then he paused and reached for the phone instead.

Mercedes was there just under and hour later, Mason hitched up on her hip and a bag slung over her shoulder. “Hey,” she said, a little frazzled as Mason wiggled. 

“Put me down!” he demanded, back arched as he tried to pull away from his mother.

“Mason,” Kurt said, plucking him out of Mercedes’ grasp and settling him onto his own hip. “What’s with you wiggling like you have ants in your pants? You want down?”

Tiny fingers curled into Kurt’s collar as Mason nodded. 

“And the second I put him down,” Mercedes explained, kissing Kurt’s cheek, “he’s halfway down the block and making serious time. I’ve been telling Sam I’m going to sign Mason up for some kind of children’s marathon the next time I get the chance. Or maybe we’ll skip right to the New York City marathon. He’d probably beat everyone.”

Mason proudly declared, “I’m The Flash!”

“The Flash?” Slowly Kurt settled him down onto the floor. “Who’s that?”

Mercedes rolled her eyes. “Some comic book character Sam’s been reading to him. Apparently he wears red spandex, has a mouth on him, and is very fast. It’s nice to see my son has high aspirations in life.”

“Varoom!” Mason took off, streaking through the apartment on his way to the place he knew Kurt kept some of his old toys.

Mercedes took a seat on the sofa and asked, “So what was so important that you needed me over here as soon as possible? And sorry about bringing Mason, but Sam’s down at a Temp office, trying to see if he can find anything there.”

Kurt waved his hand. “You know Mason is always welcome here. And as for why I want you here now, we’re just waiting for--”

The doorbell chimed and Mercedes offered, “Waiting for someone with impeccable timing?”

“Apparently,” Kurt grinned.

“Get out of my way!” Tina commanded as Kurt opened the door. She held one hand across her stomach and used the other one to barrel into Kurt, sending him stepping to the side. “I’m nauseous, my feet hurt, I have a headache, it feels like it’s a million degrees in here, I had three small children all wanting and needing things this morning, and a husband who thought that I was going to tell him I was going into premature labor every time I opened my mouth. Six months early.” She paused, brushing hair out of her eyes and said fondly, “So thank you for getting me out of that madness.”

Kurt kissed her chastely. “Anything for one of my best girls.”

Mercedes called loudly from the couch, “Get over here girl and get off your feet, before your husband starts calling because he can sense you’ve been up too long.”

“Right,” she huffed, and made her way over.

Kurt clasped his hands in front of them and said, “Ladies, I’ve called you both over here because I’m in desperate need of your expert opinions. You’re both married to fine, upstanding gentlemen and have wonderful children with them.”

“A few too many,” Tina giggled.

“And,” Kurt continued, “the time has come for my husband and I to have our own child.” He brought the laptop over to them and set it between them. “So help me pick it out.”

Mercedes leaned forward. “You told me that Blaine had agreed to use a donor, but you didn’t tell me that you were picking it out from a laptop.”

Kurt gestured across the room. “There’s an app. I can get my tablet if you want.”

Tina snorted. “There’s an app.”

Kurt served them all refreshments and squeezed into the middle of them, saying, “I’m sure that I want a baby that looks at least similar to myself or Blaine. Caucasian, with brown hair and hazel eyes preferably. And in fact that seems to be the most common in the donors, but it’s the other things that I can’t decide on.”

Tina leaned forward as she scrolled down the page. “This would be easier if there were pictures. Then you could just pick out the most handsome one.”

“These donors,” Kurt explained, “are the ones that expressed a need for absolute anonymity. And that’s what Blaine and I want, too. It’s only their genetic material that we want. Nothing else. I don’t want to be out a few years from now and accidentally run into my donor. They want everything to be kept secret, and so do we.”

Tina inquired, “Then this is a local database?”

“East coast.” Kurt shrugged. “Doctor Martin didn’t want to overload us. There’s a national database we can go through if we don’t find anything that we like with what we have now.”

Mercedes cleared her throat. “So then, Kurt, it begs the question why we’re here, and not your husband. Both Tina and I are flattered that you’d want us to help, but shouldn’t Blaine be doing with this you? It’s not going to be our baby.”

He couldn’t tell them that Blaine wanted nothing to do with the baby. Or at least the choosing of it.

Instead, Kurt said, “Blaine told me he doesn’t really have a preference. He wants a healthy baby. Anything more than that and he said he just can’t pick. I guess, if he leaves it up to me, it’ll be like nature at work for him. He won’t know what he’s getting just like everyone else.”

Mercedes made a face at him which Kurt avoided.

“What about this one?” Tina angled the laptop towards Kurt. “Hello gorgeous.”

Kurt read aloud, “Well over six feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes, and it says he works in personal security. Great. So I pick him and Blaine and I end up with a baby who not only towers over us, and looks nothing like us, but also is predisposed to be a daredevil.” He made a point to say, “That’s the kind of thing I want you guys to help me weed out. How about we try and find some nice librarians. Or how about a teacher?”

“Or how about a professional sky diver? That’s this one here down at the bottom.”

“Not like him,” Kurt said.

Mercedes insisted, “You need s a fun kid, Kurt. Not a stuffy one. You and Blaine are pretty vanilla. Come on, face the truth. So you need a kid who puts a little pep in your step.”

“Blaine hasn’t had pep since his high school days. The way I hear it from his old friends, he was actually fun back then.” Kurt laughed. “He was already boring by the time I met him and he was in college and already working for his firm as an intern.”

Tina stared intensely at the screen and Mercedes noticed, asking, “Did you find one you like?”

With a small hum, Tina asked Kurt, “Exactly where do you draw the line at that daredevil requirement?”

“Why?” Kurt leaned over to see which entry she was reading.

“It says here,” Tina read aloud, “that this one, he’s a firefighter. I mean, he goes into burning buildings, but he also does it for a good reason. And before that it says he was an on site paramedic with the fire department.”

Interested, Kurt said, “So he’s heroic? And selfless? Those are good qualities to have. What did he list as he interests?”

Tina said, “Oh, you’re going to love this, Kurt. He’s a regular connoisseur gentleman. Number four sixty-two would like you to know that in his free time he likes to go on jogs, and volunteer at the local shelter. He’s also involved in charity work.”

“So,” Kurt eased out. “He’s a perfect human being?”

“He also likes sports and social drinking.”

Kurt stilled for a moment, then said, “I can deal with that, actually.”

“No, wait,” Mercedes interrupted, pushing Kurt a little as she tried to get a better look at the laptop. “He’s got a flag here, see? His profile is flagged. But I can’t read the small print. What’s the problem?”

Even Kurt had to squint to read out, “It says here his uncle suffered a heart attack and died. There’s no history of it in his family, but they have to say it on here.”

“Is that a disqualifier?” Mercedes asked. “Because this guy sounds pretty amazing.”

Tina nodded enthusiastically. “He’s also college educated. Bonus points?”

“Mayor bonus points,” Kurt admitted.

There was a pause of uncertainty that hung in the hair around them, and the only sounds filtering through the apartment were those of Mason in the back room, playing with some of his toys.

“Then …” Kurt watched Mercedes and Tina communicate slowly between them before Mercedes asked, “What’s the problem? Are you deciding on him?”

“Or,” Tina offered, “There are still a couple hundred guys on the list. We could look at them, too.”

Kurt tapped his foot idly and looked back at four sixty-two’s information. He did sound like the perfect package. Kurt would have preferred to find someone without the warning, but people died of heart attacks all the time, and there was no sign that it ran in the donor’s family. Plus, the donor’s stats listed him as only a little taller than Kurt, which was still higher than he wanted, but with brown hair and brown eyes, that more than made up for it.

“Kurt?”

Kurt sighed. “He’s perfect.”

“Then he’s the one?” Mercedes asked.

Tina said, “You don’t look like he’s the one.”

Kurt admitted to them, “I told Blaine I wouldn’t be able to pick out a donor for us in one day. I told him this is huge, and it’s not a decision to be taken lightly or made easily. But this one sounds perfect. He has the qualities I wanted, and the physical appearance I need, and he sounds like the package deal. I guess … maybe a part of me feels like I found him too easily. This isn’t supposed to be easy, so how did I find him in less than five minutes?”

Tina scoffed. “If you’ll recall, I found him.”

Mercedes rolled her eyes as Kurt said, “You know what I mean.”

“Kurt.” Mercedes hugged an arm around his shoulders and she let her head tip down gently against his. “Some things in life and meant to be.”

“I don’t believe in fate.”

“You don’t have to believe in something for it to be real.” She kissed his temple and said, “I’m not talking about religion, either. I’m only saying that some things are meant to be. And maybe you were meant to come across four sixty-two. And if you were meant to, it’s because he’s the right choice for you. Because he’s the perfect choice. So just go with your gut. If your gut says pick him, then that’s what you do. And if you want to keep looking, then Tina and I are right here for you as long as you need us.”

“But you better feed us,” Tina piped up.

A little sourly, Mercedes commented, “You’re always hungry.”

“I’m eating for two,” Tina said flatly.

Kurt closed the laptop and stood, saying, “I’m going with four sixty-two. I’ll run it by Blaine, but I think it’s him. It feels right. And come on Tina, I’ll order us some lunch for later on.”

Pleased, Tina tapped her stomach and said, “You’re the best, Kurt. I’m naming this one after you.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed a little as he said, “You’ve had three girls so far. This one is probably a girl, too. And I’m not sure if naming her after me would be the bigger insult to me or the baby.”

Tina shrugged. “If it’s another girl I’ll name her … Kurtanna.”

Mercedes burst out laughing as Kurt pleaded, “Please don’t. I don’t want the baby to hate me forever.”

Tina beamed as she said, “We’ll come up with something. But I really do hope it’s a boy. I’m tried to being pregnant. I don’t want to do it again.”

Mercedes seemed to take no notice of what Tina had said, but it made Kurt pause and wonder about the story behind the statement. Was Mike unhappy with all daughters? Or was it Tina? It seemed like Tina didn’t want to have any more, but maybe she was being pressured. Did Mike want sons? Was he pushing for Tina to have one? The whole idea made Kurt sick, and he hoped he was reading too much into it.

But then it made him wonder. He and Blaine hadn’t talked about gender at all. What if they had a daughter and Blaine wanted a son? Or if they had a son and all Blaine wanted was a little girl to spoil and treat like a princess. Did he had a preference? With Blaine and the subject of babies it was hard to pry three words out of him. And now Kurt felt like there was something they needed to talk about, and he wondered what else they were missing.

Kurt startled a little as Mercedes broke him out of his thoughts. She reminded, “You could always find out.”

Kurt wondered if he’d want to find out when he was pregnant.

“Kurt?”

He looked over to his girls with a fond smile. “Yes?”

Mercedes took his face between her hands kindly. “You’re going to be a father.”

His face split into a smile that felt so wide it hurt. “I’m going to be a father.”

He felt Tina’s soft hand between his shoulder blades. She assured, “You’re going to be a great father.”

“And the both of you are going to be aunts, right?”

In fact, Kurt had a feeling that a Hummel-Anderson baby had been anticipated by so many people for so long that there were going to be people lined up around the corner to be aunts and uncles. But for Kurt, the people who mattered the most were standing in front of him. Mercedes had made him godfather to her son, and his legal guardian if anything happened to her or Sam. And Tina had made him an uncle to each and every one of her girls, probably including the one she carried now. He had to return the favor, and he wanted to.

“This calls for a celebration,” Mercedes demanded. “We shouldn’t be ordering in, we need to go out.”

“I’ll get my coat,” Tina said, already heading towards the coat wrack.

“I’ll get the kid.” Mercedes took off towards Mason.

Kurt let his hands slide into his jean pockets and smiled. He had his donor. He had someone who was heroic and brave. He had someone who’d look at least a bit like himself and Blaine, and who had all the potential in the world. It was a good feeling.

“You in there, Kurt?” Mercedes’ hand waved in font of his face, Mason mimicking her playfully.

“Yeah.” He gave her a strong nod. “Just thinking about the future.”

And how amazing would it be to get all of the kids together? Some of them would be more apart in age than others, but there’d be Tina’s girls, and Mason, and Santana’s daughter and maybe even Finn’s, along with Kurt’s baby. It would be amazing to see.

“I’m starving!” Tina announced loudly.

Mason cried out, “Pizza!”

This time it was a good lump in Kurt’s throat when he knew for a fact, without any doubt in his mind, than in less than a month he’d be pregnant. And then things would have to change. Blaine would have to be more interested. And they’d finally have the family that Kurt knew they were supposed to. Everything would be perfect.

***

Kurt went into the clinic on a Thursday to get pregnant, after spending the morning rushing through his duties at the theater, and probably leaving too heavy a work load on Rory’s very anxious hands. Kurt was filled with jitters and a thousand new worries he’d thought up over the past few days, but also a sense of excitement in his stomach that had made getting lunch down difficult. In fact he hadn’t managed at all.

But Blaine was there with him, holding his left hand, not at work and not thinking about it, and certainly giving his full attention to the fact that they were about to become fathers. The thought was still amazing.

However, before they were even allowed near the back rooms Kurt and Blaine were led to a small office area where a pretty, fairly young girl presented them each with a stack of papers to sign.

Blaine riffled through them suspiciously and Kurt explained with a happy tone, “He’s an attorney.”

She didn’t seem bothered in the least. “No problem. Take all the time you want, because you should be absolutely sure before signing.”

“It’s the privacy agreement, right?” Kurt asked, but he was already skimming the first paper, taking in the words he already knew. “Blaine and I already signed one, when we made our final payment to Doctor Martin’s office.”

The woman explained, “That was to protect Doctor Martin from any legal ramifications. These documents are to protect your donor.”

“To protect our donor?” Kurt asked, confused and a little hurt. “From us?”

Blaine supplied, already on the third page, “From fatherhood, Kurt. The donor doesn’t want to be a father. It’s to stop you from trying to track him down at any point and pin him with any form of child support or accountability. These papers assure him that he has no legal rights to the child, and neither do we have the right to ask of him anything concerning the child.”

Kurt couldn’t even pick up the pen to sign as he defended, “I’m not asking the donor to be a father. I don’t want him to be a father. Blaine and I are the baby’s parents. I don’t … I’m just not sure--”

“Mr. Hummel,” the woman across from him said gently, “Our donors are often affluent people, and even when they’re not, they respect privacy above most things. For whatever reasons that are his own, he doesn’t wish to be a father. But neither does he want to deny someone else the privilege of it. And so our donors place faith in us that we will protect them from our couples. Your donor opted for complete anonymity, and so did you and your husband, if I’ve read your file correctly. Under that knowledge, signing shouldn’t be terribly difficult for you.” She prodded gently, “We can’t move forward unless the papers are signed. If you need more time to think about this, or maybe change your mind about the type of donor you’d like to have, or your relationship with him, we can schedule another appointment.”

“No. No.” Kurt shook his head a little frantically, composing himself when he realized it. “I want to do this today. And the donor is perfect. I don’t want any support from him, and I don’t even need to know his name.” Kurt signed his name with a flourish and then looked over to Blaine. “We’re the parents, right? Not our donor.”

Blaine took a bit longer to sign his copy, reading over everything twice before he was ready. He said, “If you’re ready, then we can do it now.”

Kurt leaned over to give him a peck, blushing at the way the woman smiled.

They only had to wait a bit after that, then they were led into a very pristine, but very homely looking patient room. Blaine took the seat to the side and Kurt hopped up on the examination table.

“Nervous?” Blaine asked with a smile, watching Kurt’s feet swing around.

“Still doesn’t feel real,” Kurt confessed, feeling goofy and thrilled as met his husband’s smile.

“Well,” Blaine assured, “in a couple of hours it will be.”

Doctor Martin was prompt and he saw to them quickly, broaching, “Big day, gentlemen.”

“Biggest of my life,” Kurt proclaimed.

The procedure was mildly invasive and Kurt listened intently as Doctor Martin explained exactly what he would do, and how long it would take. He spoke in way that Kurt could understand, and it made him less nervous.

“Now,” Doctor Martin said, wheeling his chair over to Kurt, clipboard in hand, “you settled on multiple implantation, correct? This is still the route you want to go?”

Kurt nodded firmly. “I thought about my options a lot when we talked, and I don’t want to do this again. I’m not sure my nerves can handle it.”

The doctor cracked a smile. “You’re not the first to say that to me.

“Wait,” Blaine cut in, standing as he spoke. “Multiple implantation?”

“Yes,” Kurt said slowly.

“And what is that?”

Kurt tried not to get worked up. Blaine was busy all the time. His work was important. And in all honesty, he made the bulk of their income. He made the real money between the two of them, and without his work, they would have never been able to afford the donor or the procedure. “Blaine. Don’t you remember a few days ago I had a meeting scheduled with Doctor Martin? You wanted to come but you had to be in court.” Blaine hadn’t said he wanted to come at all, but that wasn’t important. 

Slowly, Blaine asked, “This is what you talked about.”

“If I may?” Doctor Martin gestured for Blaine to sit again. “I explained to Kurt that there were two ways we could go about this. We could try a singular implantation. A one time deal, if you will. Obviously there’s no chance of multiples, which could endanger Kurt’s life, but there’s also less of a chance of the body rejecting the implantation. Typically couples or individuals who choose this option have to come and see me several times before they’re successful in conceiving.”

“And,” Kurt repeated, “I don’t want to do this again. No offense intended, Doctor Martin, you’ve been wonderful, but this is the last I want to see of this clinic. It’s the last I want to see of a specialist. It want to be pregnant and move on with my life.”

Blaine wondered, “The other option? The one Kurt chose, how is it different?”

“We implant three or four times in one go,” Doctor Martin told him. “And we hope that at least one takes. There’s a much greater percentage of couples who conceive after this option, but so is the number of those who carry multiples. And I don’t think I need to remind you that in men, the first trimester is a particularly volatile and dangerous. Multiples only enhance that. There is a larger miscarriage rate for multiples in men within the first trimester, and a greater risk to Kurt’s life if he does.”

Blaine turned to Kurt. “You didn’t think you should mention this to me? You didn’t think it was worth talking about?”

“I did tell you,” Kurt said a little grumpy. “You just weren’t listening.”

Blaine stood once more and it didn’t look like he’d be sitting again anytime soon. He declared, “I don’t want anything that unnecessarily endangers Kurt’s life. I don’t care if we have to come back here a million times. I don’t want him getting pregnant with multiples. Even twins.”

Kurt rallied himself for a fight. “I told you, I don’t want to come back here even a second time.”

“And I don’t want to lose you.” Blaine looked half panicked and half like he might cry. It was startling. 

Doctor Martin said, “When Kurt goes in for his after conception appointment, if we were to discover multiples, there is always the option for selective termination.”

“No,” Kurt breathed out, feeling sick and heartbroken just at the mere idea of killing one of his babies. “I could never. I would never.”

“Not even to save your own life? Or the life of the other children you might be carrying?” Doctor Martin asked curiously.

“No,” Kurt said emphatically. “Never.”

Blaine settled a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and said, “I don’t like this option. I don’t like it and I want us to pick the other one. We’re not ready for more than one baby, we couldn’t handle two or more, and I couldn’t handle not having you with me because of an accident.”

Softly, Kurt said, “Not all implantations end in multiples, Blaine. Not even with the drug cocktail I’ve been on. I asked Doctor Martin. Statistically, we’re probably only going to get one baby out of this. We’ll be lucky to get a baby. Even some couples who do this, don’t have any luck. I’m certainly not saying it couldn’t happen, but what I am saying is also that some people carry twins or even triplets to term and everyone is perfectly healthy. And didn’t we already talk about how stubborn I am?”

“Very stubborn,” Blaine had to agree. “But it’s not worth risking your life over. Kurt. We can’t. And you can’t ask me to let you. Either we do a singular implantation or I’m not ready to support you.”

It was odd that Kurt hadn’t realized until that moment how much he needed Blaine’s support. He wasn’t sure he could do it without that support.

Kurt posed, “What if we do the singular implantation and I don’t get pregnant? What then? We do it again? We spend all the money and time to get on this emotional roller coaster again?”

“It’s not about the money,” Blaine said fiercely, maybe even angrily. “It’s about what’s safest for you. No matter how much you try and put a baby before yourself Kurt, even one who isn’t here yet, I’m going to put you first.”

“And if we go a second time? And a third? What about a fourth or fifth? How many times do we keep trying and putting all our faith in one thing? How long do you think I can do that before I lose my sanity?”

Blaine’s chest heaved in a deep breath and Kurt held his own, unsure what his husband would say. And even more unsure if their journey was being put on hold. 

And finally, with Doctor Martin waiting silently, Blaine relented and said, “Give me my way this time. And if it doesn’t work, we try a second time with the singular implantation. But if that … Kurt, if that second time doesn’t hold, we’ll do it your way. We’ll do whatever you want and I won’t say a thing or make a fuss.”

Kurt caught the back of Blaine’s hand. “Really? You promise?”

Resigned, Blaine nodded. “I promise. But it could work this time. You keep telling me how fertile you are. I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re never coming back here again, just like you wanted.”

Hopeful, Kurt asked Doctor Martin, “Is it too late to switch from a multiple to a singular?”

Doctor Martin shook his head and gathered himself up. “I’ll make the necessary adjustments. You gentlemen wait here. And in the meantime, Kurt, if you’ll get undressed and into your smock, I’ll have the nurse come prep you.”

When Doctor Martin was out of the room Kurt pulled Blaine down into a firm kiss and whispered to him, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Blaine returned. “And you’re going to make a great father.”

Kurt hummed happily, already thinking of it.

So Kurt had the singular implantation, and less than two weeks later a blood test. Doctor called personally to deliver the news and Kurt cried for what felt like forever into Blaine’s shoulder when he relayed that he was pregnant. 

The best part, aside from the baby naturally, was how much time and attention Blaine paid to him during the first few months of his pregnancy. With the miscarriage rate so high Kurt was reluctant to get out of bed and do much, and Blaine was just as reluctant to leave him. They spent their mornings together, lounging in bed, talking and connecting like they hadn’t in years, and then while Kurt’s afternoon fatigue set in, he slept while Blaine went to the office. Blaine was always home in time for dinner, and it was a nice change.

Working from home was a bit more difficult that Kurt had anticipated, especially as production on his clothing ended and the final fittings for the show were being made. Kurt kept nearly a steady skype stream with Rory who barely seemed like he knew how to turn the computer on, and had his team come by the apartment more than once a week. He knew Thompson was annoyed at his convalescence, but Kurt wasn’t willing to risk his baby.

Before he’d been pregnant he’d read all kinds of horror stories about men who’d slipped and fallen, or been pushed too hard, or been in car accidents and a million other things. It had taken so long to get pregnant, and his baby was absolutely so desperately wanted that Kurt didn’t think he could survive losing the baby. So maybe he was being overcautious, but he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. Not until he hit his second trimester. Not until the most danger had passed. 

But for all his fears and all his worries, not to mention the nausea and fatigue and headaches, he loved being pregnant. He confided in Tina, “It’s the best feeling in the world.”

She’d only laughed and said, “Wait until your third or fourth time. Or better yet, wait until the birth.”

Kurt didn’t think there would ever be a third or fourth baby. Probably not even a second. But Kurt was thankful for the one baby that he did have. His baby would always be enough. He didn’t need more than one. But he had to say smartly to Tina, “You know I lucked out in that last department, Tina. No labor for me.”

She pinched him and reminded, “You still get labor pains, Kurt. You may not be pushing anything out, but you get the joys of contractions.”

The contractions were a warning, if anything. There would be no actual labor, and since his pregnancy had been confirmed, and it had progressed a bit, he’d had a scheduled delivery date. He wasn’t like Tina in having to worry about a natural birth. There was no option for him in that regard, and part of him was thankful.

And eventually, as Kurt waited with bated breath for any sign of miscarriage or trouble, the days turned to weeks and the week to months. On a Monday he went to see Doctor Martin’s recommended choice for him as his primary doctor for his pregnancy. She was a woman that Kurt adored almost instantly, with a thick Irish accent and encompassing almost every stereotype that Kurt had ever known. But it all sort of suited her, with her bright red hair, green eyes, pale skin, and the fact that her father owned a pub back in Boston where she was originally from. She always greeted him with a warm smile and friendly handshake that quickly morphed into a hug. It probably wasn’t professional but Kurt loved her for it. More than that, he trusted Molly O’Neil. 

On that Monday she told him, “Congratulations, Kurt. You are officially four months pregnant.”

It felt like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “So I’m good?” He was ready to get back to work, and start going out again. He was also excited to start telling people he was pregnant. For the most part there were only a couple of people who actually knew, from family to friends to work. Just in case anything happened, he hadn’t wanted to tell everyone and then have to deal with their hurt on top of his own.

Now he felt like he could tell the world and wanted to. 

“You’re good.” His doctor held up a sharp finger. “However, just because you’re out of your first trimester, doesn’t mean you don’t have to be careful. I’m going to give you some new guidelines that I want you and Blaine to follow.” She frowned. “Where is your ball and chain?”

Kurt laughed at the absurdity of it all. It was still hard to get used to so many months later. Blaine had never been as clingy before as he was now, even if Mercedes was always telling him it was a good thing. It was a little unnerving.

“Maybe I got tired of him,” Kurt shrugged and told her. “I have to keep my options open.”

“Do you now?” She took his blood pressure. 

Kurt explained, “He’s in court. He spends about half his time in court as it is. And today the timing just didn’t work out. I’m sure he’ll be back to pester me about getting off my feet sooner, rather than later.”

He’d always thought it was what he wanted, to be coddled a bit by Blaine, just a little bit. But there had been something nagging at him over the past few months, something he wasn’t ready to admit, and that he knew would be nothing but a fight when he did. And it was almost enough to make him regret getting pregnant knowing what he did.

“Kurt?”

“Sorry.” Kurt startled. “New guidelines?”

Doctor O’Neil put a comforting hand on his arm. “I know you’re excited to get out there, but you’re still going to have to be careful. I want you to keep to a diet, and have an hour of light exercising a day, at least until your last couple months. I also don’t want you at work for twelve hours a day like I know you want to be, or will try to be. You have an assistant, Kurt. Use him.”

“Rory?” Kurt couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “He’s liable to burn the place down with a single, clutzy move. I took him on as my assistant as a favor to a friend, but he’s not really suited for the business.”

“Then get a new one.”

Kurt had to argue, “The production opens in under a month. This I the last push. I have to be at work every day.”

The doctor crossed her arms. “You’ll work a single eight hours shift Monday through Thursday and a six hours shift on Friday. You won’t work weekends, and you will get yourself a new assistant. Otherwise I’ll put you on bed rest.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t dare.”

She leaned forward. “Try me.”

After a moment of pursed lips, Kurt said, “Give me half days on Saturday and you have a deal. At least of the next three weeks, until the show opens.”

She didn’t look like she was going to relent at all, but then she nodded slowly. “Alright. You strike a hard bargain, Mr. Hummel, but I think we have a deal.”

She explained to him a bit more on what activities he could do and couldn’t, and sent him on his way with a whole new list of prescriptions to be filled at the pharmacy.

But mostly what was on Kurt’s mind was Rory’s replacement. He had an idea who he wanted, and who’d be ideal, and the only thing to do was convince him.

Later on that day Sam leveled with him and asked frankly, “You want me to what?”

They were eating outside on a bistro’s terrace and it was probably the first time Kurt had been out to eat with a friend since becoming pregnant. It was nice to soak in the sun, enjoy the rapidly warming weather, and tap his fingers gently against his stomach. He couldn’t wait to feel his baby move for the first time.

“I need a new assistant,” Kurt explained. 

“You have an assistant.”

Kurt scoffed. “I have Rory. He’s a nice guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not assistant material. I need someone who can move fast, without tripping over their feet, and be trusted with making decisions on their own. I need a problem solver and someone who understands my taste level and what I like, and won’t drop the ball when I need him the most. You’re a good fit, Sam. And you still need the work, don’t you?”

There was a slight hue to Sam’s face as he was forced to admit, “I found temp work for a while, but not anymore.”

“Then you need the work.”

“But an assistant?”

Kurt traced the rim of his water glass with his finger. “I know it’s not the field you want to be in, but the fact remains, this is New York, and theater is a huge part of the city. If you have this on your resume, it could help you get a better paying job down the line. I know how badly you want to support your family, Sam. So should it matter if you have any particular interest in the job at hand? In September Mason’s tuition is due.”

Grouchily, Sam snapped, “Stop trying to guilt me into taking your job.”

“Sam. I’m not.” He took a loud breath and curled his fingers across his stomach. “I’m a father now, Sam. Or I’m going to be. And there’s this sudden, weird urge in me to do everything in my power to give my baby everything it needs. There isn’t anything I won’t do for it. Absolutely nothing. And I’m pretty sure that’s a fatherly thing. So you must be feeling it too. I’m not trying to guilt you. I’m just telling you things you already know, and want for Mason.”

“But Mercedes took the job and went on tour a few days ago,” Sam reminded. “We have tuition covered this semester.”

“And the next?”

Sam was silent.

Kurt stoked the material over his stomach lightly and added, “This isn’t pity, Sam. This isn’t a handout. This is me needed a good, competent assistant to help me get through this pregnancy healthy and happy. I trust you, and that’s what I can say for almost everyone who’ll apply for the job. I know I can give you the theater credit card and you’ll only charge what we need. I know I can send you out on your own and rely on you without having to question where you are or what you’re doing. That’s something you can’t buy, Sam. It can’t be manufactured or replicated easily.”

Once more, Sam said, “If I did take the job, and that’s a big if, like I said earlier, Mercedes is out of town. She won’t be back for months. I have to be there in the morning to get Mason up, and his daycare program only lasts until two in the afternoon. I have to be there to get him after, and to make dinner, and spend time with him. How flexible of hours can you give me?”

It was Sam’s predicament, but Kurt couldn’t help thinking about how it would be him in a year’s time, when the baby was old enough for Kurt to go completely back to work fulltime, and suddenly there would be a balancing act they’d all have to do. Kurt wondered how much of his work Blaine would be willing to sacrifice, if any, and in turn how much that would mean Kurt would have to give up. As much as he loved his baby and wanted his baby, Kurt couldn’t leave his job. He wouldn’t. He would have to find a way to make it work, even if it meant asking for help from his friends.

“I’ll need you mostly in the morning,” Kurt said, relieved that it might work out. “And I can have you out by two, if you have to go. But you may need to be on call. And when production starts you’ll have to come down to the theater. You can bring Mason, if you want. There’s plenty to distract him, and anything that annoys Thompson is a bonus.”

“Not a fan of kids?”

Kurt deadpanned. “I don’t think he ever was one, either.”

With a wince, Sam asked, “Do you really need me?”

Kurt poked his stomach a bit. “My doctor says that the baby is out of the danger zone. I’m in my second trimester. But it doesn’t mean I get to go as hard as I want. I have to pace myself and I have to get help. I can’t go back to work fulltime unless I have an assistant I can rely on. So yes, Sam, I guess I am guilt tripping you. But it’s because I need the help and you need the work. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Sam seemed to consider his words for a moment and then asked, “When do you think you’d need me to start?”

“Tomorrow?” Kurt offered weakly.

“Not wasting any time, are you?” Sam laughed. “Alright. We’ll consider it equal favors to each other. Yes?”

“Thank you.” Kurt wanted to lean across the table and kiss him he was so thankful. “I promise, you won’t even have to go on that many coffee runs for me. You will not be my bitch, Samuel.”

Sam snorted. “Thanks for that. And hey, aren’t you not suppose to be drinking coffee?”

A little defensive, Kurt replied, “I’m allowed to have one major serving of caffeine a day, thank you.”

“And won’t you likely be having that in the morning when you wake up? I’ve seen you without your coffee in the morning, Kurt. You’re a weapon of mass destruction.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

Sam grinned wide and took a bite of his sandwich. “I live to please.”

Afterward Kurt felt a little tired, he usually was by the afternoon, but he still made time to swing by the theater and break the news to Rory. 

The Irishman looked like he wanted to cry as he asked Kurt, “Did I do that bad?”

“Oh, Rory.” Kurt assured him, “Some people just aren’t cut out for specific jobs. You’re not meant for this one. There’s too much stress. You’re going to be so much better suited for a job where you can take your time and not be so nervous all the time.”

Rory nodded morosely and said, “Alright. I appreciate your honesty, Mr. Hummel. I was just really enjoying this country. Seems a shame to leave it, no matter how much I miss my mum.” 

“Leave?” Kurt asked, surprised.

“Leave,” Rory confirmed. “I only have a work visa. If I’m not working, I don’t get to stay.”

“Hm.” Kurt still couldn’t keep him, and still didn’t think that the job was a right fit for Rory. But neither did he want to see the sweet young man deported back to his country. Rory deserved to stay in the country and work hard to achieve his dreams, just like everyone else. “Do you like art, Rory?”

“Art?”

“Art. Do you like it?”

Rory shrugged. “It’s nice enough. Can’t say I have any talent, though.”

Kurt helped him over to the door and said, “I have a friend over at the Met. Sugar Motta. When I was getting my start in New York, designing clothes for everyday wear, she was one of my biggest advocates. I think I designed and made her three or four complete wardrobes in a few years. She works at the Met, and her father is one of the biggest contributors. She owes me a favor and I think she could make room for you over there. You have the necessary job experience.” He’d thought of the job first for Sam, but his friend hadn’t had anything on his resume to get him within a hundred feet of the sprawling building.

“You’d do that for me?” Rory asked, sounding like no one ever did anything for him.

“You’ve been good to me.” He promised, “I’ll make the call later today and let you know by tomorrow. Okay?”

Kurt gave a soft groan as Rory hugged him tightly, arms around Kurt’s shoulders. “Thank you!”

Kurt laughed and hugged him back.

After that there was only one place left to go. He could have waited for Blaine to get off work, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to share the good news with him right away. And after his doctors appointment, going to lunch with Sam, and his talk with Rory, he knew enough time had passed that Blaine was out of court and back at the office.

Jillian greeted him with a bright, unexpected smile and all but fell over herself trying to get to her feet. “Mr. Hummel!” She leaned forward when he drew closer and said, “You’re glowing. You look good.”

Quietly he said, “Four months today. And out of the danger zone.”

Jillian offered him a serious smile and imparted, “When I was pregnant with Lola, I was scared to death that I was going to miscarry. Even up until the day she was born. I had the fear before I was pregnant. Several of my friends had miscarriages and I was terrified it would be me. But now Santana and I have Lola, and you and Blaine have your little one. Congratulations.”

Kurt felt so pleased he could pop.

At least until he heard, “I thought you had some communicable disease, princess.”

Kurt stiffened. “You think you’d be so lucky?”

When he turned his arch nemesis, the pain in his ass, the biggest asshole Kurt had ever known the pleasure of meeting, was standing there. Sebastian had his hands in his pockets and a sly grin on his face that Kurt would have given anything to wipe off.

“Haven’t seen you around in a while. We’ve been taking bets at the office that--”

“That what?” Kurt asked, head cocking. “That Blaine had left me? Nice try. Actually, I think the polar opposite of that happened.” He wasn’t showing yet, though he wasn’t far off, but still, he could angle his hips just right and let his stomach go just enough that it was believable when he said, “I’m expecting. I’ve been resting during my first trimester, to avoid any unnecessary complications.”

“Expecting?” Sebastian blanched.

“I’m having Blaine’s baby,” Kurt said, trying not to hold it over the man he knew wanted his husband. It was still a hard pill to swallow that Sebastian and Blaine had gone to school together, both high school and college. And they’d started at the firm at almost the same time, too. Sebastian had never made any real effort to hide his interest in Blaine, or his dislike of Kurt. He was pompous and selfish and a snob, and probably everything Blaine’s mother would have liked. “I’m pregnant.” Neither did anyone ever need to know that biologically, Blaine wasn’t the father. Or at least anyone that Kurt didn’t trust.

Sebastian burst out laughing.

“What?” Kurt demanded, already feeling defensive of the baby. Sebastian could mock and hate him all he wanted, but not the baby. Not his innocent little baby.

“Oh.” Sebastian sobered, eyes on Kurt’s stomach. “You’re serious.”

“Very.” Kurt crossed his arms. “I’m four months today.”

Sebastian said, “Blaine never mentioned it.”

Part of Kurt wanted to be glad that he’d caught Sebastian so off guard, but for some reason he couldn’t quite appreciate it.

“We’ve been keeping quite about it because of the risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. I’m sure you’ll be hearing a lot more of it now. There will even be pictures. I’ll be sure to get you a copy.”

Sebastian gave him a grimace of a smile and said unenthusiastically, “I’ll look forward to it. You’re quite the little wife now, aren’t you.”

“Better than a self serving jackal.”

“With bite!” Sebastian nearly howled with laughter.

“Kurt?”

Kurt turned at the sound of his husband’s voice and Sebastian was forgotten. “Blaine.”

Blaine reached his side quickly and drew him down the hallway without a glance spared for Sebastian. “What’re you doing here?” Blaine asked, pushing Kurt gently down into his office chair when the door was closed. 

“I wanted to share the good news,” Kurt said with a small frown. “I went to see Doctor O’Neil today. She told me that I’m officially in my second trimester. I’m four months. And that means we can both stop worrying so much about a miscarriage. It also means we can stop acting like I have the plague and I have to stay indoors all day long.”

Blaine’s hand caught the side of his face with care and he asked, “I know we set the second trimester as the date that we’d stop worrying so intensely, but are you sure we shouldn’t go a little longer? Just to make sure it’s safe? To make sure you’re well?”

Kurt smiled and promised, “I feel fine, Blaine. Better than fine, actually. I’m a little tired, yes, and I think I’ll still have to take naps in the afternoon, but I’m free to go back to work now, Doctor O’Neil said so. And I can pretty much resume my life.” Kurt stopped. “Why do you look like there’s no Christmas this year?”

Oh. Christmas. By Christmas they’d have a baby. Kurt would need to buy presents for an extra person. Their baby would only be a few weeks old, but it would be there for Christmas. It seemed the best gift of all. 

“You work too had,” Blaine decided. “I don’t want you to … I worry …”

“I hope,” Kurt said seriously, “that you didn’t think I was going to take off from work my entire pregnancy, and some time after that. I have a show opening in three weeks, and duties that can’t be passed to anyone else.” He couldn’t help softening after that, appreciating Blaine’s concern. “But I know you worry, and I still do too. It never hurts to be cautious. So I’ve asked Sam to come on as my assistant. He’ll be able to do the bulk of the labor that I actually need accomplished in the morning, and I won’t have to move around as much, or go out. It’ll make things much easier on me. Safer.”

Blaine perched himself on the edge of his desk. “I didn’t expect you to take work off, for the record. I knew you wouldn’t.”

“I know.” Kurt leaned back, both hands on his stomach. “But if Doctor O’Neil was worried, or if she thought I needed it, I would. I’d do anything to keep this baby safe.”

Blaine leaned down to give him a firm kiss. “I’d do anything to keep you safe. So I want you to promise me that you will take it as easy as you can, and not work past a certain hour, no matter how much work needs to be done.”

“Doctor O’Neil and I already have the understanding.”

“Good. I like her more and more.” He pulled Kurt up and easily held him. “You focus too much, Kurt. You set yourself to a task and you don’t stop to take care of yourself until it’s finished. You can’t do that this time. This is your life we’re talking about here. If you miscarry, and it’s severe enough, or you don’t receive medical care fast enough, you’ll … I could lose you. It’s not something to joke about.”

Kurt’s arms settled on Blaine’s shoulders, the perfect position for their height difference. “I would never endanger our baby, Blaine.”

Blaine sighed.

The blinds to Blaine’s office were open slightly, slanted just a bit that anyone might be able to see inside if they tried. Kurt couldn’t bring himself to care, no matter how much he valued his privacy. 

“We’re going to be fine,” Kurt promised. “All three of us. We’re going to be amazing. You’ll see.” He pulled himself free of Blaine’s embrace and brought his husband’s hands down to his stomach. “And in a few more weeks I’m going to show. It won’t be much as first, just a small curve before the pop, but it’ll be there, and you’ll be able to feel the baby. I promise you, it’s going to be the most amazing thing. Mercedes says Sam wasn’t able to keep his hands off her stomach when she was pregnant with Mason. I think it’ll be the same with you.”

Blaine’s hands linger for only a moment, as long as Kurt held them there. Then his husband was crossing to the other side of the room, pulling closed the blinds he must have noticed as well.

“You don’t want people to know?” Kurt questioned.

Blaine leaned back against the blinds with a kind look. “As always, Kurt, I just want you to myself.”

Kurt flung himself back into Blaine’s arms and kissed him readily. “I love you.”

“Careful!” Blaine cautioned, but hugged him back fiercely. “And I love you too.”

***

The last push to opening day was always the most frantic. It was the time that Kurt spent reworking every last detail and fighting his hardest with the set designers, and spending in excess of eight or more hours a day on his feet. Despite his agreement with his doctor, and how much of a godsend Sam was, he absolutely couldn’t go home and rest like he was supposed to. Most of his morning sickness had passed, and his feet were cooperating as of late and not swelling to epic proportions, so he fibbed a bit and told Blaine he was at home when he wasn’t. Blaine never came home to check on him, so it was an easy lie. 

But it happened. Sam pulled more than his own weight, Kurt won all the important battles, and opening night was a go. Like all of his shows, the ones on Broadway, off Broadway, and even the tiny little community theater production he’d put on a decade earlier with a couple of old friends, he was proud of what he’d accomplished. Kurt Hummel never put his name on or work into something he couldn’t feel proud of.

The day before opening night, after securing tickets for Sam and Mason, Kurt cornered Blaine over dinner and asked, “You do remember what tomorrow is, right?” He fluffed the salad while Blaine popped the wine. Kurt missed wine. But he wasn’t willing to risk his baby, not even for one of his favorite things in life.

“Let’s see,” Blaine eased out, “I have the meeting with Clarke Montgomery tomorrow, that’s Wes’ younger brother, and I’ll probably yell at Frank some--we’re fighting over seniority on the Pearson case, and there’s my business lunch--”

“Blaine!”

Blaine held up a finger, asking silently for patience. “The business lunch is just that, business, so I probably won’t eat anything and I’ll be grouchy after. So, much to your dismay, I’ll probably hang out with Sebastian, because you hate him, but he actually makes me feel better.”

“Of course.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “And then after I have this little thing, just, you know, this little thing I have to go to that this guy has been bugging me about for months now. I guess it means a lot to him so even though it’s not my thing, I’ll go. You okay with that, Kurt?”

Kurt bit back a smile. “Oh. It’s important? But it’s not your thing?”

“It’s supposed to be important,” Blaine said, trying to sound bored. “But in actuality it’s just an excuse for a bunch of people to get together and talk about how talented and awesome they are. To pat each other on the back and try to outshine each other. That’s what’s not my thing. Not the actual content.”

Kurt leaned over for a kiss, smiling into it. “I know you don’t like going to the parties before or after, but it’s just tonight, and it’s usually only once a season. I have to suffer through at last four or five of your firm parties a year, and don’t pretend like it’s not filled with people who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread.”

“I do not associate with those people,” Blaine defended, kissing Kurt again, all lips and no teeth, which took some effort from the angle they were at. “People who are worth the money that the firm spends on them, don’t need to flaunt it. That’s how I see it. And that’s how I know you feel, too, about the theater.” He sighed and curled a hand behind Kurt’s neck. “You’re amazingly talented. Anyone can sew, and anyone can draw, but you bring your sketches to life, and they’re incredible. That’s not talent, Kurt, that’s magic. And whenever we go to these premiers of yours there are a million people talking about how the show couldn’t have opened without their amazing talent or effort. And I know it drives you crazy.”

“We’re a team,” Kurt agreed. “Everyone pulls their weight or none of us makes the deadline. No one person is more important than the next, no matter what anyone thinks. And you’re right, it does get under my skin.”

Blaine kissed him again. “But I know it’s important for you to be there, and it is a little fun to get to play trophy wife for once.”

Nervously Kurt gripped his stomach and said, “It’s the first time I’ll be going out to a social event pregnant, too. Do I … is it showing?”

When he had time to lay in bed, or when he was in the bath relaxing, he could run his hand over his stomach and he thought for sure he could feel a steady slope. And certainly some of his tighter pants were getting very difficult to squeeze into. There was even a pair that had already been sent to the back of his closet for when the baby was born and the baby weight he gained was shed. But mostly when he got dressed in the morning and looked in the mirror he looked practically the same. He was almost five months and he would have thought it would be more obvious.

Doctor O’Neil had said, “Your hips are wider than most,” and had shrugged like it was fine so Kurt didn’t worry, “and it simply means that there’s a bit more room for expansion inside you. The baby can expand sideways a bit before it starts to go forward. Consider yourself lucky. When you pop, it won’t be so severe. You’ll be thankful before the end.”

Kurt was already thankful. He wasn’t looking forward to waddling around like and overstuffed penguin. 

“A little,” Blaine said, turning back to the bottle. He asked, “Do you want me to meet you before the opening, back here maybe, or at the theater?”

Kurt ran a hand down his stomach once more. The curve was definitely there. And he cracked a smile immediately at the swell. That was his baby. It was his dream right there in front of him, tangible and beautiful. He took back everything he’d ever said about his worries over getting fat, and staying fat after the baby. He would give anything to have his baby healthy and in his arms by the end of the year, even the figure that he dieted and worked hard to keep a certain way.

He’d feel the baby kick before long. Tina thought it was ridiculous he was looking forward to it so much. But he thought the fancy had worn off for her because it was her fourth time around. For Kurt, the idea of having his baby move so Kurt could feel it was … mind blowing. He wanted the kicks to his kidney. He wanted the baby laying on top of his bladder. He wanted to not be able to sleep at night if the baby didn’t want to. He wanted absolutely everything that told him the baby was flopping around inside him, content and maybe curious, or just playful. 

“Kurt?”

“Hm?” Kurt winced a little. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“What were you thinking about?” Blaine asked, finally getting the bottle open and reaching for a glass. “Work? You know it’s going to be perfect. You did everything you were supposed to, down to every detail. It’s beyond perfect, and it’s going to be great. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“No,” Kurt was able to say confidently. “I’m not worried. Well, no more than I am for any show. But I’m not worried about my work. I’m always a little worried about the rigging and the lighting and the actors hitting all their marks, at least until we get it down and can do it in our sleep.” He shook his head and said, “But actually I was thinking about the baby. About getting bigger, and when it starts to move. Do you think everyone is going to want to touch my stomach? Do you think I should let them or slap them with a lawsuit when they try?”

Blaine took a long drink of his glass and eyed Kurt’s stomach. “Most people will want to touch. If you don’t want them to, let them know. And feel free to use the ever clever, my husband is a lawyer, threat.”

Hesitantly, Kurt broached, “Do you think … well … aren’t you excited? What I mean is, are you going to want to feel the baby move?”

Blaine shrugged honestly. “I’ve felt a baby before.”

“But this is yours. It’s different.”

Blaine shrugged again.

Shoulder held square, Kurt turned back to his salad. “What did you ask me while I was staring off into space like my brain was addled?”

Blaine was beginning to set the table when he asked, “The show is at eight, right? And you’ll have to do some press before, take pictures and talk to a few people? So do you want me there for that or not? Should I meet you here, and we can go together, or do you just want me to go to the theater?”

For the record, Kurt did actually want Blaine out there with him. It was always nice to be photographed with his extremely handsome partner, and field questions Blaine’s way that made Kurt uncomfortable. But Kurt needed him somewhere else, somewhere just as important.

“Could you maybe be there for Sam? He’s pretty much got to go. He did a lot of work for this show and if anything goes wrong, I’ll be the one to fix it, and he’ll be helping. If that happens, we’ll need eyes on Mason. All of the seats are together, so if I need to pull Sam to help, you’ll have him there right next to you.”

Flatly, Blaine said, “You want me to play babysitter?”

Kurt had to nod a little. “Mercedes was going to be here, but then she went on tour and she’s not going to get back in time. Sam’s great with Mason, but I don’t want to leave him alone if I need Sam. You’re a good candidate for baby watch duty, Blaine. You’re responsible, and entertaining and you’re good at keeping calm. Everything a five year old needs. Plus, think of it as practice.”

Horrified, Blaine said, “That’s what daycare if for.”

This they hadn’t talked about.

Kurt tried to say tactfully, “I know that both of our jobs demand a lot of our attention, and I’m not asking you to make huge sacrifices. But on a whole, children who spend less time in day care and more in the company of their family, tend to do better in school, and have less behavioral problems. You do have an enforced day off every week. Are you really going to want to put the baby in daycare when you don’t have to?”

Blaine crossed his arms and frowned. “Those days are ours, Kurt. We only get a couple times a month to really be together. To spend good, quality time together. Why should that change?”

“Because our priorities are changing.” Kurt refused to look at him. He refused to meet the problem head on. “When you have a baby, priorities always change. The time we have for ourselves has to be cut. Even if you’re willing to put the baby in daycare all the time, I’m not. I don’t want to. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

Blaine remained quiet as Kurt finished the salad, but the tension was palpable between them. More and more Kurt found himself worrying about the lack of interest Blaine was showing in his pregnancy, at least after his first trimester, and the baby in general. It was more than worrying at times.

As if they hadn’t just met some great conflict, Blaine said, “I can swing by and pick Sam up before the show. You do your thing and we’ll meet you inside the building. That work?”

Kurt tried to be content. “It works.”

And not that Kurt had expected some horrific, terrible, career changing disaster to unfold at the premier. He was actually expecting a pretty perfect night. Granted, nothing ever went absolutely flawless in show business. But everyone showed up, everyone was on time and in their proper position, and even the media were extremely nice for once. Kurt usually ran into at least a couple of them on a weekly basis who questioned his taste level, or his work ethic, or any other number of things that they had no idea about. But not at premieres. Never then.

Secretly Kurt thought they were being nice because he’d worn a particularly tight pair of slacks, and when he turned to the side his bump was just barely visible. They all complimented him on his appearance and congratulated him on the pregnancy, and Kurt wondered if Blaine had threatened to sue the last batch of reporters who’d tried to slander him in their column.

Still, he wasn’t going to be ungrateful. 

After nearly forty-five minutes of picture taking, and carefully worded interviews, Kurt was able to slip into the theater as the actors began to arrive and draw the spotlight to them. Once, when Kurt had been young and idealistic, he’d wanted to be a musical star himself. He had an odd, but remarkably flexible voice, and the ability to improvise in a second. He’d even applied to several schools in the tri-state area. He’d been accepted to a few, but ultimately it had been his love for fashion that he’d decided to follow. A part in a musical was once in a lifetime, with actors cycling through with the seasons. But the clothing? That was forever. Kurt wanted to be forever. 

“Hey!” Kurt waved a little, thankful for his boots and heaved himself up to his tiptoes so Blaine could see him amidst the people around him. 

Blaine waved back on his own tiptoes, greeting Kurt with a warm kiss and a hand to the small of his back. Just the way Kurt liked it.

“Did everyone get in alright? Kurt asked. The theater staff knew Sam by name, but Blaine was a less common face. Kurt wondered how many people actually knew they were married.

Blaine helped Kurt down into his seat with practiced ease and reported, “Everything was fine.” Both of Kurt’s guests were already there.

Sam piped up, laughing and jostling Mason a little who was on his lap, “Apparently someone let it drop who Blaine’s brother is, so he was swarmed at the door with legions of teenage girls who wanted him to introduce his brother, or give them his phone number. It was madness.”

Mason laid back against Sam and said with a heavy sigh, “Cooper is dreamy.”

Blaine stilled. Sam’s eyes bulged. Kurt declared, “You don’t get to watch Teen Nick anymore, buddy. Only Baby Nickelodeon for you.”

Sam leveled a hard glare at Blaine. “My five year old better not have a crush on your very adult brother, Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine was unenthused. “The Queen of England had a crush on my brother. Apparently he’s everyone’s type.” There was only a little bit of animosity in his tone, which was much better than when Kurt had first met Blaine. They’d always been a bit of tension between the brothers, and thankful it had gotten better with time.

The Orchestra was finished tuning when Blaine leaned over the slightest bit and told him, “I’m proud of you. Then he kissed Kurt’s cheek and said, “And you should take credit where credit is due.”

Kurt settled his hands over his stomach. “I hope it isn’t too loud for the baby. The book I’m reading says at this stage in the development that he or she can hear a good deal of what’s going on out here.” He stopped to consider, then said, “Well, I hope the baby likes the music at least. With any luck I’ll have another theater enthusiast in here, instead of a boring golfer like you.”

Sam was settling Mason into his seat next to Kurt when the little boy tugged on his sleeve and said, “What’s the movie about, Uncle Kurt?”

Kurt smoothed back curly hair and corrected, “It’s not a movie, Mason. It’s a musical. You’ll see the difference. And it’s about a love story, like most things are. But there’s time travel, and animals and a million crazy things that I think you’re going to love. Can you see alright from your booster seat?”

Mason wiggled a little and nodded. “What kind of animals?”

“A lion,” Kurt ticked off on his fingers, “and a turtle, and a mouse, and even a dragon. They’re animal guides, and they’re supposed to help our heroine find her way back to her one true love, but they can’t ever get along, and they’re always fighting, or trying to be the best. They make it hard for our heroine to see that her true love has been with her the whole time. But you’ll see what I mean.”

The lights were minutes away from dimming when Blaine asked, “Do you need the aisle seat?” His arm was around Kurt’s shoulders, at ease with the normally stiff theater environment. “In case you get a 911 page?”

Kurt waved him off. “I’ll have Sam help me if I get it. But we ran though the show this morning, and I checked back in before coming here. Everything is set to go off without a hitch. I think we’re going to be flaw free.”

Blaine nodded and the lights flickered.

“Here we go,” Kurt breathed out. He’d done five musicals in total, from start to finish, and he still had butterflies in his stomach now. He breathed in the deep, frigid air of the theater and willed them to go away.

It took him a second to realize they weren’t. 

It wasn’t butterflies.

“Oh my god,” Kurt gushed, turning to Blaine as the curtains came up. “I can feel the baby! It’s kicking me!” It was the barest of movement, fluttery and weak, but Kurt could feel it, and it was amazing. He’d never felt anything like it, and he couldn’t keep his hands off himself.

He tried to get Blaine to cop a feel as well, most of their movements hidden by the darkened theater, but his husband was stoic in the attention he was paying the show, and even Kurt couldn’t feel the movement from the outside. It was probably too soon for Blaine to feel.

“Amazing,” he mumbled to himself, settling back against Blaine. He couldn’t wait to phone his dad, and Mercedes, and Tina.

The show was spectacular. It was romantic, and funny, and light hearted. It was a good mixture of fantasy and drama, and the score was amazing. His clothes looked impeccable on stage, and the set was magnificent. All in all, the show seemed fresh. And in fact it was the first time Kurt had taken on an original production, instead of a revival. It was a new challenge for him, but one that he realized was well worth the additional work. 

Predictable, despite being for the most part family friendly, Mason fell asleep just before the second act. He was only five and it was past his bedtime. Kurt thought Mason looked absolutely adorable sleeping against Sam. Kurt tried to imagine his own baby falling asleep against Blaine, but he couldn’t quite picture it.

After the show ended to a standing ovation, and several rounds of congratulations, Sam hefted Mason up into his arms and inquired, “I know there’s an after party, but do you need me to be there?” Sam was looking a little tired himself, and it was then that Kurt remembered Sam was playing the part of Mason’s sole provider at the moment. Kurt knew it was tough for two parents to juggle a child effectively, and Sam was doing it alone for a while.

“Go home,” Kurt said softly, pulling him into a gentle hug. “Put Mason to bed. Then come by my office tomorrow morning, probably around ten or eleven. The show’s up and running now, which means there’s going to be even more work for us, if you can believe. We need to make duplicates, and reinforce everything, and pray that no one either loses or gains weight. You’re not done just yet.”

Sam waved to him and then ducked out of the theater to call a cab.

The after party was held in a building less than a block away, and while Blaine protested it, Kurt was feeling especially well after feeling the baby move. He insisted they walk, like most everyone else was doing. And it gave him the time to question, “Did you like the musical?”

He’d always, ever since the beginning, valued Blaine’s opinion on all of the important things in his life. He wanted to share everything with Blaine, and took him seriously when he had praise or concerns. 

“You mean,” Blaine guessed, keeping Kurt pulled close against the night chill, “Do I think it’s Tony material?”

“Yes?” Kurt said a little awkwardly. He’d been nominated twice now, but never won. He’d have been a liar if he said he didn’t want to win, and badly at that.

Blaine thought for a moment, then said, “Not the writing. Maybe for music and lyrics, and certainly for costume or set design. All of you were on for that. I think this musical is a shoe in for nominations, and at least something is going to win. I hope it’s you. You deserve to put that little naked man up on the mantle to show off to all our friends.”

Kurt burst out laughing and leaned a little more heavily on Blaine. “Thanks.”

The after party wasn’t open to the public, and only to the cast, crew and families of the production, and for that reason Kurt wouldn’t have missed it for the world. There were annoying people like Thompson and Yeats that he’d had to deal with one a daily basis, fighting him every step of the way, and he’d still have to play nice with them for months to come. But the faces were generally welcoming and familiar and Kurt never felt more in his element.

Kurt made sure to introduce Blaine to everyone who was important, which was just about everyone, but they especially got caught up speaking with Noah and Lauren Puckerman. 

When Blaine was eying the pair critically, trying to figure out how they worked, Kurt supplied, “Lauren does a lot of tech work for us. There seems to always be something going wrong, but she’s got the magic touch. She’s our go to girl. It’s made her somewhat of a celebrity around these parts.”

Lauren shrugged, drink in hand. “It just talks to me. The circuitry. Can’t help it if no one else is listening.”

“That’s my girl,” Noah said, all kinds of proud.

“Noah,” Kurt furthered, “was just some bum hanging around at the early stages. He’d be waiting outside the theater before the day started, and well after it ended. Thompson wanted to call the police on him several times. It took forever before we figured out he was just sweet on Lauren, and trying to woo her into dating him.”

Blaine frowned. “But aren’t you on the crew?” he asked Noah. “I thought I saw you earlier, calming down some of the more … over zealous fans.”

“About that,” Noah said, “try not to cause a riot at the next thing you go to, okay? It’s one thing for these girls to get dragged to the theater because their parents make them. Moping, annoyed, bitchy teenagers I can deal with. I’ve got a little sister. But the fanatic ones? No.”

Blaine nagged a glass of champagne off a passing waiter’s tray. “To be fair, they were fanatical about my brother, not me.”

“I like the excitement,” Lauren declared. “Gets me firing on all cylinders.”

There was sexual energy and chemistry between them that Kurt hadn’t seen in a long time. They were an odd pair for sure, but they worked, and Kurt wasn’t going to be the one to question it.

He finished for Blaine’s sake, “Then one day we had a … we’ll say disgruntled employee. He was being let go from the production and he got a little physical. By that time everyone knew Noah was dating Lauren, and he was here visiting her when that happened. Noah tackled the guy to the ground, and subdued him until the police arrived. After that, Thompson decided to hire Noah on as some extra security, and he’s been part of the family since.”

Noah only shrugged as Blaine raised his glass to the man and said, “Working with your significant other is rarely a good idea. But if it works in this case, and you keep Kurt just a little safer, then far be it for me to tell you otherwise.”

“They’re married,” Kurt added. 

“Decided to do the quickie Vegas thing one weekend,” Lauren said.

“But you haven’t known each other that long.” Blaine looked between them. “Marriage statistics say--”

Noah interrupted, “When you know, you just know. It’s not rocket science, and you don’t have to be together for years to know it’s right.”

Kurt raised his club soda in salute. “Well said.”

“But no babies,” Lauren broke in, nose scrunched up. “Not like Hummel here. I’m in no mood to procreate.”

Noah couldn’t seem to care less, but did comment, “Got it in one, but we’re happy for you guys. You’re going to make some cute ass babies, between the two of you.” Noah gave Kurt a pat on the back and asked, “You guys must be shitting yourself with worry over being fathers.”

“I’m worried,” Kurt admitted, “and maybe a little scared, but I’m ready. And no one ever gets it perfect. If I can remember that, I think I’ll be okay. Plus, it’s healthy to be nervous, right? The first time around? Blaine?”

Blaine was finish his glass and said, “Yeah. Nervous.”

“You don’t look too enthusiastic there,” Lauren noted, eyes narrowing. 

Signaling for another drink, Blaine said, “Kurt’s excited enough for the both of us.”

There was an odd inflection in his voice, something Kurt didn’t like, and something that made his stomach churn, but they weren’t in the right place to talk about it. Any maybe it was nothing. There was no point in picking a fight over nothing.

“Hey,” Noah said, leaning closer, “did you hear Berry tried to crash the premier?” 

“No.” Kurt looked scandalized. 

Blaine guessed, “Rachel Berry?”

While Kurt nodded, Noah said, “She even got through the first line of security. I guess her name has a lot of weight, whether she’s on the guest list or not. But I got to her at the second checkpoint. Apparently she demanded to be let in and said she deserved to be in attendance. That girl is seriously unhinged.”

“Isn’t she supposed to be a musical prodigy?” Blaine asked, once more sipping his champagne. Kurt wanted to tell him to slow down. Blaine got handsy and a little rough when he drank too much, and Kurt hated it. There was also the fact that if Blaine drank much more, he wouldn’t be fit to drive home, and Kurt absolutely hated the way Blaine’s car handled. 

Lauren snorted at the statement.

Kurt had to credit her and say, “She’s good. That’s for sure. Amazing voice. But one gets the feeling that she’s been told she’s the best her entire life, and treated that way. By the way, it isn’t the case. She thinks she’s entitled to most things, and that, unfortunately, is something that a lot of people in this city suffer from, let alone this line of business.”

Noah only shook his head. “Like I said. Unhinged.”

“Kurt!”

Kurt spotted where his name was being called from and excused both himself and Blaine. “Come on,” Kurt urged, taking Blaine by the hand. “There’s Quinn. There’s our shinning star. I want you to meet the power behind his musical. You’re going to love her.”

For a few more hours Kurt enjoyed the company of his husband and his coworkers, and stealthily managed to wrangle Blaine into drinking club soda with him, playing the pregnancy card. But before long they were home and Kurt was seated on the edge of their bed, pulling at his shoes and blissful in his mood. 

“Tonight was really good,” Kurt said sleepily. “It’s always good when we go out together.”

Blaine pulled the knot out of his tie and let it hang around his neck loosely. “I love seeing you in your element. It just serves to remind me why I married you.”

It was getting harder and harder to get up on his own, but Kurt thought he did a decent job of sliding to his feet without help. He asked a bit coyly, “And why’s that? Can I get a reminder?” He tugged playfully at Blaine’s silken tie.

“Your passion,” his husband answered at once and with a kiss. “Not to mention how determined you are. How open hearted you let yourself be. And just what an absolutely good person you are. That’s pretty hard to find in a single person. So when I met you, I knew I had to win you over.” He chuckled. “You made me work for it, too. I think that’s what I liked the best.”

Feeling a little sassy, Kurt told him, “I might have been this little boy from Ohio, a born and bred hick, but my daddy taught me right.”

Blaine’s lips were fire on his neck when he whispered, “You even had the accent, just like that, slight as it was.”

“Blaine,” Kurt sighed happily. He let his arms go around Blaine’s neck and pressed flush against him. “I’m tired, but I’m not that tired.”

“Hm?”

He let one of his legs fit carefully between Blaine’s, cautious to keep his balance. He lost it so easily now, especially as the baby grew and his weight increased. 

“I’m really not that tied at all, not that I think about it.”

Blaine’s tongue was tracing the pulse at his neck and Kurt felt lightheaded, in the best way.

“Not even a little?”

Kurt groaned. “Nope.” He tried not to let his voice waver, but he knew Blaine could feel his growing excitement. “And you know, Doctor O’Neil cleared me for more than a little heavy petting. In fact, she told me my sex drive is going to double, if not more, in the coming months. I believe her. Do you believe me?” He gave a pointed pelvis thrust.

Then Blaine did the last thing that Kurt expected. Blaine had always been enthusiastic about sex with him. And when they’d been trying to conceive there’d never been a single complaint about how often Kurt insisted they try, or even the crazy Asian and Indian remedies for fertility that had been tested out on them weekly. In fact Kurt could only recall a handful of times in their entire marriage when Blaine had turned down sex.

But now, as Kurt found himself thrilled at the prospect for the first time in months, Blaine pulled away.

“What?” Kurt asked, worried he’d done something wrong. 

“It’s nothing.” Blaine ran a hand over his face. “Really. I’m just tired.”

Kurt made sure to press his hardness against Blaine again, stating, “I could make you less tired. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at that. I’ve never had any complaints before.”

Blaine caught his hand. “Kurt.”

Kurt sagged a little. “Then what is it?”

“I’m tired,” Blaine repeated. “I had meetings all day, and Wes needed me to bails his brother’s ass out of trouble, and Sebastian wasn’t as relaxing as I thought he would be. Then I went to your theater premier tonight. That’s a lot. I’m really tired. And you should sit down. You’ve been on your feet too much today.”

Tentatively Kurt offered, “You know I really don’t need to be on my feet for what we could be doing now, instead of talking. It’s pretty relaxing, too.” 

Blaine patted his arm on the way back to the wardrobe. “You need to take care of yourself first. Get some sleep. I’ll be there in a second.”

He suddenly did feel tired, but mostly of dealing with Blaine’s hot and cold. His husband had always been a little hard to read, but lately it had gotten even more difficult. 

Kurt listened to Blaine turn on the faucet in the conjoining bathroom a moment later and he tried to figure out what had put Blaine off. They’d been having a great evening and he couldn’t come up with anyone. In fact his mood had only turned sour the moment Kurt had propositioned him.

Was it him? 

Kurt looked down at himself, and at the gentle swell that he was so proud of. Was it that? He was putting on a little weight, not so much around his middle, but a little in his thighs and a little in his face. Doctor O’Neil had said he was still incredibly healthy, and maybe he could even stand to gain a few more pounds. But it was noticeable. He was pregnant, and everything in his body seemed to be shifting. He wasn’t as toned as he’d been before he was pregnant, and he wouldn’t be until after he had the baby.

Blaine was a good deal of things Kurt didn’t like, but he’d never figured him to be so appearance driven. Blaine always made it a point not to judge people on the way they looked, he always said looks could be deceiving, and so part of Kurt was unable to imagine that a few pounds were making him unattractive to his husband.

But what if that was the case? What if he was less attractive to his husband now? Some men found their partners extremely attractive during pregnancy, but Kurt knew there was another group who didn’t. Blaine could, potentially, but a part of that group, and just not want to say anything to him about it.

The idea was almost heartbreaking. And angering. 

Kurt finished undressing and joined Blaine in the bathroom where they brushed their teeth together, and Kurt moisturized every night like he always did. And then Blaine double checked the alarm clock, always neurotic about it, and pulled back the covers. There was a slack look to his face as he helped Kurt down onto the lower than average bed and then turned out the light.

Finally, Kurt didn’t think he could wait any longer. He knew Blaine wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t hear the gentle humming his husband made when he was sleeping, and he couldn’t bear to lay next to him and not know. 

“Do you think I’m gaining weight?”

Blaine shuffled a little, rolling towards him. “Huh?”

“Do you think I’m gaining weight?”

Blaine sounded like he was on the edge of sleeping. “All pregnant people gain weight, Kurt. They have to, to support the baby. I’d be worried if you weren’t gaining weight.”

“But, I mean, do you think I’m gaining too much?”

Blaine settled into a comfortable spot. “What did Doctor O’Neil say?”

Kurt folded his hands on his stomach, laying on his back, and looked up to the dark ceiling. There was no moon outside, and that meant it was near pitch dark in the bedroom. It helped with his thinking, eliminating the distractions. 

“She said I could gain a few more pounds. I’m under the average for someone my age and health.”

Blaine breathed deep. “There’s your answer.”

Finally Kurt blurted out, “It’s okay if you think I’m fat.”

“Wait. What?” Blaine sat up next to him. “Fat?”

“I know I don’t look the same way I did a couple months ago. I’m wider and heavier. That’s not attractive to some people. It’s a personal choice. I get that. And you can’t help what you’re attracted to and what you’re not. But I can’t stand the fact that you’re not telling me. We tell each other everything. So if you think I’m fat, just spit it out. Then we’ll have talked about it, and be done with it, and that’ll be that. And when I have the baby, I’ll get back to the gym as fast as I can.”

With a desperate groan Blaine rolled into him, his nose brushing Kurt’s shoulder. “I don’t think you’re fat. I think you’re healthy. And even if you were fat, I’d still love you. How you look has nothing to do with why I actually love you. It’s just a bonus. I’m not petty, Kurt.”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?”

Blaine mumbled into Kurt’s skin, “Kurt, I actually am really tired. You have to help me out here. Not confuse me. Please.”

“You didn’t want to have sex tonight,” Kurt reminded. “And we haven’t had it in weeks--not even months.”

His husband’s hand fell to his thigh. “You weren’t cleared for sex until six weeks ago. We couldn’t have had it even if we wanted to.”

“And before those six weeks, then?”

Now Blaine sounded frustrated. “I’ve been working ten to twelve hours days at the office. And you’ve been getting the musical ready. And we both know that even if your doctor clears you for sex, that there is still a small percentage of people who can trigger premature labor by engaging in it.”

“It’s about a percent of people,” Kurt said flatly, “and they’re usually in the ninth month.”

“Well,” Blaine huffed, “what if we turn out to be that one percent? What then? Look. Mostly we’ve just both been busy. That’s all it is.”

But it wasn’t just that. Blaine was mostly shying away from touching him in specific areas. It wasn’t even the sex, that was just the tip of the ice burg. Blaine would hold his hand, or put his arms around him in public or at home without a single problem. But Kurt could never get him to touch his bump, or interact with it, or even what seemed like care about it. It was as if he was afraid to touch the baby.

Or maybe … maybe he didn’t want to. 

The thought made Kurt feel wretched. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, unable to voice his concerns. “We’ve just been busy?”

“And you know I’m always worried about hurting you. I love you.” Blaine kissed his temple dryly. “I’d never do anything to risk you.”

You, Blaine had said, and not him and the baby.

In truth, when Kurt thought about it, Blaine was always concerned for him, and worried about him, and took care of him, and never the baby. Never ever, the baby.

It broke Kurt’s heart to think Blaine didn’t love or want their baby as much as he did. Or even half as much. How was he supposed to deal with the idea of Blaine not wanting the baby at all? It was unthinkable. 

“Okay,” Kurt whispered. “I guess I was worried over nothing.”

“Yep.” Blaine nuzzled him. “Completely unfounded.”

He needed to talk to someone he trusted. He need to confide and make sure he wasn’t just going completely crazy. And with Mercedes out of town, the next best person to talk to who would understand was Tina. He’d call her the following day, and he’d hope desperately he was just imaging something that wasn’t there at all.

For their family’s sake.

***

“Blaine hates the baby.”

Tina was barely through his office door when he startled her with his words, making her pause and cock an eyebrow. “Somehow I doubt that.” She held a firm hand to her stomach and suddenly Kurt felt very guilty for making her come to him. “And don’t get that look on your face. I’m banned from work, not from going out and visiting my friends. Trust me, when you have three kids like I do, you know when you can‘t push yourself anymore. Today isn’t the day.”

Kurt’s face scrunched up. “Then get over here and reassure me, okay? Because I think I’m having a panic attack.”

Tina beamed and made her way over. “I repeat, I very much doubt that Blaine hates your baby. His baby. It’s not just yours because you’re carrying it.

Kurt got up from his drafting table and moved to her side, guiding her by the elbow until she was seated in a near by chair. “I don’t know. The evidence is pretty damning.” He fetched her a bottle of water and then hopped up on the desk she was seated at, legs swinging in front of him.

“Tell Doctor Tina all your problems, son.”

He gave her a less than pleased look, then said, “It’s just a bunch of little things, Tina. And they were absolutely so little and unconnected that I never put them together. I never connected the pieces until last night.”

Tina prompted, “Examples?”

“Well …” Kurt ran a hand through his hair. “You know that Blaine never really wanted kids to begin with. He’s not the kid type. I mean, he likes them well enough, he’d just never imagined a house full of them, not like me. And I suppose I pushed and pushed and pushed at the child issue until he had no choice but to give into me. Oh, Tina, what if I pushed him into hating the baby?”

Tina smacked him heavy on his thigh. “Blaine Anderson never does anything he doesn’t want to. The same as Kurt Hummel. I’ve known you both long enough to know you’re equally stubborn. He wouldn’t have agreed if he wasn’t fully prepared to be a father. He isn’t the type to bring a baby into this world and then neglect it. Plus, just because he’s not the kid type doesn’t mean he hates your baby, and it doesn’t mean he’s going to be a bad father. He’ll probably just need some time to settle into the idea.”

With a wince, Kurt said, “He didn’t want to help pick out the baby’s donor at all. Isn’t that weird? This baby is going to be ours for as long as we live. Who wouldn’t want to help with that?”

Tina shrugged. “A lot of men.” She was dressed that morning in her yoga pants and a flowing top, and despite all the bloating she claimed to have, she looked absolutely gorgeous. Kurt hoped he looked half as good in a few months when he hit his third trimester.

“You think a lot of men wouldn’t want to have control over the conception of their child?” Kurt could hardly believe that.

Tina amended,. “Not exactly. I think it’s more that most men wouldn’t care about the little things. They wouldn’t care about the details. Look, four times in a row now I’ve asked Mike if he wanted to know the gender. And four times now he’s told me whatever I want, and that he doesn’t really care if we have another girl, or if we finally have a son and get his parents off our backs. He just wants a healthy baby.”

Kurt could remember Blaine saying that many times over, and was forced to admit it to her. “That does seem to be all he cares about.”

“Then why question it? Isn’t the most important thing, that baby being healthy?”

Kurt nodded. “And so far so good.” He’d had just about every medically safe test available so far, and everything had come out clean. 

Her eyes narrowing, Tina wondered, “I wonder if this is just pregnancy paranoia.”

Kurt mouth dropped open a bit. “What’s pregnancy paranoia?”

“Something a lot people go through, but I don’t think it’s been medically diagnosed. But it’s this point in your period when you start to get paranoid about the littlest things. Take for instances the pound of toothpaste that I bought about a month ago after blowing up at Mike and accusing him of wasting it.”

“Toothpaste management seems a lot easier to handle than your partner not wanting your baby.”

Tina cleared her throat. “The point is, the paranoia ranges from the small things, to obviously here what is something huge. When you’re pregnant you go a little crazy. That’s just the truth of it. It’s up to other pregnant people, who’ve gone through it before, to help out. That’s why it’s important that you socialize, and not be a hermit like you want to be, Kurt.”

Kurt looked down at his swinging feet. He supposed there could be a chance that he was only over worrying. He could do that from time to time, and the pregnancy hormones were driving him up the wall as it was. Tina was making perfect sense. But still, something was nagging at him, the same way that his inability to get pregnant had.

“But he rarely touches the baby.” He wanted her to explain that. “And when he does, it’s usually by accident. In the middle of the night, or when he has to brush by me. It’s then. He isn’t like … not like Mike. With Mike you’d think he has his hands permanently attached to you.”

“Hm.”

Kurt continued, “I thought it was my weight at first. I mean, let’s face it, with my body type you can tell when I put weight on, and my body is gestating a baby. It has to. So I know I look a little different from how I usually do. I’m rounder and softer. And maybe Blaine isn’t attracted to me?”

Tina said fiercely, “You are flawless, Kurt Hummel. And you’re glowing. Absolutely glowing. I think everyone who’s pregnant glows, but you’re something else. Pregnancy really suits you, and I think that’s what shows. If we both weren’t married I’d snap you up in an instance.”

Kurt laughed and kissed her cheek. “Blaine dismissed that, anyway. He was half asleep, too, so I don’t think he was lying. But if he doesn’t think I unattractive now that I’m pregnant, then why does he avoid my stomach like it’s the plague?”

Tina bit her lip, and Kurt could tell she was trying to think of the best way to tell him what she was thinking. He hated that she did it. He valued her friendship so much, and she was one of his oldest friends. He didn’t need her to speak with a filter. And he didn’t need her to be careful of his feelings. Plus, he’d already burst into tears that morning over burn toast. He was all cried out for at least a few more hours.

“Kurt … well, Blaine is a little …”

“Whatever you want to say,” he urged, “you can say it. I swear.”

She grimaced. “Blaine’s always been a little scary obsessed with your health and safety, Kurt. The rest of us, Sam and Mercedes and Santana and I, we just assumed that Blaine thought the world was out to hurt you, or I don’t know. But speaking of paranoid, he seems that way with you.”

“He loves me.”

“He seems really afraid to lose you.”

Kurt steadied himself, and then he reminded himself that this was Tina, one of his best friends who’d come with him from Ohio to New York when they were seventeen, and who’d shared a closet spaced apartment with him and Mercedes for over a year, and who had never betrayed him or been mean on purpose and who he absolutely trusted.

“Blaine was engaged before he married me, you know.”

Tina looked up at him with a snap. “Huh?”

“There was someone else.” He felt horrible for sharing one of Blaine’s most traumatic memories with her. It felt like a violation of Blaine’s trust in him, but he had to. “I guess it was more of a whirlwind romance. They were seniors in high school and then same sex marriage was newly legal in New York, and they just decided as soon as they graduated they were going to get married. He was Blaine’s first love.”

Tina asked, “Something tells me they didn’t just break up?”

“No.” Kurt shook his head. “They went out one night, right after graduation, and they went to their favorite off campus place, a bar that would let them pass with their fake IDs. And on the way back to the car, they ran into a couple of guys who’d had too much to drink and were just looking to start trouble.”

Tina’s hand pressed against her mouth. “Did they--”

“He died,” Kurt confirmed, “and Blaine tells me it hurt him badly for a very long time. He had trouble trusting his partners after that, mostly that they weren’t going to die on him again. What happened made Blaine into the person he is today, his career as well. He saw how easily his attackers got off. He saw the year they each did in prison, and the community service, and all of that despite his fiancé being six feet under. It’s probably why he’s such a shark today.”

Tina reached out and grabbed his wrist, her fingers curling around his pulse. “That’s horrible, Kurt. But it also explains so much. You know how dangerous it is for you to have a baby. Twice as dangerous as me. Twice as many things can go wrong. Blaine is likely just worried that something will. He doesn’t want to lose you. He doesn’t want to risk you. And every time he sees or touches the baby, he’s reminded of what can happen.”

That was incredibly frustrating. “But this baby is a blessing! He should look at it and see our future, and all the good that we’re going to have in our lives. How can he be so glass half empty with a baby?”

Tina shrugged. “Maybe because he’s suffered a serious trauma in his past?”

Kurt let out a deep breath. “Maybe. Possibly. But you just don’t see him the way I do, Tina. The way he purposely goes out of his way to not touch the baby. I felt it kick the other night, you know?”

She looked like she wanted to jump to her feet in excitement for him. “That’s incredible!”

He grinned back at her. “I know that it’s probably just me, and no one will be able to feel it for a while, but I wanted Blaine to be one of those fathers who tired so hard to feel it. I wanted to rub his back and promise him that he’ll feel it soon, and laugh with him over it. I tried to get him to feel my stomach, and he pulled away so fast.”

“Everyone is different,” she offered, sounding a little hesitant.

“He never wants to talk about the baby.” Kurt slid down from the desk easily to cross the room. “It’s not just the touching. He doesn’t want to talk about where we’ll send it to school, or what it might look like, or what it might want to do for a hobby or career. He doesn’t care what colors we make the nursery, or if we sign up for any baby and me classes, or how we’re going to play hot potato with the baby with our families living so far apart. Nothing. If I even bring up the baby, he changes the topic, or has to leave or I don’t know, Tina. I feel like pulling out my hair!”

A knock sounded in the door and Kurt looked over to see an apprehensive Sam standing in the doorway. “Is this a bad time?” He had some of Kurt’s requested fabrics under one arm and was balancing a large coffee in the other. God, Kurt missed large coffees. “Hey, Tina.”

“Hi, Sam.” She waved to him.

“Could you come back in about fifteen?” Kurt asked gently. He didn’t want to take anything out on Sam who was far from deserving of his anger.

Sam dropped the material off and with a salute disappeared from sight.

There was an idea, and absolutely horrible feeling that had been eating at him for weeks, since the first avoidances had been noticed. And Kurt had to know what Tina thought. He had to ask her, no matter how uncomfortable it made him feel.

“Tina …” his mouth was dry and he drank from his own water bottle. “Do you think Blaine’s avoidance has anything to do with the baby not being biologically his?”

The look on her face said she didn’t know. “Kurt--”

“Oh my god.” Kurt covered his face with his hands, feeling light headed. “I forced Blaine into this pregnancy, and now he hates the baby because it’s not his. This is my fault.”

“Kurt. Kurt!” Tina wrangled is hands away. “The doctor told you that there was absolutely no chance of Blaine being able to father a child, right?” When he nodded, she pressed, “Then don’t you realize that whether it made him uncomfortable or not, he agreed to have his husband carry another person’s child, even if it’s only genetic material, because he wanted to give the person he loved the most in the world what they wanted more than anything else. He agreed to your pregnancy and gave it his support because he loves you, which means regardless if he truly wanted the baby or not, he has to love it, too. It’s half you, Kurt. It’s half of the person he loves. Probably the best half. So he doesn’t hate the baby. Maybe he just …”

“Yes?” he asked anxiously. 

She posed, “What if it was the other way around? What if you were infertile and he wasn’t? So what if you agreed to carry a baby that you knew was half Blaine’s and half a stranger’s? It might be uncomfortable for you, or even might make you feel uneasy, but you’d have the baby inside you. You’d feel the life you were protecting. It would be hard for you still, but you’d feel the baby kick and you’d bond with it. What if Blaine is reluctant because it isn’t his baby, not biologically, and he can’t bond with it? He’s not carrying it. He’s certainly not experiencing what you are.”

Kurt felt absolutely stunned. He’d never even stopped to consider that. “You think … Blaine hasn’t bonded with the baby?”

“And I think he’s reluctant to.”

“Then what can I do?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “But what’s not helping is you talking to me, and not to your husband. Kurt, you have to share these concerns with him. He’s your partner and he loves you. Talk to him.”

With an almost reluctant sigh, Kurt nodded. “Thanks, Doctor Tina.”

She heaved herself up out of the chair with Kurt’s help and said, “When you say it like that, it sounded condescending.”

“You’re a dentist, Tina. Not a shrink.”

“True, but I’m giving pretty good advice now, aren’t I?”

Kurt kissed her cheek again and agreed, “You’re right.”

She gave a visible wince and pressed a hand to her belly hard. “Calm down, Kurtanna,” she chided.

Kurt made a face at her. “I will never forgive you if name the baby that.”

“Better start praying for a boy, then.”

In a perfect world Kurt would have been able to call Blaine up and arrange a lunch meeting between them, or simply swing by Blaine’s office and expect to be seen right away. But he knew it was the weekend, and Blaine put in all of his extra hours on Saturday and Sunday. He’d have to wait and be patient, at least until the following morning when he could take the coffee machine hostage until Blaine wanted to listen to what Kurt had to say.

It did take just that the next morning before Blaine agreed to sit down at the island bar and listen to what Kurt had to say. And it was then, of course, that he couldn’t find the right words while Blaine waited impatiently. 

“Kurt,” Blaine said tryingly. “What’s going on?”

Kurt blurted out, “We decide not to tell anyone during the first trimester of my pregnancy, right? Because we were scared I’d miscarry and we didn’t want to jinx it, or have to deal with people feeling sorry for us if something went wrong. Right?”

“You passed your first trimester a while ago,” Blaine reminded.

Kurt nodded. “So why haven’t we told your parents yet?” Why had it taken him so long to realize that they hadn’t told a pair of the most important people to Blaine. How was that okay? And more importantly, was there a reason?”

Blaine leaned an elbow on the countertop. “There is the fact that they’ve been out of the country.”

“And we couldn’t have called them?”

Blaine frowned. “Are you mad about the fact that I haven’t talked to my mom or dad for months? You’re usually happy about that. You know when they go out of the country the only person they’ll take a call from is their lawyer. Not even me.”

“But we’ll tell them the second they get back in town?”

“Sure?” Blaine shrugged. “It’s no big deal, Kurt. You know, there are plenty of people that still don’t know you’re pregnant.”

Kurt tried to calm his racing heart. “Okay. Good. And I know.”

“Then …” Blaine made to slide off his seat. “I can go?”

Kurt shook his head fiercely. “No. We need to talk. I’m worried about something and I need you to tell me that I’m just blowing things out of proportion.”

“Okay. You’re blowing things out of proportion.”

The urge to hit Blaine over the back of the head was strangely hard to control.

“Ow! Abusive!”

“I am pregnant and hormonal and emotionally distressed,” Kurt said angrily. “So I want you to tell me why you never want to talk about the baby. And it’s not just that. I have to force you to touch my stomach, if it happens at all. You never want to do anything baby related, either. No baby classes, no baby books, and I’ve practically started the nursery all by myself. I wanted you to help me pick out the paint and wallpaper we were going to put in there and you suggested that I hire a professional decorator. You do everything and anything to be hands off with this baby, and I want to know why. I’m worried.”

Blaine blew out a long breath and looked a decade older in the span of a few seconds. He asked Kurt, curiosity and honesty in his voice, “Do you think we rushed this?”

“Rushed?” Kurt exclaimed, hardly able to believe his husband’s words. “Are you kidding me? We weren’t using protection for almost seven years, and we were trying actively to have a baby for at least four, maybe five years. Blaine, we’re going into our thirties now. How could we be rushing?”

“My parents were older when they had Cooper,” Blaine defended. “My mother was thirty-five, and my father was forty. They were better parents because they were older and better suited to have children. Maybe we’re too young.”

Kurt shuddered a little. “I want to do this as naturally as possible. I don’t have much time if I do. We have to do it now before my body can’t sustain a pregnancy, or before it gets too dangerous to try. How much longer did you want to wait? And shouldn’t you have said this before we actually got pregnant? It’s not like we can take it back. It’s a little late for that.”

“I believe I did say something.”

Kurt huffed and turned his back to Blaine. “You said yes. You said yes to this pregnancy. It’s not like it happened by accident. It couldn’t. It was planned and you said yes.”

“I’m not allowed to have my doubts?” Blaine asked. “I’m not allowed to doubt my choices?”

Kurt laid a hand over his bump. He could feel the fluttering again. He could feel his baby moving. “No,” he told Blaine firmly. “Not when it’s too late to go back. Not when you can only go forward.”

“I love you,” Blaine said, and it was never that which Kurt had doubted.

“Is it … is it the fact that this baby isn’t yours biologically? I know collectively and as a family we decided that you are the father, and genes are just genes, but you can tell me the truth. You can be honest. If it’s the biological factor, just tell me.”

“It’s not that,” Blaine said plainly. 

“All evidence points to the counter.”

“Objection?” Blaine said weakly. He glance away and his shoulder fell. “It’s not that.” 

Kurt didn’t believe him for one second. “I think that is the problem. I think you still see this as someone else’s baby, and I think you haven’t bonded properly with the baby because of that. And it’s not even your fault. I don’t think it’s possible for you to have any kind of connection with the baby because of the way we went about this. It’s hard to love someone when you don’t know half of what they are. It’s different for me, I think, because I’m carrying the baby, and it’s a part of me. But you don’t have that experience. You don’t have that tie to the baby.”

Blaine denied, “Kurt, I’m sure you’re just trying to help but--”

“What if we made a mistake? Not with the baby, Blaine, never with the baby, but with who we chose as our donor? We wanted a donor who wanted to remain anonymous, because we wanted a baby that would be wholly ours. Maybe that was selfish, because there is going to come a day when our baby wants to know where they came from, and part of that is knowing who its parents are. But more than that, I think we need to know what kind of a person we have growing in me, and we could have resolved this months ago if we’d picked a donor who was open about who they are. There were plenty of donors in that database who didn’t care if we knew their names and details. We should have gone with one of them. We shouldn’t have tried to pretend like knowing who your biological parents are isn’t such a big deal.”

“That’s bull,” Blaine snapped, voice and face mad. “We’ve had this nature vs. nurture debate before, Kurt. We always agree the same way in the end, and I don’t know why you’d change your mind now.”

Kurt’s back began to protest, the first twinges of the day and Tina said it was proof that he’d have backaches the more weight he put on with the baby. He had to lean against the bar, closer to Blaine than he really wanted to be at the moment. 

“I’m not saying that biological parents are more important than non-biological,” Kurt said as he rubbed the small of his back. “I’m only saying they’re important too, and not just for our baby. For us too. I don’t think you can bond with the baby, and I don’t think you can wholly love it until you know where half of it comes from. And maybe I can’t either.”

Blaine gave a dark chuckle. “You have got to be kidding me. Kurt. We signed a non-disclosure. We signed a legal, binding document that says that we will be sued, wholly and expediently, if we go looking for our donor and somehow manage to find them.”

“But do you want to?”

“It’s not a matter if I want to!” Blaine’s voice peaked and Kurt had known him long enough to recognize when he’d been pushed to near his breaking point. “We would be sued. What about that don’t you understand?”

“Don’t snap at me!” He pointed an accusing finger at Blaine. “And don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot, either. I’m not stupid. I’m not a lawyer, Blaine, but I did read what I signed. I know we’re legally obligated to not seek out our donor in any way. I know. But what I’m asking is if you think we’d feel better as a couple, or maybe separately, if we knew anything beyond statistics about our donor.”

“What?” Blaine scoffed, “like does he go to church regularly and does he help little old ladies cross the street?”

“You’re being condescending.”

It was Blaine’s defense mechanism. When he was met with something that made him uncomfortable or unsure, he usually turned into a raging asshole. Kurt had known him long enough to have that down without question. But this was their baby they were talking about, and their baby’s donor. They had to talk about it, whether they wanted to or not, and whether it was a fun subject or not. It was a necessity. 

“I’m just awkward with kids,” Blaine told him, clearly distressed. “I’m no good with kids at all, whether they’re born yet to not. Cooper was so much older than me, and both my parents are only children, so I don’t have any cousins. Plus, my mom used to take me to her nightly bridge meetings. I’d sit in a room full of old women who told me how adorable I was and they’d pinch my cheeks and try and set me up with their granddaughters, but I don’t really have any experience with kids. Kurt, there aren’t a lot of things in my life that I can admit to being inept at, but child rearing? I think I’m a hopeless cause.”

Kurt dared to hold his breath. Could that be it? Could it be as simple as jittery nerves? He could hardly believe it. 

“No one knows how to raise a child the first time around. It’s a learning experience for everyone. There’s no handbook, Blaine, and classes can only help so much. It’s trial and error.”

“But I’m really, really bad with kids,” he stressed his words. “So bad. And I’m a little bit afraid that if I touch you wrong, or the baby, that maybe I’m going to break you. Break one of you. Or hurt you. Something. Every baby that has ever been around me has cried or hated me right away. Jillian brought Lola to work one day and she puked on me within five minutes. Kids don’t take to me, and maybe I don’t take to them.”

“Oh, Blaine.” Kurt moved to his side quickly, “you’re going to be a wonderful father. I know you’re going to make mistakes, but so will I. We’ll make them together, and we’ll get better. There is no learning curb. Everyone progresses at their own speed, and if you don’t pick it up right away, I’m not going to be mad at you, or even disappointed. I’m really very confident you’re going to be an amazing father. I wish you’d stop doubting yourself.”

“You can’t control someone’s insecurities, Kurt.”

The truth was, their baby was supposed to be the most wonderful land magical thing to ever happen to them. It was supposed to bring them together and make them stronger than they’d ever dreamed they could be, but it was nothing but a wedge now. It was something that had come between them and couldn’t be moved.

Blaine said he was anxious, and nervous, and Kurt believed that, but he also knew Blain’s tells. He knew the way his husband’s brows pinched and the strain in his shoulders and the tension in the air. He knew all the things that said either Blaine wasn’t telling the whole truth, or he wasn’t telling the truth at all. And no matter how much Blaine tried to deny it, Kurt knew the anonymity of their donor was bothering him--probably had been from the beginning.

If the baby had been theirs, wholly and completely, Kurt assumed there would be far fewer insecurities. Blaine would know the child they were bringing into the world, and he would be more comfortable in his new role as a father. He might even be more involved.

It made Kurt hurt over what could have been.

“Maybe we could get a look at our donor file again for more information,” Kurt mused aloud.

“Why are we back to that?” Blaine snapped, on his feet and voice shouting. “I thought I told you I wasn’t worked up about that. Do you think I’m lying?”

“Why are you so mad?” Kurt demanded, his own voice rising. “And excuse me if maybe I want to know more about the person who donated half their DNA to make our baby. Maybe it’s something I want.” And it was probably better to let Blaine think it wasn’t for him at all. 

Blaine was scary and intimating as he demanded, “Why can’t you just be happy? You got what you wanted, Kurt. You got the baby you’ve always wanted more than anything else. Why can’t that be enough for you? Why do you want more and more?”

“Why are you being such a jerk?” Kurt took a step back, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Because I gave you what you wanted.” Kurt could see Blaine tense up completely, either as if he were going to lash out or retreat completely. “I gave you what you wanted, and no matter what I do or do not feel, you should be thankful.”

“I should be … thankful?” Kurt moved back until he hit the kitchen sink. “I should be thankful for what? For a family?”

Blaine turned on heel and reached for his keys that he kept in a bowl in the foyer. “I’m going.”

“I don’t think so!” Kurt took off after him, refusing to let Blaine run off without resolving anything. “You get back here and tell me what that’s supposed to mean.”

Blaine was sliding his jacket on by the time Kurt caught up. He gave Kurt a sad look and said, “You always get your way, Kurt, and you always have people around you who’ll sacrifice to make that happen.”

Kurt breathed his next words out like a question, but it felt like a statement. And he said them like he’d always known the truth, and maybe been too afraid to admit it. “You really never wanted this baby, right?”

“I love you,” Blaine said, reeking of honesty. “That’s all that’s ever mattered to me.” Then he was gone and Kurt was alone. He kicked a hole in the wall near the door, his heavy books with the steel toe to blame, than and his anger. 

Kurt went to work still angry and still hurt and still reeling from the morning’s truth. He loved Blaine, and he wanted to have a family with him, but he didn’t know how he was going to do that if they were trying to have a child who was only wanted by one of its parents. Kurt didn’t know he had the heart to endure that.

Blaine left a message on his voicemail, a few hours after Kurt went down to the theater, that he’d be staying with a friend for a few days. He said they needed to cool off and think about the situation, and Kurt knew that meant he’d be sleeping on Sebastian’s couch and bitching about the baby Kurt had forced onto him. 

“Kurt?” Sam asked when he showed around an hour after the voicemail.

“Sam?” Kurt wondered confused, “what’re you doing here? You know I gave you Sundays off for Mason.”

“I’m just dropping some stuff off,” he said, taking in the sight of Kurt’s still flushed face and the way he was furiously hemming a dress that had been finished weeks ago. “Mason’s at a birthday party so I ran down here to finish my work from yesterday. What’re you doing here? The matinee performance isn’t for another couple of hours.”

Kurt looked down at his needle and thread. His sewing machine was across the spacious office, but when he felt overworked, or stressed out, doing it by hand seemed to be a good remedy. Sewing by hand took careful attention to precision and a steady hand. It was calming, and produced superior work.

“I’ve been here for a few hours now,” Kurt told him. “I had a fight with Blaine. He doesn’t want the baby. He never wanted the baby. And I forced him to have one.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “No one gets forced into having a baby.”

“I think he thought I wouldn’t love him, or wouldn’t stay with him if we didn’t have one. I’m not sure. He wasn’t really communicating.”

Sam asked softly, “Did you guys … are you taking a break?”

“We’re still married,” Kurt laughed. dryly “But yes, Blaine’s going to stay with a friend. I guess he needs time to deal with the mess I got him into. I’m just going to stay here and get some work done.”

“Kurt.” Sam set the material in his arms to the side and moved to Kurt. “You know you can’t be at work that many hours. And you probably shouldn’t be living alone right now, either. Plus, this just sounds like a failure to communicate on both sides. I’m sure you didn’t force Blaine into having a baby, and I’m sure he will realize that he’s being stubborn and uncooperative. You do just need some space, but from each other, not the world.”

“He said he’s just anxious, and worried about being a father. I think it’s more.”

“You don’t trust him?” Sam wondered. “To tell you the truth?”

Kurt said, “I’d trust him with my life. But there’s something in my gut that says something is wrong about this, Sam. Something is wrong and I just can’t see it or figure it out. And I don’t know if we’re going to be okay. As a pair. As a couple I just don’t know.”

Sam pointed a heavy finger at him. “You’re going to come stay with myself and Mason for a while. Mason is going to love having you around, and he and I could use an extra warm body in the house. I’m used to making breakfast for three. It’s hard to get used to breakfast for two, even if it’s only for a short while longer.”

“I haven’t talked to Mercedes in a while,” Kurt admitted guiltily. “I’ve been sidetracked.”

“She’s great,” Sam promised. “A little homesick, and she misses her family, but she’s doing amazing. I always had the utmost faith in her.”

Kurt said reluctantly, “But you want me to come stay with you?”

“For a couple of days,” Sam shrugged. “Just so you won’t be alone, and so you know that you have a support system.”

Kurt gave him the beginning of a grin. “Okay. But I have to warn you, the baby is getting big enough that he’s starting to kick my bladder. I have to get up every hour to go to the bathroom now. I might wake you up, stumbling my way there. Or Mason.”

Sam waved a hand. “Mason could sleep through a tornado. And if you don’t think I didn’t go through that with Mercedes you’re crazy. I get up a million nights to check on Mason anyway. Call me paranoid.”

Offhandedly, Kurt remarked, “Tina says I have pregnancy paranoia.”

“Ah,” Sam said, “I remember that. Mercedes thought I was deliberately trying to make her gain weight when she was pregnant with Mason because I made one comment about how good she looked when she was caring him. Gotta love that pregnancy paranoia.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “You must be kidding. It’s real?”

Sam nodded seriously.

Kurt went back to his apartment later that night only to pack a back, which actually ended up being a full suitcase, while Sam waited for him in the hallway. Then they drove back to the blonde’s place and Kurt put up a fuss when Sam insisted he take the master bedroom.

“I can’t let you sleep on your own sofa,” Kurt pleaded. “Sam.”

“Don’t try and fight me on this. You won’t win.” Sam turned down the bed efficiently while Mason danced circles around Kurt wanting to know when he could come back to the theater.

His first night staying with Sam he overslept. It was past ten in the morning when Kurt jerked awake, startled by the sounds of cartoons in the main room. “Sam!” he called out, tripping over himself as he struggled to find his pants. “We’re late!”

There were three missed calls on his phone by the time Kurt got to work, Sam trailing behind him sleepily. One was from Thompson, but the other two were from Blaine. Kurt deleted all three without listening.

Noah greeted him at the door and waved Sam through, but pulled Kurt to the side and said, “About an hour ago your boy was here looking for you. He looked pretty messed up. I told him you weren’t around.”

Kurt plucked up his courage and said, “We’re having a fight right now and I really can’t deal with him. Not until I know what to do. Could you make sure you don’t admit him? I don’t want him bothering me at work.”

“Sure.” Noah shrugged. “Whatever you want. But he looked pretty desperate to talk to you, and I think he thought I was lying about you being here. Whatever is going on between the two of you, I suggest you get it cleaned up before he starts making trouble.”

Kurt took his concerns seriously and headed into his office.

Kurt and Mason and Sam went out to dinner the next night, trying out a new Thai place that had opened only blocks from Sam’s apartment. The food was terribly upsetting to Kurt’s stomach, and they ended up leaving early, then ordering a pizza and sprawling out in the living room watching one of Mason’s favorite movies.

“I’m jealous, you know,” Kurt told Sam. “Of what you and Mercedes have. I always thought it would go that way for myself and Blaine. Now I don’t know what to think.”

Kurt woke the next morning to heavy pounding on the door. He’d just poked his head out of the bedroom when Sam called to him, looking barely awake, “Stay there. I’ll get it.”

It was Blaine. Kurt couldn’t see him from his position further back in the apartment, but he could hear him. He could hear the urgency and the frenzy in his voice as he pleaded with Sam to tell him where Kurt was, and if he was alright.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Sam said, “Kurt’s always fine, but he’s not here, if that’s what you think. He has a lot of friends. Why don’t you try Tina’s?”

“Is he there?” Blaine asked, voice pitchy and hopeful. “Please, tell me if you know. I’ve been looking everywhere for him, and I don’t think he went to work, and he certainly didn’t go home--he hasn’t been there for a while. What if he’s hurt? What if he’s in trouble? He’s pregnant, Sam. I have to … I need to …”

“Sam,” Kurt called out, coming out into the open. “It’s okay.”

“I will throw him out on his ass,” Sam promised , looking back to him, “you just say the word.”

Kurt moved past him with a gentle pat to his shoulder. “We’re just going to talk.”

Blaine was looking at him with wide eyes and a sort of out of breath expression when Kurt stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

“How’d you even get buzzed up here?” Kurt asked.

“You didn’t go home,” Blaine countered. 

“You said you were going to stay with a friend.” Kurt shrugged. He refused to feel guilty. 

“I …” Blaine leaned back against the hallway wall and then slid down it, bringing his knees to his chest. “I’m an idiot.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kurt asked, arms crossed over his bump.

Blaine reached into his heavy coat and pulled out a clear bottle that Kurt recognized right away. Blaine offered, “You forgot your prenatal vitamins. They’re important for the baby’s health. Doctor O’Neil said.”

It was probably the first real concern Blaine had shown over the baby since his pregnancy had begun. “Thanks,” Kurt said, reaching out for them. 

“I did some thinking.”

“About what?”

Blaine looked up at him with earnest eyes. He said bluntly, “I don’t think I’m ready for a baby. That’s why I feel pushed into it. That’s why I blew up at you. I’m just not ready, and I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready.”

It was the end of everything, Kurt realized. It had to be.

“But,” Blaine said, catching Kurt off guard, “I am willing to try. I’m willing to try and to learn and to grow and to just try. I can try. I need you to meet me half way and be patient, but I am going to try.”

“Try what?” Kurt asked, maybe a little vindictively.

“To be a father,” Blaine eased out. “A good one, too. To be there for you every step of the way, and be just as involved as you are. I am going to try to not get so anxious and not worry so much, and not be as high strung as I am. I’m going to try, Kurt and that’s all I can promise, but I hope it’s enough.”

Kurt questioned, “You love me?”

Blaine’s eyes were wet, and it just broke Kurt’s heart as he said, “God yes I love you.”

It took some maneuvering, but Kurt was able to get down next to Blaine on the dirty hallway floor. He didn’t want to think about how long it had been since the floor had been cleaned. Then he put his hands folded across his stomach and said, “This baby is half me. If it’s half me, you should be predisposed to love it at least halfway. And you just need to get to know the other half.”

“How?” Blaine asked.

Kurt’s head tipped onto Blaine’s shoulder and he said, “We’ll start small. Little things. And it’ll be better once you can feel the baby moving. But for now, I’ll tell you about his or her habits. Like how it favors the right side, and never hits, only kicks. And how the baby loves my bladder, but for the most part leaves the rest of me alone. Like I said, little things.”

Blaine repeated back to him, “Little things.”

“You’ll start small and I’ll have patience, because this is new for the both of us and that’s what it’s going to take.”

Blaine’s head leaned back on his. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

And while Blaine was doing his part to get to know their baby’s habits, the things that Kurt had already mastered, Kurt planned on doing a little learning of his own. Blaine was completely against them knowing anything more about their donor, but Kurt was convinced it would help. Blaine couldn’t know he was doing any digging around, but he’d be thankful when Kurt was done. Kurt would just have to be sneaky about it. And he knew the perfect place to start.

***

Kurt tapped his fingers on his sketching desk and asked, “Tina, how much do you love me?”

She took a moment to consider the question, then answered, “Enough to go to jail for you, not enough to hide the body.”

“You see, answers like that, that’s why Mercedes is my best friend.”

Tina threw a nearby top hat at his head. “Rude.”

Kurt ginned at her and said, “I need a favor, and I want you to know, it could totally propel you into that coveted best friend spot. Especially without Mercedes here to protect it.”

Tina was sitting in her favorite spot, at his main desk, and sprawled into the chair Kurt used when he was working on something serious, and not sketching on his stool. She loved the oversized chair that Kurt had snagged from a closeout sale at Macy’s and claimed it as her own whenever she came over to visit him at the theater.

“What kind of favor?” Her ankles were crossed and Kurt knew the feeling. There’d been a time when like her, he’d been able to cross his legs as the knee. But even now, with only his bump, it was a little too tight. He’d already had to go up a few pant sizes, and it wouldn’t be long before he had to buy specialty pants.

The thing about Tina, something that Kurt had never been able to figure out, was that she was probably the only dentist in the world who had as many connections as she did. Tina knew more influential people than anyone else Kurt could think of, including Blaine who claimed that he knew people who knew everyone. Tina had all the best connections and could get pretty much anything done. She was a little magic, in Kurt’s opinion, and after knowing her for over a decade, he still didn’t have a clue how she did it.

But the point was, Tina knew everyone who was worth knowing. So she was the perfect person to go to with a request like his.

“When I say I need a favor,” Kurt said, a little uneasy, “I mean I kind of need you to find me someone who isn’t worried about breaking the law and possibly getting sued over a breach of contract.”

Tina frowned at him. “Breach of contract. Woah, Kurt. Shouldn’t you be talking to your lawyer husband about this? He’s pretty much the expert in this department.”

“No.” Kurt couldn’t tell Blaine. Not until he was sure that they had the answers they needed, maybe even to the questions they didn’t know how to ask. “I can’t tell Blaine this. I think he’d … well, he wouldn’t be too happy.”

“Why not?” she asked suspiciously.

With a sigh, he told her, “I already asked Blaine about it, and he said no. But I’m going to do it anyway, and I need you help.” He could tell she was only more confused, and took a moment to steady himself, before telling her, “Blaine and I are having problems right now. More specifically, I’m having a problem with the fact that he’s having a problem with the baby. He denies it, Tina, but I can tell, it’s really getting to him that the baby isn’t his, not biologically, and because of that, he can’t properly bond with it.”

“Oh, Kurt.”

“And,” Kurt pressed, “how can he love our baby if he can’t bond with it? Tina, I think we made a horrible mistake by selecting an anonymous donor. We don’t know anything about what half of our baby is going to be. Statistics and basic information can only tell you so much. I want Blaine to want and love this baby as much as I do, and I think that’ll come with knowing our baby. I think the best way for him to get to know the baby, is to know where they baby is coming from.”

Tina asked, “So where does this breach of contract come into play?”

“The donor,” Kurt explained. “The donor asked to remain anonymous. Apparently the fertility clinic has had some trouble in the past with clients trying to track their donors down for various, less than ethical reason. And I know it’s wrong to go back on my word, the one I swore when I signed, but it’s not like I want money from the donor, or for him to be a father to the baby. The baby already has two fathers and plenty of money to go around. All I want is to know more about the donor, and to find something about him that Blaine can related to, and use it as a catalyst to bond with the baby. I’m not doing this for me, Tina, I’m doing it for the baby.”

Tina pursed her lips for a second, then inquired, “How bad of a breach of contract are we talking here?”

“We could get sued,” Kurt said plainly, “and that’s if we’re very lucky. There could be more legal action than that, and jail time.”

“I seriously doubt they’re going to put you in jail pregnant, Kurt.”

Kurt shrugged. “That’s just what I know. And I understand the risks, but I know this is the only chance I have. This is going to make things better for my family, Tina, so it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Tina pushed her elbows up onto Kurt’s desk as she leaned forward. “Tell me exactly what you need.”

“I need someone who has impeccable computer hacking skills, and don’t bother telling me you don’t know the actual best hacker in this city, if not the state.”

“You can’t prove that.”

Kurt laughed. “I’m just saying, I need someone who’s skilled enough to break into the fertility bank’s donor list, and hack it to pieces. This person needs to be ethically gray enough to not care that they’re breaking a series of laws and contracts. Do you have someone in mind? I need a name, Tina. I need the name of my donor, and everything that the clinic has on him, from where he went to college and what classes he took, to what he likes to do in his free time. I want to know what kind of dog he had when he was kid, or if, heaven help us, he’s a cat person.”

Tina pointed out, “ I think the best hacker I know can tell you if he likes chess over checkers, given enough snooping. And if you want to get even less lawful, I could get you more.”

“More?”

“Plenty more.” Tina looked positively devilish. It was a good look on her. “The fertility clinic is sure to have his social security number listed. I have a guy, Kurt. If he got the number, he could tell you what kind of underwear your donor wears, and how often he buys it. The only question is, do you want to go that far?”

Was there a line? Kurt supposed there was, there had to be. But crossing it, and violating someone else’s privacy didn’t seem like such a big deal, not when Kurt had no plans to hurt his donor. He didn’t want to interfere with his donor’s life, or doe anything to even let his donor know he and the baby existed. The line was still there, and it was still wrong to cross it, but Kurt imagined this was what being a father was all about. He was doing this for his baby, and because of that, the gray area seemed a little less scary.

“I want everything, Tina. Everything. And money isn’t an option. You tell me what your guy wants and I’ll get it for you.”

Tina made a face. “He’s not going to want money.”

“No? Well, what do you think he’ll want from me?”

Tina sighed and heaved herself up to her feet. “Nothing from you, that’s for sure.”

Kurt arched an eyebrow. “From you, then?”

“From me.” Tina’s hands went to her back as she straightened up. “Come on. Let’s go get our one cup of coffee a day and I’ll tell you about my guy, and what kind of a price he’s going to set.”

Kurt jerked a thumb over to the wastebasket and told her honestly, “I already had a cup today. Blaine bought it for me this morning.”

Tina glared daggers at him. “I said, we’re going to get our only cup of coffee for the day.”

“Okay. Okay.” Kurt put his hands up in defeat. “Stop looking at me like you can set me on fire with your mind. Let me grab my coat.” On cue he felt the baby kick, obviously pleased as punch about the idea of more coffee. Kurt swore, his baby was the happiest during their coffee breaks. He was breeding a coffee hound, and Kurt was a little scared for the future.

“Don’t you test me, Kurt Hummel,” Tina threatened. 

“Hey!” Sam called out to them, sprinting in their direction when he realized they were leaving the theater. “Kurt!” He stopped to catch his breath when he was close enough. “Where are you going? Quinn popped the seam in her dress for the second act. Don’t you remember? It has to be fixed by tonight’s show!”

Kurt slid his coat on and promised, “I’ll be back in forty minutes, Sam. Stop freaking out. I’ll come right back and fix the seam. Tell Thompson to stop projecting his freakouts on you.”

“Okay.” Sam grimaced a little. “Sorry. Do you need me to come with? You said you felt dizzy earlier today. And no offense, Tina, but you’re not really in the best position to catch Kurt if he takes a nosedive.”

Kurt appreciated the concern, but he told Sam, “Actually, I’m feeling really good right now. I just want you to look into making sure that we double check our inventory of shoes for Allison tonight. We need to get her into a last fitting if she’s going to be taking over for Sarah while she’s out with her tonsillectomy.”

Sam gave Kurt a mock salute. “Consider it done by the time you get back.”

“Come along, Kurt.” Tina looped her arm through Kurt’s and caught him at the elbow. “I believe we have illicit activities to discuss.”

Sam took a step back. “I didn’t hear anything.”

Tina said, ten minutes later, “My hacker is a guy named Artie, no last names please. He’s absolutely the best I’ve ever known. He could do this for you in his sleep, and like I said, he won’t ask for payment. Mostly I think he gets off on thumbing his nose at the system. He likes to hack the Pentagon every couple of months just to keep them on their toes.”

“Artie,” Kurt said quietly. They were seated in the back booth of a bistro less than a block away from the theater. The atmosphere was private and there was jazz music playing over the speakers just loud enough to mask their conversation if anyone had been listening. “It sounds like he’s twelve.”

Tina cracked a smile. “He’s our age, Kurt, and his full name is Arthur, but I don’t think anyone has called him that for a very long time. He’s always been Artie to me.”

That said a million things all at once. “You’ve known him for years?”

“Almost as long as I’ve known you.”

Kurt took a long drink of his coffee and the baby twisted around happily. Kurt was going to bring it up with Doctor O’Neil the first chance he got.

“What is he to you? A good friend? Just a business acquaintance?”

“Why are you so curious?” Tina kicked him playfully under the table. “But if you must know, Artie and I dated for several years. We kept everything very hush, but I even thought he was the one for a while. I saw myself getting married to him.”

It was hard to imagine Tina with anyone but Mike. Tina and Mike fit together like perfect pieces of the same puzzle, and their girls were impossibly beautiful. In fact Kurt didn’t want to think about it, because he’d met Mike through Tina, and probably never would have had a friendship with the man if it wasn’t for her. 

Kurt had to point out, “But you obviously didn’t.”

Tina shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but Kurt could see the pain in her eyes. Whoever this Artie was, she’d truly loved him. “I didn’t. He loved me, I knew it, but he loved his work more. He wasn’t prepared to give me the majority of his attention, and I wasn’t prepared to settle.”

“So when you say that he’ll want payment, just not from me …”

Tina burst out laughing at Kurt’s face. “It’s not like he’ll want me to solicit myself or anything! Kurt, you dirty pervert!”

“What! That’s totally not what I was thinking!”

The next time Tina kicked him under the table it was harder. “I’m a married woman, Kurt, and I’m not a floozy. Don’t get any bright ideas. I think he just misses me, but he’s too prideful to call me up from time to time and ask to talk. So he waits until I need him, or until I know someone who needs him, and he gets his pound from me then. We’ll probably just talk. We might go out to dinner. But that’s it. He just wants to spend time with me. That’ll be his price. A couple hours of my time. It’s not so much to ask.”

“When?” Kurt asked, hands curling around his cup. “When will you ask him to do this for me?”

“Tomorrow.” Tina glanced from him at the rest of the bistro. “It’ll probably take about a week for him to get back to me. As much as he likes me, neither you nor I are going to be that high on his priority list. I’ll let you know when he gets back to me.”

“Does Mike know about him?” Kurt asked.

“He knows I dated an Artie a long time ago. But that’s it. I see Artie once or twice every year, sometimes less. And there’s nothing romantic between us. Whatever we had all those years ago, it’s long gone.”

Kurt shrugged. He supposed it was Tina’s business. And as she was doing him a favor, he didn’t want to go poking around or starting trouble.

She surprised him by saying, “And seeing as how I’ll be paying your debt for you, Kurt, I want you to do a favor for me.”

It wasn’t even a question. “Whatever you want.”

Tina explained, “Lena has been beginning me for weeks to take ballet classes, ever since her best friend had a birthday party and her parents took them to see a performance. Now, I’ve tried to see about getting her into a decent studio, but apparently this time of year they’re not accepting applicants, and no one wants to take her without any previous experience. She’s heartbroken. Tell me you can do something.”

It really was late in the year for a studio to take a new student, but Kurt thought for all Tina was doing for him, he could do for her.

“The theater has a pretty strict loyalty to Madame Romanski’s dance company, and I know her daughter personally. I think maybe I could get her to make a few phone calls. There’s a chance we can get Lena in somewhere.”

Tina thanked him with a kiss to his cheek. 

“We’re friends,” Kurt said. “The least I can help you do is get your daughter into dance class, considering you’re helping me break at least several laws and a legally binding contract.”

“This is New York,” Tina brushed off. “If you get sued you’ll just be one of the many.”

“Comforting.”

After Tina’s promise to get what he needed done, Kurt tried not to think about it at all. There was work to consider, with an important key player dropping out due to illness, and another with a minor foot injury. It felt like he and Sam had their work doubled over night, and it was a good thing in Kurt’s opinion. He loved when he could throw himself into his work and pretend like nothing else mattered. 

At home he and Blaine had developed a tentative truce. There was still a giant, unforgiving elephant in the room, one that Kurt saw every time he went home, and Blaine still worked the same long hours he had before, but things were less tense. They joked again. Kurt told Blaine about his weird new cravings and his husband laughed about it. Kurt did his best not to overwhelm Blaine with babybabybaby, but his bump was growing and rounding out, and it wasn’t as if it was completely avoidable.

Then Tina called him up one day and said, “Can you get off from work?”

Kurt knew right away that Artie had done his job. He told her, “I can take a long lunch. Where do you want to meet?”

They caught lunch downtown, and at a restaurant that was a little too packed for Kurt. He felt like a snob, but being married to Blaine had its perks, and he was generally not used to being squeezed near so many people. And they typically didn’t eat in the part of town that was so frantic and busy.

“Here,” Tina said, handing him an ordinary, plan envelope. “Artie tells me everything is in there. Full name, health records, school records, police records, government records and then a bunch of the little stuff that you wanted.”

It was weighty in Kurt’s hand. “Have you looked inside?”

“It’s not my donor. I didn’t have a reason to.”

Readying himself, Kurt opened the folder and looked down at the name and picture of his donor. “His name is … David Alan Karofsky. Karofsky. Is that European?”

Tina shrugged. “But he’s kind of handsome there. And if you have a boy, you’ve got a pretty good idea of what he’ll look like.

Kurt’s head cocked a little as he stared at the picture. David Karofsky was good looking. Handsome. Better than that, the picture was of him smiling, and was probably lifted from his driver’s license. Kurt love his smile. It was genuine, and warm and trusting. Kurt looked at his donor’s picture and thought that it was of someone that fit his preferences.

“Kurt?”

“Sorry,” Kurt startled a little. He leafed through the rest of the packet. Artie really had done everything and more Kurt had asked. He rattled off to Tina, “All of his medical looks good, but I already knew that, and he pulled a steady 3.5 GPA in college, which makes me feel better. Oh, and here’s his police record. Two arrests, one for a drunk and disorderly when he was twenty-one, I can ignore that, and the second for public disturbance.” Kurt frowned and looked for the details. “He was at a protest, but it doesn’t say what for. It only says he refused to disperse and was arrested. Hmm.”

“With your luck it was for PETA.”

“Please no,” Kurt pleaded, going pale, “I love my fur.”

“If PETA knew that they’d be protesting your shows.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “They want to see murder? Let them throw some red pain onto my fox coat. I’ll show them murder then.” He held up a picture excitedly. “Look, he played college basketball. My dad is going to love that.”

“You’re going to tell him?” Tina asked curiously. 

Kurt thought for a moment, then decided, “Yes. Not right away, of course, but yes. It’s hard for me to keep stuff from my dad. If I do, it’s because I don’t want to bother him. But this is his grandchild. I think he should know everything. I’ll tell him when I tell Blaine.”

Artie had gotten copies of David’s home address, a larger picture of his driver’s license, the number of the firehouse he worked at, and even the details of his gym membership.

Tina said, “Artie told me to let you know he wasn’t sure if you wanted to play Nancy Drew, but he spent a couple of days snooping around Karofsky and he picked up his habits pretty easily. He put a list of commonly frequented places at the back of the file, including where he likes to shop, where he gets his dry cleaning done and what restaurants he likes to patronize.”

Kurt glanced back at the address and was astonished. “He’s in the city.”

“Didn’t you say the database was local?”

“State local,” Kurt shot back. “Tri-state local, and mostly East coast local. It wasn’t a New York City database, that’s for sure. It wasn’t nearly so limited because I was worried I wouldn’t find the perfect match if I set the parameters so slim. I just never imagined that my donor would live in the same city as me.”

Tina laughed and reminded, “It’s a really big city. You could have both lived here your entire lives and never run into each other. You could still never run into each other, considering where he lives and where you live.”

Kurt tried to memorize David’s face. He couldn’t remember ever seeing it before, but he couldn’t be certain that he hadn’t. There was always the chance that he’d run into his donor before, or even met him, and he could have spent his entire life never knowing. Kurt was even more certain that he’d made the right choice by finding out who his donor way. The baby seemed to agree with the way it was happily snoozing.

“But we could, you know.”

“Could?” Kurt looked over his salad to her. That devious smile was back. “Could what?”

“Meet him. Accidentally, of course. I would be a total accident. We’d just casually bump into him, and that would be it.”

“Tina.”

Tina gestured for the file and flipped all the way to the back where a post-it note was attached. “I told Artie that you’re very serious about this. And it’s Wednesday. And Artie told me this Karofsky guy has it programmed into his blackberry every Wednesday to be at the same restaurant at exactly the same time. This is the name and address and time.” She tapped the post-it.

Kurt’s mouth felt dry. “There’s a fine line between illegally finding out some sensitive information and stalking.”

“Yeah. Stalking is totally fun and watching Artie work was a snooze fest. I think I actually fell asleep.”

Kurt looked at the post-it. “You’re telling me David Karofsky is going to be at this location at this time? Today?”

“Yes.”

“And you think it’s a good idea to go spy on him?”

“Kurt.” Tina looked annoyed. “I’m on leave from work because of my pregnancy. If I’m not out with you I’m at home with three screaming little girls, and a pair of grandparents who like to think they actually live at the house. So do you think I want to just tell you to go back to work and I’ll go home? Or do you want to be the Joe Hardy to my Frank Hardy and get on this?”

“I think,” Kurt said slowly, wanting to be sure, “the file can wait. This is a once in a lifetime chance. And so I should get the check.”

They had to go into Queens to get to the place that David Karofsky was supposed to be at. It was a nice place, Italian, and looked intimate and romantic. Kurt wondered if his donor had a partner. It seemed an odd thing. Why would someone become a donor if they had a chance to have a family of their own?

“Do you see him?” Kurt asked. He and Tina were camped out at a frozen yoghurt stall across the street. He felt a little ridiculous, but also a little excited.

“No. Maybe he’s already inside?” Tina looked down at her watch. “Maybe you got the first guy who actually knows how to be on time.”

Kurt took a bite of his yoghurt and puckered a little at the sourness. He’d let Tina order for him, too nervous to do it himself. Too nervous to do anything but lurk around oddly and hope someone couldn’t read his mind. 

“Wait. Wait.” Tina bit her lip. “Is that him?”

She was pointing almost wildly. “Where?” Kurt felt like he couldn’t see anything, until suddenly he spotted the form she was indicating to. 

His stats had said he was over six feet tall, and even though he was seeing his donor from across the street, the man looked even bigger in real life. Gigantic. But part of Kurt knew that was from knowing that this was the man who’d helped him conceive his child. This was the man who’d made his dreams come true and didn’t even know it.

So he was tall, with broad shoulders, and he reeked of power. He walked in large, confident strides, and he …. he had a pretty blonde next to him. She was tall too, and gorgeous, and she walked next to him close enough to indicate some type of intimate relationship, romantic or not. They obviously knew each other extremely well. 

Kurt had handed Tina Karofsky’s file when they were in the car, and she’d leafed through it then, and had probably been able to see more in the twenty minute car ride that Kurt had during their lunch. So he asked her, “Did it say anything in the file about there being a significant other? Because it looks like this could be a date.”

His donor didn’t exactly have his arm around the woman, but he was guiding her along enough, and when they reached the front door he opened it for her, held it, and then made sure she was completely through before letting it go. So he was a gentleman on top of that. Kurt figured he probably pulled her chair out for her as well. 

“No,” Tina told him. “It just said that he comes here every Wednesday with a blonde. I guess we know that’s the blonde. Could be his girlfriend, certainly isn’t a wife. There’s no marriage certificate here.”

Kurt breathed deep. “We should probably go.”

Tina looked between Kurt and the restaurant. “You don’t want to go in? Don’t you remember? We could run into him accidentally.”

“No.” He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hurt his donor by interrupting his life. Kurt had only wanted to know more about him. He’d wanted some insight into the man who’s child he was carrying. And now he had it. David Karofsky’s stats did not do him justice. “Tina, I never wanted to meet him. And I don’t think he should know who I am. He wanted to be anonymous, and he has his reasons. I don’t get to decide those reasons aren’t good enough because I’m curious. I got what I wanted, I got the information. We should go now.”

Tina gathered up her yoghurt and asked, “Do you at least think you got something that’s going to make a difference?”

Kurt tucked the file under one arm as he and Tina made their way back to the car. “I certainly hope so. Now, I’m going to go back to work and hide this thing. There’s no way I’m taking it home. Blaine is a snooper. Even if there’s nothing to snoop for, he’ll go looking.”

“When are you going to tell him?”

“As soon as I get a chance to go through it with a fine toothed comb.” Kurt considered the weight of the file again, and asked Tina, “You sure you didn’t have to do anything unsavory to get all this. It’s a lot.”

Tina pinched him hard in the arm. “You’d better be careful. Now you have quite a few skeletons in you closet, and you know I lose my filter when I have a little too much wine.”

In response, Kurt poked her stomach. “You won’t be drinking any wine for a couple more months, lady. More if you breastfeed.”

“I can wait,” she hummed. 

Kurt took her back to her apartment, but stopped in to see the girls and let Lena know that he was going to do everything he could to make sure she got into the ballet class of her dreams. It was different being surrounded by three hyper, screaming little girls. They were each pulling at him, demanding his time, grinning precious, toothless smiles up at him. They were much different from Mason who was usually self contained and a bit of a loner at times. Kurt wondered if it had anything to do with him being an only child.

And it made Kurt wonder if he’d have an outgoing child, or one that was more calm. Maybe his baby would be a born diva, or maybe the baby would be more interested in books than the arts. After seeing his donor, there was always the chance his baby would be more athletic, or want to do team things. It was impossible to predict, and fun to think about.

“See you,” Tina said with a parting wave.

Kurt waved back and headed down to his car. He felt more at peace with himself now, and more confident than ever that he’d find the information he was looking for in the packet Artie had gotten for him. 

Plus, Blaine was going out of town the following week, and that meant Kurt wouldn’t have the hide the file in his office for very long. He’d have ample time to bring it home and go through it to find the best information in there. Kurt’s plan was unfolding masterfully. He couldn’t see anywhere he could go wrong.

***

Blaine left town on a Sunday morning. Kurt drove him to the airport and kissed him fondly before the baggage check-in. Kurt wound his arms around Blaine’s neck as tight as he dared and sighed as he felt Blaine’s hands at the small of his back.

It was almost one of the worst things that Kurt thought could happen, Blaine going out of town. It gave him time to look at the file, but it strained the delicate truce they had going over the baby. He thought, or at least wanted to think, that there were making a bit of progress. They were no where near where Kurt wanted to be, but at night Blaine draped over him like he’d used to do before Kurt was pregnant, and during the day they made baby steps with the nursery, which was Kurt’s real focus.

In fact, the day before Blaine had been the one to ask Kurt, “Have you decided on a color for the nursery?” He’d seemed almost shy when he’d added, “I know you’ll fret and fuss about it for months if it isn’t perfect by the time the baby gets here. And you’re very particular about that stuff.”

For a moment, Kurt hadn’t really known what to say, before venturing, “I was thinking maybe a combination of paint and wallpaper? How about a light blue background paint, and some print wallpaper over that?” It was enough to get him completely sidetracked from work, and focused back on the baby, his favorite subject. “What do you think?”

The clear hesitation on Blaine’s face told Kurt that his husband didn’t care. Not a bit. But it was surprising when he said instead, “That sounds fine. But blue and white? What if we have a girl?”

He was at the five month mark, and Doctor O’Neil had told him at his last visit that they’d have no trouble getting a look at the baby’s gender if Kurt wanted. But Blaine hadn’t been there, and Kurt didn’t want to see the baby if he wasn’t, and what if …

“Kurt, you look like you might have a panic attack.”

“What if it is a girl?” Kurt asked suddenly. What if Blaine wanted a son and they had a daughter? What if they had a boy and Blaine wanted a girl. Kurt realized he’d been so utterly caught up in the conception aspect of it all that gender had completely slipped his mind. He hadn’t even stopped to think about what he wanted.

Blaine looked confused. “Then … we have a daughter?”

“But do you want one more than the other? A son or a daughter?”

Blaine sighed. “What have I told you from the beginning?”

Kurt echoed back, “That you don’t care, as long as the baby is healthy.”

“And I don’t.” Blaine leaned over and kissed him. “If we have a boy, it’ll be little league. If it’s a girl, softball. For either they’ll take dance and join the mathletes and science club. Gender is only a small part of what person is, so why should I care?”

Kurt hadn’t thought about it since, at least not since deciding that Blaine was right. It was only gender, and a part of him was really looking forward to the surprise of it. If Blaine had wanted to know, Kurt would have scheduled the appointment the next day, but he was content to wait four more months. 

“I wish you weren’t going.” Blaine needed to stay. He needed to be with Kurt and their baby, and Kurt was only just beginning to realize that. Up until a day ago he’d been excited to have Blaine go out of town so he could crack open Karofsky’s file. Now he just wanted Blaine to stay.

“You going to be okay?” Blaine asked, concern etched on his face.

Over Blaine’s shoulder Kurt could see Sebastian checking in, the taller man eyeing him with an annoyed expression.

“Oh,” Kurt said, leaning on Blaine a little more heavily, “I’m going to be okay. We both will. I’m just going to miss you.”

Blaine kissed him softly. “I’ll miss you too, but you look pale. Are you sure you’re not fibbing just so I won’t miss my plane?”

Kurt’s nose nuzzled his cheek and he promised, “I’m a little woozy, but nothing out of the ordinary. I missed breakfast this morning. I was helping you pack, remember?”

“You know I’m hopeless without you,” Blaine laughed, his nose grazing Kurt’s. “I’d pack three left shoes if I had to do it on my own. You saved me having to buy airport shoes.”

Kurt felt his stomach brush against Blaine’s, and when his husband didn’t pull away, he said, “I know you’d be lost without me. But it doesn’t change the fact that I love you, and you need to get on that plane. You’ll be gone a week, yes? That’s not that long, and you’re going to call me, right?”

“Every day,” Blaine swore. “And especially when Boston gets to be too hot, and too boring, and just mostly when I miss you.”

They parted with a final kiss as Sebastian encroached on them.

Kurt pushed playfully against Blaine and said, “Now go play lawyer with your boyfriend.”

“Very funny,” Blaine forced, then lifted his carry-on over his shoulder and squeezed Kurt’s hand. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“Ready?” Sebastian asked, leveling Kurt with a squinty look of barely there tolerance. “Those of us who have actual jobs and contribute to society need to get on a plane now.”

Kurt wondered aloud, “So then why are you going?”

Blaine laughed and leaned his forehead against Kurt’s gently. “I love you. Be safe and I’ll see you in seven days.”

Kurt waved to him as Blaine headed towards the security checkpoint.

After that there were a few errands to run, but nothing at the theater that needed his attention, and he was free to go home and open Karofsky’s file.

It seemed scarier the second time around, maybe because Tina wasn’t with him. Maybe because it was just him and his little breach of privacy, and all of the good or bad that was going to come with it.

As he dove deeper into the file, pushing past the things he already knew, he came around a piece of paper he hadn’t expected to see. The clinic had prescreened for any psychological flags, but Kurt couldn’t deny that he was now looking at a record for Karofsky having attended therapy. It was dated years ago, and the sessions had only last for what looked to be six months, but still, he didn’t know what for and that was both curious and nerve wracking. Had the matter cleared itself up, or had Karofsky just stopped going?

The phone ringing was a blessed distraction, but getting over to it with his stomach was growing more difficult. He had to take the time to ease himself up off the sofa gradually, and by the time he reached the phone the answering machine was already getting it.

“I’m here!” Kurt said, trying not to sound breathless. “Sam? Is something wrong?” He’d given Sam the say off to spend with Mason, so he couldn’t imagine that it was theater related.

“Nothing,” Sam said quickly. “Actually, it’s probably the opposite. Blaine left today for Boston, right?”

Kurt slotted the phone between his ear and shoulder as the drifted towards the kitchen. He always felt hungry now. His doctor had said it was normal, and that he was free to eat when he was hungry, but that he did need to be careful about his consumption levels. And he couldn’t eat whatever he wanted. No matter how badly the cravings got for M&M pizza at three in the morning. 

“I dropped him off this morning,” Kurt said, reaching for a yoghurt and the tub of cream cheese. 

“Then you’re alone? Being all moody and hormonal?”

“Just being hungry,” Kurt corrected, “and trying to figure out when to hang up on you to make you the most angry.”

“Hold that,” Sam requested. “And how about you come out with Mason and I? He’s got a project he’s working on, and we need to cross the bridge. We thought you might want to go with us, and get out of the house, and maybe even have some fun.”

Kurt hooked a spoon in his mouth. “That’s really generous, Sam, but I’m actually--”

The doorbell rang.

“Actually ready to go?” Sam asked.

Kurt groaned. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re still at home.”

The doorbell rang again, and a tiny, muffled voice shouted, “Uncle Kurt! Open up!”

“Open the door,” Sam said over the phone. “We’ll get Chinese later.”

That was how Kurt ended up in Sam’s car, listening to Mason chatter happily about his art project for the summer, and how he needed to draw five pictures of new places he had gone in the past few months for a scrapbook.

Sam said, “It’s for that fancy academy we got him into.” Sam’s face twisted into a grimace. “He hasn’t even had a day of class and they want him doing projects.”

Kurt hid a laugh and turned to ask Mason, “So where are we going?”

Mason’s eyes ballooned. “It’s so cool Uncle Kurt! There’s all this water and it shoots out of the ground and you’re supposed to run around and not get hit and but you never make it and it’s awesome!”

“Should I have brought my bathing suit?”

Sam merged into another lane and shook his head. “Nah. And I think my son is under the impression that he’s going to play, and not to draw and color.”

Mason pouted and Kurt grinned. “I think you’re right.”

It wasn’t long before they hit a surge of traffic, just after crossing into Queens. It wasn’t anything but common for there to be traffic, whether down in the heart of the city or in the more suburban areas, but there was something uncanny about the type they were sitting in now.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked, trying to peer past the cars to get a better look.

Kurt shrugged. “Not sure. But it looks like there’s someone out there directing traffic. Maybe there’s an accident?”

A few minutes later they were close enough to see that the main street had been blocked off, and it looked as if there was a party of sorts going on. There were people everywhere, and balloons and the sweet smell of food.

Kurt’s stomach rumbled in response.

“Wow! Daddy, look!” Mason surged forward into the front of the car. “There’s face painting!”

“Mason!” Sam snapped, foot stamping a little too hard on the break in response. “Get back in your seat! You don’t ever take your seatbelt off while this car is moving, or so help me you’ll never get back in it again.”

“Sorry,” Mason mumbled. “But there’s face painting.”

Kurt’s own bottom lip jutted out playfully and he reminded, “Face painting, Sam.”

Sam groaned. “Can you even be on your feet for as long as it’s going to take to walk there after we find parking, and then actually spend some time at whatever that is?”

Kurt held up a solemn hand. “Doctor O’Neil said I’m healthy and good.”

“Are you buckled in?” Sam demanded, turning to Mason.

A click echoed through the car. “Yes, daddy.”

“Okay,” Sam gave in. “Face painting it is.”

It was a fundraiser. They had to wander a little bit in in order to figure out as much, but eventually Kurt saw the banner that proclaimed all proceeds were going towards supporting veteran after service care. 

“Kurt?”

Sam touched his elbow and Kurt felt like he might cry in that moment as he tried to explain, “They’re fundraising for extra care for our veterans when they come home from war. Like Finn, Sam. Like the kind of care Finn should have gotten from his own government.”

“Hey, look.” Sam tugged a heavy and comforting arm around Kurt’s shoulders and said, “The NYFD at Station 16 is sponsoring. Must be why all the kids have little plastic fire hats and stickers.”

Mason tugged terribly hard at Sam’s pant leg and all but demanded, “I want a fire hat.”

Sam swung him up into his arms and when he had the boy balanced on his hip, he declared, “Then we’ll get you one. I think I see where we can buy them. Kurt? You coming?”

Kurt looked once more at the banner that said Fire House 16 was responsible for what he saw around him. 16. Why did that sound familiar? It sounded like he should have known where it was from, and it was nagging the life out of him. “Yes. Alright. Here I come.”

They made sure Mason had a fire hat all his own, and half a dozen stickers for his shirt. Even Kurt allowed a single, well placed sticker to make it onto his own clothing, but only after Mason’s pleading.

There was face painting and a raffle, and a clown making balloon animals that Mason just had to have one of. There was even a kissing booth with the firefighters themselves taking turns, and a dunk tank and more than enough food to go around.

Mason munched happily on a bag of cotton candy as he waited to get his face painted and Kurt tried to decide what he wanted to eat. He wasn’t really supposed to eat fried foods, and before he pregnancy he never would have had the urge, but it looked like there wasn’t anything even remotely healthy. He’d have to settle, unless he could find something better.

“Sam.” Kurt touched his shoulder to get his attention. “I’m going to go see if there’s anything better to eat. Fried food sure tastes good, and the baby loves it, but my stomach is always upset after.”

Sam frowned. “Do you need me to come with you?”

Kurt brushed him off. “I’ll just be over by the food venders. You get Mason his face painted like a tiger and meet me over there. I’ll have decided by then what I want to eat, and we can at sit down.”

Mason was pulling again at Sam’s hand and Kurt was going before Sam could decide that he needed to be chaperoned on his walk over.

But just as he suspected, everything was fried. Corn dogs, French fries, chicken, onion rings and on and on. He guessed it was too much to ask for a green salad, or a turkey sandwich. He thought it was absolutely something when his best option was looking like a hotdog.

The wind was knocked out of him as he stepped closer to the hotdog stand and collided with another person. He lost his balance and might have fallen, something that terrified him, but then large, strong hands were at his forearms and he was being held up on his feet securely. 

“Sorry!” Dark green, almost hazel eyes blinked wide and apologetically at Kurt. “God, are you okay?” The man looked down at Kurt’s stomach. “Did I hurt you? We have an on site paramedic, and I used to be one. Do you need me to--”

“You--”

Kurt couldn’t breath. Not for a second, not for a minute.

Firehouse 16. That was where David Karofsky worked. And there was David Karofsky in front of him, holding onto him, worried for him, and clueless as to who Kurt was, or the fact that their little bun was in the oven and around five months done.

“No … I … I’m …”

“Yeah,” Karofsky decided. “I’m getting you to our medic.”

“No!” Kurt dug his heels in, startling the man. “No. David. I mean. I …”

Karofsky frowned at him. “Do I know you? Sorry, I’m horrible with faces. They all tend to blur together when you see as many of them as I do.”

Kurt shook his head mutely.

“Then how do you know my name?”

Kurt swallowed hard, finally finding his feet and standing on his own. He pressed a hand to his stomach, trying to stop the wild kicking, and said, “Your nametag?”

Karofsky looked down at his shirt. “Oh. You’re right. David.” He laughed nervously. “But, uh, no one calls me David. Everyone shortens it to Dave. You should, too.”

Kurt resolved to call him Dave. “So … you’re here? I mean, a firefighter? Here?” God what was wrong with him? His nerves were destroying his ability to form cognitive thought. And common sense was practically shouting at him to run the other way. He couldn’t be there, not with Dave, not talking to him like they were starting up a friendship. There were a lot of things Kurt could have, and this wasn’t one of them. It was too dangerous. 

Dave smile wide. “I used to be an on call paramedic with the station. Then I switched to being a firefighter, but I might go back. I like taking care of people. It beats having to kick down doors any day.

“But I bet you’re really good at it.”

“Oh?” Dave asked, clearly amused.

“I just meant that you’re very big.” Kurt felt horrified as the words spewed from his mouth at an almost impressive rate. “By big I mean strong! Very strong! It must be easy for you, so you must be good at it!” Shut up, he berated himself, just shut up. “But of course they wouldn’t have hired you if you weren’t good, so I’m just going to stop talking now.”

Dave laughed loudly and said, “I never got your name.” Dave held out his left hand, and that caught Kurt for a second. “Only seems fair that you give it to me, considering you have mine.”

Kurt slid his own hand into Dave’s. “It’s Kurt.” He should have given a fake name. He should have kept his mouth shut. He should have never been there in the first place.

“So what’re you doing here?” Dave asked. 

“Food?” Kurt asked a little stupidly.

Dave’s face went blank. “Oh. Food! Of course food. You’re hungry. It’s noon.”

At the very least, Kurt could be thankful that Dave seemed just as nervous and jumpy around him as Kurt felt he was being. 

“Kurt!”

Sam caught up to him with Mason being tugged along.

“I’m a tiger!” Mason shouted, jumping around a little, making roaring sounds.

Dave gave him a thumbs up. “Good choice. You always want to be at the top of the food chain.” He knelt down a little, bringing himself eye level with the curly haired little boy. “I saw a couple of guys who had their faces painted like mice.”

Mason looked charmed by Dave right way.

“Sam,” Kurt said, clearing his throat, “this is Dave. He’s one of the firefighters here.”

“I bumped into Kurt,” Dave said apologetically. “Literally, but it was on accident. And now he’s going to let me buy him lunch.”

“Huh?”

Dave pointed at his nametag, the one that identified him as a firefighter. “I eat free. I’ve got some vouchers. Now, I’d be willing to share with you all, if you’d let me join you.”

Sam shrugged. “Sounds good to me. Right Kurt?”

Of course he thought it was a good idea. Sam just thought Dave was a nice guy who’d bumped into Kurt and was trying to make amends. He didn’t know that Dave was Kurt’s donor, or that Kurt wasn’t supposed to know that.

“That is,” Dave said, looking between Kurt, Dave and Mason (the child completely distracted by trying to search out the boys with the mice face paint), “if your boyfriend wouldn’t mind.”

Sam snorted loudly, bending forward to slap his knee.

Kurt pinched him. “Sam isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend.” It just came out in a rush, like most of his words with Dave had. He had Blaine, who was better than a boyfriend, but the less Dave knew about him the better. Kurt knew he only had to suffer through one, awkward lunch, and then he’d never see Dave again. It was doable. 

“Good,” Dave said, looking pleased. He lingered for a moment on Kurt’s stomach, an impossible to determine look on his face, then added, “Just let me know what you guys want and then we’ll grab a table.”

It was hotdogs for everyone, and a side of nachos for Sam who was a human garbage disposal. What made the meal bearable for Kurt was the iced tea Dave was able to track down, and the tempura. Fried food was fried, but Kurt thought maybe he could trick his brain into thinking it was okay because of the vegetable base.

When Sam asked about the fundraiser, Dave explained, “We have these about twice a year. It’s usually support for the troops the first time around, and cancer awareness the second. The community really gives a lot to us at the station, so we like to give back.”

“The community certainly did turn out,” Kurt observed. He’d nearly had to eviscerate an old lady who’d been trying to steal the table from him.

“They’re just as important to us as we are to them. The last time the budget cuts made the rounds we were looking at laying off at least five or six of our guys. We cover a lot of territory, and provide our services to a lot of people. Losing that many guys would have been huge for us. But the community rallied, and they helped raise money for salaries, and lobbied for us at city meetings, and they really did whatever it took to keep all the guys. I’m especially thankful. I probably would have been one of the guys to lose his job. I haven’t been a firefighter that long. They still call me rookie sometimes, and I’ve been around a couple of years now.”

Kurt loved the family atmosphere he saw around him. It was one of the things he lost out on by living where he and Blaine did. There was no sense of togetherness when Kurt went out on a Saturday afternoon, and there was no belief that if someone needed something, the community would pull together for it. There were only sleek lines where Kurt lived, and doormen, and overpriced boots. 

The more Kurt thought about it, the more he was thinking of broaching the idea with Blaine. Kurt wanted to raise their baby in a home, not an apartment.

“So why are you guys here?” Dave asked.

“Just passing through,” Kurt said honestly. “But I wish I’d known. I would have brought a donation myself.” He had cash in his wallet and he was fully prepared to hand it all over before they left, but it didn’t feel like enough. Not when he knew Dave was fundraising for a cause that could help people like Finn.

Dave pointed out, “Mason got his face painted, and I see that you guys bought a couple raffle tickets. How about you spend a few bucks on the dunk tank and we’ll call it even.”

“No.” Kurt shook his head. “I want to donate more. Can I do it at a later date? Can I write you a check and drop it off in a few days?”

Dave frowned and Sam supplied, “Kurt’s brother served in the Army. He did two full tours before coming home. He’d had some … some issues readjusting.” Kurt appreciated the way that Sam held back, not wanting to over share.

“He joined because he wanted to serve his country, like his father did.” Kurt smiled weakly, hands folded on the table in front of him. “Finn is my stepbrother. But when he came home, something was different. He was diagnosed with PTSD and he started suffering from severe anxiety. He couldn’t seem to integrate back into the civilian life, and there wasn’t a lot of government assistance. There was some, I’m not trying to say there wasn’t any, but it wasn’t enough. I think if more people knew about what our veterans are suffering from when they come home, there’d be more help available, which is why I personally appreciate this fundraiser, and I’m going to make a bigger donation.”

“It’s hard,” Dave said, understanding in his eyes, “to watch your sibling suffer.”

“You?” Kurt asked softly.

“When you go through it yourself,” Dave conferred, “you recognize it in others.”

Dave’s fingers brushed against his on top of the table and Kurt was able to smile. “Truer words were never spoken.”

This was his donor, Kurt realized, staring at Dave fondly. This was his baby’s biological father. He’d spent a lot of time as of late contemplating that he’d made the wrong choice by choosing Dave as his donor, if only because of how he’d wanted to remain anonymous. But now, in the twenty minuets he’d spent with the man, he knew he could never think that again. Dave was the right choice. He was the perfect choice. 

“Come on,” Dave said eventually, once their meal was mostly finished and Mason was starting to get fidgety. “I believe I told you that you’re obligated to buy a couple of shots at the dunk tank.”

Kurt pulled one leg over the bench to straddle it. “I don’t know, I don’t have the best hand-eye coordination. Not for things like that.”

“I want to!” Mason piped up.

“Okay, okay,” Sam promised, a hand on Mason’s head. “I’ll make sure you get to try.”

Kurt was wrestling with the best possible way to heave himself up off the low bench when suddenly Dave was there, holding a hand out to him. “It looks like you could use a little help.”

He always felt a little prickly when Blaine tried to help him up and around, as if Blaine didn’t think he could manage on his own, but the feeling was different with Dave. Dave looked like he really only wanted to help, and like he didn’t think any less of Kurt for needing it. It was a nice change.

“Sure.” He let Dave boost him up and said, “Who’s the poor soul who’s stuck in the tank?”

Dave beamed. “My shift starts in a few minutes. See you there?”

“Come on, come on!” Mason chanted, suddenly to Kurt’s side, pulling on his hand. “I want to go throw balls at Dave.”

Dave laughed as Kurt corrected, “You’re throwing the balls at a target, young man. Not at your new friend.”

Mason shrugged.

As Kurt had said, he wasn’t very good, but he had a fun time trying, especially when his third ball came precariously close to actually hitting the target and Dave clapped for him. Sam vowed to avenge his honor shortly after that, but failed as well.

“You’re wet,” Kurt remarked a few minutes later to Dave as the man climbed back up on his bench in the dunk tank.

“That’s what happens when you get dunked,” David said happily, rubbing a hand over his wet face. 

Kurt grimaced a little. “Sorry about that. I’m not sure that Mason understood that if you can’t hit the target with the ball then the guy in the tank gets off.”

Dave only shrugged. “He’s just a kid. No biggie.” 

Kurt had felt mortified when both he and Sam had failed to dunk Dave, and then Mason had run forward to hit the button with his hand. Everyone had laughed and Kurt had thought for sure that Dave would be angry. But he hadn’t been. And it was … well, it was something.

“Plus,” Dave said, settling himself back fully on the bench, “I like a kid who goes after he wants, even if he has to bend the rules a little. It’s a good sign he’s not going to accept things as they are when he’s older. I bet he’ll be more willing to challenge things.”

“You got all that from a splashdown?” Kurt’s fingers curled over the top of the dunk tank, fingers barely grazing the water.

“What can I say?” Dave pointed to the next person stepping up to throw. “I’m pretty good at reading kids. They’re easier to read than adults. Now step back, unless you want to get wet.”

Eventually, Kurt drifted away from Dave. There was a small petting zoo with lambs and baby goats and Mason was enamored. Kurt offered to hold their things while Sam took him through and let him touch the animals. Kurt called after them, “I have my hand sanitizer for when you finish!”

They stayed longer than Kurt expected. But eventually Mason was showing signs of sleepiness and Sam was contemplating dinner, to which Kurt was apparently invited to.

Kurt protested, “Just because Blaine’s out of town doesn’t mean you need to sit on me.”

“Eh.” Sam shrugged. “You know he asked me to keep an eye on you. Just deal with me today and then you can let me honestly tell him, when he calls of course, that I made sure you were taking it easy.”

Kurt feet were hurting as they stopped to make sure they hadn’t won anything at the raffle. “Okay,” he agreed. “But just tonight. And I’m not staying the night. Just dinner.”

“I want Spaghetti,” Mason requested.

“You want a nap,” Sam interpreted. “Come on, Kurt. I say it’s about time we got out of here.”

“Kurt! Hey, Kurt!”

It took a moment to spot Dave in the rapidly thinning crowd of people. His pants were still damp, but he’d changed his shirt and had a white towel hanging around his neck.

“Yes?” Kurt asked. He’d really hoped to slip out and away, without being noticed by Dave. 

Dave was … he was all kinds of nice. Sweet and charming and real. He was easy to talk to and easier to get along with and probably the kind of guy that Kurt would have gone for in a second if he was younger and single and looking.

But the fact was Dave was his donor. And Kurt wasn’t supposed to know. Things might have been different if Kurt hadn’t known he was his donor. They might have been friends then, but now it was impossible. Kurt was too afraid he’d become attached. He was too afraid he’d say something on accident. He’d looked Dave up with the sole purpose of finding out more about his baby. And not to get involved in Dave’s life. He’d crossed some lines. He couldn’t cross them all.

Dave hesitated a moment, then asked, “Were you serious about wanting to make a larger donation for our cause today?”

“Sure I was,” Kurt told him. “I’d like to make as sizeable a donation as possible. Obviously I can’t fund it all by myself, but I can help. If you could give me the account number of where I can send my donation, I can get that to you as soon as tomorrow.”

“I can do you one better.” Dave looked so pleased. “That is, if you like getting dressed up. And something tells me you do.”

“Okay,” Kurt admitted. “Now I’m interested.”

Dave made a sweeping gesture towards the fundraiser that was winding down. “This was mostly for the community. A summer party for a good cause, if you will. We’re not really raising the big bucks here, it’s just to show our appreciation. But on Wednesday night we’re having a more formal gathering. It’s nothing huge, just cocktails and a little mingling, but it’s for our more … affluent benefactors. It’s a black tie event. If you’re serious about making a larger than average donation, you may want to consider going.”

Sam chuckled. “You had him at formalwear. He loves getting dressed up.”

“Truthfully,” Dave said, “the parties always get a little stuffy. But I think with you there, I might not fall asleep into my drink.”

It was a bad idea. It was such a bad idea that Kurt couldn’t believe he was considering it for a second. But Dave looked so earnest, and so hopeful. And it was for a good cause. It was for a cause that Kurt more than valued. If he went, it was a chance to make his donation, and make a difference, and there was only a matinee show at the theater on Wednesday.

“Okay,” Kurt admitted. At the very least then he’d have more of a chance to talk to talk to Dave. There couldn’t be any harm in talking. Not if it was just talking. He’d just have to be careful. He could be careful. “Let me give you my information and you can send me an invoice.”

Dave’s face lit up. “Great. I’m really … I’m really glad you’re coming with me. I mean to the event! I mean I’ll be there, and so will you, and--”

“Dave,” Kurt said kindly. “I’ll see you then.”

Sam waited until they were back in the car to exclaim, “Damn, Kurt. Like a boss.”

Kurt burst out laughing. “What does that mean?”

Sam deadpanned at him. “He was totally into you!”

“What?” Kurt balked. Dave had certainly seemed nervous around him, maybe a little twitchy, but he hadn’t made any overt advances, and he certainly hadn’t hit on Kurt outright. There was absolutely not evidence. “And more important, what makes you think I’d be interested!”

“I didn’t say that,” Sam pointed out. “But seriously, he was way into you, and you didn’t exactly do anything to dissuade him.”

“We are not talking about this.” Kurt held up his left hand sharply. “I’m married.” Then he froze, looking at his bare ring finger.

Sam asked, “Where’s your wedding ring?”

Kurt fumbled a little, then grasped at the chain around his neck and pulled it free from under his shirt. There was a perfectly circular ring looped through it. He explained, “My hands started to swell last week. Stress and regular pregnancy. Doctor O’Neil said the swelling will go down once I have the baby, but I can’t get my ring on right now, and I didn’t want to go anywhere without it.”

Mason gave a soft snore from his booster seat in the back and Sam smiled gently before saying quietly, “I bet you anything that guy saw your hand without the ring and took it as the go ahead.”

Kurt poked himself in the stomach. “What about this? No one would want to date a guy who was pregnant with another guy’s kid.” Never mind that it was actually Dave’s baby. No one ever got to know that.

“I don’t know.” Sam shrugged a little as he put on his seatbelt and started the car. “I love Mercedes to the point that if Mason had been anyone else’s I probably still would have married her. In fact I know I would have.”

“It’s not the same.” Kurt shook his head. “And I think you’ve got a wild imagination. I guess that’s where Mason gets it from.”

“I’m not the one who agreed to go to a party with him.”

“It’s a charity event!”

Sam was silent for a moment, then said, “You know I’m just messing with you, right? I know you love Blaine. I know you’d never cheat on him.”

“Especially not with a guy I just met,” Kurt told him pointedly. Not with the only guy who wasn’t supposed to ever exist to him.

“But just for the record, you did totally agree to be his date. No matter what, you did.”

Kurt groaned and palmed his face. “It wasn’t supposed to come out that way.”

As they pulled up to a red light Sam took his hand off the wheel to pat Kurt gently on the back. “How you get yourself into these situations so easily I’ll never know. Now, how about Mexican for dinner? Or what did we agree on earlier? Chinese?”

Kurt groaned again.

***

The invoice came the next day and after that Kurt had two days to worry about what to wear and what to say and if he wanted to even show up. But mostly he thought about how it was such a horrible idea to begin with. There were a million things that could go wrong, and a million more ways he could mess up. He couldn’t go.

But it was for such a good cause, and the invoice fee had only covered the entrance into the event. There was still his check to deliver at the actual party. He’d need to be there in person to do it, and there was no getting around that. So if he didn’t go, the firehouse didn’t get the extra boost in money.

It was bad enough Blaine was going to notice a significant chunk of money gone from their joint account when the bank called them about the unverified recipient.

“I’m not going,” Kurt told himself firmly, staring down at Dave’s file. “It’s a bad idea and I’m not going.”

And then he bought a new suit, booked a day at the spa the morning of, and resigned himself that no matter what he said, he was going.

In the end he abandoned his suit, horrified at the way it drew prominence to his stomach, and chose a pair o his specially tailored pregnancy dress slacks, a white collated shirt and a nice skinny black tie. He studied himself in the mirror before he left, finally happy with his appearance and trying to fight off the nervousness that still wanted to take hold of him.

“You can do this,” he told himself. Then he reached for his car keys and headed out the door.

The event was being held at the firehouse, which Kurt honestly thought was all kinds of cool. He was pretty sure that all children, and even adults who weren’t children anymore, had a fascination with firefighters in the same way that they had them with police. The chance to be in a real fire house, and see everything, and maybe touch some of it, was exciting. That was something Kurt was looking forward to, at least as long as there wasn’t a call while the party was going on.

Kurt was able to find parking fairly quickly, which only served to remind him of the difference between Manhattan and Queens, but he ended up standing next to his car for a good while, watching the firehouse at a distance. He felt absolutely terrible, and not only because it seemed like he was stringing Dave along, be it with friendship or anything else, but also because he’d lied to Blaine earlier and said he was going over to Tina’s that night to watch a couple movies and have a few virgin drinks.

What kind of a person did that? Who lied to their husband about their whereabouts if they didn’t already know it was wrong?

Kurt grunted and started off towards the firehouse. He couldn’t believe the situations he let himself get into so easily. He obviously had no sense of self preservation.

Kurt handed his invitation to the man at the door and stepped into the well furnished and nearly filled firehouse. He’d expected a little bit, despite the formal gathering, to find signs of a few dozen men living together for days at a time. But instead the hardwood floors were shinning, everything smelled great, and if Kurt hadn’t seen the large doors attached to the firehouse open to show off the fire trucks when he walked up, he never would have guessed it was a firehouse.

It was always awkward going to a charity event when he didn’t really know anyone. He’d contemplated bringing Sam with him, or even a female date just so he wouldn’t have to maintain the bulk of the conversation, but in the end he’d been afraid if he did bring a date, he’d have to stay for longer than he wanted to. The last thing he wanted to do was hang around.

Kurt brought his check to the back to the firehouse where a donation station had been setup. There was a masculine but welcoming looking woman guarding it, dressed in her uniform and looking more than a little uncomfortable.

“Excuse me?” Kurt ventured, have to squeeze past a few people to get up to the front. “Is this where I can drop off my donation?” And then he’d be able to leave, and say that he did his part, and claim that he made a difference. Even if he took the coward’s way out.

“Yeah, kid,” she said, ginning at him. “Right here.”

Her nametag said Beiste, and he was particularly stunned to see the notation of captain next to her name.

“You’re the captain?” he asked, feeling a little foolish.

“Yep.” She rocked back on the heels of her feet. “Try not to look so surprised.”

“No. No.” Kurt shook his head a little frantically. “I think that’s amazing.” He leaned forward a little and asked, “How do you handle having so many men you have to control?”

He held out his check to her and she assured him, “You just gotta think like they do. That’s all. And maybe break some necks.”

“I like you,” Kurt declared with a toothy grin. “You’re great.”

She looked down at his check, grinned back and said, “I like you too, kid.”

“Kid?” Kurt burst out laughing. “The only person who still calls me that is my father, and even now it’s getting hard for him to do it.”

“Kurt!”

There were a few sudden, muffled protests, and then Dave was squeezing by in the same way that Kurt had come. And wow, he was in uniform too, dark blue material with sharp white lines, silver buttons and all kinds of details that Kurt found aesthetically pleasing. Dave looked great. Better than great.

“I made it,” Kurt offered a little weakly. He left out the part that if Dave hadn’t shown up at that exact moment, he’d have been on his way to the door.

“You did,” Dave said brightly. “And hey, look at you, you clean up really nice.”

“So do you. I like your uniform.” Kurt could never lie about it, there was something about a man in a uniform that did it for him.

Beiste asked, “Hey, Karofsky, he come with you?”

Kurt made to say no, but then Dave was answering, “I may have talked him into being here.”

She exclaimed, “Biggest donation so far! We’re keeping him!” And then she leaned over the table to pat Kurt on the back firmer than he’d expected. It rattled him a little, but it seemed like Dave had expected it, and he had a hand on Kurt’s elbow steadying him easily.

Dave led him across the firehouse to a part that wasn’t so packed, and was a little astonished as he said, “I wasn’t completely sure that you’d come. I mean, I knew you’d make a donation, I believed you about that, but I wasn’t sure you’d come in person.”

“I said I would,” Kurt told him. “Plus, I think like all little boys, I have an unexplainable love for firemen. It must be the trucks. I always wanted to open one up and work on it. I would have given an arm for that chance when I was younger.”

Dave peered at him for a moment, then questioned, “Wait … you wanted to work on a fire truck? Didn’t most kids just want to ride in one?”

Kurt shrugged. “When I was a kid, growing up, my dad was a mechanic. He had his own shop and everything. Don’t get me wrong, I like dressing up, and I like having nice things, but working on a car is pretty soothing to me. I haven’t done it in ages, but it’s the one thing that I have that clears my mind. I miss it, actually.”

“I can imagine you in a pair of those blue coveralls, now that I think about it.”

Kurt pointed to his own stomach.. “Maybe not with this. I’m not sure how far over a car I could lean with this speed bump, but you never know.”

“Why haven’t you done it in a while?” Dave asked and then guided Kurt over to a special table where he handed Kurt a glass of amber liquid and promised, “Don’t worry, I knew you wouldn’t be able to drink. You and I are having some very nice sparkling cider, and no one but us will be any wiser about it.”

Kurt gave him a fond look. “You didn’t have to sacrifice too.”

Dave shrugged. “I’m not that big of a drinker anyway. And you didn’t answer my question. Why haven’t you worked on a car for a while? If it means so much to you, and it helps calm you, shouldn’t you find the time?”

“It’s not that simple,” Kurt sighed. “Especially with work right now. Plus, where would I work on a car? I have a loft in Manhattan. I don’t even have a driveway or a garage.”

“No lawn?” Dave made a face.

Kurt shook his head. “There’s a nice view, though. I like to look at the city skyline at night. Everything sparkles and shines. Plus, you can’t beat the sight you get in the morning when the sun is just coming up and everything is yellow and pink and … why are you looking at me like that?”

Dave set his glass aside. “It’s just …” He shook his head. “It’s been a long time since I heard anyone say that they’ve taken the time to appreciate something like a sunrise. That doesn’t really happen, not in this city. Maybe more here, in Queens, but not in Manhattan.”

“Not everyone in Manhattan is as stuck-up and stuffy as you want to believe.” Kurt laughed. “Just most people.”

“Hey,” Dave suggested, holding out a white gloved hand, “You like great views, right?” When Kurt nodded, he followed up with, “Are you okay to climb stairs?”

Kurt put his hand in Dave’s. “I’m very healthy actually.”

“Then come on.” Dave tugged. “I want to show you something.”

They climbed two flights of stairs. Kurt only had to stop to catch his breath once and Dave waited patiently while he did. And then they broke out onto the roof of the building, and Kurt could almost see the whole of Queens. It was different from Manhattan, or any of the other part of New York, but just as beautiful, and the lights were just as mesmerizing. 

“Wow,” Kurt remarked, making his way to the edge of the building. “This is great.”

“We’re not supposed to come up here,” Dave explained, following after him, “but I do it all the time. It’s a good place to come and think. I like having my space. I live with a lot of guys, and share almost everything with them, but when I come up here, it’s just for me, and I don’t have to talk to anyone to deal with anyone. It’s a little slice of paradise.”

Kurt gestured to the lawn chair with the beach blanket, beach ball, umbrella, and cooler set up at the far corner. “I can tell.”

“Don’t judge me.”

Kurt swore not to, and then leaned against the railing of the roof and admitted, “I can see why you come up here. It’s really peaceful.”

“It’s summer.” Dave joined him, their elbows brushing. “Try coming out here in November. Sometimes I think I’m going to lose a few fingers up here. Plus, I try not to be up here for very long. It takes too long to get down if there’s a call.”

“Do you think we should get back?” Kurt asked, gesturing down to the party. “That sparkling cider was amazing.”

Dave chuckled. “I think they’ll survive without us, unless you want me to introduce you to some of the guys. I wouldn’t suggest all of them, at least not all at once, but there are a couple of mellow guys I think you’d get along with.”

Kurt shrugged. He felt calm and safe with Dave, and had no reason to move. Dave was easy to talk to, easy to open up to, and easy to spend time with. 

But he had to ask, “Dave, I got the feeling before that you’re partly responsible for these fundraisers, or at least the direction they take.”

“We’ve been fundraising since forever,” Dave said, “since well before I was a firefighter, and probably since this station opened up. But I guess I kind of push the boys towards my preferred targets. If I didn’t I think they’d just wanted to do breast cancer every year. It’s a great cause, but I want us to make sure a bunch of organizations get proper attention.”

Kurt frowned for a moment in thought, then asked, “Does the firehouse ever partner with anyone else for their charity causes?”

“Once or twice.” Dave supposed. “It’s not common, though. Why?”

Kurt touched Dave’s arm. “I work for a production company in Manhattan. We’re on Broadway at our theater, but we mostly specialize in new, up and coming productions. I’m responsible for costume design and manufacture.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“I was thinking,” Kurt told him, “the theater is always looking for good publicity. I mean, we do want to help, but my superiors will see it in more … self-serving terms. The theater usually takes on a cause once a production, and supports it through ticket sales and special events and charity functions like this one. Maybe the firehouse and the theater could team up.”

Dave proposed, “Maybe we could do something like, if people buy a ticket to see a show, they can come bring their kids to check out the fire station, and maybe sit in a fire truck or something. I’m sure I could run it by Beiste, and maybe throw in some fire safety education to make it more appealing to her. We’re always looking for new ways to get people informed.”

Kurt held up a solemn hand. “I keep all of the batteries in my fire detectors in the apartment fully charged and I have them changed when they start to beep at me.”

Suspiciously, Dave asked, “You have them changed? Do you even know how to do it yourself?”

Kurt huffed and crossed his arms over his bump. “I do, thank you very much. I just don’t tend to spend a lot of time at home.”

“Alright, if that’s what you want to use as you excuse, I’ll buy it.”

“It’s true!” Kurt hit him playfully on the arm. “I wake up, have my coffee, go to wok, and spend most of my day there. Sometimes I fall asleep in my office.”

“Should you be doing that in our condition?” Dave made to touch his stomach, probably out of instinct, but he drew back at the last second and looked apologetic.

“What?” Kurt asked, almost startled. “What’s wrong?”

Dave’s fingers twitched a little as he held them down by his side. “Sorry. I was going to … but then I remembered when my cousin Kate was pregnant, and this lady in the supermarket grabbed her stomach while she was eight months along.”

“What happened?”

“Well, my cousin was always a little volatile, and pregnancy just made it worse. So after several months of people touching her stomach without asking, she just snapped. She broke three fingers. There was talk of a lawsuit for a while.”

Kurt visibly winced. He was thankful he was only just beginning to show, at least enough to get noticed as being pregnant, and not as simply having put on a little extra weight. It likely wouldn’t be long before people wanted to touch him, and did so without asking first. He wasn’t looking forward to it. But neither did he think he was going to break any fingers. Though it was hard to tell. His mood swings were getting worse. 

“Hey, no,” Kurt found himself saying, reaching for Dave. “You can touch. I won’t break any fingers.”

Dave deserved to get to feel his child, even if he’d never know it was his. Kurt had let less deserving people touch him as of late, including Rachel Berry who’d copped an unwanted feel and then played it off like he’d asked her to.

When Blaine touched his stomach he was tentative and Kurt could tell uncomfortable. But Dave? Dave touched like he couldn’t have been more comfortable with anything else in the world. His hand rested firmly on Kurt’s swell, and the searching look on his face said he was waiting to see if there’d be any movement. He looked like he was hoping to feel the baby.

“Wait for it,” Kurt told him, voice soft and quiet. “The baby isn’t a big mover just yet, but it’s awake. You just have to wait for it.”

When the baby finally did kick, something that had Kurt leaning forward into Dave’s palm, it was strong and forceful and induced matching smiles on Kurt and Dave’s faces.

“Wow. There it is!” Kurt exclaimed. “Someone’s putting on a show.”

“Boy or girl?” Dave asked, following the kicks across Kurt’s linen covered stomach. 

Kurt smiled and admitted, “I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to wait until the birth to see. It makes it a little more interesting, doesn’t it?” Of course it made the nursery that much harder to decorate, but Kurt loved a challenge. 

“Yo! Karofsky! You up here?”

Kurt turned toward the roof door as a dark skinned man’s head popped through. His head was buzzed and he wore an identical uniform to Dave.

“I think he’s one of yours,” Kurt mumbled as Dave’s hand dropped from his stomach.

Dave called out, “Need something, Az?”

The man eyed them both of a minute, then called out, “The Captain wants everyone downstairs so she can make her toast. Then we’re going to have the silent auction, too.”

With a drop in his shoulders, Dave said, “I guess we have to get back down there. I was kind of hoping to show you around. Though I think you’re going to have to pass on sliding down the fire pole.”

“I don’t know I’d fit,” Kurt laughed.

They made it back to the party just as the Captain was thanking them for coming and Kurt raised his recovered cider to her in appreciation when everyone else saluted. Dave stood next to him, an actual flute of champagne in one hand, and the other at the small of his back.

There was an auction after the toast and Kurt ended up buying a spa package that he planned to give to Tina as her push present. When he explained why he’d bough it to Dave, the man only looked confused and asked, “What’s a push present?”

Kurt joked, “Obviously you’ve never been a father.” As Dave nodded earnestly, Kurt felt his insides twist in sudden anxiety. It was a terribly thing to say, especially since he didn’t really know if anyone else had selected Dave as a donor. Kurt couldn’t say how long he’d been a donor. But he had a pretty good idea that Dave would only consider himself a father to the children he was aware of, the ones that he raised and loved, and that wouldn’t be Kurt’s baby.

“What’s a push present?” Dave asked him to explain.

Kurt rolled his eyes a little at the whole notion. “It’s the present your significant other buys you for pushing the baby out, or having it in general. That’s why it’s called a push present. I’ve already decided I’m buying myself something out of the Taylor Collection as my push present.”

“Shouldn’t your partner be buying you the push present?”

Kurt shrugged. “You can buy yourself a push present. It’s not just significant others, only usually. And I’ve been there for my friend Tina during all of her pregnancies. I’m godfather to two of her daughters, and she’s threatening to name the fourth after me. I always get her a push present. It’s more of a tradition now than anything else.”

“So friends can get friends push presents?”

Kurt nodded. “Of course.”

Dave eyed his stomach. “Good to know.”

Another round of drinks went around, along with some food, but it wasn’t long before Kurt’s feet began to ache, his back protested and he was growing tired. He had to tell Dave honestly, “I think it’s time for me to go. I was up early this morning.”

Dave nodded right away and said, “Let me tell the Captain where I’m going and then I’ll walk you out to your car. I doubt you took a taxi from Manhattan out to here.”

“No. I’m fine, Dave. I parked less than a block away.” Kurt didn’t want Dave to leave the party, especially since there was still so much of it left to go. And he was perfectly capable of walking himself half a block in a well lit area to his car. He even had his pepper spray if needed. 

Dave scoffed. “Hang on a second, okay? Wait for me here.”

Kurt waited. He couldn’t not.

Dave was gone only a couple of minutes before he was back and guiding Kurt from the firehouse. He leaned down to mumble into Kurt’s ear, “The Captain wants you to know that she really likes you. Maybe she just likes your check. Anyway, I told her I wanted to give you a tour of the station sometime and she said I could invite you back when you have the time off. And maybe, if we play our cards right, I could get the Captain to pop the hood of one of the trucks.”

“Don’t get my hopes up too high,” Kurt said wistfully. 

“Where’d you park?”

Kurt pointed out his car and it was a short walk to it, with Kurt reminded, “I would have been fine all by myself.”

Dave only shrugged. “You probably would have, and this is still a good neighborhood after dark, but you don’t want to take any chances, do you?”

The baby kicked, reminding Kurt, and he could only agree.

“So …” Kurt let out when he had the car door open and was ready to go. “Tonight was pretty fun. I was nervous about coming, but I had a good time. Thank you for extending me an invitation.”

“Thanks for you donation,” Dave shot back. “Not everyone is as giving as you, and not everyone has as much to give.”

Now came the awkwardness and the not knowing what to say. For all Kurt knew, it would be the last time he saw Dave. He certainly didn’t plan to continue to be in his life, no matter how much he liked the man. No, he had to cut loose when he could. Blaine would be home in half a week, and the baby would be born in four months. Dave didn’t fit in anywhere between those two things, or after for that matter. 

“I better go.” Kurt felt like he was holding onto the door for dear life.

“Wait!” Dave cried, lurching forward a little. “Um. Were you … were you serious about the firehouse maybe working together with the theater?”

“Yes.” Kurt nodded. “The theater is always looking to make a good name for itself. And good publicity, the kind that comes with a charitable cause, it actually quite priceless. I’ll run the idea by a couple of people and get back to you. I can reach you at the information you sent on the invoice, right?”

Dave looked mute for a second, before saying, “Actually, I was kind of hoping you’d let me take you out for lunch. You can pick where and when! And we can talk about that! Or whatever you want. It’s up to you.”

Was Dave … asking him out? Sam had teased him that Dave was into him, and granted, Kurt had never been very good at picking up subtle signs that someone was interested in him, but this didn’t sound like any of that. It honestly sounded like Dave was actively involved in a charitable cause that was near and dear to Kurt’s heart. It sounded like they’d be getting together for a business lunch, though maybe just as much for good company. Kurt couldn’t deny he and Dave were on the fast track to becoming good friends.

“Lunch?” Kurt asked. 

“Just a suggestion,” Dave said morosely, sounding resigned to failure.

He had to think for a moment, but then he told Dave, “The rest of the week is pretty full up for me. If this night had been any other, I wouldn’t have been able to go. But how about next week? Monday? Maybe I should be asking about your schedule. I know you work crazy hours.”

Dave promised right away, “I can get Monday off.”

“Okay.”

Dave beamed at him. “Okay.”

Kurt slid slowly into his car and smiled up at Dave reminding, “I don’t want to hit you. You’re going to have to step back.”

Still grinning from ear to ear, Dave took a full step back and let Kurt close the door. The car turned over with a purr and Kurt slid the window down, questioning, “Are you really willing to come all the way to Manhattan just for a lunch?”

Dave crossed his arms across his chest, his uniform pulling in a sinful way that showed off his powerful arms. “Maybe you should come back out to Queens. Of the two neighborhoods, clearly I have the better.”

Kurt snorted a laugh. “You keep right on dreaming. And if you’ll note, I’m out here tonight. I’m pretty sure that means you owe me a trip, and not he other way around.”

Dave’s head dipped. “Okay. Fair enough. You’ve got my e-mail from the invoice. Let me know when and where and I’ll be there.”

There was only a wave left to give Dave, and then Kurt was on his way back home.

The doorman greeted Kurt as the passed through and Kurt couldn’t help the look on his face. He’d had a really good time, mostly because of Dave, if not wholly. He’d been apprehensive about going, and worried about the circumstances, but Dave had made it easy and fun and the night had gone nearly flawless. If he had to be truthful, it was the most fun out he’d had in a while, and it was a firm reminder that he never enjoyed himself quite as much whenever he had to go to one of Blaine’s functions. 

Speaking of, the home phone was ringing as Kurt opened the door, and when Kurt was close enough he could see the caller ID flashing Blaine’s name. He pulled at his tie, freeing his neck from it as he lifted the phone and greeted, “Hey you.”

“Hi. Where’ve you been?”

Kurt frowned. “Out? Remember? How has your day been so far?”

“Boring,” Blaine slid out, his voice higher than normal. “I miss you. I wish you were here. It’s lame here. You would totally make this a million times better. You come next time, okay? Yeah, that sounds good. As long as you promise not to bitch at me about anything. You are so good at that.”

Kurt sighed. “Blaine Anderson, you’ve been drinking.”

“So?”

“So,” Kurt drawled, “you know I hate it when you get drunk.” He cradled the phone for a second, then asked, “You always drink too much when you’re stressed. Are things not going as well as you’d like?”

“Fucking Holt,” Blaine seethed. “He’s making everything difficult.”

“I’m sorry.” Kurt took the cordless into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door, hunting for something to drink. “Anything I can do?”

Blaine huffed, “No. But it would have been nice if you’d been there the first five times I called.”

“Blaine.” Kurt leaned back against the cabinets and tried to keep his temper in check. “I let you know ahead of time that I was going to be out for the night. And I did leave my cell phone on. If you wanted to get in touch with me, you could have.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t be going out. You’re supposed to be pregnant, aren’t you?”

“Pregnant,” Kurt snapped, “not paralyzed or an invalid. I have a job and I have a life and I don’t know why that’s bothering you all the sudden. Is it just the alcohol talking?”

“I just had a few beers,” Blaine snapped.

“That doesn’t sound like a few beers.”

“Look.” Kurt could hear the venom in Blaine’s voice. “You’re not my daddy, Kurt. Don’t try and police my drinking habits. Especially when you’re not here helping, and instead you’re going out with friends and having a great old time. Did it ever occur to you that my job is hard? It’s hard and it’s stressful, but I do what I have to, to support your fucking shoe collection and this kid of yours.”

Kurt slammed his glass down on the countertop. “I’m hanging up now. You’re drunk and you’re belligerent and you always get this way.”

Blaine chided, “Oh yes, go ahead, hang up. Take the coward’s way out. You don’t worry, Kurt, you don’t have to listen to anything you don’t want to hear.”

“I don’t have to listen to your drunken ramblings,” Kurt corrected. “Especially when they’re rude and hurtful.”

Blaine hissed, “You’re such a bitch.”

Kurt ended the call, remarking, “And you didn’t used to be such an asshole.”

He tossed the phone across the apartment with practiced ease even as it rang again. He was in no mood to deal with Blaine, drunk or sober. Not after having such a good night with Dave. He couldn’t possibly let Blaine sour that.

The phone rang several more times, all of which Kurt ignored, before it finally ceased and Kurt made his way to the bedroom. The baby was unusually active, kicks getting stronger every day, as Kurt went through his nighttime routine, changing clothes and tending to his skin. 

There was a late night rendition of his exchange with Finn after that, where Kurt listened to his brother on speaker while he turned down the bed and move around in an increasingly difficult way due to his stomach. When Finn asked, “Something sounds like it’s bothering you?” Kurt replied that everything was fine and resolved not to mention any of his worries or problems to Finn. Mostly out of fear that Finn would tell their father. The last thing Kurt wanted was the family to think that he and Blaine were having any troubles.

Finn told Kurt about his ongoing therapy sessions, and how well they seemed to be going, and then said, “I’ve also been talking to Julie. She wants me to come see Sammy at the end of the month. For her birthday.”

“Excited?” Kurt asked with a grin.

“Yep.” Kurt could practically imagine the smile on Finn’s face. His brother added, “Actually, she wants everyone out there. Even you, though she understands that your work is demanding. And actually, she says that Sammy has been dying to see Broadway for about a year now, ever since you sent her that book on the history of it. The one with the giant, glossy pictures? Anyway, when I go out for Sammy’s birthday, we’re going to talk about them taking a vacation to New York, maybe with me, to see you and Broadway and everything else.”

“That sounds great,” Kurt said earnestly. And at least something was going well for someone. “Listen, Finn, I hate to cut this short, but I’m feeling pretty tired tonight. I just really want to lie down and try and rest. I have to go to the theater early tomorrow morning.”

Finn was happy enough to let him go and Kurt hadn’t been lying. The morning sickness had all but vanished in his second trimester, but he was still plagued with bouts of tiredness that came out of nowhere at times, and forced him to rest when he needed it. It was also late and night and he had been up early that morning.

“Calm down,” Kurt told his stomach as he eased himself onto the bed. “I know you’re all worked up because daddy had to use his mad voice on your idiot of a father who’s had one cocktail too many and likes to pretend like I’ll believe him when he says it was only beer, but everything’s okay now.” He stroked a hand across the pulled skin. “I know you had a nap a few hours ago, but I’m tired now, so I need you to be tired too, because we have to get up early tomorrow. So settle down and let me sleep. There’s going to be coffee in it for you tomorrow if you make it happen.”

Remarkable, the kicks tapered out, and as Kurt leaned back on his pillows, he whispered to the baby, “I think you’re going to be a genius. Ha! And Blaine thought I was wasting my time with all that Mozart!”

***

Kurt couldn’t say for sure what happened. All he knew was that when Blaine came home from his trip to Boston, in a cab and with Kurt certainly not waiting up for him, things were different. They were different and they were worse than when Blaine had left. The distance between them that had been a wedge in the form of a baby had jumped to the size of the grand canyon, and whereas Blaine had been reluctant to touch him before, he absolutely avoided him like he was diseased now.

The only conclusion was that something had happened, and Kurt just didn’t know what. At first he’d suspected that their fight over the phone the past week had been worse than he’d realized. Sometimes Blaine internalized his emotions, and it wasn’t until later that Kurt realized they were even hurt. So maybe it was that.

He tried to broach with Blaine one evening, “Are you still upset that we fought while you were in Boston? I was upset you were drinking, but you were right, I’m not here to parent you and I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He didn’t exactly think he was solely at fault, but he also wanted to resolve whatever the issue was between them as fast as possible. Even if it meant taking the fall to get it done.

“What? No. Kurt, I don’t know how much I had to drink, but I don’t even remember the call. Was I a total dick?”

Slowly Kurt nodded. “But it’s okay.” It wasn’t, but he couldn’t very well bring up a subject that Blaine had no knowledge of. 

“Listen,” Blaine told him, laptop tucked under his arm, “about Boston, nothing went the way it was supposed to and we’re pulling double time at the office now. I don’t think you’re going to see much of me for at least a while” 

Kurt wasn’t surprised to hear that. What he was surprised over was the fact that it didn’t seem to bother him nearly as much as he expected. In fact, it didn’t bother him at all. He only shrugged and said, “Sure,” and went about his business. It was worrying.

The silver lining in everything seemed to be the fact that he had much more time to devote to Dave. They’d gone to lunch as planned, and had such a great time that Kurt had gone back to the firehouse afterwards for a proper tour. He’d met most of the guys on shift, liked all of them, and fit in seamlessly in a way that had never happened before. Such a positive experience had led right away to Kurt inviting Dave out for coffee at his favorite nook and cranny shop, and then Dave insisting that Kurt go with him to a baseball game.

Dave explained, “It’s classic Americano, Kurt. You can’t possibly tell me you’ve never been to a game and then expect me to be okay with that.”

Kurt gave him a bland look. “Once in a while my father would talk me into going along with him and Finn to an Ohio State game. Mostly that involved them being loud and unruly, and me freezing my butt off in the dead of winter. Winter in Ohio is not a fun thing, by the way.”

But Dave had insisted, and he hadn’t taken no for an answer, and Kurt had ended up seated down behind the catcher’s mound with a baseball cap on his head and a soda in one hand. The hat destroyed his perfect hair, and the soda was hot after only a few minutes, but amidst all that, it was actually fun.

Dave explained the game to him, and what the rules were, and the people surrounding him were enthusiastic and playful. There were chants and the wave and even some good natured heckling. During the seventh inning stretch they sang ‘Take me out to the Ball Game’ and Dave bought them a bag of peanuts to split.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Dave told him playfully when he realized that Kurt was cracking the shells open and dumping them in the bag he’d designated as trash.

“Doing it wrong?” Kurt looked from the bag of peanuts to Dave. “I wasn’t aware you could eat peanuts the wrong way.”

Dave laughed and reached for a peanut. He popped it open, ate the peanut, and then shucked the shell onto the ground.

“That is disgusting,” Kurt said, but without bite.

“It’s how you’re supposed to do it,” Dave insisted, repeating the process. “They come in after every game and hose the place down, if that’s what you’re worried about. But the whole point is that you kick back and have some fun and you don’t worry about being proper or not getting anything dirty. Now try.”

Kurt had to admit, it was a little fun. It was hard to break old habits, but he got the hang of it, and he was proud of the way Dave flashed him a bright smile and a congratulations on becoming an official baseball participant.

By the ninth the home team was down by two and Dave explained it was their last shot to win. He said, “If our guys don’t pull something out of their hats, we’re finished. It’s early in the season, but it’s important to get off to a good start. There’s such a thing as momentum in baseball, and it makes all the difference in the world.”

Everyone around them was getting to their feet, chanting and cheering and Kurt requested, “Help me up too?”

Dave hoisted him up easily and kept an arm tucked around Kurt’s shoulders. When he realized the side look Kurt was giving him, he defended, “Win or lose, the crowd is going to go crazy. You’ll thank me for helping you keep your balance after.”

The crowd did go crazy.

Kurt questioned as they made their way out of the stadium, Dave acting like a brick wall to anyone who tried to push into Kurt and disrupt his often shaky balance, “But I don’t understand. We lost. The home team lost. So why aren’t you more upset?”

Dave smiled and said in a cheesy way, “Winning is great, Kurt. Everyone loves to win, but it’s better that we had a great time and hung out with some awesome fans and we’re leaving in a good mood.” He barked out a laugh. “We’re Mets fans, Kurt. Not Yankee fans. Winning isn’t everything. If we can go home and say that we had the best time we could have had, that’s all that matters. And there will be plenty more games. We’ll win some of those. No biggie.”

Kurt had to admit, “I still don’t really like the game, but I did have a good time.”

In retrospect, the baseball game had provably been the opening of the flood gates. 

Dave took Kurt to the Baseball Hall of Fame, and then when both Kurt and Dave realized they’d never been, they took the ferry out to visit the Statue of Liberty, and Ellis Island, and all of the touristy spots that as New Yorkers they never really went to. And in return, after being forced to endure Dave promising to take Kurt to a Rangers game once the hockey season started up, Kurt took Dave to the Met. “We’ll get a little culture into you yet,” he laughed, pinching Dave when he made a face. “And just so you know, I also have season tickets to the New York Ballet Company. You’re going to love the ballet, Dave.”

In some ways, probably all the wrong ones, considering what his friendship with Dave was built upon, Dave began to fill the void that Blaine had left in him. Blaine only continued to pull away, and have absolutely no time for him, and coupled with Sam focusing on Mason, Tina focusing on the last trimester of her pregnancy, and the rest of his friends tied up in their personal lives, Dave became his crutch to an extent. They spent most of their free time together, had lunch together at least a few times a week, and while fear spiked at the back of his mind as to what he was getting himself into, Kurt couldn’t imagine not having Dave in his life.

He certainly wasn’t willing to give the friendship up just yet. And the longer it went on, the less likely he was beginning to think he would eventually. His mind began to shift away from trying to make a clean break, and towards the temptation of trying to have his family with Blaine, and keep Dave in his life.

It was a foolish thought, but one he was moving ever closer to attempting.

And then the inevitable happened. Dave, who had never pushed for anything, or rushed him, or implied that he wanted anything more than Kurt was willing to give, began to want more.

“You want to know all these things,” Dave said at their typical Sunday morning brunch, right before Dave went in to pull his regular sixteen hour shift, “because obviously I am an amazing person, but I sort of realized, I don’t know much about you. We go all these places and spend all this time together, and you ask almost all the questions. I give all the answers.”

Kurt felt flushed right away, with his skin prickling and his heart a little achy at the presented threat. “You are pretty amazing.”

“Flatterer.” Dave leaned across the small table and stole half of Kurt’s muffin, defending, “You know you weren’t going to eat that half anyway. You just ordered it so I wouldn’t get on you about not eating enough carbs.”

“The truth is,” Kurt said, swallowing down his fears, “I’ve never really met anyone like you. All of my friends are, with the exception of a few, pretty posh. That’s a nice way of saying they’re snobby assholes, and most of them didn’t start out as my friends, but friends of friends. That fundraiser we met at?”

“What about it?” Dave asked, completely enthralled. 

“You were doing it because you care about our vets, right?” Dave nodded. “Because the subject is near and dear to you, because you have a personal stake and because you genuinely believe that not enough is being done, and you can help do something to change that. You host fundraisers for selfless, admirable reasons. You pick and choose your causes and you stick to them. I have about a dozen friends who go to one of those charity events every other night, and they do it to say that they’re good people, and to feel good about themselves. Not to help other people. Now, I’m not saying my friends are bad, nothing like that, but you’re different. You’re a rare breed, David Karofsky, and I’m interested.” Kurt hurried to add, “Plus, we talk enough about me. I’m not nearly as exciting as you are.”

Dave shrugged. “I don’t think I know that much about you at all, no matter how boring you think you are.”

Cautiously, and absolutely terrified, Kurt asked, “What do you want to know?”

They were basic questions, much to Kurt’s palpable relief. Dave only wanted to know about his home life in Ohio, and how his father had met Carole, and how Kurt had ended up in New York. He asked the questions that were easy for Kurt to answer, like how much he loved singing, but how much more he loved design. For the most part, it was nothing but truth, and he breathed easier for it.

“Show me where you work?” Dave requested.

That threw Kurt. “You know I work at the theater.”

“But I want to see. I brought you to the firehouse and gave you the grand tour. I think you owe me the same.”

That was actually something Kurt could do. “We’ll have to hurry, though,” he told Dave. There’s a show later tonight and in a few hours everyone will start showing up.

There wasn’t really much to see, on second though, but Kurt did his best. He nodded to Noah as he and Dave passed through the front doors, and he said to Dave, “There are only a few components that I can actually show you. But I think we’ll start with the best first. Right this way to center stage.” He had Dave’s hand wrapped up in his as he pulled him towards the first set of double doors.

Dave admitted, “I went to see a production of Annie with my parents when I was twelve. I hated every second of it, and that was the last time I was in a theater. I don’t remember it … looking like this.”

Dave stopped suddenly, holding his ground with his head tipped up towards the beautifully intricate ceiling, decorated in a mosaic of colors that Kurt himself had spent hours laying on the stage and looking up at.

“Kind of makes you forget about everything else, right?” Kurt asked. His own eyes traced the hanging chandelier, and the ornate carvings that led along the ceiling. He’d seen it a million times, maybe more, and he could still find something he’d missed each and every time. 

“Yeah,” Dave breathed out. “It’s amazing.”

Kurt had Dave sit in the best seat in the house, dead center, but up a few rows from the front.

“Isn’t the best seat supposed to be in the front?” Dave asked.

Kurt wound his way through the side doors, and backstage where he eventually came on stage with a pulled curtain. “You would think,” he called out, voice traveling, “but it’s a mistake a lot of people make. In fact, when you’re that close to the stage your neck starts to hurt after a while, and you’re so close to the orchestra that it can be a little disorienting. Where you’re sitting you have the perfect view of the entire stage and when everything is lit up, and the speakers turned on, you’re completely immersed. Those are, believe it or not, the most expensive seats in the house. More expensive than the box seats.”

Dave settled in more comfortably to the chair and said, “You told me you came to New York to be on Broadway, right?”

Kurt looked around the stage and gave a small, sad smile. “I really did. But I think that was before I realized everything that a career like that entailed. It’s hard, Dave. To float from role to role, and never really settle into anything or get attached. And you have to fight for everything, you never get any breaks, and there are certainly no handouts. Plus, it’s hard to have a family when you’re on Broadway. It’s hard to stop and then start again if you do. It wasn’t right for me, even if I thought it was at the beginning. It takes a certain type of person, and that type just isn’t me.”

“But you like where you are now? What you do? Who you are?”

Kurt framed his stomach and looked around once more. “Yeah. Part of me knows I’m right where I’m supposed to be. No question.”

Dave’s fingers tapped the chair in front of him for a second, then he asked, “Do you still sing?”

“At home,” Kurt laughed. “Maybe in the shower. Not for real and certainly not in public.”

“You should sing now.” Dave gave him a pointed look. “I am here to get the full experience.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and waved him towards the side door. “Maybe some other time. It may look pretty empty in here, but there’s always someone milling around, and you’d be surprised who gets awfully territorial over this stage. Now get on back here and I can show you the dressing rooms, back stage area, and we can end it at my office.”

For someone who claimed to have no interest in the theater, Kurt thought Dave was awfully interested in everything around him. And when he pointed it out, Dave said, “Maybe it just took an extraordinary person to get me to this point. I might even buy a ticket for tonight. Are you going to be here for the show?”

Kurt opened the door to his office and let Dave pass through, pointing out, “There are a couple of things in the way of your master plan there, Dave. Firstly, I know you have your shift at the firehouse very shortly, and while yes, I will be here for the show today, it’s already completely sold out. And that seat you were sitting in? That seat belongs to Mrs. Fieldstone. She buys out that seat in this theater for every production that comes through. She usually makes it to one show a season, but it’s hers and she won’t have anyone else sitting in it.”

Dave took the seat that Tina usually occupied and leaned back in it. “Do you have a seat?”

“At the theater?” Kurt clarified. “I have a reserved spot for opening night, and then again for the last performance of the season, but that’s it. I have something better than that, you know. I have a backstage pass.”

“Then how am I going to experience the magic of the theater for myself?” Dave asked. “Am I going to have to go buy a ticket to see Jersey Boys?”

Kurt balked, “No offense, Dave, but I don’t think you’d make it through the first act.”

“I guess not,” Dave laughed. “What kind of a musical do you think I’d like?”

Kurt’s eyebrows drew up as he decided, “Les Mis.”

“That French musical? The one about that guy pining over that girl who’s supposedly too good for him?”

Kurt moved slowly to the edge of the desk in front of Dave and settled against it. “There is a love story, yes, like most things, but that’s not actually what the musical is about. That’s just a theme in it. The musical is actually an examination into bravery and courage, and the parallel between doing the right thing for the wrong reason, and the wrong thing for the right reason. The musical asks you what’s worth fighting for, and what’s worth dying for? What are you willing to sacrifice? What price is too great to pay? Dave, let me put it bluntly, there is a lot of fighting and things blow up and it’s all very dramatic. Les Mis always has the highest male turnout of any musical, next to The Book of Mormon, of course.”

“What’s what one?”

“Damnation in three hours. It’s amazing.”

Dave shrugged. “You should make me a list. Or better yet, take me with you to all the good ones.”

“I’ll think about it. Now, did you want to see--”

Dave leaned up unexpectedly. He was out of his chair before Kurt could comprehend, hands framing Kurt’s face and their lips meeting in a clash of desperation and hunger.

For more than a moment Kurt was frozen. He’d only kissed a few people in his life, at least romantically, and he’d seen all of them coming a mile away. Blaine had even nervously asked permission to share their first kiss. Another, the boyfriend before Blaine, had missed his mouth completely and needed a second go. Kurt had absolutely never been caught off guard by a first kiss.

He’d never enjoyed one so much, either. Dave’s lips were a little dry, but warm, and absolutely euphoric. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, and absolutely couldn’t even being to pull away. Dave needn’t have held him so close. Kurt wouldn’t have been able to move if he wanted to. If anything he found his own hands coming to rest on Dave’s shoulders for extra balance. 

And when Dave drew back, eyes open and wide, he looked more terrified than Kurt felt.

“You kissed me,” Kurt mumbled, feeling dizzy and having to lean forward onto Dave.

He must have done it too suddenly, because Dave held him fiercely and demanded to know, “Are you alright? Kurt? Your face is all red, and your skin is hot.”

“I’m … I’m fine,” Kurt assured, barely finding his voice. “But you kissed me.”

Dave looked to his lips, and Kurt wanted to reach up and touch them. “I’ve wanted to for a long time. Probably since that night you came to the benefit and I took you up on the roof. I wanted to kiss you then, and every day since then, I just haven’t had the guts to do it.”

“You … you can’t just kiss someone. I mean …” Kurt broke off, thinking suddenly of Blaine.

“You’re gorgeous,” Dave told him, hands framing Kurt’s jaw, fingers trailing up into his short hair. “You’re just absolutely, ridiculously good looking. And you’re kind, and smart, and talented and all the things that people are that don’t really exist in real life. That’s what you are and I can’t just not kiss you.”

So Dave was kissing him again, coaxing his lips to move, mouth opening, and making Kurt feel like the world was falling out from under him.

“Kurt!”

Dave wrangled him down into the plush chair at the desk as his knees gave out and he had to struggle to keep aware. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dave asked, scared eyes looking him over as his hands searched for an injury of any kind. “I really think I should call someone.”

“No. No, Dave.” Kurt caught him by the sleeve and stilled Dave. “Wait, Dave, you have to listen to me. Stop.”

Dave reeled back. “You …”

“You can’t.” Kurt shook his head. “I’m sorry. You just … you can’t.”

Dave nodded curtly, almost snapping to attention. “You’re right. God, I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’m sorry. I … I should go.”

“Dave!” Kurt called after him, desperate not to part on bad terms. “Dave!” At the man’s departure Kurt leaned forward as far as his stomach would allow and took in deep breaths, trying to steady himself. Trying to breathe evenly. 

“Just what in the actual hell are you doing?”

Kurt startled so badly he leapt up from his chair. It was probably the fastest he’d moved in months. “Sam!”

The blond was jet fast as he darted fully into Kurt’s office and slammed the door behind him. “No, really, just what do you think you’re doing? With that guy from the community fundraiser? What the hell?”

Kurt swallowed hard and slowly sank back down into his chair. “I know. I’ve made a mess of things.” He groaned into his hands.

Sam crossed quickly to him and demanded to know, “I still think I’m dreaming, Kurt, because there’s no way I just walked in on you kissing another guy. Some guy who isn’t your husband, by the way. So I need you to tell me what’s going on, because I would hope you’d act this way if you caught me kissing another girl.”

He trusted Sam. Above most people in his life, he really trusted Sam, but he knew now there could be no more lying. There could only be honesty, at least if Kurt didn’t want to damage one of his most important friendships. 

“Sam,” Kurt eased out slowly, “if I tell you something, can you promise not to freak out?”

“Is it about why you were kissing that guy?”

Kurt nodded. “That guy? Sam, that’s my donor.”

Sam frowned and arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean donor?”

Silently, Kurt poked his stomach.

“Holy fuck! Kurt!”

“I know!” Kurt hissed, “but I can explain!” He tried to rattle off how scared he’d been about Blaine bonding with the baby, and how he’d never even intended to meet Dave. “I just wanted to know about him! You have to believe me, Sam. I just wanted to know more than the file was willing to tell me. So I looked into him and when I found him, I made the choice not to go talk to him. I wasn’t even going to let him know I existed.”

Sam pointed out, “Obviously you did.”

“When we went to the fair? I just bumped into him. It was a coincidence. An utter coincidence. That’s all. But I like him, Sam. He’s funny, and easy to talk to, and trustworthy. He pushes me to do things that I might be uncomfortable doing, like going to baseball games, but if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have the experiences, and I’m glad I have them. Dave’s making me a better person.”

“Dave,” Sam muttered. “You’re on a first name basis with him. Of course you are, you were sucking face with him a few seconds ago. But what about Blaine? You know, your husband? The guy you’re actually married to? The one you promised to be faithful to?”

There was a welling up of anguish and disappointment in himself, and sadness, and soon after that, Kurt was blinking back tears. “We’ve been having problems, Sam.” Kurt palmed at his eye, wiping away the moisture. “For a long time. Blaine and I … I don’t know what’s going on, but it isn’t good. In fact I think a lot of people would have given up already. I think I live with a stranger now, one that I don’t talk to, and only go to bed next to at night, and certainly one that I don’t spend any real time with. Blaine started pulling away months ago, and I tried to stop him, but recently? Recently I figured it’s just easier to let him go.”

Sam wanted to know, “Because you had Dave to fill the gap?”

“Dave has no idea who I am.” Kurt ground out, “He thinks I’m just this guy who went and got himself pregnant and is going it alone. He doesn’t know who I am, he doesn’t know about Blaine, and despite what you think, I didn’t set out to deceive him. I never wanted anything romantic with him. I guess … it just happened.”

Sam gave him a sad look. “You can’t, Kurt. You absolutely can’t. What do you think you’re doing?”

Kurt groaned. “I didn’t know he was going to kiss me!”

“But you let him kiss you a second time! Yes, I did see that, too.”

Kurt felt remorseful as he remembered, “You did tell me he was interested in me. But he didn’t show any of that to me before now. He was just a good friend.”

“Kurt!” Sam laughed loudly. “He kissed you twice. Obviously he wasn’t just a good friend, at least not on his end.”

“Sam,” Kurt bemoaned. “I never wanted any of this. It’s like this turned into some stupid runaway train.”

Sam agreed, “Yeah. But that’s what happens when you start something based on lies.” Sam reached out and put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders, holding him steady. “Kurt, you know what you have to do. You know this can’t happen and you know that your marriage means more than this.”

“We’re having problems,” Kurt repeated to Sam, “Blaine and I are having major problems. The kind that end marriages, I think. But Sam, I do still love him. I love him so much. I’m not trying to replace Dave with Blaine, at least not romantically. Maybe … maybe I’m just trying to get rid of the loneliness. Blaine and I used to do everything together, and talk about everything. We had meals together, spent our days off together, and we were a couple, Sam. We were a couple in every sense of the word. And then somewhere down the line that started to change, and I hate to say it, but this baby was just a catalyst. It’s all snowballed, but that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning ship. I didn’t kiss Dave. He kissed me. And Blaine is still my husband.”

“Okay.” Sam released him. “I’m sorry I jumped at you like that. You have your priorities in order, and you can’t control what other people are going to do. But Kurt, you can’t string this guy along, especially since you’re not even supposed to know who he is, and he’s certainly not supposed to know you or the baby exist. You have to think. He’ll be more than upset if he ever finds out. He’ll be pissed off, and he’ll probably sue you, but more than that, you think of him as your friend right now, and you’ll completely wreck that. You’ll wreck that and hurt him worse than anything else.”

Kurt defended, “If we hadn’t been at that fundraiser with Mason I don’t think I ever would have met him. I’m serious about the fact that I had decided to leave him alone. All I wanted was some more information. I didn’t want him in my life. But now that I have him …”

“Break it off, Kurt,” Sam said abruptly. “Before you hurt Blaine, or this guy Dave, you break it off.”

“We’re not in a relationship.”

Sam corrected, “The friendship, then. You know you can’t have it, not if you want to protect your marriage with Blaine.”

For one brief, fleeting moment, Kurt had thought he could have it hall. He’d thought he could balance it all out and make it work and have everything he wanted. But Sam was right. He couldn’t have Blaine and Dave, and he was only married to one of them. Only one of them deserved his loyalty, and it was the man he’d been married to for years, and shared everything with. It was Blaine, and there really wasn’t a choice to be made. He had to pick Blaine.

A little shakily, Kurt said, “Dave’s going in for a sixteen hour shift right about now. He’ll put his phone on silent. I can … I’ll leave him a voicemail.”

“What’s it going to say?” Sam prodded gently. 

“Not who I am,” Kurt said with a forced laugh. “I may have done some questionable things as of late, but I’m not stupid. No, I’m just going to tell him that I can’t be what he wants me to be. I can’t give him what he needs, and I don’t think it’ll be smart for us to be around each other anymore. I’m going to ask that he doesn’t come here, and that he doesn’t call or e-mail. That’s all.”

“Good plan.”

Kurt took a deep breath and settled his hand across his stomach. “He’s a really great guy. He’s so different from Blaine, but he reminds me of everything that Blaine used to be. Before work took over, and we started growing apart. I never meant to hurt Dave.”

“I know.” Sam helped him up to his feet. “You’re a good guy, Kurt. You don’t hurt people on purpose, and you try to do the right thing, even if it’s maybe not.”

“But I feel so crummy.” Kurt ran a hand through his hair and looked around his office. “Could you give me a couple minutes? I need to make that call, and then I’m going to need some time to myself.”

Sam nodded right away. “Of course. I was just coming to tell you that Mindy popped the seam in her dress again. Which, you know, I would have thought was weird because she likes to spend so much time in the bathroom throwing up, but considering she’s expanding, I’m starting to think it’s for an entirely different reason.”

Kurt’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. Wow, okay. Give me five minutes.”

Sam ducked out of the office and closed the door behind him, and Kurt rested against the edge of his work desk, phone in hand.

There was no doubt in his mind that he had to do what he’d told Sam. Things had gone on long enough, and it never should have started in the first place. No matter how hard things were with Blaine, or different, he couldn’t bow out. He couldn’t replace Blaine with Dave. He needed to focus on his baby and his marriage and not on the really genuinely good guy who’d been there for him when Kurt had needed him. Dave wasn’t his partner and Dave was only the donor, he wasn’t the father to Kurt’s baby. That meant Blaine had to come first.

The phone call had to be made. He just wasn’t sure when his stomach would cooperate enough to let him make it.

***

If nothing else, at least the break from Dave was clean. Kurt, after leaving his voicemail, heard nothing back from Dave, and he took it as affirmation that he’d been understood and respected. There were no e-mails, he didn’t go into Queens for anything, and effectively, things were over.

It left Kurt with a feeling of regret and humiliation, and a whole wallop of guilt. He’d never meant to hurt Dave, or to lead him on. In his defense, he’d only been thinking of the baby in the beginning, and then once he’d gotten to know Dave, and what a wonderful person he was, Kurt had simply wanted companionship, the kind that he wasn’t receiving from Blaine anymore. He hadn’t realized it had manifested into something much more for Dave. 

Or himself. He wasn’t saying he was head over heels in love with Dave, or that he’d even considered choosing him over Blaine for a second, but there was something there. Whatever it was. And it made him almost unbearably happy, and wonderfully content, and all of the things he’d felt when his marriage with Blaine was new and fresh and exciting. Dave held his hand and Kurt never wanted him to let go, and it was a sensation he hadn’t thought possible outside of his husband.

But he wasn’t in love with Dave.

He just couldn’t say he was in love with Blaine anymore, either.

Still, his ending things with Dave, whatever those things were, was probably for the best. He could get back to focusing on his job, and trying to repair his marriage, and there was a baby coming who still needed so much preparation. 

Kurt just wished losing Dave hadn’t made him so utterly lonely. He wished he didn’t realize how Dave had made him feel the opposite of that.

Eventually, however, as the days worked themselves out and Kurt let himself drift around, things settled back down into a normal pace. He and Blaine had wordless, tense breakfasts together, he went to work after, and then there was an empty house to come home to after. Kurt shopped for baby clothes by himself, bought his choice of wallpaper for the nursery, and tried to give Sam and Mercedes space as she finally came home. He tried to visit Tina instead, but she’d ended up on bedrest and had sworn him off coming near her while her mother in law lurked around in a formidable and scary way.

Rather than stumbling around full of ennui, or complaining, he signed up for a Baby and Me class. He’d been nervous at first, absolutely convinced that the room would be filled with couples while his own husband shied away from him and was too busy to attend, but he was pleasantly surprised to find the class was filled mostly with single men and women, with only a few partners lurking around the back of the studio, clearly more interested in their phones or each other.

There he met Harmony, and Marley, and Jeff, who startlingly enough, had actually gone to school with Blaine when they were younger. They all, in one way or another, served to remind Kurt that his situation wasn’t as bad as it could be. Each of his new friends seemed to be in a worse pickle than he was, and there was some small comfort in knowing at least his baby was wanted, and he’d had a choice over who the father was, and his husband wasn’t denying his child … at least not outright. Kurt couldn’t be sure with Blaine these days. 

The point was, Kurt had far less worries than most of his new friends put together, and certainly less than a pretty blond named Brittany who seemed to drift in and out of reality while making decidedly unfunny and irrelevant comments. Kurt wasn’t certain what her deal was, but he smiled politely and thanked her when she said he had baby soft hands.

“We should have a baby party,” Marley decided one day after class had ended and they were rolling up their yoga mats.

Harmony leveled her with an unimpressed look, and Kurt really loved that girl, then added himself, “I barely have time for this class. You think I’ve got time for a baby party? Plus, I’m already having a baby shower.” Mercedes had promised him, and she’d also reminded him that just because she’d been out of town, hadn’t meant she’d forgotten. He could expect one in a couple of months, right around the time he hit month eight.

“Not a baby shower,” Marley corrected. “It’s a baby party. It’s something my mom said my aunts and her friends used to do. They all got pregnant at around the same time. It’s where a bunch of friends who are pregnant at the same time get together and have fun with other people who actually understand what they’re going through.”

Kurt wasn’t sure he could relate to her, not that he’d tell her to her face. His husband hadn’t gotten him pregnant and then left him for another woman … who was coincidentally also expecting. Her life read like a bad soap opera. Kurt supposed his own just read like a sad novel. With a hopeful sequel in the wings.

Jeff blinked at her. “I’m sorry, since when are we friends?”

She pinched him hard. “I held your hand when we practiced breathing exercises.”

Harmony cleared her throat. “While I’m loathe to admit it, it actually doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea. But if we’re going to have a get together, we have to invite Wade.”

Kurt frowned. “Who’s Wade?” Admittedly, he didn’t know everyone in the class, even though he’d been going twice a week for two weeks now. He barely knew the people who sat next to him, and he still wasn’t sure about the tiny little Asian girl, Sunshine, who sat to his right and smiled tentatively at him, but never said anything.

“Wade.” Harmony nodded over to the ceiling to floor windows lining the wall near the door. It took Kurt a moment to spot who she was gesturing to, a short, dark skinned man who was bending awkwardly to pick up his own mat.

Kurt questioned, “How do you know Wade?”

“We live in the same building,” Harmony explained. “Sometimes we end up on the same train together. He’d lonely, like all of us. I say that if we have to suffer through one of those stupid parties, then everyone should.”

That was as good an excuse as ever. Kurt shrugged. “Go ahead and invite him. And you, Miss Marley, if you want to have this party, then it’s on you to plan it. The rest of us will help when needed, and show up at the end, but this is your thing.”

“It’s going to be amazing,” she promised. “Super fun.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Just as long as no one goes into labor at any point, we’ll call it even.”

Jeff snorted and dragged his bag over his head. “I’m going now. I think Nick is waiting for me in the parking lot. Who doesn’t love a quickie while their lover’s wife is a work?”

Kurt winced. “Jeff …”

Jeff shushed him and said, “Don’t feel sorry for me, okay? I can walk away any time I want. So don’t give me any of your pity. And be thankful for what you have.”

What he had? A crumbing marriage, a complicated baby mess, and an onslaught of other issues just waiting to rear their ugly heads. “Okay.”

Kurt watched him walk out into the parking lot and over to a black Mercedes. He paused at the driver’s side, obviously talking to the driver, then rounded the car and got in. They were gone in a matter of seconds, and even though Jeff had said not to pity him, Kurt couldn’t help it.

And then something caught his eye. A man, in particular, with nothing out of the ordinary about him, standing in the parking lot next to what seemed to be his car. Under any other circumstances, Kurt probably wouldn’t have paid him any mind, but there was something familiar about the light windbreaker the man was wearing. 

“Excuse me,” Kurt said politely. “I think I have a stalker.”

“What?” Harmony reached for him but Kurt was already gone, blowing through the studio and on his way to the man he was now beginning to recognize.

It was just as Kurt reached him that he realized Wade was already there, talking to the man in a seething, quiet voice. Wade jabbed a finger at him, barely glanced in Kurt’s direction, and then took off. The whole thing was odd.

“This,” Kurt told him when he was within earshot, “is all kinds of awkward, you realize.”

The man shrugged. “Despite what it might look like, I’m not actually here for you.”

Kurt had only met Azimio Adams twice, and not until the second to last time he’d visited the firehouse did he actually learn his name. Apparently he was only on call part time, and tended to be a bit of a loner. Kurt had met him only at Dave’s instance when the man had stated, “He’s my best friend, Kurt. Or at least he used to be. There’s some distance between us now, but we’ll come full circle. We usually do.”

Kurt couldn’t say he knew the man enough to like him, but it was also a little fishy to see him out at the studio that Kurt took his baby classes at, considering he wasn’t married and didn’t have children. Plus, how did Wade know him?

“Then why are you here?” Kurt tried his best to cross his arms. Since he’d cut things off with Dave he’d had the formidable pop that everyone always talked about. He’d gone from slight swelling and maybe extra weight, to an obvious stomach that indicated he was well into his second trimester and approaching his third. There was no mistaking his pregnancy now, and part of him wished he’d been able to share the pop with Dave. Unlike Blaine, Dave had never balked from touching the baby, and Dave hadn’t even known it was his.

“You know why.”

Kurt was only parked a few cars away and shook his head as he headed towards it, assuming Azimio would follow. He didn’t have to look behind him to know the man was. “You’re his best friend. I know you know what I did.”

“Yeah.” Azimio acknowledged. “The whole firehouse does. You’re pretty much on everyone’s shitlist.”

Kurt opened the backdoor to his car and set his bag inside. “Expected, and not unwarranted. If you think you’re going to come here and make me feel bad, and get me to possibly cry about what I did, then you’re just wasting your breath and time.” He tossed the yoga mat in after it and shut the door with a bit of a slam. “I feel guilty enough already. I don’t need you here making it worse.”

Azimio shoved his hands in his pockets. “I said, you’re on everyone shitlist. That’s because we all knew how much Dave liked you. My boy was practically in love with you when you decided that you wanted to dump him. But just because we all have known him a million times longer than you, and care about him more than you, doesn’t mean we don’t want to know why. Because most of us think you had a reason, and not that bullshit you gave Dave about wanting some space and moving too fast.”

Kurt felt his pulse pick up. “I can’t invent a new excuse, Azimio. The truth is the truth, whether you like it or not.”

“He’s such a drag now,” Azimio sighed out. “All he does is mope around and look like his puppy got run over. Twice.”

In a mellow voice, Kurt told him honestly, “I never meant to hurt him. I do care for him. It was never my intention to make him care for me and then string him out to dry. But sometimes people just aren’t right for each other, for a million different reasons, and that’s just life.”

With a laugh, Azimio imparted, “Some of the guys just thought he needed to get over you, so we tried to set him up with a couple of guys and he yelled at us. He trashed the kitchen and yelled at us and got put on probation by Beiste for being an overall pain in the ass. That’s why I’m here. Because my best friend is completely, head over heels in love with you, and he can’t let go until he gets some closure. I’m going to get some closure for him, and you saying you’re sorry isn’t going to help.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Azimio nearly exploded, “I want you to say that you hated something he did, or you’ve been lying about something huge, or that you had a valid reason for breaking his heart into a bunch of tiny little pieces and then stomping on them some more, just for the hell of it.”

Kurt froze. He couldn’t very well tell Azimio that he had been hiding something huge. “I … I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what I can give you. I’m sorry if that’s not enough.”

“ I mean it.” Azimio ran a hand over his bald head. “Dave’s in love with you. I’m not making that up. And he was prepared, you know, in ways that guys usually aren’t, to be there for you. He was going to take your kid on. It isn’t his and he didn’t care. He was going to do it anyway. He was getting excited about the baby, too.”

And there was the urge to cry. He wanted to crawl up into a little ball and cry his eyes out, because Dave wanted the baby. Dave wanted his own baby. The one he both knew and didn’t know existed. How was that fair? How was that okay?

“Why are you telling me this?” Kurt demanded, getting angry so he could avoid the tears that wanted to come. “Remember what I said about trying to guilt trip me?”

“I’m trying to get you to realize something!”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed. “What? What is it?”

“That you gave up the best damn thing you’re probably ever going to have in the form of another person who loves you. And you’re an asshole for not having the balls to tell anyone, let alone the person you hurt, why that is.” Azimio’s shoulders fell and he quieted. “I don’t know you. I don’t even like you, not really. I think you’re some pretentious guy who has money and throws it around to make a good impression and lives in Manhattan because he thinks it’s better than Queens and his biggest dilemma of the day is what name brand he’s going to wear and then name throw to all his hoity-toity friends. That’s what I think about you. But you know what? At the end of the day, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is what Dave thinks about you. You just about killed him, and he still won’t say a single mean thing about you. He still sings your praise and tells everyone to lay off you, and says you don’t deserve to be slandered by us. And I guess what I’m trying to make you see here is that even if you made a mistake, it’s not too late to go back. You can fix things with him. You can.”

Kurt straightened up. “Maybe I don’t want to.”

Azimio shrugged. “That kind of seems like a lie, considering we both know Dave.”

“Azimio …”

“He just misses you. He misses talking to you, and doing things with you, and I guess whatever mushy ass stuff that people do when they’re in love.”

“I don’t love Dave.”

Azimio’s mouth pulled tight. “Call him. Tell him something. Tell him anything. And then maybe the Captain will take him off probation, and Dave will actually start going out with the guys again to the bar, and he won’t be such a jerk to be around. So just call him, or fucking do something. Make it better. You made it worse and now you need to make it better.”

Kurt palmed his keys and moved around the car to the driver’s door. “I can’t.” He made to pull the door open when Azimio’s hand slammed on it, keeping it tightly shut. The man stared at him, angry and disappointed, and the only thing Kurt could offer him was, “You don’t understand. I know you want to, I know you’re dying to, but you can’t and you never will. Dave can’t understand either, and I am truly, wholly and completely sorry about that, but he just can’t. I can’t explain it and he can’t understand. But even if I could, even if there was a way, it wouldn’t be fair. You’re here because you want me to realize I made some giant mistake, and you want me to go crawling back to Dave because you know he wants nothing more than the take me back. But we were never a couple. We weren’t together no matter what Dave wanted or the future he saw for us. And if we were, if I loved him back and went to be with him, it wouldn’t be fair to him. It would be wrong and it would be worse in the end than you can ever imagine. So if you take nothing else away from this, remember that. Tell him that. And if he’s your best friend, save him some further heartbreak.”

Kurt slid into the car when Azimio had nothing more to say to him. Then he started the car, and drove off, not looking back to the man, and refusing to be swayed in any way.

“I’m lost,” Kurt admitted to his father later that night on the phone, fixing dinner for himself in his apartment alone. He had his father on speakerphone and was stirring a soup on the stove. “And I really don’t know what to do.”

“Kiddo,” his father eased out. “Sometimes tells me more has been going on than you’ve been telling me.”

“Well,” Kurt huffed, “my marriage is pretty much nonexistent.” It was probably the first time he’d admitted it to anyone but himself. At least with such full honesty. “Anyone else would be divorced at this point, dad. I’m not even sure I love my husband anymore. And my baby? The one I wanted so badly? It was never wanted by its other father, except the biological one. Confused? Did I mention I looked up my anonymous donor, actually ran into him, started up a friendship, and then fell for him? He kissed me. Twice. And then I broke his heart.”

“Kurt …”

“I feel lonelier than ever. I spend a lot of time alone. I eat alone, work alone and I go to my baby class alone. I’ve made some new friends, but nothing gets rid of the lonely feeling. Nothing. I’m starting to feel like I’m going to be lonely forever. Oh, and my doctor said I’m on the verge of gestational diabetes. I may need to start taking insulin for the rest of my pregnancy.”

On the other end of the line Kurt could hear a door closing, and feet shuffling, and clothing ruffling. Then there was the distinct sound of his father sitting down in his favorite chair, the leather cushions squeaking against each other. And his father said, “Start at the beginning.”

“If I do that,” Kurt said, turning the burner down on the stove, “you’ve going to be on the phone with me all night long.”

“I have a hamburger and a beer. Both of which I know you don’t want me within a mile of. So we’ll consider it a fair trade. Now, start talking.”

Kurt couldn’t tell if it was a good thing, or a horribly bad one, that once he started talking he absolutely couldn’t stop. But what might have been worse was he hadn’t really and truly realized how far back his problems with Blaine had gone, from before the baby, and before the endless years of trying. Maybe all the way back to the beginning when Kurt had been trying to adapt to the lifestyle Blaine had, and Kurt had been so in love the he was desperate to do anything to make it work.

“I changed my self,” Kurt admitted to his father, long after the soup was gone, “and I made Blaine change who he was. Or he changed for me. I don’t know. I’m not sure. The point is, I don’t think we ever doubted how much we loved each other, only just how different we are. Love can only carry you so far in the end, and I feel like the road has run out for us.”

“You want to leave him?” Burt asked bluntly.

There was no simple answer. “I don’t know. I love him, but for some time now, I think I haven’t been in love with him. I don’t know when it happened. And I thought people who loved each other as much as Blaine and I did weren’t supposed to ever just stop. When you love that hard, it’s supposed to be for life.”

His father gave a low chuckle. “You can’t predict these things, Kurt, and there’s no such thing as a soul mate. I know it’s a nice idea, and it’s okay to believe in in when you’re younger, but the truth is, there aren’t two people who are made exclusively for each other. I know this, kid, because I loved your mom so much that when she died, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move on. I wanted to die right with her, but that kind of love, that ferocity? That’s how much I love Carole, too. People come and go Kurt, sometimes voluntarily and sometimes involuntarily. People are always changing and always growing. I’m not saying that two people can’t be together for sixty years and be just as in love the first day as the last. But what I am saying is that people fall out of love all the time, and it’s normal. It’s hard and it hurts but it’s normal.”

“Thanks,” Kurt mumbled. “But I picked Blaine over Dave. I picked my husband, because I married him, and I believe in us, and I just don’t know how to be Kurt without Blaine. I feel like I lost my identity somewhere along the way. That’s not supposed to happen, right?”

“I don’t think so.” His dad groaned, “I take it you don’t want to talk about the elephant in the room?”

With a wince, Kurt tried, “To be fair, I really, absolutely, I swear to you, didn’t mean to ever actually have any contact with him.”

“Kurt.”

“It just happened!”

On the subject of Dave, his father didn’t have much advice to give. Only, “If you’re doing what your gut is telling you is right, then that needs to be good enough for you, Kurt. Be honest with yourself.”

Kurt missed alcohol. He was certain he’d feel better if he could have a glass of wine or two. “Honesty?” Kurt laughed. “I think I am finally being honest with myself, and that’s causing all the problems. I’m just not being honest with anyone else. I’m not even being honest with Dave. He’s in love with this guy who’s built their entire relationship up around a lie. And that makes me sick.”

Burt hedged, “You know you’re going to have to tell him the truth eventually, right?”

“Why?” Kurt wasn’t sure that was the case. “I broke things off with him. I asked him not to contact me. I basically told him I never wanted to see him again.”

His father pointed out, “Didn’t you tell me one of his coworkers came to see you?”

“But I told him not to come back! I told him enough for him not to want to.”

“Kurt.” He could tell his father’s frustration level was building. “You’re telling me that you feel like you did this Dave guy, your donor, a disservice, right?”

Kurt nodded, then hurried to add so his dad knew, “Yes.”

“Well, when we do people a disservice, when we hurt them or wrong them, we have to come clean about it before we can mend bridges. You can’t think that you’re never going to see him again. And you can’t rely on the idea that the truth will never come out on its own. I’m not saying go track the guy down and spill everything. But I want you to consider that you may not ever be at peace with yourself, or your child for that matter, if you don’t fix things with him first.”

Kurt tried not to feel defeated. “I don’t think I can fix things with him.”

“Then just make them right, kid.”

“Okay. Right.” Kurt cleared his throat. “How about this. If, and I mean if I ever see Dave again, I’ll come clean. He’ll deserve at least that much, and I’ll tell him everything. But I’m not going to go looking for him. I asked him to leave me alone, and to not contact me anymore. I can’t make a mockery out of that request. So if I see him, I’ll tell him, and if I don’t, I won’t.”

“You don’t have to justify your actions to me,” Burt told him.

“No,” Kurt agreed. “But you have never steered me wrong before.” 

Kurt picked up his soup bowl and glanced at the clock across the kitchen. It was after midnight and Blaine still wasn’t home.

“Well,” his dad groaned, “Carole’s been giving me dirty looks for the past half hour. I think it’s time for both you and I to go to bed.”

Kurt patted his tummy. “Yep. The baby has been kicking me pretty hard for a while now. I think he wants me to go lay down now.:

“He?” Burt asked surprised.

“Or she.” Kurt laughed. “I don’t know, but I guess I got tired of calling the baby and it. And no, before you ask, I still haven’t heard a good enough argument as to why I shouldn’t just wait to find out what the baby is. I guess you and Carole will have to stick to buying nice, neutral colors.”

“Hey, Kurt?”

“Hmm?” Kurt lifted the faucet and rinsed the bowl off. “Something on your mind for once that you’d like a little advice on? I did offer to help you and the other senators coordinate your wardrobes. I don’t know why you won’t let me.”

His father chuckled, then said, “I just wanted to remind you that you always have a home with me. If you want to come here, for whatever reason, or even without a reason, you know the door is always open. And maybe, considering all that’s going on right now, you could use a break. You told me you’ve got yourself an assistant now. You should be able to take a few days off, right? Come visit. Come see your brother.”

“Can’t,” Kurt said right away. “I mean, I guess theoretically I could, but I’m not going to. I don’t want to run. I want to stay and to fight, for this baby, for Blaine, for my life. I’ve got to stay right now, as long as there’s a chance to make things better.”

Burt grumbled, “Okay. But you just call me up if you need me. Anytime. I mean it.”

“I know. Thanks, dad.”

Kurt reached over to end the call and hit the light short after. Talking to his father always made him feel better. He wondered if it was just a father thing, being able to make other people, especially your own kids, feel better. Kurt touched his stomach and hoped at least a part of that passed on to himself and his baby. 

But after his talk with his father he did honestly feel less bad about Dave. He still felt guilty, and didn’t think there was enough he could do to make up for it, but it wasn’t weighing on him so heavily. Maybe he would run into Dave eventually. It could be a couple years down the road, when the baby was walking and talking and Kurt was done prematurely panicking about SIDS. And then Kurt would tell him, and maybe Dave would be interested in the baby, and maybe he wouldn’t, and either way it would be okay.

The thing was, however, that the universe hated Kurt. It was a firmly established fact. And so two weeks after Dave had kissed him, and Kurt had broken his heart with his rejection, Kurt saw him. He was taking Mason for an early Monday afternoon trip through Central Park in order to give Mercedes and Sam a bit of alone time. They were headed towards the Central Park Zoo, but Kurt had promised Mason that they’d stop by a playground on the way.

That was when Kurt saw Dave, jogging towards them, and it was obvious by the way Dave nearly tripped, that he’d seen them.

“If you exist,” Kurt mumbled, eyes up to the clouds, “I’m sure you’re doing this just to be mean.”

“Uncle Kurt?” Mason tugged on Kurt’s wrist. “There’s the playground.” He pointed just ahead. 

Dave slowed in front of them. “Kurt?”

“Dave.” Kurt tried not to let his anxiousness over the sudden situation show. “Mason, do you remember Dave from the fundraiser?”

Mason peered up at Dave and said, “Oh, yeah. I do.”

Dave looked so sad as he said, “You’ve gotten bigger, but it’s only been a couple of weeks.”

“I popped,” Kurt said weakly. “Um, what’re you doing out here?”

Dave lifted his ipod. “Jogging.”

“In Central Park? Isn’t that a little out of your way?”

Dave frowned. “I had business here in Manhattan, and after, I decided to run. Running usually clears my head, and Central Park is the most beautiful place in New York. Why are you here? You’re not really and outdoorsy guy.”

“We’re going to the zoo!” Mason said proudly, then pouted a little. “But Uncle Kurt said he’d let me play at the playground first. I’m still waiting.”

A smile forced its way onto Kurt’s face. “He’s always been a little impatient.”

Dave had a bashful hue to his face as he said, “I heard that Azimio cornered you outside of you class. I want you to know, I didn’t ask him to. In fact, I told him to do the opposite. I said to leave you alone.”

“Hey. I know.” Kurt took a half step forward before he caught himself. “I know you didn’t ask him to go.”

“Because I’m going to respect you wishes. I would never send someone after you like that.”

“I know,” Kurt repeated. “I know you wouldn’t. And thank you for that. I know I … when I left that message, I probably wasn’t very nice. I was more concerned with being thorough. The fact that you’d still respect me enough to do as I asked, well, I just really appreciate that.”

Dave nodded, then said earnestly, “I don’t know what I did, or how I mess everything up, but I have a lot of questions that I’d like to have answered. Will you … will you let me know when you’re willing to talk? If you’re willing to talk?”

He was suddenly reminded of his talk with his dad, and the promise he’d made himself. 

“Actually,” Kurt asked a little nervously, “the playground is right there. If you wanted to walk with myself and Mason over there we could … I could answer some of those questions.” He couldn’t believe he’d offered. He couldn’t believe he was going to come clean about everything he’d done in his quest to have his baby, and to keep his family.

He was beginning to have serious second thoughts when Dave said, “I’ve got all the time in the world.”

He wasn’t ready. He absolutely wasn’t ready. Not with the way Dave was looking at him.

“You can go ahead,” Kurt told Mason when the playground was close enough. It was worth it in the way that Mason lit up and took off like a rocket, but it left Dave alone with Kurt, and Kurt alone with his thoughts.

“Was it because I kissed you? I pushed you?”

“What?” Kurt turned to look up at him. “No. I mean yes. I mean … Dave. You didn’t push me.”

The bigger man looked defeated. “I tried to be patient. I knew I had to be from the beginning. Obviously a pregnant guy doesn’t want to go rushing into a relationship. That’s why I wanted us just to be good friends for a while. More than anything, I wanted you to be comfortable with me. I thought you were, but I know it was wrong to just kiss you like that.”

“Dave,” Kurt said, a little exacerbated. “That kiss … both of those kisses, they’re absolutely what made me jump ship and run for the hills. I’m not going to deny it. But not because you were pushing for something. Not for any reason you could possible imagine.”

“Please tell me why?”

Kurt looked around and spotted a nearby bench. It gave him a good view of Mason who was dangling already from the monkey bars, but also afforded them a little privacy. “Let’s go sit down. My feet are already hurting.”

When they were both seated, Kurt reached under his shirt and pulled up his necklace, the ring dangling from it. “This was my wedding ring,” he explained.

Dave’s face grew even more pale. “Oh god. I am such an asshole. Obviously you’re still hurting from a previous relationship, and here I am, trying to move in on you. I just--”

“Dave!” Kurt let the ring fall. “No. I’m sorry, I’m making a mess of this explanation. Let me be clear, the only reason this is on a chain is because my fingers have been swollen up forever and I haven’t been able to get it on. Or I’m scared if I do, I won’t be able to get it off.”

Dave’s voice cut like steel. “You’re married? As in, you’re still married? Right now?”

Kurt nodded. “I’m married.

Kurt could see him take a steadying breath before he asked, “Why did you lie?”

“If I start there,” Kurt insisted, “at that part in the story, you’ll only be confused. I have to start at the beginning, years and years ago. That’s the only way to get through this.”

The change in Dave’s posture was immediate. He’d gone from understanding and desperate to on the defense, and Kurt already felt intimidated. “Tell me. Tell me everything, because I have to be honest with you right now, Kurt. I’m getting less and less excited about being here with you.”

He started, “It’s really a story about a little boy who lost his mom too early. She had cancer at far too young an age, and fought brilliantly, but ended up passing away in the end.”

Dave guessed, “Your mom?”

Kurt held up a hand. “Just let me talk. You listen.” When he was sure Dave was going to remain quiet, he continued, “Because this little boy’s mother died so young, he became fixated on the idea of family, or at least that’s what his over priced, probably ego inflated psychologists told him. But I digress. He grew up being overprotected by his father, and almost obsessed with the family he’d have one day when he was older. He wanted a house full of kids, and a high rise condo in New York, and a career on Broadway, not to mention his doctor husband and yearly vacations to the Swiss Alps and Hamptoms where he could coordinate everyone’s wardrobe and easily be the most fashionable and amazing family. What? Don’t give me that look. I was young, okay.”

“Uncle Kurt!” Mason was perched on top of the monkey bars now, waving frantically at him.

Kurt mumbled, “He’s going to break his neck, and I’ll have to explain that to his parents.” He regained his focus a moment later. “But then, Dave, this little boy grew up, and his goals and wishes and dreams changed, all except for one thing. He still wanted that family more than anything else. Maybe not a dozen children, but a couple, and someone to share that family with. Obviously someone to help make that family.”

“Your husband.”

With a nod, Kurt said, “This little boy, now a young man, met the man of his dreams. This man was smart and charming and funny and handsome and all of the things that the young man had never dreamed of finding all in one total package. He was swept off his feet, and married fairly quickly. He still wanted his career, and he still wanted everything else, but more than anything, he wanted a family with his new husband and he started trying for one right away.” Kurt’s hand folded over his stomach, the baby brushing against his touch. “It didn’t happen. For seven long years it didn’t happen, and the young man was constantly filled with feelings of failure and inadequacies and the unmistakable knowledge that something was wrong.”

Dave gestured. “But you’re pregnant now.”

Finally, plainly, Kurt said, “It wasn’t me. I’m perfectly healthy. I had every test, and talked to a series of doctors and specialists until I went to the last one, the one who told me I might want to consider that it was my husband who was the problem. And low and behold, we found out that he’s sterile. And it broke me. It let me know in one, crushing second that I couldn’t have what I’d dreamed about having since I was little.”

Dave slouched down a little on the bench, crossing one leg at the ankle. Kurt wondered if Dave would hate him after he knew the truth. Part of Kurt hoped he would. It would make their break easier.

“We, Blaine and I,” Kurt cleared his throat, “talked about adoption, and a few other options, but more than anything, I wanted a baby that was mine, biologically and legally, and I wanted to carry it. I wanted the experience, and I guess I overlooked my husband’s feelings when I talked him into getting a genetic donor. I know now he didn’t want it, he just wanted to make me happy, and if our problems had existed before that point, that’s when they started to snowball.”

There was an unreadable expression on Dave’s face. Maybe he was thinking about his own status as a donor. Maybe he was contemplating the chance that someone out there was pregnant with his baby.

“So we used the donor,” Kurt said, catching Dave’s attention once more, “and obviously I got pregnant. I was more happy than I have ever been, this baby is all I wanted and more. But Blaine? Blaine started to pull away. He didn’t want to talk about the baby. He certainly didn’t want to touch it. We had fights over it, and it was right around then that I realized it wasn’t just that he didn’t want the baby, it was that he was incapable of bonding with it. He couldn’t see it as his own, which was probably the worst thing of all. He was going to be a father to a baby he couldn’t care about, and I was sure then, just as sure as I am now, that it came from the fact that we used an anonymous donor.”

Dave spoke up, if a little timid, “Why an anonymous donor?”

Kurt shrugged. “In part we thought that the genetic makeup for the baby didn’t matter at all, and that it was just going to be myself and Blaine who mattered. We were sure that an anonymous donor would make things easier for everyone, and maybe we were a little selfish about the whole thing, because we didn’t’ want to share our baby with anyone, not even its biological father.”

“So you …” Dave guessed, “started having problems with your husband and latched onto me? The first guy who showed you some attention and affection?” That was anger Kurt picked up. “And decided to lie about it all on top of everything?”

“No,” Kurt denied. “Running into you was a pure accident. I never planned to actually ever talk to you. I never wanted to meet you face to face. I had everything I already needed.”

“I don’t understand.”

Kurt hid his face in his hands for a moment, and it was a good enough diversion to wipe away the moisture in his eyes. He wouldn’t cry in front of Dave. There was nothing to cry about. He was sorry and he was owning up, but it wasn’t a pity party.

“I know someone who knows someone,” Kurt tried to say. “And that someone got me information on my donor. Everything from his social security number to his work history, even his school information. Everything and I mean everything. I breached my contract with the fertility clinic, and violated my donor’s privacy because I desperately wanted to have my husband care about and want my baby. I never meant to hurt my donor, I never meant to … hurt you.”

“Me?” Dave echoed.

Kurt rushed to add, “I swear to you, Dave, I absolutely swear to you on my life, I never meant to talk to you. I never meant to let you know I existed. That day that Sam and Mason and I ran into you? It was coincidence. It was an accident. It wasn’t on purpose. I don’t want anything from you. I’m not trying to trap you. I just … I wanted to know more about who you were so I could know more about the baby.”

Dave’s eyes were fixed to his stomach, and he looked like he might pass out at any moment. “You … I … me?”

Kurt stumbled, “I picked you, well, not you, but I picked my donor, which is you, but what I’m trying to say is, I chose my donor because from the provided information he seemed smart, and brave, and selfless, and all of the things that a person wants for their baby. On paper you were amazing, and I just wanted to make sure you lived up to that as I was finding out more about you. I just … I’m so sorry.”

Pointing a shaking finger, Dave asked, “That’s my baby?”

Kurt gave a shaky nod. “Biologically, it’s yours.”

“You’re pregnant with … with my kid?”

“Dave--”

“You had no right!” Dave jumped to his feet, face twisted up and voice a deep rumble. 

“I know. I just--”

“I don’t care!” Dave’s hands clenched into fists. “I absolutely don’t care what comes out of your mouth now. I never wanted to know if anyone selected me for their donor. I had my own personal reasons for becoming one, but I never wanted the responsibility of becoming a father in this way. The point of that fertility clinic was that I didn’t have to worry about anyone coming out of the woodwork like this.”

“I don’t want your money.” Kurt short back. “If that’s what you think, you’re wrong. And I don’t want you to take the kid on weekends, or be responsible for it. This is my baby, not yours, you just helped make it.”

Dave laughed. “You really think it works like that? Do you think I’m just some deadbeat dad? Because Kurt, it’s not okay for you to just let me know that surprise, I’m a father. You can’t think that I’m just going to blow it off. I’m not that guy. I’m not your asshole husband who isn’t going to want the baby.”

“Hey!” Kurt managed to his feet. “You don’t know Blaine. You don’t get to say anything about him.”

“Because up until three minutes ago I didn’t know he existed? You know what, it doesn’t even matter why you did this. It really doesn’t. There isn’t a good enough reason in the world for you to feel justified enough to violate my privacy and turn my world upside down. You don’t have any idea what you’ve done.”

“I know,” Kurt said quietly, “what I didn’t mean to do, and that was hurt you. If you believe nothing else, please believe that. I just wanted to know more about you. I justified my spending time with you as benefiting the baby. But then you were my friend, and then a best friend, and then … something else. I don’t know.”

Dave turned his back to Kurt, shoulders tense. “I really loved you. I know that’s stupid to say, we’ve only known each other a few months, but I did. I really did. You’re easy to love.”

“Loved?”

“How could I still love you?” Dave finally turned to him, eyes a blotchy red. “I feel used. I feel like you used me to help your baby, and you just let me go along with my stupid crush until it turned into something more. You played both sides, and it would be fine if it was only you on the line, but you don’t have any idea how badly you’ve messed up my life right now. You don’t have any clue what you’ve done, or why I was a donor at the fertility bank, or what a baby means to me.”

Kurt gnawed his bottle lip for a moment. “I meant what I said about you not being accountable. I just wanted to be honest with you, partly to clear my conscience, but also partly because I thought you deserved to know. Some for the baby, too. But I’m not asking you to be a father here. I’m not asking you to come around on birthdays or bring Christmas presents.”

“You think your husband is going to do that for you instead?”

Kurt didn’t know. He hoped it showed on his face. “I’m not sure about anything with him at this point. Our marriage is in such tiny little pieces. We literally don’t talk to each other anymore. I will always love him, but am I in love with him? His rejection of this baby tells me the answer is probably no. But I don’t know for sure. Things could get better when the baby is born, or they could get even worse. I’ll just have to see.”

Dave was back to looking at his stomach with an intense kind of gaze, one that made Kurt still want to burst out into tears. “You don’t want me to be accountable?”

“It’s not your baby. Someone isn’t a father just because they have a person out there with half of their DNA. I’m not asking you to be a father.”

“Well,” Dave grunted, “it’s a little later for that. Because now I know this kid exists. I know it’s mine. I can’t walk away, and I won’t.” Dave gave him a harsh look. “You know what’s the best part about this? I was fully prepared to be a father to this baby. I didn’t care if it wasn’t mine. I was going to be there for you, and for it, and you wouldn’t have even needed to ask me. That was the plan.”

“I’m so--”

“Sorry?” Dave finished for him. “Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“Dave.” Kurt managed to snag his shirt sleeve, dragging Dave close enough for his bump to hit Dave with a soft bounce. “I’m not trying to say what I did was okay, but it was for the baby, and then it became so much more. I could talk to you about anything, and I trusted you, and I felt closer to you than my husband. I … I looked at you and I saw my future with you for the first time, and not him. That’s never happened before and I was scared and--”

“You trusted me?” Dave cut in ruthlessly. “That’s great, because I trusted you, too. I trusted everything that came out of your mouth.”

“None of it was a lie!”

“Excluding important details is just as bad as lying about things. I don’t understand why you don’t get that. Especially something this important. Now let go of me.”

Kurt couldn’t. He wanted to do as Dave asked, but he couldn’t get his fingers to unfurl. He couldn’t let go of Dave because he knew if he did Dave would storm off, and he’d probably never see him again. It was why he’d been so afraid to tell Dave the truth. It was nauseating to think of never seeing Dave again, not after having him so close again.

“What do you want?” Dave demanded. “You just let me know what you don’t, so how about you tell me what you do, so we can both move on.”

“I don’t want to move on,” Kurt said, feeling light headed and breathless. “I know we can’t ever go back to what we were, but … oh, Dave, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I’m asking. I don’t know what to do.”

The baby kicked fiercely, maybe sensing how upset he was, and by the flinch on Dave’s face, Kurt knew the man had felt it. They were still pressed almost indecently close together. 

“Kurt, you--”

“Dave. I just--”

Dave bent the short distance between them and kissed Kurt hard. It was more blunt pressure and sharp teeth than anything else, but Kurt leaned up into it, and felt weightless for a second. This was Dave, he told himself. Dave looked after him without being asked to, and cared about him, and regardless of the meltdown they were having, had at one point loved him. Maybe even like Blaine had. The difference was Blaine hadn’t kissed him in what felt like forever, and Dave was kissing him in that very moment, and with more determination than Kurt had ever felt. The comparison was truly startling, and given the choice, Kurt would have chosen to kiss Dave every day. It made him suddenly reconsidering deciding to stick by his husband.

“Damnit,” Dave cursed, drawing back.

“Dave?” Kurt asked softly. 

“This is my baby,” he said, furious and focused, one big hand on Kurt’s stomach, “and I will not just walk away. I’m not that guy. So that’s what I’m doing with the baby. I just don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

Kurt wanted to suggest Dave kiss him again, still feeling a little euphoric from it, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

Dave pried his hand off Kurt’s stomach and took a full step back. “You wanted some time and I gave it to you, so now you do me the same respect and leave me alone for a while. I need to … I need to figure out what I’m going to do. I just became a father to a baby who isn’t even born, and I don’t have a clue what’s between us anymore. But I need to think, and if you see me on the street, you should keep walking. I’ll let you know when I’ve decided something.”

Kurt gave the barest of nods. 

“But,” Dave told him, taking another step, “if there’s ever going to be anything between us, in any capacity other than me picking my kid up for the afternoon, then I’m not going to be in competition with your husband. I’m not going to let you bounce back and forth because you like what we have, but you feel some sense of dependency or loyalty to him. You can’t have it both ways, not any more. So if you want more, you make a choice.”

He thought he had. Kurt was sure he’d chosen Blaine, but now everything had changed, and he was even less sure.

“Okay,” Kurt mumbled.

“But no matter what,” Dave said, “you should think about doing him the same respect and telling him the truth. He’s your husband. You do own him that much, more than you owe me. You don’t get to pick and chose who to be honest with. That’s not the way it works. And you’re not going to end any of your problems with him if you keep it up.”

There were no more parting words, and no more kisses. Dave left silently and quickly, and Kurt was by himself after that, moments away from tears, chest aching and confused to the point of a headache. Or maybe it was a heartache. He couldn’t say for sure.

“Uncle Kurt?”

Kurt thought he probably made a comical sight with how high he jumped.

“Mason.” Kurt pressed a hand to his stomach. “You scared me.”

“Sorry.” Mason shrugged up at Kurt. “Uncle Kurt? Why were you kissing that man?”

Kurt froze. Of course Mason had seen. The whole of New York might have seen. He felt incredibly embarrassed, and at a loss.

“Mason.” Kurt knelt down next to him with caution. “Dave is my friend. Sometimes … sometimes people kiss their friends. I kiss your mommy frequently and sometimes your daddy, too. People kiss each other all the time, and often for very different reasons.” And Kurt was absolutely dead if Mason told anyone what he’d seen. Kurt was still trying to work it all out for himself. He couldn’t take that added on him.

Mason seemed to consider it for a moment, then gave a reluctant nod. “Okay. Can we go to the zoo now?”

Kurt gave him a firm nod. “Okay.”

He had to do something. He had to come clean to Blaine. He had to figure out what exactly Dave was to him. And he had to reevaluate who was more important. So in many ways he was grateful that Dave had asked not to be contacted for a while. It gave Kurt the time he needed, and maybe the false hope he didn’t.

***

It took him two days to work up the courage to confront Blaine about what he’d done. Two days of trying to rationalize his behavior, and defend his actions to himself, and two long days of self wallowing pity. 

But when he worked up the courage, when he finally decided that it couldn’t be put off for any longer, he went home from work, pulled a nearby throw from the arm of the couch over his shoulders, and resigned himself to wait until Blaine came home. He’d wait all night if he had to.

Kurt woke up in the morning and gave a huff of frustration when he realized he’d fallen asleep. He’d missed Blaine.

Yet the distinct smell of coffee was in the air, and when he craned his neck out as far as it would go, Kurt could just see the edge of someone’s form in the kitchen, over by the coffee pot.

“Blaine?” Kurt struggled to get to his feet, half afraid that Blaine was going to run from the apartment.

“Oh. Hey.” Blaine tipped into view. “I actually tried to get you up last night, but you not so nicely told me to leave you alone. I always forget that you’re such a heavy sleeper right now. You used to get up in the middle of the night if the people two floors down from us flushed the toilet.”

Kurt felt his face heat. “Well, that was before I had a five pound baby pressing against my bladder when I’m awake, stealing all my energy.” He cleared his throat. “What time did you get in last night?”

“Two?” Blaine guessed. “Hard to say.”

“Blaine.” Kurt reached the kitchen, still a little unsteady on his feet from sleep, and said, “I never meant to fall asleep on the couch. I was up late waiting for you.”

Blaine was already dressed and showered, and by the way that he already had his coffee capped in his thermos, he was probably moments away from walking out the door. If Kurt had slept any longer he might have missed Blaine, and who knew when Kurt was going to see him again.

“What for?” Blaine glanced over at him. “You know I come in late.”

“And you leave early.” Kurt reached up to pat his bed head. “We don’t see each other anymore, Blaine. If there’s something important, I usually have to schedule something with Jillian. Do you know how ridiculous it is that I have to call your secretary to see you? When did this start happening? How did this start and I didn’t realize until lately?”

Blaine sighed heavily. “We’ve been over this a million times, Kurt. Do you remember?”

Anger blossomed to the forefront of Kurt’s mind. “Stop talking to me like I’m a child. I’m your husband. I’m your partner. If nothing else, I’m your equal. Being pregnant hasn’t made me slow. Now I’m telling you that I stayed up because we need to talk about something. It’s important and it has to be said. I have to say it and you have to listen. So I suggest you park it in a chair and settle in.”

“But--”

“I don’t care if you’re going to be late for work,” Kurt interrupted. “Be late. I know you’re always telling me your job is important. But if it’s more than anything I might say to you, then we are going to seriously need to reevaluate what our marriage means, and if it’s worth trying to protect.”

Blaine seemed to contemplate his words for a moment, and it struck right into Kurt’s heart. But then his husband moved to a bar chair and slid onto it wordlessly.

“Okay,” Kurt breathed out, feeling both daunted and relieved. “This all … everything that I’m about to tell you, it all started because I was worried you weren’t bonding with the baby.” Blaine made to say something but Kurt snapped, “Let me get two words in.”

Blaine nodded mutely.

“I know,” Kurt stressed, “what you said. I know you claimed that you were fine with the baby as is, and that you didn’t feel like you needed any outside intervention. But Blaine, your grandmother practically raised you. She was so amazing, and you loved her so much, but when she died, you didn’t cry, and you didn’t fly out for the funeral. You just told me you were okay, and asked if I wanted Italian for dinner. You’re not especially good at expressing your emotions. You bottle things up, like you think people can’t handle seeing you be vulnerable for just an instance. So I knew, okay, I knew that you were lying when you told me you were okay with this whole baby issue.”

“I …” Kurt thought maybe Blaine would try to defend himself, but then he quieted down, and there was nothing.

Hesitantly, Kurt said, “I thought for sure that you’d love this baby as much as me if you knew where it was coming from. If you could relate to it, on any level. I thought maybe it would help if you knew what our donor was like, and therefore what our baby would be predisposed to be like.”

“I looked at the file,” Blaine said plainly. “The one you picked.”

He’d glanced at it, but Kurt didn’t say that much. “I know, but numbers and stats can only tell you so much. They’re not really a clear picture of who a person is, and you know it. I’m talking about being able to known if our baby’s donor was a good person. Does he think of others before himself? Is he charitable? Does he have good taste in clothes?”

Blaine cracked a smile and added, “Does he know his Channel from his Gucci?”

Kurt posed, “More like does he have a sense of humor? Does he get frustrated easily? Is he outgoing? Friendly? Personable? Does he like to try new things, or is he perfectly happy with what he already knows? These are the little things about a person’s personality that add up to everything big that matters. I’m not saying that our baby is going to be a carbon copy of our donor, because we’re the parents, and we’re raising this baby. But it’s got to impact our baby if only a little, and I wanted you to be able to know the little things, so we can nurture and foster them, and just know a bit more about the situation.”

Blaine frowned and pointed out, “We signed a confidentially contract. Are you saying we shouldn’t have gone with an anonymous donor?”

“I’m saying that, too,” Kurt agreed, “but more importantly, I’m saying that Tina knows everyone in this city worth knowing. She also knows all their business, and I suspect it’s because she gets them high as a kite when they come see her and they spill all their secrets to her, but that’s not the point. The point is, when you need to know something, you go to Tina and she gets you the answers you need. I call it her second job.”

Blaine shrugged. “Okay.”

“Meaning,” Kurt eased out, “confidentiality doesn’t really matter.”

“Kurt!” Blaine was on his feet a moment later. “Swear to me that you didn’t do what I think you’re telling me you did.”

“I was desperate!”

Blaine snapped, “We’re going to get sued!”

“That’s what you’re most worried about?” Kurt asked. “A lawsuit?” 

“I can’t believe you.” Blaine crossed the kitchen to the far side, then locked his hands on the countertop and kept his back to Kurt.

“I did it for this family,” Kurt defended. “And no matter what it became, that’s what it started as. Because I was worried, and when I worry, I make rash decisions. So I went to Tina, and I asked for information on my donor, anything she could drag up. I got a whole file full.” It was still hidden in the closet, locked away under photo albums and work files.

“Damage control,” Blaine mumbled. “I have to do damage control. I can shift some cases around and see how far down the rabbit hole you’ve taken us, Kurt.”

The smile that came onto Kurt’s face was unintended. It just sort of happened as Kurt said, “His name is Dave. Dave Karofsky. And he’s pretty much the guy that all parents want their kids to bring home. He’s funny and smart and kind and adventurous. He’ll try anything once, even the things he doesn’t think he’ll like it, and he’ll do for others what he’s reluctant to do for himself. He always opens the door for me, but when I beat him to it, he thanks me for holding it open for him. And he thinks the differences in people make everything interesting, which I think opposite of, and he--”

“Kurt.” Blaine turned around, eyes accusing. “How do you know all this?”

Kurt put his hands up. “I swear to you, I just wanted to know more about him. I just wanted information. I was never going to actually talk to him. The plan wasn’t to ever let him know that I existed.”

“You talked to him!”

“I …” How could he tell Blaine what Dave was to him. “I ran into him on accident. Mason and Sam and I were going to do something for Mason’s school. A project. And we decided to stop by this block party fundraiser that was going on. I ran into him there. He’s … easy to talk to. He’s a friend.”

“A friend?” Blaine was so angry he was red in the face. “Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me, Kurt? It’s bad enough you looked up highly illegal information on this guy. But you met him? You actually talked to him? Does he know who you are? Please tell me he doesn’t know who you are. Because if he doesn’t, we can still--”

“He’s one of my best friends, and I’ve known him roughly two months. In fact, I’ve spent more time with him during that time than I have with you. We went places.” Kurt couldn’t help his chuckle. “He made me go to a baseball game. I hate sports, but I had a great time. And then we went to the Met, and tried Swarma. Do you know what Swarma is? It’s really good. The point is, I spent my days off with him and he’s a firefighter, remember? So I’d go to the firehouse and spent time with him and his friends. We’re more than friends, Blaine. He’s so important to me.”

“Oh, god.” Blaine rubbed his hands over his face.

“What happened with us?”

Blaine looked up. “Huh?”

“We use to be everything to each other. The only important people on the planet were each other. We were so in love. And then something happened. Maybe we just drifted. I think this baby made it worse. Regardless, things changed and I don’t know what to do. I think … maybe Dave became to me what you used to be.”

Blaine paled and froze. “What’re are you saying?”

Here it was. The moment. The precipice. The point of no return. If he said what he needed to, there was a good chance Blaine might end their marriage. At the very least, the problems that they were already having were going to double, if not triple. 

“There’s a level of intimacy between us. Myself and Dave,” Kurt explained. “I can tell him anything, and the trust is … unspoken. There’s this connection between us. And we … I took him to the theater. He wanted to see where I worked, said it was only fair, and I agreed. We went back to my office and we were just talking, and then he kissed me.”

The blank look Blaine gave him was haunting. 

“He caught me off guard the first time.”

“The first time?”

With a shaky nod, Kurt added, “There was a second kiss in that office. That one I could have avoided. But I didn’t. Because … because …” He had to keep going, even as the ground he stood on crumbled. “Because part of me loved it. Because I liked the attention Dave gave me, and the care he paid to me, the kind that you should have been. Because I was angry at you, and frustrated and I wanted someone who wanted me. But mostly … mostly because it was nice. He kissed me, Blaine, and there’s something there with him that isn’t there with you anymore. That’s the truth and he said I had to be honest with you. He was right.”

Blaine pursed his lips. “You …” He paused, looking away.

“I never wanted anything from him.” Kurt leaned against the island bar. “I didn’t even want friendship, but I got it, and then some. I don’t know what I feel for him, Blaine, and I know you’re my husband, but I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore. It would only be wrong to lie to both you and myself about that.”

“You know, there are some things about you that I never liked.” Blaine crossed his arms. “The same can probably be said for the way you feel about me. But this? I never expected this. I never thought for a second that you’d be a cheater. Not you.”

It was odd. He’d expected when he told Blaine the truth that there’d be plenty of tears to go around. He thought he’d cry, maybe even sob. He’d wanted to cry with Dave. But it was strange. He only felt numb with Blaine. And maybe still a little angry. 

“I never meant to.” Kurt meant that was every bit of his heart. “I don’t know where we stand, or what’s going to happen in the future, but more than anything, I never wanted to hurt you. I started out wanting to help you. It was always just to help.”

“Great job. Really.”

Kurt mumbled, “I don’t blame you--”

“For what?” Blaine snapped. “Being mad?”

Kurt licked his chapped lips. “I’m sorry. I had to tell you. And there was … there’s something else.”

“Did you fuck him too?”

Kurt reeled back, as if he’d been physically assaulted. He could barely get his feet under him as he stammered, “What? No! I was just going to say I kissed him again. Or he kissed me. I guess it’s moot point. I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

“How can I believe that?” Blaine demanded. “You’re sitting here telling me that you went off to get attention from some other guy because I’ve been working long nights, and you think I’m not going to believe for one second that you--”

“I would never!” Kurt shouted. 

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d kiss someone else, too. Or go back on your wedding vows. I’m glad they meant so much to you.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“Sorry doesn’t mean much to me when you tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

That was wrong. That was absolutely wrong. “That’s not it at all.” Kurt reached for him, but as expected, Blaine flinched away. “I still love you, Blaine. I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. But there’s a difference when you’re an adult, between loving someone and being in love with them.”

Blaine leveled him with an icy glare. “Are you in love with this guy Dave? Dave Karofsky? Is it because it’s his kid? Would you still be in love with him if it was mine?”

If it was Blaine’s, Kurt didn’t think they’d be in the situation that they were. But regardless, he told Blaine, “I’m not in love with Dave. I know there’s something there, something with potential, but it’s not love. Not yet. I’m not saying I’m not in love with you because I’m in love with him.”

Blaine swiped his thermos from the nearby countertop and said, “Are you asking for a divorce?”

Kurt looked down at his stomach. It was supposed to be their baby. They were supposed to be raising it together and loving it together. Kurt didn’t know he could do it without Blaine, and who knew about Dave. 

“I don’t think so, but I don’t know.”

“Do you know anything?”

Kurt was forced to admit, “Right now? No. I’m so confused.”

Blaine stalked his way over to the front door, snagging his keys on the way. “Better to be confused than hurt. Why don’t you chew on that.”

“Are you…” Kurt wanted to reach out for him. He wanted to promise Blaine that they’d be okay, even though he knew they wouldn’t. “Are you going to come home tonight?” Would Blaine leave him? Was he leaving Blaine?

“I don’t know,” Blaine said gruffly. “Things are never going to be the same. We’re never going back to what we were. You cheated. You did this to us. And I don’t know if I can fix it. I don’t know if I want to. I don’t … I can’t even look at your face. I don’t think we’re going to work, Kurt. I think we’re done.”

Blaine left with a slam to the door and Kurt took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled after his retreating husband.

But part of him wasn’t.

There was no afternoon show at the theater, just an evening, and Kurt decided the best way to take his mind off the destruction of his marriage was to run errands. He needed desperately to go grocery shopping, there was dry cleaning to pick up, and he needed to get cash from the bank. It was a good enough distraction, running the errands, and he was thankful. It helped tot take his mind of the reality of the situation, and the fact that he’d have to tell his dad the next time he called that he’d failed at marriage, and worse, he’d become a cheater. He wasn’t sorry for Dave, but he was for his actions.

And then the absolute worst thing that could have happened, did, right around noon. Kurt was on his way to his car, a bag filled with new cloth material in hand, when he spotted Sebastian Smyth in front of him.

“Don’t.” Kurt held up a hand to stall whatever the boy was going to say. “Just don’t. Whatever you’re going to say, whatever joke you’re going to make, however you’re going to try and get under my skin. Just don’t. I don’t have the time or patience or willpower to deal with you.”

“That’s charming, gay-face,” Sebastian prattled off, “that you actually think I care that much about you.”

“No,” Kurt corrected, trying to step around him on the near vacant street, “I care that little about you. Got it? Now get out of my way.”

“Hey.” Sebastian gripped Kurt’s forearm firmly, refusing to let him pass. “You’re mildly more delusional than I thought you were if you think I want to be within a ten mile radius of you. I can smell the stereotypes in the air. And contrary to your pretty little ego, this is completely a coincidence. But since I have you here--”

Kurt leveled up his mace with his free hand. “You have three seconds to let go of me right now, or else I’m going to give this to you right in your eyes and when you fall to the ground screaming, I’m going to start kicking. Better let go now, just to be safe, I may not wait until I get to three.”

Sebastian let go of him right away with blown eyes. “Jesus, Hummel. Your panties, untwist them. I just want to know why Blaine’s on a rage fit of epic proportions down at the office right now. I ducked out right around the time he threw his stapler at my head for asking why he was so upset. He puts up with you enough to live with you. If anyone knows what’s wrong, I bet you do.”

Kurt hated Sebastian. He hated the smirks, the attitude, the superiority complex, the smug faces, and the snide comments. He hated the Sebastian had no respect for other people, and couldn’t keep his mouth closed, or his legs for that matter, for more than a minute. He loathed and despised Sebastian for targeting Blaine as the ultimate prize, and for making a game of it all.

But it was hard to hate Sebastian when he was so tired, and when he was so beat down. His marriage with Blaine was over. He’d cheated, he’d fallen out of love with his husband, and he’d led another boy on however unintentional it had been. He felt like a mess and all he wanted was to crawl under a rock and hide from the word for a while. But mostly he was too tired to deal with Sebastian.

“You won.”

Sebastian looked confused. “I’m pretty sure I’d win anything I was in competition against you with, but you could be a little more specific.”

Kurt bit his tongue for a moment, then said, “Blaine. You won. He’s all yours. Have at him. Maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I did. However, considering you’re a manwhore, I’m not so sure about that.”

“Wait, what?”

Kurt was halfway down the street before Sebastian caught up with him, demanding to know what he was talking about.

“I’m still thinking about pepper spraying you,” Kurt warned as his car came into view.

“Do it then,” Sebastian said with a snort, “just run that last part by me one more time. Because I don’t think I heard you right.”

Kurt stopped so suddenly that Sebastian nearly smashed into him. It made a comical sight for the taller boy to barely catch himself in time, stumbling around Kurt as his legs bowed out.

“My marriage is over,” Kurt said succinctly. It was getting easier to acknowledge. It was getting easier to admit to. He wasn’t sure what that said about how much it had meant before it was gone. “I’m pretty sure Blaine is leaving me.”

“Leaving you?” Sebastian burst out laughing. “That idiot is head over heels in love with you. I’ve never been able to see why, and I’ve questioned once or twice if he’s a little slow for it, but the truth remains.”

Kurt shrugged. “Then your truth is flawed.”

“You’re serious?” Sebastian’s face fell flat. “Really serious?”

Kurt told him, feeling a burst of guilt in his chest, “We talked this morning, and I thought he was pretty clear. So you won. Congratulations. You can expect to find him camped out on your couch tonight.”

“Why?”

Kurt looked over to him. “Why what?”

Sebastian’s hands went to his hips and he repeated, “Why? I told you, he’s in love with you. Why would he end your marriage if he was in love with you?”

“Why do you care?” Kurt fisted his keys and headed to his car once more. “You got what you wanted and that’s all that should matter to you.”

“I care,” Sebastian said, rushing to keep up, “because Blaine’s my best friend, and because for being quite the little diva bitch, you’re the best entertainment that money can’t buy.”

“I …” Kurt slowed. “I made a mistake. I … I cheated on him. I cheated on Blaine, and when I came clean to him, and told him everything, he let me know that we were done.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No way. Now way you cheated, princess. You walk around with your head held so much higher than everyone else, and act like you’re the leading example of propriety and good behavior. No way you cheated.”

“I know what I did,” Kurt ground out, reaching his car. “I’m sure you’re aware of my dirty laundry. It’s probably no big secret to you that Blaine and I have been having issues. And there was someone else. You’ll never understand, you don’t deserve to know, either, but he was there and he kissed me. Several times. I cheated and that’s that.”

Sebastian blinked at him. “Are you being absolutely serious?” He burst out laughing. “On what planet do you consider that cheating?”

“This one,” Kurt snapped, “and frankly, it doesn’t matter in the slightest bit if I consider it cheating. Blaine does. And he can’t trust a cheater. He can’t love a cheater. If to Blaine it’s cheating, then I cheated, and it does feel a lot like cheating. There were … feelings involved. They weren’t just pointless kisses. Do you …” Kurt trailed off at the ashen look on Sebastian’s face. “Are you okay?”

Clearing his throat, Sebastian asked, “Blaine told you he’s leaving you because you cheated?”

“Not in so many words. Not exactly.” Kurt frowned. “He didn’t say those words exactly, but I’m sure he meant that.”

Sebastian jerked forward and caught his arm, startling Kurt as he blurted out, “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“No.” Kurt tried to pull free. “For several reasons, including the fact that I wouldn’t be surprised if you managed to smuggle arsenic into my cup, and also because I’ve already had two cups today. That’s one more than I’m supposed to have. Also, I don’t get coffee with people I hate.”

“Tea then?” Sebastian pressed. “There’s a tea shop around the corner.”

“Remember that mace I told you I have and will use with extreme prejudice if you don’t let go of me?” Not to mention some teas had more caffeine than coffee. Being pregnant had been a learning experience of many things, including his diet.

Then Sebastian mumbled, “Please. We have to talk.”

Kurt had never heard the word come out of his mouth like that, never as a request, and never as something so desperate. This was a whole new side of Sebastian Kurt had never seen before. And barely believed. 

Slowly, and still a little unsure, Kurt nodded. “Okay. But find me somewhere with decent, organic orange juice.”

Sebastian thumbed down the street. “Follow me.”

Fifteen minutes later Kurt had his juice and a nervous and jittery Sebastian in front of him. The baby kicked happily as Kurt drank and he tried to be patient.

“Look,” Sebastian grunted, eyes down to the table, “I don’t like you. You’re the thorn in my ass that I’ve been trying to dig out for years and never managed.”

“I’m not surprised you like to dig around in your ass obsessively.”

Sebastian’s eyes flashed up to meet Kurt’s, angry. “Listen up, darling. I think you’re the antithesis of gay face. And more than that, you’ve got the personality of cardboard. But underneath it all, I have this begrudging respect for you. You always have a quip, you never let me down with our banter, and I guess what I’m saying is that if I’m attracted to anything, it’s probably your wit. Actually, we’d probably have some really hot sex, at least we would have before you got fat.”

Kurt wanted to snort into his drink. “I really hope there’s a point to all this.”

Sebastian’s hands locked around his coffee cup. “Whether I like you or not is not the point. Whether Blaine is the other party involved or not, doesn’t really matter either. What does is that on this subject, on the matter of cheating, you don’t deserve to be made the bad guy. And I have to go to confessional every Sunday to keep my mom from taking away my trust fund, so you can think of this as me being exceedingly selfish if you want.”

“The bad guy is usually the one who cheats,” Kurt reminded.

“Do you remember when Blaine and I went to Boston a while ago?”

Kurt nodded. “The firm sent a bunch of you out there. Blaine didn’t seem like he had a great time.” Kurt remembered the drunken phone call all too clearly. In all actuality, it had been a final push he’d been looking for.

“I … uh …” Sebastian bit his lip, then blurted out in a hushed whisper, “Blaine let me blow him.”

The orange juice slipped from Kurt’s hand, the glass clattering down hard onto the table. A bit of it sloshed over the side, but the glass remained upright as Kurt tried to figure out if he’d heard Sebastian right. “Excuse me?”

Sebastian leaned over the table so Kurt could hear him more clearly without having to raise his voice. “After you two had that fight on the phone, we went back to my hotel room and he let me blow him. We were going to sleep together, and we probably would have, but he started puking and passed out after that.”

“You … with my husband?”

He wanted to reach across the table and strangle the life out of Sebastian.

“I hate you,” Sebastian rushed to say, “but I’m not going to let Blaine pin you with a cheating stigma when what you did was kiss a guy a couple times, and Blaine did much worse.”

Kurt seethed, “You are a pathetic waste of space, Sebastian Smythe. I know you’ve been in love with my husband for years now, over a decade, but to do this …”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said. “It wasn’t a malicious thing. It was a drunken thing.”

“And that makes it better?” Kurt demanded. “A little alcohol makes it okay for you to get on your knees? With my husband?”

“I didn’t tell you this because I want to be a better person.” Sebastian ran a hand through his hair. “I just told you because Blaine is my best friend, but something like this? Him calling you the cheater? That’s not okay. Even if he wants to pretend it was a mistake …”

And Jesus Christ, Kurt could see it plain as day. He’d always known about Sebastian’s infatuation with Blaine. It had been there since day one. There was no denying it and no escaping it. Kurt had always pegged it as simple lust. But the truth was staring him right in the yes. The crumple of hurt on Sebastian’s face told Kurt that he loved Blaine, and in the way that Kurt didn’t anymore. Sebastian was in love with Blaine, and probably had been from the beginning.

Kurt certainly wasn’t trying to justify Sebastian, and his hatred for the man was only growing, but so was the sadness. Kurt wondered what it must have felt like for Sebastian to stand up next to Blaine when they’d married, and not say a word. 

“Would you have told me if my marriage hadn’t ended? If Blaine hadn’t called me a cheater?”

Sebastian winced, and Kurt took it as a no.

Kurt got to his feet. “I need to go. So like I said, congratulations, Sebastian. He’s all yours. You already had him once, so go get it again.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Sebastian said, voice rising. “He may have let me blow him, but he still loves you, whether he wants to leave you or not. I haven’t won him.”

“I don’t care if you don’t want him now,” Kurt said with a shrug. “He’s yours. You tell him … you tell him when you next see him that I know. I don’t care if you tell him that you told me or not. You just let him know I know what happened between the two of you, and if we were barely hanging on by a thread before, the last of it just broke.”

There was no indecision left. There was only the last remnants of his marriage, and the potential that had been squandered. He and Blaine were supposed to be together forever, and it looked now like they’d never really stood a chance.

“Can I ask you something?”

“No,” Kurt snapped. 

Sebastian sighed. “Well, on the upside you can stop walking around the firm like a tool.”

“What?” Kurt sputtered. “How many people know you can’t keep your legs closed with my husband?”

Sebastian looked confused for a moment, then shook his head. “No. I meant your kid. Every time you come in there, boasting about how it’s Blaine’s kid, some of us have a good old laugh about it.”

That sent chills through Kurt’s body. “Some of you … laughed?” The Warblers, probably. The boys who still called themselves that even so many years after graduation from their Academy. The firm was full of them, all Blaine’s close friends, and some of them more like brothers.

“Yeah,” Sebastian looked even more uncomfortable. “There’s nothing cute about you trying to pass that kid off as Blaine’s.”

Kurt had to steady himself on the back of the chair in front of him. “Blaine told people?” Blaine had actually told people that they’d gone to a fertility clinic and used a donor? But they’d agreed not to. They’d decided that everyone and their mother needed to think that the baby was their’s, if only to prevent unwanted opinions from forming. The idea that Blaine would have told anyone, let alone a group of people? 

“What do you mean told?”

“We agreed,” Kurt pressed on. “We didn’t want anyone to know about the fertility clinic. We just wanted to keep our skeletons in the closet for as long as possible. And it isn’t anyone’s business but ours anyway.”

Sebastian got to his own feet. “Fertility clinic? Some of us thought you’d gotten a little handsy with someone else. You know, in the horizontal way, and that Blaine was too much of a gentleman to leave you. That’s why the kissing thing threw me. I thought you’d slept with someone else and gotten knocked up.”

“Why would …”

“Because Blaine couldn’t have gotten you pregnant,” Sebastian finished.

“He told you about his infertility?” Kurt asked. It shouldn’t have surprised him. They were best friends, and Kurt told his girls everything, so if it had been him, and not Blaine, he would have said something. With or without a promise. 

Sebastian shrugged. “Yeah. About ten years ago.”

“Ten …”

“Kurt!”

Sebastian was lightening fast as he jetted to his side, keeping him standing and then easing him down into his chair.

“We tried,” Kurt said, tears pricking his eyes, chest hitching, “for seven years for a baby. I kept telling him, something was wrong, something had to be wrong, and he kept saying it was like winning the lottery. Like a roulette. All chance.”

“Kurt?”

He choked out a sob. “And then when the doctor told us he was infertile, I thought our dreams of a baby were gone. We’d wasted so much time trying the natural way only to find out in that instance that it never would have worked. We could have tried for fifty years and it wouldn’t have worked.” He felt the tears finally break free and slide down his cheeks as he looked at Sebastian. “But he lied. He lied to me. When I asked if he knew he was infertile, he lied and said no. He said he was just as shocked as I was. He sat there and lied to me.”

“You look really pale. I think I should--”

“All those years,” Kurt repeated. “All those years of desperate hopes and night after night going to bed angry and upset with Blaine trying to comfort me. And he knew the whole time. He knew we’d never make a baby. He knew we’d never get pregnant. He knew before we married, even after I told him how badly I wanted a family. He lied. He knew.”

His shoulders began to shake as he put his face in his hands and cried. The baby was oddly quiet inside him and Sebastian’s hand came to rest tentatively on his shoulder. 

“He knew,” Kurt cried out.

It was a betrayal worse than Kurt had ever known. And it was unforgivable.


	2. Chapter 2

When Kurt called his father he picked up after the third ring, and asked distractedly, “Kurt?”

Kurt rubbed a palm across his forehead as his shoulders pulled together. “Remember when you said I could come visit and stay with you whenever I wanted?”

There was a pause on the line, then Burt asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Kurt took a deep, calming breathing. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Sure.” Burt sounded as if he didn’t believe him for a second. “And who do you think you’re talking to? I can hear it in your voice. You’re upset. Something is wrong.”

Of course his dad could tell. His dad knew him better than anyone. “Can you come get me?”

He heard his dad laugh. “Sorry, kiddo, my lunch break was an hour ago, and I can’t exactly swing by to pick you up from New York. And hey, I thought you said you couldn’t--”

“From the airport,” Kurt interrupted. With the heavy flow of people around him, Kurt tucked his bag between his legs as he held his phone tighter to his ear. “I’m at the airport. I’m already in DC. Can you … can you come get me? I’m in front of baggage claim, the one located outside of the American Airlines station.”

“Kurt. Shoot.” There was the sound of shuffling, and a heavy thump, and for a second Kurt wasn’t sure what was going on, then his face came back, “Kurt, I can’t leave right now. Not even to go to the airport. So I’m having Jenny, that’s my assistant, I’m having her call Finn right now. His support meeting gets out in fifteen minutes. I’ll have him swing by the airport and get you. Can you wait that long?”

He was emotionally exhausted. All he wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep for a few years. But he was okay. He had to be, if only for the baby. “Of course I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine, and you wouldn’t be in DC if it wasn’t an emergency.”

Kurt promised him, “I’ll tell you everything later tonight. And I promise, I’m fine.”

His father was obviously reluctant to hang up the phone, but Kurt could hear other people in the background soon, and he insisted on letting the man get back to work. That left him alone in the airport, waiting for his ride.

Finn was there half an hour later, which told Kurt he’d broken all kinds of traffic laws, and terrified the life out of him because Finn wasn’t the greatest driver to begin with. Finn threw open the door as his emergency lights came on and Kurt found himself swept up into a mammoth hug. One that felt surprisingly good.

“Finn,” he breathed out, so happy to see him. “Thank you for coming.”

“Dude,” Finn remarked, reaching for Kurt’s bag and pointing towards the car. “You can’t just do this. You can’t just show up without telling anyone. Jenny made it sound like dad was going to stroke out when she called me to come get you. Are you even supposed to be flying like that?” Finn’s eyes were on his stomach.

“I’m six months,” Kurt said, sliding into the car and waiting for Finn to join him. “I’m good to fly for at least a while longer. Long enough to come home and visit.”

There were people behind them honking and shouting, and it was then that Kurt realized Finn had been blocking the flow of traffic. They’d caused quite a buildup. Not that Finn seemed to care, and Kurt didn’t either, not really.

“I needed to be here,” Kurt said shakily.

Finn frowned. “Are you okay? What’s going on?” He ease the car back into the flow of traffic.

“Long story or short story?” Kurt rested his arm on the window and leaned his head against his palm. “I’m sorry, Finn, I’m just really tired. Between the baby and the flight and Blaine--”

Finn rushed to say, “Hey! Where is he? What’s he thinking just letting you hop on a plane to here by yourself? He’s supposed to be taking care of you, especially now.”

“Blaine …” Kurt wondered the best way to say it. The best way to make Finn understand, without pressing for details. “Finn, we’re separating.”

The car swerved a little. “What?”

“We’re separating,” Kurt repeated. “We’re not going to be together, anymore. It’s a long story, and I’m sure you’ll find out everything shortly, but for now, can we just leave it at that? I really am tired and I think I might be in shock.”

Finn looked like he wanted to do anything but let the subject go, but finally he gave a nod and turned his eyes back to the road. “Dad said I had to drive safe with you in the car, so it’s going to be another twenty minutes before we get back to the house. You can crash if you want. Traffic might make that a thirty minute drive. I’ll wake you when you get there.”

He didn’t want to sleep unless it was on a soft bed, but he did close his eyes and let his mind drift. It was helpful.

His father had been a congressman in DC almost a decade and a half, but Kurt was beginning to realize how infrequently he’d come to visit. It was almost always his father coming to New York if they were going to meet up. As Finn drove along the house lined streets, nothing looked familiar to Kurt. It made him regretful.

“Here we are,” Finn said finally, turning up a long driveway and heading towards the house that was too big for the family, and completely indicative of congressmen in the DC area. “Mom’s working late tonight, she just got that big promotion, and who knows when dad will get in, so I think it’s just the two of us. You still tired?”

Kurt nodded wearily. It was hard to believe that earlier that morning he’d been concerned with telling Blaine the truth about Dave, and now he’d found out what Blaine had done, and his marriage was over, and he was officially a single father. There was no way Blaine was going to want anything to do with the baby now, not if he hadn’t wanted it before, and Dave couldn’t be counted on for obvious reasons.

“Still tired.”

Finn took him inside quickly, and before long Kurt was laying down on the bed in the room he always stayed in. He’d chosen the room years ago, above the bigger ones, because of the balcony with the amazing view of the city. He could spend hours out there, just watching. It was his favorite activity when he stayed with his father.

He was probably asleep before his head hit the pillow.

“Kurt?”

The soft mumble of a deep voice and a comforting hand on his stomach woke Kurt. “Dad?” he asked, surprised and a little confused. “What ….”

His dad shushed him, rubbing his stomach lightly. “It’s just me. Go ahead and wake up for a second.”

Kurt sat up slowly, sliding his legs to the side and making room for his father to sit next to him. “Thanks for letting me stay with you for a while,” Kurt said, clearing his throat. 

“You are always welcome here, Kurt. Always.” His father gave him a long look. “What are you doing here? I take it things didn’t go well with Blaine?”

“I didn’t just run because--”

“I didn’t say you ran,” his father interrupted. “Running implies something cowardly, and you have never been, nor will you ever be, a coward.”

Kurt leaned against his father, letting his head tip onto the man’s shoulder. “I talked to Dave and told him the truth, about this being his baby. And then he told me I should afford my own husband the same respect, so I told Blaine, and he basically told me that he wasn’t sure he wanted anything more to do with me. He wasn’t sure, but probably not.”

His father rubbed a hand over his face. “Marriages end all the time. People grow apart. It’s not a sign of weakness for--”

“No.” Kurt turned sharply to his father. “It’s not that. Dad. I’d known … for a while. I had known for a good deal of time that whatever was happening with Blaine was bad. It was crumbling way before this, and everything that happened lately? It just added to it. I don’t think we were going to make it, no matter what. Everything I tried was just buying us time. That’s all.”

Burt wondered, “Then what’s got you all the way out here? As much as I love seeing you, I thought that it was impossible for you to be here short of the holidays. Too much work?”

“I called Sam,” Kurt waved off. “There’s not much to do at the theater for the show right now, at this point everything is running smoothly. But if any problems do pop up, I’m confident he can handle it. It may no be his chosen profession, but he’s very good at what he does. I told the director I’m having a family emergency. It’s good enough.”

“Kurt.”

Kurt felt his fingers ball into fists. “I was so ashamed at myself for kissing Dave. For letting him kiss me and enjoying it, and feeling more for a person I had only known a few months than I had for my husband that I had been married to for years. So when I came clean, I expected the impending divorce to be my fault. I accepted that and I was at peace with that.”

His father gave him a long look, one that was knowing. “Did Blaine … did he do something to you?”

“Not like you think.” Kurt squeezed his eyes closed. “Nothing you get to beat him up over.”

His father chuckled. “I’m an old man now, Kurt. Gone are my days of beating up boys who treat you badly, especially when you’re more than capable of beating them up yourself.” There was a beat of pause, and then his father added, “I’d send your brother to do it. I don’t have my flamethrower anymore so he’s the scarier choice.”

It felt good to laugh, and it took Kurt’s mind off of things, if only for a second. 

“Tell me?” his father requested.

“He cheated too,” Kurt supplied. “Sebastian told me. It was one of the nights they went to Boston on a business trip. And they did a lot more than kiss. But that’s not … that’s not even it. That’s not why I’m here. That’s not why I ran as far and as fast as I could.” Kurt stroked his stomach lightly, feeling the ripple of his baby. “It’s about this. About him. Or her.”

“The baby?” his dad asked, a little startled.

“Seven years,” Kurt said, and he felt like he’d been saying it forever, reminding people, reaffirming it with himself. “That’s how long we stopped using protection. That’s how long I’ve been hoping for a baby. And when it didn’t happen for the first few years, I didn’t think anything about it, because we were busy and our jobs were important and we were young.”

Kindly, his father reminded, “You and Blaine couldn’t get pregnant because he’s infertile.”

“I didn’t now that.” Kurt gave a hopeless shrug. “But he did.”

“What!” His father’s eyes bulged. 

Kurt pressed on, “Blaine’s known for at least ten years. He knew from the start that he couldn’t have a baby with anyone. He knew before we got married, when it was all I could talk about, when I agonized over not being pregnant, when I saw my specialist, and when I dragged him through the donor process. All of it, and he knew the whole time.”

“Why!” his father demanded, and Kurt relished in the fact that his dad was angry. Angry at Blaine and angry for Kurt. “Why would he lie?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt said honestly. “As soon as I found out, once I pulled myself together, I went straight to the apartment, packed my bag, and went to the airport. I couldn’t be there anymore. I couldn’t run the chance of seeing Blaine, or having to confront him about something I could barely believe.” There was still a strong ache of betrayal in his chest. “I think he lied because he loved me. I guess. He lied because he loved me and he knew I was looking to marry someone I could start a family with. I think he never said anything because he didn’t want to lose me, and then when the doctor told us he was infertile, he lied to save our marriage. That’s the only thing that makes sense.”

His father groaned. “Kid, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kurt let his hands stretch out in front of him, the crease of his wedding ring still visible. He could feel the chain around his neck, the ring weighing him down like a ton. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I feel like I’ve been stabbed through the chest, but I’m glad I found out. I’m glad someone had the decency to tell me the truth. It’s better to know. It’s better to not build a family based on a lie. Because the fact of the matter is, my marriage is over. And this baby is due in just about three months. I’m about to start the family I always wanted, and I want that start to be right. No dirty secrets.”

Burt nodded silently.

“But,” Kurt admitted, “I did need to get away from it all. Just for a little while, and when I knew I had to go, this was the first and only place I thought about going.”

“Always come here.” His dad patted his knee. “It doesn’t matter what’s happening in your life, or how old you get, or anything. You come here. Someone will always pick you up from the airport.” Burt grimaced. “Finn did drive safely, right? I told him to.”

“He did.” Kurt nodded with a smile. “He was extra careful.”

“Good.” Burt got to his feet slowly, and with a groan. He was still dressed in a suit, evidence that he’d come right from his office to check on Kurt. “You slept a couple of hours, but dinner is going to be in thirty minutes. I don’t think anyone is in the mood to cook tonight, so we ordered in. Chinese.”

“Dad?”

Burt paused at the door patiently. “Something else on your mind?”

“I just … thank you.” Kurt patted his stomach. “From the both of us. Thank you.”

His father cracked open the bedroom door an told him, “You’re about to become a father, Kurt. I don’t think I need to tell you that when you’re a father, your child comes first. From the first day of their life, the last of yours. And nothing you ever do for them isn’t worth it. That’s just the truth of it.”

The best pat of having dinner with his family was that no one made a big deal out of him being there. No one asked any questions, and everyone went on about the meal as if it were a natural occurrence. Finn talked about his support meeting earlier that day, Burt complained about a few of his fellow senators and Carole begged Kurt to help him make everyone’s favorite pie the following day.

But the time Kurt retired to bed, sleepy once more despite his earlier nap, he was almost feeling completely normal. At the very least, he was able to push his marriage to the back of his mind and concentrate instead on his future.

He was almost asleep completely, dozing in and out, when a soft knock came to his door. Kurt heaved himself up on the bed a little reached for the light switch, calling out faintly, “Dad?” His dad had been keeping a particularly watchful eye on him the entire night. It was a little smothering, but mostly comforting.

Finn’s head peeked in. “No. It’s me. Are you sleeping?”

Kurt smothered a retort. “No. Do you need something?”

Finn’s feet shuffled along the carpet until he got to Kurt’s bed, sitting on the edge of it. “Do you want me to fly to New York and beat Blaine up?”

“Huh?” He’d told his father what Blaine had done, but not anyone else. He wasn’t ready to share that with Finn or Carole, no matter how much they meant to him. The most they knew was that the baby wasn’t Blaine’s and he his marriage was over.. So how was it possible Finn knew about Blaine’s lies and cheating?

“I know he hurt you. I know he did something.” Finn’s face was hard to make out in the room, despite the light. His brother kept his face turned away, focused across the room. “I could see the hurt on you from the moment I picked you up. It’s like how you knew with me before I told anyone, when my marriage ended. It’s how I know with you.”

Kurt sighed and admitted, “Blaine and I are done for sure. Absolutely. There’s no reconciling. There’s only separation.”

“But you guys were so in love,” Finn protested.

“We hadn’t been in love for a long time, Finn. At the least, I hadn’t been in love with Blaine for a while. I don’t know about him.”

Finn asked, “But what did he do to you to make you so sad?”

“The same thing I did,” Kurt said blandly. “We cheated on each other. Both of us. That’s the sad, honest truth.”

Finn shook his head, turning to Kurt then. “There’s something else. Something worse.”

Instinctively, Kurt brought a hand to his stomach. The baby was asleep, and hadn’t been moving for a few hours. It was time that Kurt wanted to capitalize on to get some sleep himself.

“Finn,” Kurt said tersely. “I appreciate that you’re concerned, but I need you to stop and consider that if this is as big as you think it is, maybe I’m not ready to tell just anyone.”

“I’m not just anyone,” Finn said, looking hurt.

“The real reason I’m here,” Kurt said reluctantly, “is huge, Finn. And the only person I’ve told is dad. I didn’t tell Sam when I needed him to cover for me, and I didn’t tell my job when I left. I’m not ready. And I want you to respect that.”

“Sorry,” Finn grumbled, getting to his feet. “I was just worried. I didn’t mean to push.”

“Hey, Finn, it’s okay.” Now Kurt felt guilty. “Just let me have some time. It’ll all come out when I’m ready. You’ll be the first in line when that time comes.”

Finn gave him a curt nod. “I guess I’ll just go to bed.” He paused then, and asked, “How long do you think you’re going to be here?”

“A week?” Kurt shrugged. He hadn’t really thought about it. His excuse to leave the state so suddenly had been a family emergency, but that wouldn’t cover him forever. He was an adult, with responsibilities and a full time job. “Maybe a little longer, but not much. Why?”

“I like it here,” Finn said, pulling at the soft cotton shirt he was obviously wearing to bed. “DC. I like DC. It feels like home more and more every day.”

“You look better. You look so much better.” The last time he’d seen Finn his brother had been a shell of a man, jumpy and filled with anxiety, often over emotional, sometimes angry for no reason. Now he was calm and focused. “It’s doing you good here.”

“My meetings are doing me good,” Finn corrected. “And the help I’m getting from them. But the point is, this is home now, and I love it. While you’re here, I want to show you around. I want to show you why I love it. And maybe, if you wanted to, you could come to one of my family support meetings. Mom goes with me as much as she can, and dad tries. I mean, if you don’t want to I understand. It’s just a bunch of people who sit in a circle and--”

“Finn.” Kurt made a shooing motion. “Go to bed. In the morning we’ll talk about what I’m going to wear to your meeting. I may need to go shopping. I’m woefully unprepared to make a great first impression on people who are so important to you.”

Finn broke into a huge grin. “See you in the morning!”

Kurt flipped off the light and settled back down for the night. As he closed his eyes, the baby gave a vicious kick to his kidney. “Great,” he huffed out. It was going to be a long night.

It was an almost torturous night, filled with tossing and turning and an agitated baby that Kurt would have paid a million dollars to calm down long enough for him to fall asleep. But after that, each night got a little easier, and by the end of the first week Kurt was starting to get used to DC. His room wasn’t so strange, the streets were more familiar, and he’d made a couple of friends down at the nearest coffee house, one up where his father worked, and even been to some of Finn’s support meetings.

Briefly, for just one second, he entertained the idea of moving to DC, because both his father and Finn had been dropping less than subtle hints since almost the first day. And if he did stay, there was a smaller, but brighter room with high windows one door down from Kurt that might make the perfect nursery. Finn was talking about the nursery programs DC had to offer, and his dad was constantly reminding him about how in demand the arts were in DC and how he could probably find a job without much issue.

It was a nice thought. He’d always pictured raising his baby with Blaine in some high rise. But it was equally appealing to think he could raise his baby surrounded by family. Blaine was gone from his life now. There was no getting him back. There was no wanting him back. So if Kurt stayed in DC, and raised the baby there, he’d have the support system he needed. He’d have his dad, and new friends and opportunity.

He just wouldn’t have New York. Or Sam or Mercedes or Tina. And he wouldn’t have Dave. Kurt didn’t even know I he had him at the moment, but if he stayed in DC, he wouldn’t have him no matter what. Being in New York was the only chance he got for that.

So as nice a thought as DC was, Kurt always ultimately knew he wasn’t willing to leave the city. It was in his blood and there was no getting away from it, no matter how many poor memories it now carried for him.

Still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy DC. He spent a good deal of time with Finn, going to his support class, hanging out with Finn’s friends, and getting more involved with the brother he’d sort of neglected. It helped that Finn seemed to want to take him along everywhere, and introduce him to everyone.

He baked with Carole, visited his dad frequently, and tried not to be completely freaked out by the amount of people who took his ringless finger as an open invitation to ask him out for drinks regardless of his pronounced stomach. Kurt had always thought people in New York were ballsy, but he was certain DC could give the city of his dreams a run for its money.

Eventually, after ten days of freedom, and happiness, Kurt told the family over breakfast, “I have to go back.” He didn’t mean right away, but he knew it was time. He’d known for a few days. He’d run when he had to, but he was stronger now, and he had to face his problems, no matter how bad they were. He couldn’t hide at his parents house forever. 

Both his dad and Carole took it as an open invitation to smother him to death, while Finn insisted on taking him baby shopping on his last day.

“I still have three months,” Kurt protested as Finn all but dragged him along to the department store. “And how am I going to get it all back to New York with me.”

Finn grinned over his shoulder. I’ll have it shipped to you. I know how to do that.”

“Where am I going to put it?” Finn stilled at his question, and Kurt didn’t really know what more to say. He wasn’t going home to the apartment he’d shared with Blaine. Even if Blaine wasn’t there. He couldn’t. They’d lived there for years, and had their best moments there. They’d made love in their bed, and cooked together in the kitchen, and drank wine on their balcony while watching the stars. He just couldn’t go back knowing that all of it had been built on lies and deceit and desperation.

“Actually,” Finn said, “I wanted to talk to you about that. This week my psychologist and I talked about dependency. It’s okay for me to have my support system in mom and dad. It’s okay for me to feel safe, and I should. But I’m not supposed to feel a hundred percent comfortable. I’m supposed to be putting myself into challenging situations, and moments when my skin itches and I have to learn to deal with it. I need to go new places, apparently, and meet people, and do things that put me out of my comfort zone. That’s the only way I’m going to really function in life without having massive breakdowns and freaking everyone out.”

Kurt frowned. “So what are you saying?”

They went through the sliding doors to the department store and Kurt wondered if Finn was taking him baby shopping to make up for his own missed opportunities. He’d been away, stationed in a different country when his own daughter had been born, and for most of the months both before and after. If anything, Finn had really only been there for the conception, and then not again until six months after she’d been born. 

“I’m saying,” Finn continued, “that DC feels like home, and that’s a bad feeling. I mean, it’s good, but it’s not pushing me anymore. It’s not something scary and new that I have to adapt to. I know the guy I get my coffee from by name. I know the pizza delivery number by heart. I see the same people every day and do the same things without hesitation. I haven’t had a panic attack in weeks. That’s good. I swear, but I also don’t know if I’m only going to be okay here. What if I need to go somewhere else? Even just out of town for the weekend. What if I want to go visit Sammy? Will I be okay there? If I just stay here all the time and never test myself, I won’t know until it’s too late. And I need to know.”

“So you …”

“I know you’re worried about going back to New York.” Finn’s arm draped easily across Kurt’s shoulders. “Especially considering what Blaine did to you.” Finn almost comically avoided looking at his stomach, but Kurt didn’t for a second regret finally telling him about Blaine’s lies. “So I already talked to dad and mom, and they think what I think.”

“And you think?” Kurt asked.

Finn directed him over to the bank of escalators. “That I should go back with you to New York. I know, I know, you don’t need a babysitter, but you do need some help, whether you want to admit it or not. You need someone to watch your back. You need to have someone to fall back on, and at the very least, get you that sushi you crave at three in the morning.”

Kurt crossed his arms. “I can’t have sushi.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t crave it. You kind of talk about it in your sleep. Sushi with peanut butter. Sounds disgusting.”

Kurt broke a grin. “I’m going to eat a pound of it as soon as the baby is born.”

Finn made a face. “Anyway, I think you need me. You and the baby need me. I know you could probably do it on your own. You’ve always been the strongest person I know, but why should you have to? This way, I get to push myself and find out how much better I’ve really gotten, and you get the extra help you’ll need when you’re in your third trimester. It’s a win-win, Kurt.”

“You sure?” Kurt asked, uncertain himself. When he’d moved to New York all those years ago, he’d invited Finn to come with him. Part of him had always hoped Finn would be with him in the city, but he knew his brother hated big cities, and bigger crowds, and the frantic pace that overtook every aspect of New York life. 

“Not really,” Finn shrugged, “but I have to try.”

“Okay,” Kurt agreed. He struggled to admit, “It’ll be nice to have someone to come home to.” Even if it was only his brother.

They spent the day shopping, acquiring more baby things than Kurt had thought to buy himself just yet. Kurt loved shopping, but Finn seemed to be taking to it like it was crack. It was a little scary, in all honesty.

Kurt went back to New York a day later, Finn on the plane next to him, looking pale and sweaty with his hands bunched into his jeans. Kurt didn’t ask him if he was okay, he knew small spaces worried Finn as much as the large ones. He only lifted the arm rest between them so he could lean against his brother, and hummed quietly. They made it through the flight incident free.

“What do you want to do first?” Finn asked when they’d touched down and gathered up their bags.

“Hotel.” Kurt pressed a hand to the small of his back. “Until I know where Blaine is, I don’t want to go near the apartment. Lets just get a nice hotel tonight and sort it all out in the morning. I’ll need to go over there eventually, but I’d rather do it during the day when I know he’ll be at work.”

“Why do you need to go over there?” Finn asked.

“To get some important stuff. You’ll see.”

Kurt, who was usually exceedingly picky when I came to his hotel rooms, let Finn pick. He was too exhausted from the flight, and too anxious over being back in the same city as Blaine. It was enough for Kurt to have a roof over his head and a bed to lay on.

In the morning, after a breakfast that Kurt could barely keep down, they took a cab to Midtown Manhattan and to the apartment that Kurt knew he’d never spend another night in.

He realized, he wouldn’t be able to afford such a nice apartment on his own salary. He had a nice job, and he and the baby wouldn’t be hurting for anything, but New York was expensive, and Kurt had never deluded himself out of thinking that Blaine made three times what he did. Blaine had always made the bulk of their income, not that it had ever been an issue between them. But it was Blaine who afforded them the lifestyle that Kurt preferred, and it would take a bit of adjustment to get used to not being able to buy just about anything he wanted. Though something told Kurt he wouldn’t be excited to buy a new pair of boots when he could be buying a new outfit for the baby.

“You sure he’s not going to be here?” Finn asked, an odd expression on his face. When Kurt returned the look, Finn admitted, “I’m kind of hoping to see him.”

“Why?” Kurt was a little afraid to ask.

“Because,” Finn said nonchalant, “I’m pretty sure as a military vet, one who’s suffered from PTSD and a series of other problems, that I have a get out of jail free card. I’d like to use it when I punch a hole through Blaine’s face.”

“Finn.” He was hurt and still angry at Blaine, and probably wanted to yell at him himself, but Kurt didn’t want Blaine hurt. Blaine was … had been his husband, and the man he’d loved for years. As much as he wanted to, Kurt couldn’t let Finn hurt him. “No.”

“Not even a little?”

The baby kicked and Kurt allowed, “Not a hole.”

Finn beamed.

They didn’t get to the apartment until after nine, which Kurt knew was a safe time. Blaine would have left for work earlier by hours, and as expected, the apartment was ghostly silent. It was also completely untouched. Kurt wasn’t sure if he’d expected to come home to a ruined apartment, but a pristine looking one wasn’t the expectation either.

“You have a suitcase set?” Finn asked, headed right for the bedroom.

“Big closet!” Kurt called after him. “The walk-in. They should be lined up. Just throw everything in. All my shoes and clothes.” It was blasphemy, but the apartment was giving him a bad case of the chills. He wanted to get out as fast as he could, and while Finn dealt with his clothing, Kurt got his toiletries in order, and then headed to the safe.

“You actually have a safe?” Finn asked, surprise written on his face as he watched Kurt spin the dial on a safe that had been cleverly hidden in plain view. “Who has a safe?”

“A lot of people,” Kurt laughed. “And it’s not for money, if that’s what you’re thinking.” There were folded envelopes in the safe, and little black boxes, all of which contained things that were invaluable to Kurt. His birth certificate, marriage license, and a series of other pieces of paper including his degree, stocks and bonds, and official documents that couldn’t be left behind. There was jewelry too, the things that Blaine had bought him over the years, some of the stuff his father have given him, and his mother’s wedding ring. He held it up to Finn and said, “When my dad married your mom, he gave me this. Because he said he didn’t want to disrespect Carole, and he knew someone who could keep my mom’s memory alive even better than him.”

Finn told him, “I’ve got my dad’s wedding ring too. My mom never put it back on after he died, but she gave it to me a few years ago.”

After that there were only a few trinkets that Kurt wanted to bring with him, his baby pillow, a couple of birthday presents from years passed, and the one photo album he had filled to the brim with pictures of himself and his parents from two decades earlier. 

“That’s it?” Finn asked a few minutes later. “You’re just going to leave all this stuff?”

Kurt took a final look around, then nodded. “It’s just furniture. And pictures. Stuff that can be replaced. I got the important things. Now we need to go find a decent hotel with a safe I can use, and then we’ll start apartment hunting.”

“Sounds good to me,” Finn said.

The issue was, Kurt absolutely did not want to see Blaine. He didn’t want to talk to him and he barely wanted to be in the same city as him. But it was even worse to not know where he was, or what he was doing. And Kurt hadn’t been entirely truthful with Finn. There were a few more things that he wanted from the apartment, beautiful things that Blaine might have paid for, but Kurt had agonized over finding and hunting down and placing in just the right spot. Blaine wouldn’t appreciate the things he had in the apartment. Blaine wouldn’t care about them. And Kurt didn’t think he’d mind if Kurt took them. But Kurt wasn’t going to risk being there when Blaine got home.

So he called Jillian. He called her and he could tell she was confused about his situation with Blaine, but trying not to pry. He asked, “Could you just tell me what Blaine’s schedule looks like for the next couple of days?”

“Kurt?” she said it like she was even more unsure. “He doesn’t … have a schedule. What’s going on?”

“What do you mean he doesn’t have a schedule?”

Her voice dropped low, like she was trying to avoid being heard, and whispered, “Not that long ago, maybe a week or so, Sebastian and Blaine had a huge fight. And when I say fight, I mean fight. There were literal fists thrown. They were screaming at each other, and your name came up a lot. I don’t know if they were made at you or about you, but it was concerning you. Sebastian is on forced leave right now, I guess to get his head on right, and Blaine is taking what he wants to call a sabbatical, but is really Mr. Rickard telling him politely that he’s going to be fired if he comes back anytime soon. It’s a mess here, Kurt. What happened? What’s going on? Marcus said he saw you at the airport when he went to pick up his mother, and--”

“Sabbatical,” Kurt repeated. “Okay. So he’s on sabbatical.”

“He left town,” she added. “I think he went to stay with his parents in Connecticut. I can’t be sure. He wasn’t really communicating past the screaming.”

Kurt answered none of her questions, but thanked her before hanging up. He looked across the hotel room to Finn who was staring intently at Kurt’s laptop as he searched the apartment listings. 

“Blaine’s gone out of town,” Kurt reported.

“That’s good?” Finn asked, not looking up. “Hey, look, I found a two bedroom with a great view. It’s a little further from here, but it looks good.”

Kurt shrugged and moved to sit next to him on the bed. “Not sure if it’s a good thing he’s gone. I’m not sure about anything right now.”

“How do you feel about the tail end of Manhattan? It’s still Manhattan, but I think we could get another bedroom for the baby, if we go that far out.”

Kurt pursed his lips, then said, “Anything below eleventh is out. You don’t want to know why. How about a house?” Blaine had never wanted a house. He’d always wanted high lofts and sleek apartments and things that reeked of excess. He’d always said homes required neighborhoods, and neighborhoods were too far from the city. But unlike Blaine who’d hated the commute, Kurt didn’t mind it, and the idea of raising his baby in a house with a yard, seemed absolutely perfect. “Look at the houses.”

Finn clicked a few links. “Tell me if you see anything you like.” 

Kurt was able to fold his legs under him as he settled in. “You too. Even if you don’t plan staying in New York forever, I want you to be some place you like.”

Finn butted his forehead against Kurt’s gently. “You got yourself a deal.”

***

Blaine being gone from New York meant that if he’d wanted to, Kurt knew he could have moved back into the apartment in Midtown. And it would have been much more comfortable than living out of a suitcase in a hotel room, albeit a very nice hotel. But Kurt was absolutely petrified that Blaine would return at any time, or that the memories of the apartment would overwhelm him. He was looking for a fresh start, and a way to leave his past behind. He could go to the apartment.

But finding another place to live on such short notice was becoming an issue. Once he’d settled on owning a house, and not renting an apartment, it had quickly become evident that he’d need a realtor. 

“For what?” Finn demanded when Kurt told him as much. “I’m doing just fine on my own.” He pointed to Kurt’s laptop which had been on housing listings for days now, and the pad of paper that was next to the laptop filled with information. “I’m going to find one you like.”

“I know you are.” Kurt patted his arm gently. “But you don’t have the kind of resources to find a house with my specifications in New York. At least not the kind that a realtor has. And we need to be out of this hotel sooner, rather than later. I feel like I’m going out of my mind here.” And he was petrified that one of his friends might track him down. They’d all been pestering him since Sam had passed the word around that he was back in the city. They wanted answers, and Kurt wasn’t ready.

Finn said, “Maybe if you weren’t so picky.”

Kurt gave him an exacerbated look. “I’m not leaving Manhattan, if that’s what you mean. If I could afford Midtown, I’d stay, but I can’t, not without another contributor to household funds.”

“I have my pension--”

“Oh, no!” Kurt snapped unintentionally. “That’s not what I meant. No, Finn. I’m really very grateful that you’re with me right now, but we both know New York is not the place you want to spend the rest of your life, and I won’t have you using your money, the money that you almost died in the line of service for, to fund my living costs. I wouldn’t take your money even if you offered it to me. No.”

Finn flopped down onto the bed. “But there’s no real housing in the area. I mean, houses with more than eight hundred square feet, and a yard, and a backyard and more than three feet between you and your neighbor and kind of non existent. Well, there aren’t many. And the ones I did find are like ten million bucks. I know you have a good job, but you can’t be making that much money.”

Kurt shook his head. “No even close. But I do …” He grimaced. “The truth is, in the seven years that I’ve been together with Blaine, he’s paid for everything. From the start. It was … never intentional on my part. It wasn’t as if I expected or relied on Blaine to pay the bills. I just always let him because it was easier, and he made a big fuss about things I wanted to pay for. He made valid arguments about his job paying better, and me saving my money for something important. We never decided what that important thing was, but for almost seven years my paychecks have gone into a separate saving account.”

“But you go shopping all the time. Like, expensive shopping.”

“We have a joint checking account,” Kurt said, “which is not my savings account.”

“Then … how much money do you actually have?”

Kurt shrugged. “I’m not even sure. But it’s enough to buy a house. A decent house. A good one. In Manhattan, just not Midtown. I could probably buy it outright, and pay extra to close escrow faster than normal. But we have to find the house first, and a realtor will know the places to look that you don’t.”

Plus, Kurt was heading right into the middle of his sixth month. It wouldn’t be long after that before mobility would start to become an issue. He wanted to settled into a house by the time he needed help getting around, or just felt so crappy he wanted to lay in bed all day and hope for the baby to come.

“I don’t know any realtors,” Finn said cautiously. “Do you think we could find one on the internet?”

Kurt waved him off. “I’ll call Tina. I’m sure she knows the best realtor in the city. She might even get us a deal.”

“Okay,” Finn agreed. “But then what am I going to do all day? You go to work, and to your baby class, and you pack and repack your suitcases like you have OCD. Looking for a place for us was all I had.”

Kurt crossed the hotel room to stand in front of Finn who was perched on the edge of the bed. “Have you thought about getting a job? Maybe a partime job? Just to keep you active and engaged. I also know that your psychologist told you that there are plenty of help groups here in New York. I think you should look one of them up and start going.”

“Maybe,” Finn said, but Kurt took it as a positive thing. 

“Also,” Kurt said hesitantly, “if you’re looking for something to do on Wednesdays and Fridays ….”

Finn’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Isn’t that when your baby classes are?”

Kurt rushed to specify, “Actually, the Wednesday class is the solo one. Partners aren’t barred from coming, but most don’t, and if they do it’s kind of a punishment because they have to sit at the very back of the studio and they aren’t allowed to talk. But Fridays? That’s partner day. Some of the people in the class have partners and that’s when they come and participate.”

“Blaine never?” Finn guessed.

“No. Well, I started my classes right around the time our relationship ended, but even if we’d been going strong, I know he wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t have had the time and he wouldn’t have wanted to go. But I mean it’s not like I’m the only one without a partner in the class. But it would be nice to have someone to go with. To help coach me. To support me.”

“Won’t that be awkward?”

Kurt translated that to mean, would people assume Finn was the father of his baby.

“Sorry Finn,” Kurt laughed, “but I’m pretty good friends with most of the people in the class now. We’ve known each other a while. We know each other’s stories. They know that Blaine is the father, or that’s what I told them. They also know he wouldn’t show under pretty much any circumstances. They won’t think you’re him.”

“Oh. Good.” Finn added, “Not because I would be ashamed to be your baby’s father. Oh, god, that sounds creepy. It’s just I’m your brother, and--”

“I know.” Kurt cut him off with a smile. “So … are you interested in Fridays spent with me at my baby class? It’s taught by this real dolt, but I think he means well. I think.”

“You think?”

“You’ll see.”

“Okay,” Finn shrugged. “Friday it is. You know I promised to be here for you. You know I’m want to be here. So anything you want or need, I’m game. You just let me know.”

Kurt leaned up to kiss his brother’s cheek dryly. “Thanks, Finn.”

Finn was, ultimately, the best form of support that Kurt could have asked for, outside of a participating and loyal husband. Finn helped Kurt start his baby registry, they quizzed each other on the baby books that had quickly accumulated between them, and when Kurt’s back ached terribly, Finn rubbed it for him. Sometimes Kurt would wake up in the middle of the night from a burning bladder to find Finn mumbling sleepily at his stomach. And then when the burning became worse, and his doctor told him he had a bladder infection, Finn fretted over him like a mother hen.

Some days Finn went to work with him and lurked around the shadows, making sure no one bothered him, or that he left work at an appropriate time. And then at the end of the day Finn was there to go home to, even if home was still a hotel room. Finn usually did his best to make sure they had a nutritionally balanced meal, or went out to eat at a place where Kurt could watch his fat and caloric intake. 

Finn was everything he needed, just not what he wanted. He was still hurting from leaving Blaine, or getting left by him, whichever was better on any given day. But more than that there was a Dave sized ball of uncertainty and anguish in him. He missed Dave so much it hurt. And even if he never kissed Dave again, or acted on his feelings, he missed his friend.

Tina, bless her, worked her magic once again for him, and didn’t ask for details. But she sounded tired and annoyed and Kurt promised to visit her soon, and before she had her baby. He knew she was stuck in a house now with three children and her in-laws, and he gave her more credit for that.

She sent him into the real estate office of a twitchy but button cute redhead who didn’t seem capable of tying her own shoes, let alone finding him the house of his dreams.

“She’s a little weird,” Tina had explained on the phone, “and if you make her cry by being mean to her, I’ll never talk to you again.”

“Make her cry!” Kurt demanded. “I might be hormonal, but I’m not mean, Tina.”

“I just mean,” Tina sighed, “that she can be overly anxious and overemotional. Her marriage just ended and she’s sensitive right now. Nice dentist, but they were an odd couple. But I promise you, she’s the best in the business if you want to find the one, gem property you’ve been searching for. She can find what other people can’t, and that makes up for everything else that she might lack.”

Kurt trusted Tina, and so he felt compelled to trust Emma Phillsberry. Even as she seemed to flitter around the office, stammering and searching for paperwork.

“I can come back later,” Kurt said, ready to ease himself up out of her chair.

“No. No!” She knocked over an empty, plastic coffee mug in her haste. “I’m just a little disorganized right now. I’m not usually disorganized. Oh, no, where is it?”

Kurt was beginning to wonder how she’d made it down the aisle in the first place. Though why she’d divorced was clearly no great mystery.

“Here it is!” She held up the paper victorious and then took a seat in he chair. “Alright, Mr. Hummel. You’re looking for a home? Preferably in the northern part of Manhattan?”

Kurt forced a smile. “I’m not sure I could really afford much in Midtown and I’m not interested in lower. I’m … going through a separation right now, and while I have a good job, and I have money to buy a house, it’s not enough for that area. I have to move, but I want a house.”

Her eyes were on his stomach and he knew she was feeling sorry for him. He didn’t want her sympathy. He wasn’t sorry at all. Maybe things with Blaine had blown up spectacularly in his face, but his baby was, and always would be, a gift. 

“A house,” she hummed, clicking a few things on her computer. “With what kind of specifications?”

“At least three bedrooms,” Kurt told her, “but four would be preferable. And I want a yard. A front yard. But if there isn’t a front yard, there has to be a backyard. Also, I think it would be a given that I’m not going to raise my baby in a part of Manhattan that isn’t safe.”

There were a million other things he wanted, like wood floors, and wide staircases, and modern lines. He wanted the things that Blaine had let him have in the apartment. He wanted a pantry, and a walk-in closet, and a veranda. He wanted a clean color pallet and vaulted ceilings. But more than anything, he just wanted a house that he could be comfortable in. He need a place he felt safe. If something went bump in the night there’d only be him in between his baby and whatever it was. He needed to know that he could be all the protection necessary for his baby. Safety was his first priority.

He left the realtor’s office not completely satisfied, but willing to give it some time. But he didn’t have time to dwell on her. He had a baby class to get to, and Finn was waiting for him.

“Nervous?” Kurt asked as soon as Finn slipped into the car. His brother was looking a little uneasy. “If you don’t feel comfortable going then you don’t have to. I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want to do.”

“No,” Finn denied right away. “I said I would, didn’t I? Plus, I’m kind of excited to know what goes on at these meetings. Is it like Lamaze? That’s where you do that breathing thing?”

“That’s Lamaze,” Kurt confirmed, “but this class is more like baby bonding 101. It’s to get new parents ready to be confident with their babies. Comfortable, even. It’s a class that teaches people there’s no right or wrong way to do something, and every baby is different and you have to think on your toes. There are some breathing exercises, but mostly we talk about, and do things to help us be competent parents with newborns. Having a newborn, and then a young baby after that, can be tricky.”

“But you said the teacher was … a dolt? I think you called him a dolt.”

“He is.” Of that Kurt had no doubt. “A complete dolt. Sometimes I think he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing, but he tries and he means well. He’s good a inspiring people, and trying to uplift them. He has a tendency to play favorites, but it’s a habit I’ve been attempting to break him from.”

Finn frowned. “It’s really a guy?”

“Strange, yes?” Kurt had thought that from the beginning, since the first day when a curly haired man had come in with a big smile. He’d expected a woman, naturally, and one who’d had kids. Maybe a dozen of them or more, or who certainly knew intimately about the child rearing business. “His name is William Schuester. He’s pretty easy going. I think you’ll like him.”

They were a little late for the class, but nothing had started yet. It just meant that Kurt felt rushed and left Finn in his dust as the man struggled to get the yoga mat out of the backseat.

“Kurt!” Jeff cried out, surprised to see him when Kurt entered the studio. “You’re back!”

Quickly Marley and Harmony surrounded him, and even Wade, who seemed to have become good friends with his friends in the wake of his absence. Kurt smiled at him to be clear he was happy to have him in their group.

“Sometimes,” Kurt told them, “you just have to get away from it all. I went to visit my parents in DC. It was nice.”

“We missed you,” Harmony told him. 

“Is this Kurt?”

It took Kurt a moment to place where the voice was coming from, and even longer to realize exactly who was standing slightly behind Jeff.

“Yes,” Kurt said slowly, holding his hand out to Nick. “And you’re …”

“Nick Murray.”

Kurt could barely believe what he was seeing. Kurt knew Nick as the father of Jeff’s baby. He was married to a woman and treated Jeff like his dirty little secret. Kurt couldn’t possibly imagine what Nick was doing at their baby class, willing admitting what he was to Jeff and his baby.

“Nice to meet you,” Kurt said a little shakily. “Always nice to meet a friend of Jeff’s.” He saw Jeff give him a warning glance from the corner of his eye, and when Nick turned to say something to Marley, Kurt returned Jeff the look. They’d talk later, that was for sure. He was certain there was a story lurking around the corner.

Schue seemed to spot him in that moment and as he called for everyone to all into place, he greeted Kurt warmly, “Nice to have you back.”

The truth was, it was nice to be back. He’d needed his vacation away from New York. But he’d also needed to come back and get on with his life. “I couldn’t stay away from long.”

“Good to hear that.”

The door to the studio jingled and Finn came through, searching the crowd of people. “Finn!” Kurt went up on his tiptoes and waved to him. “Over here.”

“Finn?” Marley asked, Harmony shrugging at her. 

“Girls,” Kurt told them, gesturing to Finn, “Jeff, Mr. Schue, this is my brother Finn. He’s visiting from DC and he’ll be around for a while, so instead of sitting at home being completely bored out of his mind, I suggested that he come here for today. That is alright, yes?”

Schue seemed dazed for a minute, staring at Finn, then he thrust his hand out and said, “Absolutely. Nice to meet you, Finn. You can call me William.”

Finn stammered and met his hand. “Nice to meet you too. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

Behind them Marley and Harmony were making silent kisses at each other while Jeff smothered a laugh with his hand. Kurt didn’t think it was funny at all.

“Come on,” Kurt said, pulling Finn away from Schue and the conversation they’d started up about all of the touristy things New York had to offer. “You two can talk about boat rides to the Statue of Liberty after. There’s a class to get to.”

Schue seemed to straighten up immediately and clear his throat. “Ah, yes, Kurt. You’re right. Go ahead and everyone can take their places.”

It was strange to see Jeff and Nick sitting side by side, almost as strange as it was to have Finn next to him. But it was something he could see himself getting used to. There were only six or seven more group meetings, and if Finn was there for all of them, Kurt was going to count himself very lucky.

“The truth is,” Kurt told Finn after an hour and a half had passed, “that’s the best time I’ve ever had.” Schue always tried to make their meetings so serious, and so absolutely set on getting them to do everything perfectly. But Finn had made it fun, whispering jokes in Kurt’s ear, making inappropriately appropriate comments about the people around them, and even calling Schue on a few thing that had the man flustered at first, and laughing after.

“I had fun too,” Finn promised. “Can’t wait to come back next week. And it wasn’t half as weird as I thought it as going to be.”

“That’s always good,” Kurt laughed. Just behind Finn he could see Jeff waving at him subtly, and Kurt asked, “Can you give me a second. I think I need to see to a friend.”

Finn shrugged. “Sure. I’ll go talk to William about those exercises he wants us to try at home. “

“I’m sure you will,” Kurt nearly snorted. There was something very disturbing about the way Finn said Schue’s name.

“Dude,” Finn groused. 

Kurt only rolled his eyes and made his way to Jeff, all but demanding, “What’s going on with Nick?” Out of everyone in the class, Kurt was the closest with Jeff, and they had the nearest due dates. “I thought he didn’t even want to be seen in pubic with you.”

Jeff ran a frazzled hand over his forehead as he watched Nick talk with a few of the other partners who’d come for the day.

“A lot has happened since you left, Kurt,” Jeff told him softly. “I always thought Nick was happy with the status quo. I was afraid to lose him, what little I had of him, so I never tried to make him pick between myself and Jeannette. But I guess he wasn’t as happy as I figured. He told her. He didn’t even tell me he was going to tell her, but he did. He told her about me, and about the baby and then she kicked him out and told him never to come back. He’s staying with me now, while we figure out what we’re going to do. I didn’t even ask him to come today. He just showed up ready to go.”

“You must be happy. It’s what you’ve wanted from the beginning.”

Jeff shrugged. “I’ve always wanted him. But he’s different now. A little aloof. Definitely distant. He doesn’t talk to me like he used to. But he is excited about the baby. It’s going to be his first. He’s ready to be a dad. Jeannette hadn’t been ready to be a mom.”

Kurt took that in soberly. For the longest period of time, he’d thought Blaine just hadn’t been ready to be a father. Ultimately it had come down to Blaine just not wanting a baby. But for a while there had been a little hope.

“Hey!” Jeff tugged happily on Kurt’s shirt. “Don’t disappear off the face of the planet again, okay? We’re having our baby party next month. You have to be there. We even invited Wade. It’s going to be great.”

“Okay. Sure.” Kurt turned to look at Finn who was moving his hands animatedly as he talked to Schue. “And about this.”

“Weird,” Jeff said succinctly.

“Wasn’t Schue married?” Kurt had seen a crease to his ring finger. Either a ring had been there recently, or at one point had been there for a long period of time. 

“I don’t know,” Jeff said. “But he’s sure hitting on your brother like he’d never so much as touched a woman. The age difference along is odd, but I guess whatever works.”

The idea of his brother and his baby class instruction sharing anything more than a few friends words was nausea inducing, but Kurt couldn’t deny, it was the happiest he’d seen his brother look in a long while. In fact to the best of his knowledge, Finn hadn’t so much as show a romantic interested in anyone since his divorce had pushed through years ago. Maybe this was good for Finn, and if it was, it didn’t matter how uncomfortable it made Kurt feel.

“Call me,” Kurt requested of Jeff, hitching his yoga mat up a little. “Or e-mail. Let me know when this famed baby part is and I’ll be there. I’ll bring whatever you need, too.”

Jeff gave him a parting wave and called to Nick, heading for the door.

That was the moment Kurt was able to see past him, to the parking lot. It wasn’t the first time he’d had someone waiting for him outside of his baby class. This time it was different. This time the person waiting had his stomach dropping out from under him and his mind reeling.

“You ready to go?” Finn asked, stepping up next to him. “It’s pretty much lunch time. I say we go get something to eat before you have to go to work.”

“Finn.” Kurt stalled him by holding out his arm, blocking the taller man from passing. “Finn.”

Finn’s eyebrows pulled together. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Kurt nodded out towards the parking lot. “That’s … um. Do you see that man out there? About four cars up from mine?”

Finn gave a silent nod. 

Only able to whisper, Kurt said, “That’s Dave. That’s .. that’s my baby’s biological father.” He pushed his hand to the underside of his stomach. “Why is he here?” There was absolutely no reason for Dave to be waiting outside, looking a little bored but mostly content to stand there. It made Kurt nervous.

Finn squinted out at him. “That’s Karofsky?”

“Yes,” Kurt breathed out. “What do you think he wants?” Dave had wanted his space, and he’d been so upset. Kurt was almost afraid. 

“Okay.” Finn squared his shoulders in a show of bravado. “I’ll go get rid of him.”

“No. Wait!” Kurt wrenched on Finn’s arm so hard he nearly threw them both off balance. “Wait. Please. I don’t want him gone. I’m just surprised he’s here. The last time we talked he made it sound like I wouldn’t expect to see him around for a long time, if ever.”

“Then …” Finn eased out, looking between Kurt and Dave, are you going to go talk to him?”

Kurt gave a shaky nod. “Come on.”

Dave was slouched a little when Kurt approached, clearly distracted by his phone and unaware of how close Kurt was by the time he spoke up and announced himself.

“Kurt,” Dave stammered out, sliding his phone into his pocket.

“Dave,” Kurt greeted. “What’re you doing here?” How had known where he’d be? Then again, one of Dave’s coworkers had found him weeks earlier when he’d tried to coerce or push Kurt towards explaining himself. Maybe it wasn’t that hard.

“I …” Dave frowned and looked to Finn. “Blaine?”

Finn arched an eyebrow. “Not even close, dude. I’m Finn. Kurt’s brother.”

“You guys don’t look anything alike,” Dave said flatly.

“Step-brothers,” Kurt clarified in a dismissive way. “Dave. Why are you here?”

Dave thrust his hands in his pockets. “I just wanted to talk. Actually, I’ve wanted to talk for a while now. Pretty much since the day after I blew up at you and stormed off. I’m a cool off kind of guy. I get big and loud when I’m angry, and then once I’ve had my cool off period, I’m ready to talk things through. But you … I tried your work. They said you were gone. A family emergency?”

Kurt nodded mutely.

“I’ve been checking in every couple of days.” Dave looked so unsure that Kurt wanted to apologize all over again. “I called today and I talked to your assistant Sam? He said you were back, but he wouldn’t tell me where to find you, and he threatened me with someone named Puck if I came around?”

Kurt fought down a laugh. “Noah is harmless. You saw him that one time at the theater. Works security. But how did you know I’d be here?” Kurt asked, gesturing back at the studio that people were still emerging from.

“Azimio.” Dave offered, naming off the firefighter who’d last cornered Kurt at his baby class. “He knew you were in the class because he’s got a younger brother in here. That’s how he knew to find you, and how he was able to tell me where you were going to be. I hope you don’t think I’m a creeper.”

Kurt questioned, “And you just want to talk?”

Dave nodded. “I really think we should. The truth is out in the open now. We have to.” He pointed to Kurt’s stomach. “If only because of that.”

“True.” He paused. “Is this going to be a good talk or should I get my lawyer on the phone?”

Finn butted in defensively, “Our father is a senator. We know lots of lawyers. Good ones.”

Kurt put a comforting hand on Finn’s shoulder. “It’s okay.” He gave Finn a gentle push and said, “Why don’t you go ahead and head back to the hotel? Give Emma a call and really see if you can get her moving. I’m sure Dave will give me a ride back when we’re done talking.”

Finn looked like he wanted to protest as Dave said, “Of course.”

“See?” Kurt waved at Finn. “Seriously. I’ll be fine. Call Emma. Tell her I’m paying her a good deal of money to find us something fast. The less time spent in our hotel room, the better.”

There was clear unhappiness written on Finn’s face, but he took it all in stride and accepted both Kurt’s bag and yoga mat from him. “Call me if you need me,” Finn said, giving Dave a dark look. “Or if you--”

“Finn,” Kurt said, feeling a little stressed. “This is Dave. I’ll be fine.”

When Finn was gone Dave escorted Kurt over to his truck and helped him up into the passenger seat. Then he hurried to the driver’s side and asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Finn and I were going to go get lunch. I could eat.”

Dave took a look around as he started the truck. “I don’t know that many places to eat around here. Sorry. You pick.” The truck turned over flawlessly, and then Dave questioned, “You’re in a hotel?”

“Just for right now,” Kurt said, looking out the window, watching Harmony climb into her own car. “Until I find some suitable housing options for a newborn.”

Kurt directed Dave onto the nearby main street and said they were going to a personal favorite deli of his.

“I thought you had some big, fancy loft,” Dave asked, a touch of annoyance in his voice. “Right in the middle of Midtown.”

“Blaine has a loft there.” Kurt laced his fingers on his lap. “I took your advice, you know. I told Blaine about you. I told him I looked you up, and I got to know you, and I let him know that I had feelings for you.”

“Feelings?”

“I said we kissed,” Kurt elaborated with a shrug. “A couple of times, and that I had more feelings for you than I did for him. I was honest with him. I said I didn’t know what kind of a future I had with you, if any, but I knew that I didn’t have one with him. It was hard, but it had to be said. And everything just unraveled from there. Suffice to say, I found out some things that I could have never predicted. Never imagined.”

“Like what?” Dave pried gently, and it almost, almost felt like normal. It just barely felt like they were two friends again, and he could tell Dave anything.

Quietly, Kurt questioned, “You know I used you as a donor because Blaine is infertile, right?”

“Don’t tell me,” Dave guessed, “he can?”

Kurt scowled darkly. “No. Worse. He knew the entire time he couldn’t. For seven years we tried to have a baby, and he played dumb for each and every one, telling me we just weren’t trying hard enough, and that a baby would come when the time was right. But the time was never going to be right. There was never going to be a baby and he knew from the start. I left him for that. Maybe he left me over you, but I left him because of that. We’re not together anymore. I’m not living at the apartment. Finn and I are house hunting right now desperately, but we’re in a hotel for the time being.”

“Wow,” Dave commented lowly, but didn’t offer any more.

“Sometimes I wonder how long Blaine could have kept the lie going if I hadn’t gotten desperate and gone to see a fertility specialist. Years more? Until it was too dangerous because of my age to get pregnant? I could have gone my whole life, Dave, never knowing there was a problem, never knowing that Blaine knew.” Kurt cleared his throat. “But what happened is done, and there’s no point in dwelling on it. I’m trying to move forward. I’m trying to do my best not to think about what I’ve lost, and instead concentrate on what I have.” He glanced over to Dave. “You don’t seem angry with me anymore.”

Dave sighed. “I’m still angry with you. There’s a lot I need to come to terms with, including the idea that there’s going to be a part of me in this world in about three months. But while you’ve been gone I’ve been thinking, and it’s not what I would have chosen, but it’s also not the worst thing in the world.”

“I meant what I said,” Kurt ground out. “I’m not going to hold you to anything. I’m not asking you to be a father. I’m not asking for anything. I don’t want anything. I made this baby on my own, Blaine was barely a part of it, if at all, and I don’t need anyone to help me raise it.”

They crawled to a stop at a red light.

“But it’s not that simple,” Dave told him. “You don’t get to just decide these things when there are other people involved. Have you even stopped to consider that I might want to be a part of my kid’s life? Maybe I can’t walk away, and you can’t force me to.”

Kurt felt his mouth go dry. “You want to be a part of the baby’s life?”

“It is my kid,” Dave pointed out.  
`  
There was a flash of something terribly optimistic in Kurt that he tried to squash down as fast as he could. “Not according to the law.”

“And according to the law you breached our contract, so if we went to court, who knows how it would go down.”

“Point.”

Dave let heavy shoulders slump. “The fact is, I can’t just pretend like my kid doesn’t exist. It doesn’t matter if I’m upset, or if I’m ready to be a father or not. I’m not some deadbeat dad. I’m not going to put it at the back of my mind. I’m going to be here, Kurt.”

“How far is here?” Kurt asked. “Are we talking one weekend a month, two weeks a year?”

“Because having a kid is like being in the reserves.”

Kurt huffed. “I’m just trying to gauge you here. I’m not trying to be difficult. I know you just told me you’re going to do what most people wouldn’t, and be in this baby’s life. And I think that’s commendable. But maybe it would be best if you weren’t. I don’t want to have to explain to our baby why you only come around once a week, and how come you’re not there on Christmas, but you always send a present. When our baby gets older and it starts to notice all the other parents, there will be questions. It might be worse if you’re in and out of the baby’s life. It might be best if you were out all together. You didn’t want this baby, not like I did. And I’m giving you an out that you don’t have to be guilty over.”

Dave eased off the break and said, “I never pictured myself being a father. Not that I didn’t want kids, I just never really saw myself as the parental type. I was never going to go out of my way to have one, you know? But I have one now, and I’m going to be a father, so if that means I have to sleep on your couch, then so be it. I wouldn’t ever do anything that would hurt our baby.”

“I don’t have a couch,” Kurt pointed out.

“You know what I mean.”

“Anyway,” Kurt swallowed hard. “I’m only saying we need to be very clear about this. I don’t want any confusion in an already complicated situation. I want you to be a father as much as you want to be, I just didn’t want you to feel forced into anything. But having you sleep on the couch, or be that close to us, it might raise more questions than answers. We’re not a couple. We’re not married. We’re barely working on our friendship again.”

“No,” Dave agreed, “but I have feelings for you and you have feelings for me. And together, we have a baby. We’re a family, Kurt. A messed up one, but a family. And we have to make this work.”

Kurt wondered what it would be like to wake up every day next to Dave, and spend his mornings playing with their baby, and making breakfast together, and going to Jamboree. Dave would dote, Kurt was sure. There’d be showers of presents and attention and love, and if things had been different, Kurt might have had it all. 

“I think,” he posed, grounding himself in reality, “we should forget our feelings. Forget the kisses. We’re complicated and we don’t have time to work us out. The concentration needs to be on the baby. We should just … we should be friends.”

“Friends,” Dave rolled the word out. “You want to just be friends?”

Kurt nodded. “Good friends who love their baby very much. Can we at least try that?”

“You think that’s the best option?” Dave asked, fingers tight around the steering wheel. “You want that?”

“I want what’s best for the baby.”

Dave risked a quick glance to Kurt’s stomach, and then up to his face. “Fine.”

With a sigh of relief, Kurt folded down a bit in the high seat. “I missed you,” he said quietly.

Dave’s fingers clenched. “Me too.” He cleared his throat. “And I don’t like the idea of you living in a hotel room. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for our baby. I rent an apartment right now, it’s about the size of a closet because I spend most of my time down at the station, but if you wanted--”

“No!” Kurt hated the suggestion before he even heard it. “No. Dave.”

“I’m just saying--”

Kurt shook his head. “I need my own place. I need something that is just mine, well, Finn and the baby’s, but I need to do this for me. I spent years and years letting Blaine put his name on everything and being content with that. Letting him spend his money and make decisions and simply deferring to him because I was too distracted by other things. I’m looking for a new house and a new start, and I have to choose it all on my own. But Finn’s not going to stay with me forever. There’s going to be a spare room eventually. I don’t see why, some years down the line, you couldn’t spend the night once in a while. You’d have a place to sleep if you wanted it.”

Dave pursed his lips. “Are you moving out of Manhattan?”

“Do you mean am I taking the baby so far away you won’t have easy access?”

“Toby’s wife divorced him last year,” Dave said, referencing a firefighter Kurt had seen once and never really talked to. “She took his two girls all the way to Nevada. He never gets to see them anymore.”

Kurt gave a small smile. “My job is in Manhattan. Everything I love is in Manhattan. I’m not leaving Manhattan. No worries.”

Dave said, “Okay. Good. And, ah … are you okay? We haven’t talked in a while. Is the baby okay? Are you two doing good?”

Kurt patted his belly. “Absolutely fine. We had a gestational diabetes scare for a while, but things are looking better. The baby’s heartbeat is strong, my numbers are good, and I’m right on schedule. Actually …”

“Yes?” Dave asked, risking a look to him. 

“I have an appointment on Monday. It’s just a routine checkup since I’ve been away from New York, but we should be going over all the big stuff. At least all the stuff that still makes me tear up and sob like a little girl.” He grinned all teeth. “I was going to ask Finn to come with me, but if you’re interested …”

“Will I get to see the baby?” Dave asked, voice pitched higher than normal.

Excitedly, Kurt told him, “I got to see the baby last time on the 3D ultrasound. It’s amazing picture quality. I’m sure we’ll get to see the baby this time around too. So … can I pencil you in? Monday at eleven?”

Dave nodded without hesitation. “I’ll get Azimio to cover for me, or Jerry. Someone. Anyone.”

They turned into a small back alley with just enough space for Dave to squeeze his truck into a lucky parking spot, and Kurt held out his hand, requesting, “Here.”

Kurt pressed Dave’s hand to the side of his stomach where the baby always seemed to be the most active. 

“Jesus,” Dave whistled out. “That’s strong.”

“What can I say?” Kurt beamed. “You’ve got some strong genes. Good genes.”

Dave let his hand fall away. “I’m still mad at you,” Dave stated. “What you did was wrong.”

“I know,” Kurt said soberly. “I know, I know, and I’ll apologize every day for the rest of my life. I did the wrong thing.”

“Damn right you did.” Dave cut the engine. Then he leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Kurt’s stomach. “But you did it for the right reason.”

Kurt closed his eyes and let his head tip back on the neck rest. “We’re going to be okay,” he promised.

Dave kissed his bump again. “I hope so.”

***

“It wasn’t even my idea,” Kurt told Dave as he flipped through one of the examination room’s baby magazines. He’d already stripped down into an examination gown and his socked feet were swinging back and forth from high up on the table. “But I guess it’s all the rage now, and they really want to do it. They’re calling it a baby party, not a baby shower, and apparently the only people who are invited are our pregnant friends. I assume this to mean they’re just going to invite everyone from class.”

“You don’t seem especially excited,” Dave pointed out. As promised, he’d been there to get Kurt bright and early that Monday morning, ready to head to the doctor’s office for their first joint appointment. The expectation had been all kinds of awkwardness, but for the most part it had been pleasant and easygoing. “I thought you liked parties.”

“I like parties,” Kurt said, then clarified, “but it’s not a party to have a bunch of second and third trimester people in one space for long amounts of time. This isn’t going to be a celebration of babies. Not that most of them are really even happy to have their kids. But it’ll probably turn into three hours of us trying to compare horror stories and see who’s having the worst time of it.”

Curiously, Dave asked, “What do you mean most of them aren’t happy?”

Kurt shrugged. “Jeff’s stuck in-between the father of his child, Nick, and Nick’s wife. Marley had something with a guy named Jake, who turned out to be conveniently already taken and his actual girlfriend is expecting too. Harmony’s husband died shortly after conception. I think we’ll also invite Brittany, but she never has anyone there for her and, well, I’m not sure she’s all there herself. And Sunshine is this adorable girl who’s always so nice, but flinches at loud sounds and sudden movements, and that tells me everything I need to know. Then look at me.” He perked up suddenly, remembering, “Oh, Marley also wants to invite someone named Wade. He seems nice enough, if a little too quiet, but he’d always alone, too. Sometimes I think I signed up for the most depressing baby class ever. Everyone there has baby drama.”

“Wade?” Dave asked, eyebrows high. “Azimo’s brother Wade?”

“Maybe,” Kurt eased out. If they were talking about the same people it suddenly made a lot more sense why Wade and Azimio had been talking that day the man had come to confront Kurt.

“Must be,” Dave decided. “It would be good for you to include him. I guess he’s trying to figure some heavy stuff out right now. Azimio is being pretty quiet about it, but his brother means a lot to him, and they’ve been on the rocks ever since Wade moved up to Manhattan and refused to go home.”

Kurt stilled mid page turn. “Refused to go home?”

“The family is pretty religious. Catholic. There are a few things his parents had an issue with. The most I know is there was a fight, something huge, and it spiraled from there. No one seems to be talking to each other, which is probably the real shame.”

Kurt had to agree. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if something so huge ever happened in his life that his father stopped talking to him. Though to be completely honest, he wasn’t sure there was anything quite possibly that big that could make it happen. His father was that rare breed of parent that only came alone once in a while. Exceptional, Kurt thought, in absolutely everything.

“Okay,” Kurt said easily. “I’ll make sure Wade gets an invite.”

Dave crossed a leg at the knee. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to let Azimio know his brother is making friends. It’s been a concern of his for a while. For what I get, Wade has always been a … a loner I guess. Az said he always seems uncomfortable in his own skin.”

“Dave?” Kurt set his magazine to the side and cross crossed his ankles. “Can I ask you a really personal question? I’ll understand if you say no, but I’ve been curious for a long time now.”

“You’re having my kid,” Dave said plainly. “Might as well.”

“It’s about that,” Kurt said. “The clinic only gives the information a person needs to choose their donor. It doesn’t give anything to flush the actual donor out. And since I started getting worried about this baby, and about who my mysterious donor was, I’ve wondered about you and more importantly, why someone would choose to put their sperm in the hands of someone else. Why did you become a donor?”

Dave edged forward on his chair, both of his feet coming down solidly on the floor. He asked, “You chose to go the route of a genetic donor because of your husband’s infertility, right? Because at the very least, even if it couldn’t be his, you wanted there to be some kind of biological connection between the baby and you?”

“I wanted to have a baby that Blaine could look at and see me in, and maybe that would make it easier than adopting and not having anything there,” Kurt explained. 

“But it was infertility that took you to the donor database?”

Kurt nodded.

Dave continued, “That is actually the same circumstance that took me to the database as well, though in a different way. I’m not infertile, obviously.”

Kurt patted the side of his belly. “I sincerely hope not, or I have another huge problem that I don’t have the time or the energy to work on.”

“No.” Dave shook his head. “I’m perfectly fertile. My brother wasn’t.”

“Brother?” Kurt frowned. “You’re just making me confused. Maybe you should start at the beginning.”

“Sure, sorry.” Dave grinned a little sheepishly, and Kurt hoped that the doctor continued to run late. “I had an older brother. By a coupe of years, actually, but we were still close. Andrew. We were best friends and pretty much did everything together. He never tried to ditch me because his friends didn’t want me hanging around, and when we got to high school and he was a senior and I was a freshman, he made sure no one messed with me. He was always there. He got me anything I needed, and went along with anything I wanted to do. You and your brother remind me a lot of Andy. We were like that. Protective of each other.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Kurt told him. But there was a nagging feeling that had cropped up the moment he’d heard Dave describe his brother in the past tense.

Dave questioned, “You and I bonded initially over the fundraiser the firehouse was running for our troops coming home, right? That’s where we had our first connection?”

“Then your brother, Andrew? He was in the military? The same as Finn?”

“Army,” Dave confirmed. “Andy was never going to be a college guy. He liked school enough, but he had attention issues. Nothing was ever diagnosed, but he hated sitting still. He liked to be right in the thick of things. He played sports, and did all of these after school things, and always kept moving. He couldn’t ever see himself going to college, so our parents told him to go into the military instead. Our dad had served in the reserves, and his father before him had been an officer. There’s a whole line of military men and women in our family, so I guess my brother felt compelled to serve, which is the wrong reason to serve, by the way.”

Kurt imparted, “Finn served in the military because his birth father, a man he’d never known, had been dishonorably discharged. He wanted to repair his father’s name. He did it for his father, and I think that’s a wrong reason, too.”

Dave cautioned, “This is kind of a long story, actually. We can save it until later, if you want. I know I promised you frozen yoghurt.”

“No. Go on.” Kurt looked down to his watch. “Doctor O’Neil almost always runs late. She stretches herself too thin. Please. Go on.”

“So Andy,” Dave said, “he went into the Army. He served a full tour and came home for leave. That’s around the time I was getting out of high school, and that’s when he met June. I guess they ran into each other at the theater. Andy was waiting for me to get off from my shift. I was working there trying to make enough money to pay for vocational school, considering my parents were only willing to pay for a university. Anyway, June was there taking her cousin to see a show. Andy said it was love at first sight and they were pretty much inspirable for the next three years. Even when he got shipped back out, she waited and she was faithful. We got to be good friends, I told her embarrassing stories of Andy and it helped her get through it. I always knew they were going to get married, even though she was way out of his league. She helped him through his problems when he came home, after he saw some pretty bad stuff overseas.”

“Yes?” Kurt laughed. “That sounds amazing. Like a movie itself.”

Dave’s face darkened. “Andy got hurt. Friendly fire. It wasn’t anything too bad, but he got to come home for a while, and I guess it made him think. All he wanted to do was marry his girl and start a family. So they got married, and our parents were so upset because it was this little ceremony that didn’t cost anything, and there wasn’t even a cake, and there certainly wasn’t a minister who married them. But Andy and June didn’t care, and that’s all that mattered in the end.”

“You said that there was infertility in this story somewhere?” Kurt asked. 

“They tried for a while,” Dave said. “To have a baby. To get pregnant. They tried for all of his leave. He was home for months recovering, and waiting to get his new assignment. But it never happened, and he saw a doctor before he left. They got the bad news then. He was infertile. He couldn’t give June the family she wanted--that they both wanted.”

“I feel stupid, you know,” Kurt said suddenly. “Because your brother went to the doctor right away, and I stupidly waited forever. He knew something was wrong and went. I knew something as wrong and didn’t.”

“That is not your fault,” Dave said, on his feet a moment later and moving to Kurt’s side. “You trusted your husband. You trusted and believed in what he said. That doesn’t make you stupid.”

Kurt shrugged. “Your body tells you things, Dave. It tells you when something is wrong. It knows. Only an idiot doesn’t listen.”

“You’re not an idiot.” Dave hopped up on the bed next to him, their knees pressing together.

“I still feel that way.” He let his chin drop down to his chest. “What did your brother do? What did Andy and June do?”

Dave said simply, “They were out of time. Andy went back to Afghanistan and June tried to pretend like the floor hadn’t been taken out from under her. But here’s the thing, Kurt.” Dave pushed against him gently, making them sway to the side. “I told you, my brother was the most amazing person I knew. He did for me what parents don’t do sometimes. He was my everything and he taught me how to be a man. If there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me, how was there going to be anything I wouldn’t do for him? So I asked June if I could have her turn calling him, and then I told the both of them that if they wanted, I’d be happy to be an uncle.”

Kurt didn’t understand for a moment, and then when it dawned on him, his eyes widened. “You were going to be their donor!”

“I wanted what you wanted,” Dave reminded Kurt. “I wanted them to have a biological tie to their baby, and I could do them one better than what you had to work with. I could give my brother a baby that would be as near a genetic match to him as was possible under the circumstances. I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I was ready to do whatever it took to make my brother happy. Plus, being an uncle was exciting. It was something I could handle and something to be proud of.”

“They took you up on your offer?”

Dave nodded excitedly. “As soon as Andy came home from his tour they were going to make it happen. I went ahead and registered with the fertility clinic, though at the time it was just to keep everything viable, and June started her injections to get her body ready. I was getting ready to move away, I’d been offered a job in Jersey, and we didn’t know how many shots we were going to get at in vitro before money and time ran out, so we wanted to be ready.”

Quietly, Kurt said, “You’ve been mentioning your brother in the past tense this whole time. Did something happen?” Something had to have happened. 

“Roadside bomb.”

Kurt held his breath. “Dave. I’m so sorry.”

“It was years ago.” Dave rubbed his palms on his jeans. “There’s been plenty of time now for me to be angry and sorry. It’s in the past.”

“I don’t know what I would have done if Finn died,” Kurt reflected. He’d always tried to push it from the back of his mind when he knew Finn was out of the country. It was the worst thought ever and it kept him up at night. He knew it was the same for their parents. “I can’t imagine the kind of pain.”

“I asked her if she still wanted it.” Dave gave a low, sad chuckle. “I asked June if she still wanted to get pregnant, even after Andy died. I thought she might want to. Maybe she wanted a baby to remind her of him. To name after him. I don’t know. Anything. She’d wanted one for so long I couldn’t imagine that she suddenly wouldn’t. But she did end up saying no. After the funeral and the mourning period, she still said no, and I respected her enough to stop pushing when she said she was afraid she’d have the baby and look at it and only be able to see me.”

Kurt dared to ask, “Where is she now?” Maybe she was remarried now, or had a family finally. Kurt didn’t know her, only knew what Dave told him that moment about her ,but she sounded lovely. And Dave was wonderful, which meant his brother had to have been, and his wife, by extension. Kurt wanted the best for them all. As best as possible. 

“She’s still around New York. She’s an interior decorator now, and very good at her job. She lets me take her out about once a week to the first restaurant that my brother ever took her. This Italian joint in Queens that makes meatballs as big as your fist. That’s the only time I ever tell her that I’m still willing. It’s the only time we ever talk about it. And once she tells me no, I leave it alone until the next week.”

“Oh, no.” Kurt put his face in his hands, skin burning with embarrassment and shame.

“Kurt?”

“When I saw you at the street fair, when we ran into each other, that wasn’t the first time I’d seen you.”

“You told me you had a file on me. A friend got it for you? With pictures and information inside?”

Kurt felt wretched and tugged at his hair. “I followed you a couple of days before that. I followed you to a restaurant in Queens where I saw you getting lunch with a beautiful woman. I thought it was your girlfriend, or someone you were interested in. But it was June.”

“It was my sister-in-law.” Dave bumped him again, this time a little harder. “I’m not going to feel sorry for you for spying.”

“I know.” Kurt dragged his hands away and back to his lap. “I feel like such a laughing stock right now. I’m so sorry, Dave.”

“Don’t you want to know how I ended up being a possible donor for you, if I started out just wanting private storage?”

“Yes,” Kurt said morosely. 

Dave reached a hand over to Kurt’s stomach, the typical smile spreading out on his face when he felt the baby move. Dave said, “June reminded me about the kind of sacrifice I was going to be making for Andy and her, becoming their donor. And she told me if their situation had happened, there were probably a million other people out there that wanted a baby as badly as them and couldn’t have one without help. She wanted me to considering doing for them, what I had been willing to do for family. So I thought about it, and in the end, I realized that being a donor didn’t make me a father. It wouldn’t have made me a father to Andy and June’s baby. And being a donor wouldn’t make me a father to anyone else who needed me to make their dreams come true. If I could do, I was obligated to. And I already met the clinic’s criteria, so it was just a matter of some more paperwork and I actually got paid for it. I used the money to go to college after vocational school, which helped further my career, and it’s probably what got me my job. And that’s where I’m at now.”

Kurt added, “Being a father to a baby that you shouldn’t have to.”

“No. I shouldn’t have to,” Dave said honestly. “But it’s my baby, and it’s my choice. And I’m choosing to be a father. I’m choosing to be here right now, and I don’t have any regrets.”

A knock on the door startled Kurt so much that he jumped. As Dave slid down from the table Doctor O’Neil cam bursting into the room, coat flowing behind her as she leafed through Kurt’s file. “Sorry to keep you waiting, Kurt. Another patient of mine started experiencing false labor pains.”

“Braxton-Hicks?”

Doctor O’Neil made an affirmative sound. “Nothing to worry about.” 

“I brought someone this time,” Kurt said, hoping to get her attention. She’d been so engrossed in looking over his new stats that he knew she hadn’t properly seen him.

“What’s Braxton-Hicks?” Dave asked suddenly. “Is that bad?” He looked to Kurt. “Could you get that?”

“It’s not something you can catch,” Kurt told him fondly, trying to reassure him. “It’s just contractions which aren’t really contractions, usually, from my understanding, brought upon by a number of things but mainly stress. I could end up with them, a good deal of people do, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

O’Neil pushed some of her red hair back behind her ears and asked, “Now who’s this?”

Kurt had brought Blaine with him once to see Doctor O’Neil. And he’d cut the appointment short on top of that. 

“This is Dave,” Kurt said, not really sure how much more he had the right to tell his doctor. There was a good chance Dave, who was still coming to terms with becoming a father, didn’t want other people to know. And it was his right. Kurt didn’t want to overstep his boundaries with him. Kurt never wanted to hurt him ever again. “He’s … uh … he’s my …” He was going to say support.

And then Dave rushed in, “I’m the father.”

Kurt froze as O’Neil questioned, “You weren’t the young man I had in this office a few months ago?”

“That was Blaine, Kurt said, face feeling hot. “My husband. We’re … separated now. This is Dave. He’s the … he’s my baby’s father.”

Dave crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll be here from now on. Every meeting. So I’m sorry if you have to repeat yourself, but I want to know everything I missed, and I made a list of questions I want to ask. I also want to have my number added to Kurt’s emergency contacts here. We don’t live together, but I want to know if anything happens. If he has to come in, I want to know so I can meet him down here.”

Doctor O’Neil shrugged. “Fair enough. Nice to meet you, Dave. Pull up a chair and we can get started.”

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as Doctor O’Neil told him that all of his tests had come back fine, and that she was pleased with his progress. He always got anxious when it came to his progress reports. He couldn’t foresee himself having another baby anytime soon, if at all. What he wanted more than anything else was just for his pregnancy to go smoothly.

“But you’re going to hate me soon,” O’Neil said as she helped guide Kurt down to lay on the table. “Because we’re going to talk about reducing your work hours again.”

“Should he be working at all?” Dave asked, peeking over the doctor’s shoulder. “Because I have it on good authority that he spends a lot of time on his feet, going back and forth, and he doesn’t take his rest breaks like he should.”

“Who told you that?” Kurt asked. 

Dave didn’t look ashamed at all. “Sam. I’ve been talking to him on the phone since …” Kurt knew he wanted to say since they’d decided to give co-parenting a try. “And he says he keeps trying to take more on for you, but you’re resistant.”

“I’m fine,” Kurt huffed, helping Doctor O’Neil part his gown and pull down his pant smocks just a bit to reveal his stomach. “I take breaks when I need to. I know my limits. Do you really think I’d do anything to endanger my baby?”

“No,” Dave said right away. “I know you wouldn’t. I just also know you’re dedicated to your job, and that may cause you to overlook some things that you might not normally.”

“Moot point,” Doctor O’Neil said cheerily, dragging the ultrasound machine over. “Because you’re now officially in your third trimester, Kurt, and that means you now have the privilege of working part time. Monday through Thursday, not past two in the afternoon, and no weekends.”

“But I---” Kurt tried.

Dave stated, “I’m going to make sure he doesn’t push himself. I’m going to be watching.”

“Traitor,” Kurt mumbled.

Doctor O’Neil looked pleased.

Dave wondered, “Are we going to see the baby now?”

“Sure thing.” Doctor O’Neil called for her technician and asked Dave, “Is this going to be your first time seeing the baby?”

Dave looked confused and Kurt said quietly, “I have ultrasound pictures, Dave. From a few of my visits. I just didn’t want to overwhelm you. I wasn’t sure how far down the rabbit hole you wanted to go with me. I wanted--”

Dave brushed past the doctor to lean down over Kurt, brushing his forehead against Kurt’s. “Stop thinking of my feelings,” Dave all but pleaded. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but I’m here for you. I’m here for this baby. I’m not doing anything halfway. Got it?”

Kurt gave a jerky nod, then looked to the doctor. “I think we’re ready.”

Like always, Kurt held his breath as the machine came on. He couldn’t breathe easy again until he heard his baby’s heartbeat. Rationally, at least some part of him understood that he could feel his baby moving. He could feel the steady and reassuring kicks that told him everything was fine, and the baby was alive. But there was something about hearing the heartbeat that soothed him. 

“Ready?” Doctor O’Neil asked, and then the room was flooded with the sound of a heartbeat. 

“Thank you,” Kurt breathed out. 

Dave looked weak on his knees. “Is it supposed to be that fast?” Dave asked, concern lacing his voice. “That doesn’t sound normal.”

“Don’t worry,” the doctor promised, “it absolutely is. Give yourself some time. You’ll get used to it. Now, how about we try and find the baby in question.”

Somewhere alone the line Dave’s hand and found Kurt’s, and as the image on the machine remained blurry, Dave gave Kurt a reassuring squeeze. Or maybe it was an anxious one. It was hard to tell. All Kurt knew was it was impossibly comforting to have someone to hold his hand and be there with him.

“And here we go. There’s the baby. Looking good, too.”

It was probably the first time Kurt’s eyes weren’t locked on the imagine of his baby. Instead he watched Dave carefully, feeling the man’s hand go slack as the wetness built up in his eyes.

“Amazing, right?” Kurt asked. 

“Beautiful,” Dave corrected. “Jesus, Kurt. We made that.”

When Kurt could see he was crying, hastily wiping away the tears that flowed so freely at the sight of their baby, Kurt felt a pang of something indescribably painful in his gut. It was the reaction he’d always wanted from Blaine. It was the only thing he’d wanted from Blaine for a long time.

“It’s kind of perfect, isn’t it?” Kurt was no ultrasound specialist himself, but every time he saw the baby the picture got clearer and clear, and he was getting pretty good at picking out fingers and toes. “I think it’s going to have your nose, too. Look at it.”

Dave squinted at the picture. “Is the baby smiling?”

“Probably gas,” Doctor O’Neil laughed. “Babies aren’t capable of smiling for a while until after they’re born. But I see plenty of babies in my line of work, and this one here is pretty good looking. You’re lucky.”

Kurt grinned as he felt the baby turn over in his stomach and the picture matched a moment later. “Always moving now. Can’t be still for a moment.” Kurt told Dave, “Must be your side of the family.”

“Like Andy,” Dave added quietly.

Kurt echoed, “Like Andy.”

Doctor O’Neil made a few notes on her charts, then said, “As always, Kurt, I’ll ask you if you want to know. One of these das I think you’re going to give in and surprise me.”

“Probably not today,” Kurt returned.

Finally Dave released Kurt’s hand completely and asked, “Want to know what?”

At that, Kurt visibly hesitated. Before Dave, when there had been Blaine, all the decisions had still been Kurt’s. He’d got to make all the choices and decide everything. But things were different now, and that wouldn’t be fair.

“The gender,” Doctor O’Neil supplied.

Dave frowned at Kurt. “You don’t want to know?”

“I never had a good enough reason for finding out,” Kurt said with a shrug. “Do …you want to know?”

Dave looked back at the monitor. “I think I can tell from here. But I don’t want to if you don’t want to.”

“I said,” Kurt corrected, “I never had a good reason. If you wanted to know, that would probably be a good reason.”

Dave said confidently, “I want to know.”

Doctor O’Neil hesitated on Kurt for a moment, but when he gave her a slight nod, she smiled at them and said, “Congratulations, boys, you’re having a girl.”

“I knew it,” Dave said quietly. “And she’s gorgeous.”

“Going to tell me you have a shotgun ready for when she’s old enough to date?” But he really didn’t want to think about that, because he’d be old then, and who knew where his life might go between then. 

Dave laughed, “I’ll be personally escorting her to kindergarten each and every day, just to make sure there is absolutely no pigtail pulling.”

The doctor handed Kurt a rag to clean his stomach off with and he said, “You’ll never catch me putting our baby girl in pigtails. Maybe a nice French curl or plait, but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

“You’re talking gibberish,” Dave said with a grin. “But I can’t wait for you to show me.”

By the end of the visit Kurt had a new list of restrictions for him to review, a statement from the doctor herself abut his reduced workload, and a significant warning to watch his step.

“Take your time and be careful,” she advised. “And you call me right away, or a hospital help line if you experience any cramping or severe pain. I mean it. Don’t wait, thinking it’ll go away.”

“Why?” Dave asked, clutching a few pictures from the ultrasound that he’d barely been able to look away from. “What could happen?”

Doctor O’Neil said honestly, “There is always the possibility that this far into your pregnancy you could suffer labor pains that aren’t as false as my other patients. As it stands, men ten to deliver early and women late, but in a few rare cases I’ve had patients going into labor months early. Cramping and pain are two of the most noticeable symptoms. If they occur you won’t have much time if you want me to be able to stop the baby from trying to be born.”

Kurt nodded somberly. “I’ll be careful, and I’ll be diligent.” 

The doctor looked satisfied, but Dave seemed worried.

“Dave?” Kurt asked when they’d shaken the doctor’s hand, had a new prescription to fill in the pharmacy, and were on their way down out of the building. “What’s wrong?”

Dave gave a visibly gulp. “I knew it was dangerous to have a baby …”

“Dangerous?” Kurt shook his head. “Like everything there are precautions to be taken, but I’m healthy and so is the baby. You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m taking precautions and I’m being careful.”

“Sorry. Sorry.” Dave nodded and placed a hand at the small of Kurt’s back, leading him over to his truck. “I’m just a little nervous. First time being a father. Man, this is not where I thought I’d be a few years ago, but I’m happy. I’m excited. It’s a girl.”

“A girl,” Kurt beamed. 

Dave caught him up in a sudden hug, laughing against him as they blocked the flow of traffic. “She was beautiful, Kurt. And perfect. We’re so lucky.”

Kurt pulled back with a blush and tried to straighten out his clothes. “Thanks for coming with me. It was really nice to have someone there with me.”

“Blaine never went?” Dave asked carefully. “Even before …”

“He never had the time,” Kurt said. “He was always busy. I never held that against him. Sometimes I was too busy for him. It’s what happens when you’re an adult with a career. But he was never interested enough to try and make time. The one time he did go he was bored, and had to leave early. I’ve never had anyone stay the full time. It was really nice.”

Dave guided them to his truck and like usual helped Kurt up the slight step into the cab of it. “I meant what I said about wanting to be here for this. You just let me know whenever you schedule an appointment. I’ll take the day off or get someone to cover for me.”

“Dave,” Kurt said when Dave was also in the truck. “I picked you in part because of your profession. Because I thought you would have to be a pretty brave and selfless person to be a firefighter. It’s probably what attracted me to you initially. But now that we know it’s a girl, and we’re getting so close to her being born, your job is starting to worry me. You’re working some insane hours, and you put your life on the line all the time. That’s scary. What if … something happens to you? I really want our baby to be able to look up to you and say that her daddy is a hero. But I also want her to know that he’s coming home at the end of every day, too.”

“Because I couldn’t get mugged tomorrow?” Dave posed. “I couldn’t accidentally fall down the stairs?”

Kurt gave him a long look. “I know accidents happen all the time. But your profession opens the door for them to happen more frequently. It’s dangerous. I am so thankful for you and for everyone else who put their lives on the line to offer a service that we couldn’t get by without. But you’re about to have a family. You’re going to be a father. I’m worried.”

“You want me to quit?” Dave asked. “And get a job as what? A kindergarten teacher?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Kurt said with a shrug. “Can you just promise me you’ll be careful? You want me to be careful and I want you to be. How about we’re both careful? Let the other guy take the extra risk. You have a baby. You have someone who needs you. Can you just keep that in mind?”

Dave leaned over and kissed Kurt’s cheek. “I will do my best.”

As Dave started the truck, Kurt tried not to read into the kiss. It had obviously been chaste, and while there were lingering feelings between the two of them, they had promised to keep everything strictly in the friend zone.

“You know,” Dave said as he drove Kurt to work, “you have to get out of that hotel. I know I told you that before, but you really have to now. I know you know, too.”

“Working on it,” Kurt said tensely. “You try finding a place to raise a baby on such short notice. It’s not that easy.”

“My place is still open. Even if it’s just for a little while, just long enough for you to find the home of your dreams.”

“And that’s still a nice sentiment,” Kurt said with a sigh, “but you know I can’t.”

“Yeah. Hey, but I do have something to ask you.”

“About what?” Kurt asked.

Dave took a hand off the wheel for a second to gesture at the baby. “You know I’m not going to fight you for custody, right? You know the baby goes home with you. That’s never been in question. But you are … you’re going to let me take her once in a while, right? I’m going to spend all my free time with her, I swear. I’m going to be there as much as I can, but I’m going to want a couple nights with her. I want her to feel like my place is home, too.”

The idea of Dave taking his baby, even though the baby was his, too, struck right in his heart. And even if it was only for a few days, Kurt could barely take it. But it was Dave’s right, and he wasn’t asking for much. He was asking for less than he deserved, actually.

“Sure. You’re her father, too.”

“Then I need a nursery,” Dave declared. “I’ve got a tiny little nook space in my apartment which would be perfect. There are bay windows that let in just the right amount of light, and a view that is actually what I got the apartment for in the first place. I’m going to make it into her nursery, but I don’t have a clue where to start. I don’t have many female friends. All my coworkers are guys, aside from the Chief, and I couldn’t ask June. But something tells me you probably know at least how to get me started. Think of it as practice for your own nursery.”

“You want me to help you with your nursery?”

Dave nodded. “Otherwise I’m just going to go into Wal-Mart with my credit card and buy everything I see that’s pink.”

“Okay. Please don’t.” Kurt shook his head. “Absolutely don’t do that. I’ll help you if you promise not to.”

“Great!” Dave seemed relieved. “I have to pull back to back shifts at the firehouse for a while, but next weekend is good for me. And since you’re banned from working on the weekend, excluding emergencies because I know you, how does Saturday sound?”

“Fine by me,” Kurt laughed. “You’re so excited.”

“We’re having a girl,” Dave reiterated, nearly bouncing in his seat. “I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

Kurt leaned happily against the window of the truck. “Me too.”

***

“I regret this already,” Kurt said bluntly. He looked down at his flour covered fingers, touched with water and starting to harden. He’d had to skip breakfast that morning after waking up late, and since then he’d had nothing but sugary treats, leaving him cranky and in a poor mood. The only thing he had to look forward to was seeing Dave later on that day.

Marley passed him wearing a bright, neon pink apron that barely tied in the back due to her belly. “That’s because you’re a wet blanket.”

“No,” Jeff piped up, stirring the bowl in his hands. “I pretty much regret this too, but I’ve had too much cake right now to think straight, so give me a little bit and I’ll be bitching like him.”

Harmony bumped Kurt playfully. “I don’t know, this is kind of fun.”

He whined at them all, “I already know how to cook. I cooked for my father and I for several years.”

Marley’s eyes narrowed. “That’s great, Homemaker Harriet, but this is baking. Baking is entirely different from cooking. Cooking is an art. Baking is a science.”

Kurt looked over the batches of cookies still waiting to go into the oven, and the cupcakes they were currently working on. He caught Wade’s eye with a small smile and said, “If I wanted to know how to bake I’d get a box and read the directions on the back.”

Marley whacked him on the arm with a wooden spoon the next time she passed. “That’s like cooking a box of macaroni and cheese and calling it a four star masterpiece. Now, of those of us here, and feel free to raise yours hands, how many of us have a thriving bakery?” She raised her own hand. “Well, look at that. Only me.”

Brittany muttered, “Sometimes my cat eats macaroni. His stomach hurts afterwards.”

“Someone’s hormonal levels are out of control today,” Jeff snapped. “You want to tone that down, Betty Crocker Terminator?”

Kurt could tell, they’d pretty much had enough of each other to last for years. They were friends, no doubt, but they were used to seeing each other a couple times a week, and not for long periods of time at that. But so far they’d spent hours and hours together, giving each other presents, consuming vast quantities of sugar, playing baby games, and overall getting on each other’s nerves. They all seemed really good at the last one.

“Keep that up,” Marley said, “and I won’t show you my recipe for peach cobbler.”

“I love peach cobbler,” Harmony swooned.

Kurt gave a low chuckle and tried to wipe his fingers on the nearby rag at his station. “Don’t you think we’re making way too much?” In addition to the cookies and cupcakes there were several cakes already cooling, waiting to be frosted, and a pie. “I think all of our doctors would freak out if they knew half of what we’d eaten so far.”

Then take some home,” Marley said with a shrug. “Or give some to friends. Now, we need to finish filling these cupcakes and then decide on the frosting batter that we want to start.”

“Dave might like some sweets,” Kurt mused quietly. Dave never particularly struck him as the sweet tooth kind of guy, but everyone liked something once in a while. Plus, Kurt was going to visit him at the firehouse on one of his long shifts. If Dave didn’t eat what he brought, the other guys were sure to appreciate it.

“Dave huh?”

Kurt nearly jumped as Jeff slid into his personal space.

“Next time you do that,” Kurt warned, shaking his mixing spoon threateningly.

Jeff scoffed. “Who’s Dave? It’s that guy who was waiting for you after class, isn’t it? We were all taking bets. Most of us though he was a secret rendezvous. Harmony was sure he was your hitman, but I told her, you don’t look at your hitman the way you were looking at that guy.”

“Hitman?” Kurt balked with a laugh. “Hitman for who?”

Jeff tapped Kurt’s chest gently, right over where his wedding ring rested on a chain. Kurt had meant to take it off weeks ago, but it was proving difficult, and making him feel heavy with guilt. “For the guy you’re totally not wearing this for anymore.”

“I’m not wearing it because my fingers are all swollen up right now.”

Jeff shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me. Kurt, we’re a baby class full of people who don’t have baby daddies who are there for them. You’d be one of the majority if you just fessed up to it, instead of insisting he’s too busy, or he had work, or--”

“Jeff.” Kurt cut him off snappishly. He didn’t want to talk about Blaine, and the truth was Dave was going to be there for him. He’d said so and Kurt believed him. So everything was pointless, especially since Kurt didn’t want to discuss Dave with anyone who wasn’t family. “Can it, okay? Or we’re going to start down that long and twisty road full of shame and angst called Nick. You want to take a ride down that road?”

Jeff pouted. “You’re mean.”

“I’m covered in flour, hyped up on sugar and annoyed. You try being nice.”

“Fair enough. Say, do you think I should try vanilla frosting with the peach cupcakes or maybe toffee?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Kurt reached for his own mixing bowl once more, and when Jeff was properly distracted, Kurt snuck another look to Wade. He kept trying to see Azimo in the boy, but he couldn’t, not really. Neither, from what Kurt knew of both of them, did they share the same mannerisms or personality. 

They finished the cupcakes and took a break to have coffee and juice and soda, and talk. And then, after they were all feeling bloated, or maybe sated in Jeff’s hyperactive case, they set to work starting the cobbler Marley had set up for.

Kurt made sure to put himself directly next to Wade when they reclaimed stations in Marley’s bakery, Harmony giving him a suspicious and less than amused look as she moved over to Brittany.

“Wade,” Kurt said quietly, not wanting to draw attention to them. “I met your brother a while back.”

Wade was kneading his dough so hard that Kurt though maybe he’d missed what he’d said. 

“Wade?”

Peevishly, Wade told him, “I don’t have a brother.”

Kurt frowned. He was sure Dave had told him that Wade was Azimio’s little brother. He wasn’t wrong, and nothing about Dave said he’d lie about something like that.

“Dave said you do.” Kurt cleared his throat. “Dave Karofsky? He’s ah … a friend of mine? Yeah. He’s a friend. He’s a firefighter in Queens, and he said he works with your brother. Your brother misses you.”

Through gritted teeth, Wade said, “I told you, I don’t have a brother.”

Kurt looked down at his work station. He hadn’t even started his dough yet. He was a bit burnt out on baking, and was pretty much ready to be done for the day. Still, he reached for his ingredients and told Wade, “I know something about being messed up with your family. I have a brother, too. Well, he’s my stepbrother, our parents got married when we were still in school, but it wasn’t love at first sight between the two of us. I don’t think we understood each other. He was pretty much an ass, and I was questionable as well. But family--”

“Stop.” Wade slammed his dough down on the tabletop. “Just stop. I don’t need any life lessons from you. I don’t want any stories about how it gets better, or how family has its ups and downs, or anything. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s my business, not yours.”

“Sorry,” Kurt mumbled. “I’m sorry. It’s just Dave is a good friend of mine, and Azimio is one of his. So I jus thought--”

“That you’d butt your nose into someone’s business that it didn’t belong in? That you don’t understand?”

Kurt said, “I understand your brother not getting you. Brothers don’t always communicate.”

“You think it’s that?” Wade gave a stifling laugh. “Kurt. I like you. You’re nice and you never judged me, and that’s pretty hard to find these days, but I don’t think you want to get into this with me. Your parents loved you, right? They accepted you and loved you no matter what?”

With a wince, Kurt said, “My mom died when I was young, but my father was always there for me. And my stepmom, Carole, I think she’s as good as they come. Better, even.”

“Well, I didn’t have that.” Wade refused to look at him again. “I never had any of that. I had judgment and hatred and anger and a brother who let me leave all of my own before I could get thrown out, and took their side over mine.”

“I don’t …” Kurt trailed off. 

“You don’t know,” Wade inferred. “So just stay out of my business. I’ve been doing just fine. I don’t need you trying to smooth things over between me and my brother just because you know some guy he works with, or because he suddenly grew a conscience and realizes what a total jackass he’s being.”

Kurt quieted after that. Maybe he’d been wrong to speak up. He did have a tendency of putting his foot in his mouth. “Sorry,” he said one last time, then started in on his cobbler.

Across the room, Harmony was saying, “It’s a girl, so I’m thinking I’m going to name her after my mother. It’ll be nice to have another Pricilla in the family.” 

“Won’t that be confusing?” Jeff asked. 

“Not really.” Harmony was the furthest along in her cobbler, but Kurt personally thought she was an overachiever. “My mother has been dead for over a decade.”

Jeff piped up teasingly, “We like votes around here, right? So how about we take another one? Anyone who thinks it’s creepy to name your very alive baby after a dead family member, raise your hand.” His hand shot high into the air, and with a confused look on her face, Brittany raised her hand as well.

“I don’t think it’s creepy,” Harmony huffed defensively. “It’s a homage. It’s respectful.”

Jeff jabbed a finger at her. “It’s creepy. Seriously. Like, why would you want to name your baby after someone who’d dead? Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive?” 

“Did you hear someone say that word on the street and decide to repeat it yourself?” Harmony snipped.

“No.” Jeff glared. “Unlike some of us, I actually went to college.”

“Enough!” Marley called out as Harmony was putting on a show of trying to climb over her workbench to get to Jeff instead of simply walking around. 

Kurt found himself volunteering, “I was named after my mother’s father, and he died of cancer before I was born.”

“I think that’s different,” Jeff decided. “Special circumstances.”

“How is that different from my situation?” Harmony demanded.

“He was a drunkard, though,” Kurt added, making Jeff and Harmony freeze. “Died of liver failure on top of his lung cancer. He was a pack a day guy, from what my dad tells me. And I think my mom just named me after him to get back at my dad after thirty hours of labor.”

There was a pause in the room, everyone mulling the additional information over, and then seconds later they broke out in argument once again.

“How about a middle name?”

The voice was so quiet that Kurt almost missed it. But then he caught sight of Sunshine in the corner of the room, looking a third trimester in her tiny frame instead of the five months he knew she was. “What was that?” he asked, trying to get her to speak up.

“I think,” she said, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable, “a middle name is perfect for a family member who has died. It’s respectful to your family, and you can still give your baby a new name.” She looked quickly to her workspace. “At least that what I think. For what it’s worth.”

Kurt touched his stomach gingerly and said, “I never thought about naming my baby after my mother. I always thought it might be a little weird.”

“Ha!” Jeff crooned victoriously. “What did I tell you! Creepy!”

Mostly because he couldn’t remember her. When he’d been little her memory had been so fresh in his mind, but now, with every year that passed, he could recall less and less of her. He couldn’t even make out her face in his mind now, without thinking of a photograph. And he had to go home, to DC, and dig out the old VHS tapes of his early birthday parties that his father had stored in the attic if he wanted to remember what her voice sounded like. How could he name his baby after someone he didn’t remember?

“You don’t even want to know what you’re having!” Marley called across the room as she tried to help Brittany with her cobbler. “You’re a holdout, Hummel.”

Kurt shouted back to her, “Just because I don’t want to match my baby off with one of yours, like the rest of you have!”

“Gender has nothing to do with it,” Jeff said. 

Kurt took a deep breath and said, “For your information, I actually know what I’m having. Just because I don’t want to broadcast it to the world, doesn’t mean--”

“What is it?” Jeff demanded, bouncing from foot to foot. “Tell us!”

Kurt looked around at the people in the room. All of their eyes were on him, some excited, some just curious. These people, Kurt realized, were some of his closest friends. And if nothing, they understood him better than most. He trusted them, and liked them, and what they thought was important to him. The fact that they wanted to know his baby’s gender, made him feel good.

Kurt grinned at Jeff. “You always knew what I was having.”

“It’s a girl!” he announced loudly, punching the air victoriously. “I knew it. I knew. You’re carrying way too high for it to be a boy.”

Harmony rolled her eyes. That’s an old wive’s tale.”

“Is not,” Marley insisted. “You can always tell.”

“On girls,” Harmony shot back. “Because our hips are wider. You can’t hold that to be true for boys.”

Marley sized Kurt up. “But Kurt’s got hips like a girl.”

“Hey!” Kurt glared at them both. “Leave my hips out of this. I probably got pregnant so easily because of my hips. And I’m having an easier time gestating because of them.”

Both girls looked sheepish and murmured apologies.

Before long they had finished preparing their cobblers, and once they were in the oven, the last bit of time seemed to fly by.

“Do you still regret coming?” Marley asked Kurt, pulling down a few streamers as everyone packed up their sweets.

“Yes,” Kurt said, voice saccharine. “But no, too. And that’s the most you’re going to get out of me.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for hosting. I don’t think any of us have the space except for you, and I’m still living out of a suitcase.”

“No problem.” She helped him get everything up into his arms for the walk down to his car. “See you in class.”

“You brought enough to feed a small army,” Dave laughed out when Kurt showed up at the fire house. His big hand was pressed against Kurt’s stomach as he peeked under a bit of tin foil. “The guys are going to love you.”

Kurt tried not to press up into Dave’s hand as he grinned. “That’s the point. Now, I’ve got more in the car. Help me?”

Dave looked like he wanted to kiss him, and Kurt wanted him to more than anything. Instead Dave only nodded and walked him to the firehouse before doubling back for the rest of the stuff in the car. 

A few days later found Kurt at Dave’s apartment for the first time. It was in a quaint and quiet little neighborhood not that far from the firehouse or the restaurant that Kurt had first seem him at. Kurt wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but the Victorian looking townhouse sandwiched between a million other identically painted homes wasn’t that. Dave had always said he lived in an apartment, but it looked more like a home. It made Kurt want for one of his own even more.

“Here we go,” Dave said, leading Kurt into the entranceway and holding the door open for him. “It’s not much, but it’s home, and it’s been good to me over the years.”

Dave gave him the grand tour, which lasted all of a few minutes, but gave Kurt a better understanding. The building extended way back, and each floor of the three floor building was its own apartment. Dave, was located on the top floor, which he apologized for profusely as Kurt struggled up the stairs, but was apparently justified by the view he couldn’t wait to show Kurt.

“It’s small,” Dave warned, opening the door to his apartment, “just one bedroom and not much else, but it’s nice, don’t you think?”

The kitchen was tiny, but nicely kept, and the living room area was spotless for a man of Dave’s age living alone. The bedroom door to the back was cracked, the bed made, and Kurt was able to see the nook space that Dave had talked about putting the nursery. It was a bit out in the open, but there were huge windows that would let in gorgeous sunlight in the morning, and Kurt loved it.

“Good?” Dave asked, sounding a little nervous.

“Good,” Kurt agreed. He could see boxes of baby things to the side, and questioned, “I thought we decided I was going to help you with the nursery. Lest you walk into Wal-Mart and buy out the baby section.”

“I didn’t,” Dave swore, walking over and angling the boxes up for Kurt to see. “I just got the furniture stuff. The crib and changing table and all that. I need your help deciding how to arrange everything, and we can talk about colors and all that.”

Kurt was satisfied. “Okay. At least you didn’t get print linens with some horrible Disney characters on them.”

“What’s wrong with Disney?”

Kurt arched an eyebrow. “A series of things that are far too troubling to get into right now. But suffice to say, it’s absolutely tacky to put character linens in a baby’s nursery. No. We’re going to go strong, solid colors, and warm shades of whatever we choose. You’re getting great light in here, and that means we need to play to the strength that it is. No blues or greens.”

Dave suggested, “I was thinking pink? I mean, it is a girl?”

“I have never, nor will I in the future, conform to socially acceptable, gender segregated colors based on the idea of femininity and masculinity. Or the construct of the division between them.”

“Um …”

“No pink.”

“Okay.” Dave shrugged. “Yellow.”

Kurt considered it. “We’ll have to go shopping once you get everything set up.” Kurt put his hands on his hips and surveyed the nook space. “But you’re going to need to clear out this space first. The armchair has got to go, and the--”

“I love that armchair,” Dave whined. “It’s leather.”

“Leather is tacky too.” Kurt made a face. “Especially red leather.”

Dave crossed his arms. “I’m not throwing it out.” But the way he said it, Kurt knew he would. If Kurt said to, he knew Dave would. 

“You don’t have to throw it out,” Kurt laughed, letting his bag sink to the floor. “You just have to move it out of the area. And we need to get you a rocking chair. No, don’t make that face at me. If you’re going to have the baby here, over night at least, and that means you’re going to have midnight feedings. With our luck, we’ll have a colicky baby. A rocking chair with help. Babies like motion. They like to be in continuous motion especially when they’re young, so if you want to pace up and down your very small apartment for three our four hours at a time, be my guest. Or you can get a rocking chair and make it much easier on yourself.”

“I vote that.”

“There seems to be a lot of voting going on lately.”

Dave turned out to be exceptionally proficient in reading directions. Kurt had wondered for a moment, seated on Dave’s couch as he watched the man spread everything out and take it all in for several minutes. But then, later, after what felt like a second too long, he began to assemble the crib with the tools he’d pulled from a small bag taken from the nearby closet, and he’d been lightening fast.

“You’re really good at this,” Kurt observed. 

Dave fitted a screw into place. “It’s not like the directions are in Finnish.” He had most of the crib already assembled. “Place tab A into slot B and so forth.”

“Still impressive.” By Kurt’s account they had only a few more things to put together. Most of the time earlier had been spent with Kurt directing Dave what to move and where. The old red leather chair had ended up in Dave’s bedroom, which Kurt had gotten to see more of by taking stealthy peeks.

“Thanks,” Dave said, concentrating on his work. “But I am a smart guy. I know my file said so.”

“It did,” Kurt allowed, but the subject was still so touchy he was afraid to say more. “We can go to the store as soon as you finish. We’ll do linens today, and accessories on a later date. We’ll have to get the rocking chair today, too. Are there any decent stores around here?”

Dave made a face at him and said, “We might have to go to that fancy uptown place you call home. I hear these days you can have a fourteen thousand dollar pacifier made.”

“That’s fourteen thousand dollars more than I have. I’m putting everything I have into finding a house. And no, before you ask or insinuate, I haven’t been using any of Blaine’s money. I haven’t touched a penny since …”

“I wasn’t going to,” Dave denied. 

“It wouldn’t be right,” Kurt said decisively. “I’m not going to.” He fell silent as Dave finished assembling the crib.

Dave climbed to his feet after to test the railing by shaking it, and when he was confident, he said, “When I got this from the store there was a display already made up. Hear me out, the sheets were pale green, but it looked really good. I know you wanted to go yellow, but can we think about it?”

Kurt took in the dark coloring of the wood on the crib, and the matching paneling around the windows and doorframes of Dave’s house. He’d been thinking yellow because it would have complimented the structure and coloring of the interior of the house, but pale green wasn’t such a bad idea either.

“We’ll see when we get to the store,” Kurt allowed. Embarrassed, he said, “I’m not trying to take total control. I know it’s your place. It should be your decision. Sorry if I’m being overbearing.”

Dave looked unfazed. “I asked you to help, remember? And I know you just want it to the look good for her. I’ll let you know if you go crazy at all.”

“Thanks.” Kurt grinned at him. “Now, baby table next?”

Dave wiped is palms on his jeans and sad, “Baby changing table it is. I also got a small dresser for all of her things. It was a matching set.”

Kurt scoffed. “Of course it was a matching set. Okay. Do you keep this place stocked?”

Dave frowned. “What place?”

“Your kitchen.” Kurt thumbed towards the visible space. “I’ve heard your stomach rumble twice since we started. We can get lunch when we go out later, but for now I’ll make us some snacks. That is, provided you have more than beer and Chinese takeout in your refrigerator.”

“I might have gone to the store this morning,” Dave teased. “I just came off my shift at the station, Kurt. I ate takeout for several days in a row. When I’m at home, I like to eat real food. There should be something in there.”

Kurt eased himself over to the kitchen and leveled a look over his shoulder at Dave who was kneeling down over the box he was opening. He looked good, arms flexing as he worked. 

“You’ve got bread here. And cold cuts. I’ll make us a couple of sandwiches.”

“Sounds good!” Dave called through the apartment. Then asked, “Hey, so we’re clear on the no pink thing, but we can still buy her dresses, right?”

“Absolutely!” He’d tell Dave eventually about his own fashion adventures in high school some day, including his kilts.

Both the crib and the changing table were done by the time Dave and Kurt started their sandwiches. They ate their snack at Dave’s tiny two chair kitchen table. Kurt savored the flavor of his ham sandwich as Dave enjoyed his own turkey while singing Kurt’s praises. 

“It’s just a sandwich,” Kurt pointed out.

Dave didn’t look put off. “It’s nicer when someone else makes it for you. And it’s good.”

“Ah. Dave.” Kurt set the half remainder of his sandwich down and said, “A few days ago I had this baby party with a few of my friends from my class. The party I came from when I brought all the sweets to the firehouse. That’s the class Azimio’s younger brother is in. Well, I think I made a mess of things. I tried to talk to him, but I only made him mad. I’m not sure I did anything but make things worse.”

“I could have told you that,” Dave said. “Thos two are never going to get along. They never really did. Azimio likes to make his parents happy. Wade never could care twice about them once he figured out they weren’t as accepting as he wanted them to be. I’m not picking sides, but I’m telling you, they’re a lot cause.”

“I don’t believe in lost causes. Except for maybe Lindsey Lohan. And the Kardashians.” His nose wrinkled up. 

Dave laughed. “I just mean either they’re going to come around on their own, or they’re not. And anyone, you or me or whoever, poking around in their business, is not going to help. They have a lot more issues than you can see on the outside.”

“But they love each other.” Kurt frowned. “They’re brothers and they love each other and doesn’t that--”

“Mean something?” Dave sighed and shook his head. “It should, you know. But some people are so stubborn it doesn’t. That’s just the truth of it. You can’t fix the world, Kurt.”

“Don’t want to fix the world. Just two people.”

“What about fixing yourself?”

“What about me?” Kurt asked, a little surprised. 

Dave game him a look. “I mean, what are you doing about … you know what, never mind. It isn’t any of my business.”

“Blaine?” Kurt questioned. “You want to know where I stand with Blaine.”

“It’s none of my business,” Dave repeated.

“But it is,” Kurt said, “because we’re having a baby, and up until recently, I thought I was having that baby with him. Now I’m having it with you. So that makes it your business.” His fingers twisted together on his lap. “I haven’t check in on him since I came back from visiting my dad. I haven’t wanted to, or maybe I’ve just been afraid to. I haven’t called his work and I haven’t gone back to his place. Maybe he’s still out of town. Maybe he isn’t. He’s … not mine to worry over anymore.”

Quietly, Dave supposed, “It wouldn’t be wrong if you did. You’re his husband. You’ve been together a long time, right? That doesn’t go away over night.”

“No,” Kurt agreed, “but I’m not in love with him anymore, and I’m not his problem any more than he’s mine. In fact … I’ve been … I guess … well, I’ve been thinking about divorce, lately.”

“Divorce?” Dave seemed startled by that. “You’re going to divorce him?”

“Of course I’m going to divorce him.” There was never any doubt about that in Kurt’s mind, not from the moment he’d had a chance to think after finding out that Blaine had lied to him. That their marriage had been built on a lie. The cheating he might have been able to forgive, he was guilty of some degree of it himself. But not the lying. “I have to, Dave. You don’t stay married to people you’re not in love with anymore, even if it hurts to leave, and especially if you find out something that changes everything. He lied to me. He strung me along. He let me marry him knowing he would never be able to give me what I wanted the most.

“Would you still have married him if you knew from the beginning?”

Kurt … wasn’t sure. He knew he was born to be a father. He knew it was what he had always wanted and was willing to risk anything for. But he’d loved Blaine more than he’d ever loved anyone when they’d married. He’d seen them growing old together, and being to each other everything that was important. Lover, friend, confidant. Everything.

Finally, finally he was able to tell Dave, “I think I still would have. I loved him so much. I probably would have. And then at least I would have been able to figure out what to do from the start, instead of spending seven long years trying for an impossibility. If he had been honest from the start, we could have made something work for us.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.” It was just divorce seemed so final. It seemed like if he filed, it would be severing the last ties he had to Blaine. He’d be cutting the man out of his life forever, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. 

“But you’re really going to do it?”

Kurt nodded. “I’m just not sure if I need to do it now, before the baby is born, or if I want to wait until after, when things settle down. I guess what I really need to do is talk to Blaine, but I know I’m not ready for that for sure. I’ll either end up yelling at him, or just crying. I don’t want to do either.”

Kurt felt his pants vibrate suddenly and a moment later a chime sounded in the air. He frowned down at the text message.

“What is it?” Dave finished his sandwich and waited.

“It’s from Mercedes. Next to Tina, she’s my bestie. I’ve known the both of them longer than I was … married to Blaine. It just says 911. Please. I have to call her.” Kurt fled from Dave’s apartment as fast as he could, and out into the nearby hallway. He dialed her number as quickly as he could and when the line clicked over he demanded, “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Mercedes laughed from the other side of the line.

Sam’s voice could be heard in the background, “I told you not to send him such a vague message!”

“I know,” Mercedes hushed him. Then she said, “Kurt. We’re on our way to the hospital right now. Get here as fast as you can.”

“Are you okay?” He had to lean against the wall even as he heard Dave’s door open behind him. “Mercedes, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”

“It’s not me,” she stressed. “Hold on, Kurt.” The phone muffled for a moment, then she was shouting, “I swear, Samuel, if you wreck this car I will never forgive you.”

“Mercedes?”

“What’s going on?” Dave asked, startling Kurt. He put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “Everything okay.”

“I don’t know,” Kurt managed, feeling ill. 

Finally Mercedes came back on the line, happily telling him, “It’s Tina, Kurt. She went into labor. Her water broke about forty minutes ago but the contractions are less than two minutes apart. She’s going to have her baby right away. It’s going to be any minute now. Mike just called us. She won’t even let him touch her right now, so he wants us down there to see if we can calm her down.”

“I’ll be there in a second. Memorial Hospital? Hang on, Mercedes, and make sure Sam doesn’t wreck the car!” He began patting his pockets down, trying to figure out if he’d pocketed his keys earlier or left them somewhere in Dave’s apartment.

“I got you,” Dave said, the door already shut firmly behind him. He guided Kurt by the elbow to the stairs and helped him down slowly. “Your nerves are shot. I can tell. I’ll drive you. You’ll have to give me directions, but I’ll get you there.”

Kurt’s shoulders sagged gratefully. “Thank you. Tina isn’t supposed to deliver for a few more weeks. I can’t believe she’s going early. She’s never been early before. I have to get there. I’ve been there for every one of her girl’s births and I am not missing this one.”

“You’re a good friend,” Dave commented as they drove along. “Most people go see their friends after they have their babies. Most don’t want to be there while they’re having it.”

Kurt’s face lit. “I was there for the first. She’s got three girls, and this is probably going to be the fourth with her luck. But Mike, her husband, he was out of town for the first. He didn’t have a choice, his job was depending on him and he had to go. So I was there for her, holding her hand. And then it just seemed right for me to be there for every baby after. I’m not missing this one.”

It took a good half hour, considering the time of day and traffic, to get to the hospital. Kurt fretted the entire way, convinced he’d missed the birth and in a sour mood because of it.

“She won’t blame you, you know,” Dave promised him as they made their way into the hospital. “She’ll know you did your best to get there.”

Kurt only gave him a sharp nod. 

“Kurt!”

Mercedes saw him before he saw her. She waved wildly at him and said breathlessly, “You made it.”

“Did I miss it?” Kurt asked, taking her hands in his own. “Why aren’t you back there with her?”

Mercedes told him somberly, “I was. I was there with Mike and she was refusing to push. She said something felt wrong, and she wasn’t going to push when the pain was different than usual. The baby was in breech, Kurt.”

“What’s breech mean?” Dave asked. 

“Dave, this is Mercedes,” Kurt introduced quickly. “Mercedes, this is Dave. Dave, having a baby in breech means that it’s feet down for delivery, instead of head down. And the doctors are supposed to check for that kind of thing.”

“They did!” Mercedes took a deep breath. “They did. Then the baby started twisting itself around and I don’t know. What I do know is that they made me leave when they started prepping her for surgery. She started shouting she wanted to have the baby naturally, and it was awful, Kurt. I don’t even know where Mike is anymore. I lost him in it all.”

Kurt looked around, trying to spot the Asian, but he couldn’t. There was no sign of him.

Kurt felt Dave take his hand and squeeze. “I don’t know Tina. I’ve never met her,” he said to both Kurt and Mercedes, “but she sounds like a strong and amazing person. She’ll be fine. If only because she must know that Kurt will never forgive her if she isn’t.”

Mercedes stared at him for a moment. “Dave?” Mercedes looked back to Kurt. “Karofsky?”

Kurt felt like he’d kept her out of the loop. She knew less than Tina knew, and all Tina knew was that he’d found his donor. Maybe Tina had told her something, but Kurt doubted it. 

Kurt asked, “Where’s Sam?”

Mercedes ran a hand through her hair. “He took Mason to go look for Mike. I didn’t want Mason here in case … something happened. And we have to find Mike. He’s probably losing it.”

“So we wait?” Kurt supposed.

“You wait,” Mercedes said, pointing at a chair. “I have to go to the bathroom. But come find me right away if you hear anything. I mean it, Kurt.”

“Go,” Kurt shooed her, sinking into a waiting chair. “I’ll be here.”

Dave sat next to him. “You’re more than friends. You’re family.”

Kurt nodded. “We have been for a long time.” At the mention of family, something that had been gnawing at the back of his mind sprung forward, and it was enough to keep him from thinking about Tina and her complications. Or the complications that he might have when it was his turn to deliver. 

“Dave,” he said, voice quieter than he’d intended, “what do you plan to tell your parents about us? About the baby?”

“I … uh …” Dave looked panicked and Kurt hated the way it made his stomach clench up.

“I was well into my second trimester before I confronted Blaine about not wanting to tell his parents,” Kurt told him. “When I asked him before, in my first trimester, he said he didn’t want to get their hopes up. Miscarriages in men are significantly higher than those in women during the first trimester. He said he just wanted to get out of the danger zone first.. But after, I started to notice that he never made an attempt to tell them. He didn’t want to, I guess. I don’t even know if they knew he was infertile. I don’t know if he ever told them, or if he hid it from them, too.” It certainly looked that way. He couldn’t imagine Blaine’s mother making digs at him getting pregnant if she knew it was an impossibility. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell my parents.”

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Kurt told him honestly. “I would never push you to. You do whatever makes you comfortable and that’ll be good enough for me.”

“Kurt.” Dave wrapped a long arm around his shoulders. “Let me tell you something, okay. And then I think you’ll understand.”

In the distance, just to the side, Kurt could see double doors that probably led to operating rooms. Tina was back there, hopefully having a healthy baby. “Sure.” He reclined back against Dave comfortably. “What is it?”

“My brother Andrew,” Dave reminded. “Remember when I told you my folks pushed for him to go into the military because they thought it was the only way he was going to be worth something, especially if he didn’t want to go to college?” Kurt nodded. “Well, after they did that, and he died, they blamed Andrew, and then they blamed the military, and then eventually, after they’d had some time to really think about it, they blamed themselves. My … uh … my dad kept a revolver in the house. He always said it was for protection, but who knows.”

“Oh, no, Dave,” Kurt breathed out. 

Dave said, “I was with June that day, and my dad was at work, and my mom went into the master bedroom and found the gun. My dad always kept it loaded. And then she shot herself.”

Kurt pressed his face into Dave’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“She made her choice,” Dave said, voice steely. “I’m sorry if I sound callous, but you reap what you sow, and she did drive Andy into the army. She did make it sound like if he didn’t go, she wasn’t going to love him anymore.” Dave’s head hung down to his chest. “All these years later and I’m still so angry at her. At them both.”

“What about your dad?” Kurt asked, eyes burning.

“Car accident,” Dave concluded. “About six months after she shot herself. Some guy rear ended my dad. It wasn’t his fault.” Dave’s head laid against Kurt’s. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell them, Kurt. I’m not ashamed of you. We may not be exactly on the best footing right now, and we may still be figuring everything out, but I will never be ashamed of you or our baby. Never of her.”

His answer left Kurt feeling higher than the moon. 

“Kurt?”

Dave helped Kurt up to his feet as Sam came into the waiting room, Mason hitched up on his hip. 

“Hi, Sam.” Kurt hugged him tightly, kissing Mason. “How are you guys?”

“Worried,” Sam said with a half shrug. “And anxious. But it’s good to have you here.” Sam gave Dave a side glance and then Kurt could see the fight fall out of him. Kurt was glad there wasn’t a confrontation of any kind.

“Did you find Mike?” 

Sam let Mason slide down to the ground as he nodded. “He’s … pulling himself together right now. Washing his face in the bathroom. He’ll be out here in a second. I think we can give him the time he needs.

“Hey, mister?”

Dave looked down at Mason as the boy tugged on his hand. Dave knelt down to his level and asked, “Mason, right? My name is Dave. Remember?”

Mason nodded firmly. “Mister Dave. Are you going to kiss my Uncle Kurt again?”

Kurt groaned, as Dave’s eyes widened.

“Mason,” Sam ground out, wrangling him up and away from Dave. “We’ve got to work on your filter. And Kurt, do I even want to know?”

Kurt crossed his arms and defended, “You don’t know what’s been going on, Sam. A lot of stuff has changed recently. I’ll tell you in due time. So give me the benefit of the doubt and withhold your judgment until then, okay?”

Sam hesitated for only a moment, then nodded, telling Mason, “You can’t say stuff like that in public.”

“Why not?”

Sam rubbed his back and bumped their foreheads gently. “I’ll explain it to you later on, buddy, but something tells me you won’t understand for a while.”

Dave leaned down to press his lips near Kurt’s ear and he asked, “Do you think I should go? I can always pick you up later.”

Kurt searched for a moment for Dave’s sleeve and then held tight. “Don’t you dare go anywhere.”

He heard Dave chuckle, and then say, “Okay. No problem.”

Mike was red eyed and tired looking when he finally joined them, Mercedes pulling him along. Kurt made another round of introductions and then they waited.

They waited for what seemed like forever, and certainly long enough for Kurt to get hungry enough. 

“Come on,” Dave said. “We should go get something from the cafeteria. I’m sure your friends will text you if anything happens. But now I can hear your stomach, and that’s our cue.”

“Promise?” Kurt made them each swear, and then followed after Dave to get something to eat.

“Here we go,” Dave said, presenting Kurt with a hot tuna melt, a bag of baked chips and a banana. This I the best I can do for you here, sorry. I mean, there was the choice of a hotdog, but something told me you probably weren’t going to be interested. And look, I even found you a salad.” Dave placed the last piece of Kurt’s meal in front of him and then slid into the chair next to him.

“What did you get?” Kurt strained to see what was in his hands.

“Hamburger and fries. Or what passes for that here. Who knows what it really is.”

Kurt stole a few fries and Dave pretended not to notice, snagging some of Kurt’s chips as well. It felt oddly familiar and familial and Kurt loved it.

“Do you want to be there when I have the baby?” Kurt asked him. He supposed they ought to start thinking about the details of the coming months.

Dave looked pale. “You mean when they cut you open? They didn’t let Mike go with Tina.”

Kurt pointed out, “Tina’s blood pressure was skyrocketing, and they were worried about her health and the baby’s. That’s why he wasn’t allowed to go. I’m sure everything will be normal for me.”

“You can’t say that.” Dave shook his head. “I never want anything to happen to you, least of all when you’re in labor, but you can’t predict what will or won’t happen.”

“It’s unlikely then.” Kurt held up a finger. “So how about we say that in the case of everything going right, and me having a happy delivery, do you want to be there? Do you want some time to think about it?”

Dave nodded uneasily. “I’m not sure I could be there with you all … open on the operating table.”

Kurt laughed a little. “It’s not like they’re cutting me open from head to toe. It’s actually a very simple and safe procedure these days. There is even minimal scaring now. It’s nothing like it was even five years ago. Plus, they’ll have a sheet up. All you need to do is stand up by my head and hold my hand. But I don’t want you there if you don’t want to be. So just get back to me before the actual moment, okay?”

Dave returned his smile. “Okay. Thanks. And maybe I’ll talk to a doctor or something about it before. One of the guys at the firehouse is dating a cardiologist.”

“A cardiologist probably knows nothing about having a baby,” Kurt pointed out. 

“But that MD had to count for something, right?”

Kurt patted his hand playfully. “Sure thing.”

They ate quickly, wanting to get back to the waiting room, and when they did, both Mike and Mercedes were gone.

“I was just about to text you,” Sam said, looking frustrated. “Tina had the baby, and she’s doing great. They even let Mike go be with her while they clean the baby up and check it out for all the usual things. Mercedes went to call everyone else. They didn’t even let Mike’s parents know they were leaving for the hospital they were in such a rush.”

“The baby?” Kurt wanted to know. “Is it healthy? Is it a boy or a girl.”

Sam looked over to Mason who was curled up on one of the waiting room chairs, Sam’s light windbreaker draped over his sleeping form. “I’ve got this one. I don’t want to move him. But you can go up and see the baby in the nursery right now. I don’t know any more than you do, only that it should be there. You might even get to see the baby before Tina if you hurry.”

“Let’s go then,” Dave said, looking happy as he pulled at Kurt. “Let’s go see that baby.”

They got up to the nursery in record time, and it only took a half second of scanning the lined up baby before Kurt spotted the tiny bundle wrapped in pink. “It’s a girl,” he eased out, feeling blissful. “And she’s gorgeous.”

“She is,” Dave agreed, trying not to push up against the glass. “But she isn’t going to have anything on our girl.”

Kurt chortled, “With our luck we’ll end up having an ugly baby.” He said seriously, “One third of all babies born are extremely ugly for the first couple of months. Granted, most of those are natural delivery, so we have that on our side.”

Dave shook his head. “Nah. Beauty is subjective. And I’m already in love with our baby. So I think it’s safe to say she’s going to be gorgeous.” Dave’s hand touched tentatively to the side of Kurt’s stomach. “At least if she looks anything like you.”

Kurt glanced up at him. “You’re not so bad looking yourself, you know.”

Dave’s head ducked. “I’m really excited, Kurt. I can’t wait to hold her, and to play with her and to just her in my life. I never thought I’d be so excited.”

“I always knew.” 

The baby didn’t have a name. It was only listed as Cohen-Chang, which left Kurt wondering what Tina had settled on. He really did hope she’ been joking about naming the baby after him. She was way too pretty to be a Kurtana or a Kurtina.

“Do you not want our baby in a pink blanket when you deliver?”

“What?” Kurt asked, looking away from the baby eventually. 

“You have this thing against pink for girls, right?”

“I don’t have a vendetta against the color, if that‘s what you mean. And I think little girls look precious in that color. Dave, I don’t care if they wrap our girl in a pink blanket as long as she’s healthy.”

“Agreed.” 

Kurt startled a little as Dave engulfed him in a tight hug. 

“Dave?”

“Give me a second,” Dave requested, face muffled in Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt hugged him back, hands locking around Dave’s back. “As long as you need.”

***

The phone was ringing. Kurt could hear it across the room as he dug through his suitcase, trying to determine what needed to be dry cleaned and if any of Finn’s things had gotten mixed in with his own. “Can you get that?” He spied his brother on the bed closest to the hotel room’s TV, feet crossed at the ankles and eyes locked on the broadcasting program. “Just tell me who it is.”

“Kurt,” Finn whined. The phone was on the far table that they took their meals at, dancing across the wood with each vibration. “I just got back from my meeting. You know I’m supposed to get in the zone after and relax.”

“How is checking my phone stressful to you?” He was on his knees, and he knew it would difficult to get up without outside help. “Finn.”

“Alright!” Finn rolled off the bed and snagged the phone as it continued to ring. “It’s the realtor lady. The weird one.”

“Emma?” Kurt frowned. Maybe he ought to let it go to voicemail. Over the past week she’d taken him to three different properties up for sale, none of which were what he was looking for, and one that was way out of his budget. She was getting frustrated with him, and he was already frustrated with the situation at large. But it was best to just get it over with. “Get it please?”

Finn pressed the phone to his ear. “Yeah. He’s a little busy right now. What’s going on.”

Kurt turned back to his suitcase. He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to stand calling a hotel his home, even one as nice as the Hilton. He had to get out soon. He had to find a place to call his own.

“Hey? Kurt?”

Finn moved to his side and offered him a hand down, the phone back on the table.

“What did she have to say?” Kurt let Finn haul him up with a grunt.

“Get your shoes,” Finn said.

“So where are we going?” Kurt asked as they headed down to the parking garage. 

Finn handed over a script of paper that he’d hastily written on and said, “She said she found the perfect place for you and the baby. She said it’s almost everything you wanted, and you’re going to be happy from the moment you see it. That’s the address. Do you know where that is?”

Kurt frowned down at the paper. “No. I’ll plug it into the GPS when we get in the car. Did you make sure to remind her that I’m not willing to leave Manhattan?”

“Yes,” Finn said, sounding tired. “I asked her about the address when she gave it to me. She said it’s still Manhattan. It’s North Manhattan? Where’s that? You know I don’t know this city.”

“Come on.” Kurt started to walk faster, curiosity piqued. “North Manhattan is too vague a statement.”

Once the car was started and the address entered into the GPS, Kurt turned them towards the right direction and advised, “I’m starting to think that I’m going to have to settle. Dream houses weren’t meant to be found in the span of a few weeks.”

Finn shrugged. “Maybe you could rent for a while. Rent a place you like while you look for something better?”

“Maybe,” Kurt mused. “Wait. I know where we’re going.” He looked at the displayed map on the car’s GPS.

“Where?” 

Kurt’s head cocked as he said, surprised, “We’re going to West Harlem.”

“Harlem?” Finn made a face. “Isn’t that the place where all the b--”

“Finnegan. You be careful what you say.”

Finn countered, “I was going to say, Kurtis, that isn’t it where all the beatniks live. Isn’t it supposed to be music ground zero?”

“It’s culturally magnificent,” Kurt told him. “It has a flourishing reputation for the arts. I’m not even sure why I didn’t consider it myself right away. I guess I was so concerned about staying as close to Midtown as I could afford, I didn’t even think of Harlem.”

“Is Harlem part of Manhattan?”

Kurt nodded. “At the North end. Most people forget that. I forgot that. It’s a beautiful area. And now I’m excited.”

They drove through Harlem less than a half hour later, telling Kurt that it was within a respectable commute distance from the theater. It would be even shorter if he took the train in the morning.

The homes were bigger on average, he noted as they passed into a suburban area. Most of Manhattan was built up, made of small apartments, compact lofts, and homes that barely deserved to be called as much. But Harlem seemed more relaxed, sprawling and expansive, and so green. There were trees everywhere, and the smell of fresh air all around. Kurt made sure to roll down the window when they drove through the quiet streets, and just faintly he could hear children laughing.

Emma was waiting for him outside of a magnificent looking brownstone, two stories high and colored white and brown. There were wide steps leading up to an elevated front door, and no front yard, but there were rows of neatly cared for flowers that smelled wonderful. The house looked homely and warm, and Kurt could barely get out of the car fast enough.

“Now I know it’s Harlem,” Emma said by way of greeting, hands out a bit defensively, “but it’s a wonderful neighborhood. Low crime rate, close nit community, and you won’t find a more affluent place unless you want to go back to Midtown. Maybe even then.” She looked pale and worried and Kurt wondered if he’d put too much pressure on her. “The community center is about a mile up the road, and a bit further out than that you have the Apollo Theater and the Harlem Opera House. You could easily commute from here, and--”

“Emma!” Kurt moved to her side. “Emma. It’s beautiful here. Can we go inside?”

“Oh. Yes!” She fumbled with the keys for a moment. “Follow me.”

There were dark cherry oak floors all along the first level and their shoes clacked against them as they walked in. Kurt could already imagine the rugs he’d put down to cover the sound. But he thought the sound was a small price to pay for how beautiful the floors were, leading into a modern looking kitchen finished in the same contemporary style as the design of the house. Higher than average ceilings, arched doorways, thick paneling, and stainless steel fixtures. Kurt wandered his way through as Emma explained about the size of the home, and the previous owners.

When she led them upstairs she said, “There are three bedrooms, but there’s also a loft space, which I guess you could convert into a fourth bedroom if you needed, and there’s a basement, which you won’t find in Midtown. You won’t find most of these things in midtown. Let me show you the master bedroom.”

When Kurt had made his requests to her he’d wanted a spacious master bedroom. A place where he could have a king sized bed, and plenty of space to cram a work desk in the corner, or maybe a couch for sketching. The en-suit bathroom was a plus, and Kurt was already in love with the gigantic tub that he could imagine sinking into and not getting out of for an hour.

“There’s a small terrace,” Emma said, and she pushed open a tinted glass door to show Kurt that it was possible to step outside the room and out into the balcony. It wasn’t big, maybe just enough room for a few chairs, but it would be great for hot summer days in the morning when Kurt wanted to work outside and the awning would provide the perfect protection. “Great view, too.”

They were near a park. The rest of the houses across the street were spaced just far enough apart that between them Kurt could see a park just off in the distance, with yards of grass, a small jungle gym and a pond that had what looked suspiciously like ducks floating on it.

The other bedrooms were smaller, naturally, but the smaller of the two had high and wide windows, angled just perfectly to brighten the room without having privacy invaded. The room faced off to the East, which mean if this was the nursery, it would get all the early morning light and none of the heat that came with it. 

“This is totally cool,” Finn remarked, running his hand along the sturdy banister. “I’ve already been down in the basement. There’s a ton of room for you, Kurt. You said you had a lot of stuff in storage, right?”

Kurt flicked on a hallway bathroom and nodded back to Finn. “I’ve acquired a lot of things over the years, things that never really fit into the loft. Furniture. Art. That sort of thing.”

“You’ll have plenty of space to keep it all down there,” Finn said confidently.

Kurt asked Emma, “What’s the catch? This place is perfect. It’s almost everything I wanted. It’s as close as I’m going to get in New York. Why hasn’t it been snapped up yet?”

She admitted, “The price is a little higher than most people are willing to pay, and those that do have the money to pay, are looking for something a little more exciting. This is the house you buy if you want to raise a family away from Midtown. Away from the lights and the noise. And I have one last thing to show you.”

They had to go back down stairs, and cut through what Kurt could already see was the den or designated office space, far off from the living room. But then Emma was pushing open double glass doors and Kurt could see the backyard. There was no front yard, but there was a gated backyard that was more than large enough for a child to play in. Maybe even big enough to get a dog. 

Finn streaked past them to a huge tree in the corner of the backyard with a tire swing already hanging from it.

“So?” Emma asked apprehensively. “What do you think?”

Kurt watched Finn swing back and forth on the tire fondly. “I’ll have to repaint the entire thing eventually. I hate the burgundy color that someone thought was okay for a kitchen and various other rooms. Not to mention the living room isn’t big enough to entertain company in. Three bedrooms is a bit small, too.”

Emma’s shoulders fell. “Should I keep looking then? I’m not sure what more I can do for you with those specifications if you aren’t willing to go up in price.”

“This house is within my price point?” Kurt wondered. “Not above it?”

“Just at the top.” She hugged her briefcase to her chest. “There was a potential buyer, about a year ago, but they failed to close escrow in time, and defaulted. There have been two more price drops since then, bringing it down into your range. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s truly beautiful, and--”

“I want it.” It was right. He could feel it in him. This was the place he was supposed to have. This was the perfect home and the perfect neighborhood. He could have his baby and raise it here, and it would be just the way he always wanted it. “Now get it down another ten thousand dollars and close the deal.”

“Another ten thousand?” she sputtered.

“Of course.” Kurt stepped outside and waved back at Finn who was leaning drastically far off the tire swing as he flailed at him. “I know you can get it down for me. I need that money to go furniture shopping. And if you say the owners want to sell this place badly, they’ll come down. It’s only ten thousand. Make it happen, Emma.” Kurt started off towards Finn. 

“Okay. Easy,” he heard Emma breathe out behind him. “I can do that. No problem.”

“Finn!” Kurt hurried to him. “How bribable are you?”

Finn hooked a leg through the hole of the tie and thought for a moment before saying, “Fairly. Especially with food. Why?”

Kurt looked back to the house. “We’re getting it, and I need you to help with the moving in.”

“Pizza,” Finn demanded. “And coke. You get me those and we’re golden.”

Kurt held his hand out. “Deal. Now let me go make some calls.”

The house was his in under a week. The rush on closing escrow was a bit nerve wracking, holed up in the hotel room waiting for inspection to pass and the last of the red tape to clear up. Kurt tried to pass his time by putting the finishing touches on Dave’s nursery, and shuttling Finn back and forth between his group meetings and his one-on-one time with his New York psychologist. But eventually he got the call, and turning in his keycard to the front desk of the hotel had never felt so good.

“I need your help,” Kurt requested from Sam. “As you might expect, my friend list is somewhat compromised of women and those of the expecting nature. I can’t very well ask just anyone to help, but I need to get my things moved into my new house, and that means I need muscle.”

“Is that why you’re bribing me with food and beer?” Sam asked, holding up the case of beer Kurt had pushed into his arms the moment he’d opened the door, a bag of food sitting down by his feet. 

“It worked with Finn,” Kurt said with a shrug. “And I suppose I could just hire a moving company to get my things out of storage, but I have a lot of valuable and important things. I don’t want to trust just anyone with their care. So Finn is going to help, and Dave already said yes. One more pair of arms should do the trick.”

Sam leaned against the door frame. “Mercedes told me what happened with Blaine. She told me about how he lied to you about … you know …”

“Getting pregnant?” Kurt wasn’t surprised Mercedes had told him. He’d told her knowing it would work its way to him eventually. It was the sign of a good relationship that they didn’t keep things from each other, even if it was delicate in nature. 

“Sorry,” Sam said. He lifted the bag of food and motioned Kurt inside with his head, adding, “Mercedes and Mason are out right now.”

Kurt followed him into the kitchen. “If she told you about that, she told you about Dave, too? I did promise you an explanation.”

Sam shrugged. “Just that he’s been there for you. And that you maybe have something going on.”

“We might have,” Kurt agreed, “but we decided we can’t even begin to figure out our twisted feelings, when there’s a baby to consider. We’re going to put the baby first, and get on our feet with that. Then maybe, a little while later, we’ll see about us. But the baby comes first. I’m okay with that.”

“That’s good. And I mean that, Kurt. I know I came off as an ass before with Dave, but it was only because I was worried about you and your relationship with your husband. I didn’t know you were having all those problems. I didn’t know what was going on and I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge.”

Kurt told him, “You’re a good friend, Sam. But don’t beat yourself up. I made sure that no one knew, well, almost no one, how bad things were going with Blaine. You couldn’t have known, and I can see how it would have looked to you without knowing the whole story.”

Sam popped open a beer and took a long drink, remarking, “Mercedes doesn’t like to keep alcohol in the house. Most of this is going to get wasted, you know. Down the drain.”

“You come help me move and I’ll buy you another case, and talk Mercedes into looking the other way about it. You know I’m good for it.”

“True,” Sam laughed. “So when do you need me?”

“Tomorrow.” Kurt hefted a hand under his stomach and rubbed gingerly. “It’s the only time Dave’s free, and I’m serious about needing three pairs of strong hands. I have a lot of stuff.”

“In storage?”

“In storage,” Kurt confirmed. “Most of the furniture that I’m going to put in the house is in storage. It’s been acquired over the years, we’ll say. Presents from Blaine and binge shopping sprees and one too many estate sales. None of it ever fit in the loft, so it went into storage. It’s more of an amalgamation of odd things that don’t match each other, but I don’t have the time or energy to furnish a home from scratch, so it’ll have to do. At least until my remodel.”

Sam snorted. “Only you would remodel a new house.”

“It’s new for me,” Kurt defended. “But it isn’t a new house. There were two occupants before me. And you know how picky I am anyway. Why do you sound surprised?”

Sam took another drink and toasted to him with the bottle. “Fair enough. But hey, if you need us to help you move stuff in, and you’ve been in the house already for a few days, what have you been sleeping on?”

Kurt leveled him with a scathing glare. “An air mattress, and we’re going to leave it at that.”

“Tomorrow then.” Sam swallowed hard. “Nice and early. No more air mattress.”

“I’m going to shred it when I’m done,” Kurt promised. “With the biggest knife I have in my kitchen.”

Sam patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. “Not until I’m safely out of the house, right?”

The following day found Kurt out in the street, hands on his hips as he tried to direct Dave and Finn down from the moving truck with the heavy sofa they were lifting between the two of them. They were both straining, exertion clearly on their faces, but they kept bumping the sides of the truck with the sofa as they tried to make their way out and Kurt was having nightmares of scratched and torn fabric. 

“Jesus, Kurt,” Sam remarked quietly next to him, ready to lend a hand the moment the other two men were down the truck’s ramp. “When you said you had some stuff in storage, you weren’t kidding.”

Kurt looked down at his watch, then glanced down the street. “The second truck should be getting here soon.”

“Second truck!” Dave balked. “Tell me you’re kidding.” He and Finn were inching their way down the ramp now.

“Of course not,” Kurt said, as if they were crazy. “We’re still waiting for all of the bedroom things, and the kitchen, not to mention the decorative pieces.” He pointed into the truck. “That’s only for the living room, dinning room, den and a couple of basement things. You didn’t really think this was everything, did you?”

“And these are just things you collected over the years?” Sam asked quietly.

“Yes,” Kurt said back quietly. And he was somewhat startled to see everything. It was a clear reminder of just how much Blaine had indulged him, and how much he’d maybe taken advantage of his husband’s love for him. He’d always complained about Blaine’s long hours, and his dedication to his job over most other things, but it was evident now what all that hard work had paid for. “There’s a second storage space too.” But that one wasn’t just Kurt’s. He shared it with Blaine, and he didn’t really thing he had a claim to it at all. Or its contents. The cars in the second storage unit had been gifted to Blaine from his father, even if Blaine had passed a lot of them on to Kurt.

Though if anything could be said for certain about Blaine, it was that he didn’t put much emphasis on possessions. For all Blaine had done to hurt him, he was still a good man, and Kurt couldn’t see Blaine trying to clean him out when they were divorced. Neither would Kurt try to touch any of Blaine’s bank accounts, the house in Connecticut or the investments that Blaine had a significant amount of money tied up in. They’d gone into their marriage without a prenuptial agreement, but Kurt would honor their marriage as if they had.

“Coming through!” Finn called out, nearly barreling into Kurt. “Where’s it going? Quick!”

“Just take it inside,” Kurt called out, pointing to the open front door. “Mercedes is in there. She knows where I want everything. She’ll tell you.”

When Dave and Finn were free from the truck, and starting up the steps to the house, Sam glanced back into the moving van and told Kurt, “You’ve got some stuff in there that doesn’t exactly look kid friendly.” He thumbed at bubble wrapped and protected objects.

“Maybe not. But I don’t plan on having a crawling baby for a while. I’ll baby proof when I have to.” Mostly he just wanted to get everything staged and set up while he still had his energy. He’d be opening boxes for days, but the big stuff had to be brought in right away.

“I think that’s your second truck,” Sam said, nodding behind Kurt.

Kurt turned and said happily, “Great. Go see if the boys are done, will you? We need to start in on the master bedroom set. I have this amazing canopy frame that I bought at an estate stale years ago. Spelling didn’t know what hit her when I made the offer.”

Sam groaned.

By the time lunch rolled around they’d managed to get the whole of the first truck unloaded and a good deal of the second. Mason was playing loudly in the backyard, pizza left untouched, and Mercedes was eyeing Sam as he enjoyed a second beer, but not saying anything.

As Dave finished his third slice of pizza, he ran a hand down one of Kurt’s loveseat sofas and remarked, “This is really nice stuff, Kurt. How come you didn’t have it in … your old place?”

“It’s homely,” Kurt said with a shrug. “These things are red and brown and beige. They’re earthy colors.”

Mercedes butted in, “Everything at his old place was white.”

Finn made a face. “You were going to have a baby in a white apartment?”

It was painful to speak about, but Kurt felt like he had to be honest. “I was kind of hoping that I wouldn’t have to. That there’d be a change of venue waiting in the wings once the baby was there. Before the baby was there, preferably. It just didn’t happen they way I’d hoped. This is … this is better.” He gave a look around at the place he’d call home for a long time. “This is much better.”

Dave wiped his hands on a small napkin then set it on his paper place. “You finished eating?” When Kurt nodded he offered Kurt a hand up. “Good. I want to show you something.”

Dave led him up the stairs and past the first bedroom, the master, and down the hall to where the designated nursery was. Finn had made a fuss about being stuck with a room in the middle of the two, and not being able to pick, but then he’d shrugged it off in a way that Kurt knew he was angling for something else, and made sly comments about the attic space of the house having high enough ceilings that he wouldn’t bump his head.

Truth be told, Kurt thought it would be a good idea of Finn to be up there. The man liked his space, needed his peace, and once in a while he still suffered from bouts of anxiety and paranoia. He needed a sanctuary that he could lock himself in and hide from the world for a while. The attic had great potential. 

“You’ve been so adamant about getting the first floor set up,” Dave said. “The kitchen, the living room, the dinning room. You haven’t even been upstairs yet.”

“I watched you bring most of the bedroom furniture up.” Kurt felt his fingers slip between Dave’s and he held tight. “Did you get my bed put together already?”

“I did. We’re just waiting on the mattress you still have to order. But we’re not going to the master bedroom.”

The nursery door was closed, but Dave pushed it open with an easy hand, revealing to Kurt that almost everything had been set up already, with the crib and dresser assembled, the changing table against the far wall, and a plush looking chair situated next to the crib.

“Dave. When did you do this?”

Dave shrugged a little bashful. “When you were yelling at Sam and Finn about messing up your dinning table. Then you guys called for lunch after that, and while we were waiting for the food to show up, there was just enough time to get it put together. I even put the basinet in your room. The linens are in the closet, along with baby towels and blankets and all of the stuff that you bought yesterday and didn’t call me to help with.”

“You were at work,” Kurt said kindly. “And thank you. It looks amazing. I mean, there’s no way I’m putting the crib directly under the window like you have it, but it’s the thought that counts.”

Dave gave a boisterous laugh and hugged Kurt. “You’re impossible.”

“I like to call it charm.” Kurt hugged him back and said once more, “Thank you for setting everything up. It’s really wonderful.”

Sam’s voice called up the stairs, “What’re you guys doing up there? Get down here. We have to get back to work.”

“Come on.” Kurt grinned and pulled Dave from the nursery. “I want to yell at you guys some more about damaging my things.”

“For the record,” Dave replied, “we haven’t actually done any permanent damage to anything you own yet. And I reiterate, that scratch was already on the leg of your dinning room table.”

“I know. But it’s still fun.”

The sun set early in the day, evidence that summer was long over and it was getting cooler outside with each passing day. Mercedes left with a kiss to his cheek and Mason was asleep in Sam’s arms.

“I’ll be over to help you start getting everything in order,” she promised him. 

Kurt kissed her again. “I promised Mason he could help me pick out which toys he thought the baby would like best. I think I broke his heart when I told him he was getting a girl cousin. He had his heart set on a boy.”

Further back in the foyer Finn and Dave were shakings hands. “I don’t know,” Mercedes said, “he might have a boy cousin to play with eventually.”

“Mercedes!” Kurt leaned over and pinched her.

“Bye, Kurt.” She was gone from the house faster than Kurt could chase after her, Sam rolling his eyes good naturedly and following after.

“Hey, Kurt.” Finn startled him a little, appearing at his side so quickly. “Do you think you’d be okay without me here for a few hours?”

Kurt eyed him suspiciously. “Why yes, I am capable of caring for myself for more than a few hours at a time. Why do you ask?”

Nervously, Finn clasped his hands behind his back before blurting out, “I have a date tonight!”

“A date?” Kurt deadpanned. Then he asked tentatively, “With Schue?”

Finn said sharply, “With William. We’re going out for dinner.”

A little shyly, Dave spoke up, “I’m going to stick around for a while.” He added, face a red hue, “I don’t really have anyone to go home to. Nothing to go back early for. I don’t mind keeping Kurt company, if he wants me here.”

“Of course,” Kurt told him without hesitation. “You know you’re always going to be welcome here, Dave. Always.”

Finn was out the door for his date less than an hour later, and Kurt found himself seated on a plush rug in what would be the living room. His legs barely crossed now with his belly, and he had to lean back against the nearby wall to sit comfortably. The sofa in the room was stacked high with boxes and things that wouldn’t be moved until the morning, but Kurt was happy enough on the floor, holding a cup of hot chocolate with Dave across from him.

“You’ve got a fireplace,” Dave said, as if noticing it for the first time. “It’ll be nice when the weather is cold. But you’ll have to buy wood.”

“It’s electric.”

“Oh.”

Kurt smiled into his mug. “You didn’t have to stay, you know. I’m really not incapable of being by myself. Don’t make me give you that I’m not an invalid speech I’ve had memorized since I was pregnant.”

“I know you’re not,” Dave said simply, “but I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t have anyone or anything to go home to. Most of the time I just stay at the firehouse. The guys are my family. I’m less lonely there.”

How could he have been so stupid and forgotten that boy Dave’s brother and parents were dead? Aside from close friends he truly didn’t have anyone to go home to. Kurt knew what it was like to go home to an empty house. He knew it sucked. 

“Then I meant what I said earlier, too. I trust you, Dave. I know your heart is good. My door is always going to be open to you, regardless if we have a baby together or not.”

Finally Dave cracked a smile as he said, “Be honest, the backyard sold you on the house, right? The tire swing? All that room to run around? You were thinking of her, growing up back there, playing make believe and having friends over and camping out under the stars without leaving the safety of home.”

Kurt gave a small nod. “I’ll get her a small jungle gym for out there, and we’ll have picnics in the spring, and play tea party in the fall. I’ve been thinking about a dog, too. Kids love dogs. And it would be added protection.”

Worry creased Dave’s face. “This is a good neighborhood, and I already saw the alarm system.”

“I didn’t mean that kind of protection.” He felt helpless in that moment. “I guess I’m not sure what I mean. It’s just that things happen every day. Kids walk down to the park and never come back. Children are snatched off the street. No one ever looks twice before crossing the street anymore. I lay awake at night now thinking about these things. And I know I can’t protect her from everything, and I shouldn’t. She has to get hurt. That’s how you thicken your skin when you’re a kid, and learn to be strong. But I want to minimize the pain. And a dog … now it sounds like a stupid idea.”

“I like it,” Dave proclaimed. “Like a Labrador, or a Golden Retriever. I always wanted a dog when I was a kid. My parents thought they weren’t worth the trouble.” Dave petted Kurt’s stomach. “We can take her down to the animal shelter when she’s old enough and let her pick out whichever one she wants. It’s a good lesson to teach kids, to get them a rescue animal.”

Kurt relaxed at his words and drank his hot chocolate. 

He even surprised himself by telling Dave, “I talked to my attorney today. It feels weird saying that. I’ve never needed an attorney before.” 

“You need an attorney now?”

Kurt nodded. “I … I started the motion to file for divorce. I decided it wasn’t best to wait. I want it over and done with as fast as possible. I’m starting a new life here. I have to leave the old one behind completely. And it’s not fair to Blaine, either. I’m never getting back together with him. Our marriage is over, and I want him to feel free enough to move on, too. I want him to be happy. As mad at him as I still am, I love him. I will always love him. And you want the people you love to be happy.”

“Did he do all your legal stuff for you when you were married?”

“I guess,” Kurt said honestly. “I think he took care of it before it even reached my ears. I’m not saying there was a great deal for it, but Blaine usually handled everything. He took care of the bills, and financial matters, and everything else so I could concentrate on honing my art and my profession. He helped me become the success I am today because he never let me want for anything. That is incredible, Dave. That’s something that doesn’t come around all that often.”

“But?”

“But,” Kurt sighed, “there comes a time when you realize you’re not twenty anymore, and you don’t need or want to be taken care of. It’s a matter of independence and maturation. I have to be on my own for the first time. I have to because I’m about to become a father, and that’s a reality check if I ever saw one.”

“So you’re filing for divorce.” Dave’s fingers still raked gently over Kurt’s skin. “Scary?”

“Terrifying,” Kurt said breathy. “But kind of empowering. It’s weird. I can’t really explain it.”

Dave inched himself closer. “No matter what, I’m here for you. I’m going to support you.”

“And that means the world to me.” Kurt let his own fingers ghost over Dave’s. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I know.” Dave winked when he felt the baby move under his fingers. “You’re supporting me, too. It’s a two way street for us.”

Dave was so close Kurt could still smell the barest hint of the aftershave he’d used that morning, musky and nothing like what Blaine wore. Dave’s hand was warm against him, and comforting and all of the things that Kurt was craving. He couldn’t help himself. He didn’t want to. And regardless of whatever they’d decided, Kurt had to do it. He closed the short distance between them without notice and pressed his lips against Dave’s.

Dave met him in force, using his hand to cushion him back against the wall as he pressed in, deepening Kurt’s kiss but letting him retain control of it. He groaned happily as he ended up kneeling over Kurt, feeling his baby between them, and Kurt against him.

“Dave. Dave. I’m sorry.” Kurt tried to mutter between short pecks that were quickly developing into longer kisses. “We said we … weren’t going to do this.”

“No?” Dave asked, a little light headed. “You sure? That sounds stupid, and we are so very smart.”

Kurt raised is fingers up into Dave’s short hair, combing through the strands, smiling into Dave’s kisses. “The smartest ever.” He nipped playfully at Dave’s bottom lip and then drew back, flushed and feeling winded. “What’re we doing?”

“I’m …” Dave shifted back a little. “I’m kissing the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. The guy who’s having my kid, and giving me back a family that I lost a long time ago. The same guy who’s going through some tough shit, but still cares about how I feel, and wants to take care of other people when he would be totally justified in being selfish for a good long while. That’s what I’m doing.” He corrected. “That’s what I was doing.”

Kurt brushed his fingers across Dave’s lips. “You’re very good at kissing. I’m not sure if I should be appreciative or jealous.”

“Neither?” Dave kissed each of Kurt’s fingers as he caught his wrist. “Just … take it as it is?”

“I have feelings for you,” Kurt said bluntly. “I have for a while. I thought I could ignore them, or put them to the side, but the truth is that I don’t want to. You’re funny and handsome and I really like you. I want more than what we have right now, and I don’t think that will hurt our baby. I think it might help. How do … how do you feel? About me?”

Have let his hands move to Kurt’s hips, and he leaned in for a slow, deliberate kiss. After, he told Kurt, “I think I’ve been in love with you forever.”

“So what are we going to do?” Dave was waiting to take his cue. “But for the record, I don’t just want to be friends. I want to be a lot more than friends.”

“Then maybe we should.” Kurt kissed Dave on the cheek this time. “We could … go slow. Go out on a date?”

“We’re having a kid together,” Dave laughed. “Talk about doing things out of order.”

“This was not conventional in the least bit.” Kurt gestured down to himself. “But we owe it to her to do it right. To give it our best shot.”

Dave corrected, “We owe it to us.”

Kurt asked, “Then we just take it day by day? And see where it goes? Without any pressure.”

“No pressure,” Dave promised. “Just kisses. Sound good to you?”

Kurt let his arms wrap around Dave more firmly. “Okay. But only because you’re so good at them.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Dave pressed Kurt back against the wall as he leaned in for another kiss. “And I bet we could make each other better.”

If Finn saw that his lips were puffy when he came home a few hours later, or that he and Dave were being unnaturally clingy, he didn’t say anything. For that Kurt was especially thankful. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen with himself and Dave, only that their mutual acknowledgement of feelings had probably been a long time coming, and brutally honest. There was nothing set in stone between them, just a lot of potential, and Kurt for one liked potential.

***

“Oh, Tina. She’s gorgeous.”

“You say that about all my girls, Kurt.”

Kurt settled back on the plush chair in the corner of Tina’s bedroom and cradled the newborn to his chest, glancing over at his friend with astonishment. “I know I say it, but every time I mean it. How are you feeling?”

Tina shrugged from where she was on the bed, blankets pooled around her waist. “Sore. But happy.”

The baby in Kurt’s arms moved a little bit, eyes clenched closed in sleep. For a moment it looked like she’d wake, but then she settled down and caused a smile to form on Kurt’s face. “You’re so lucky, Tina. You have her here now. You don’t have to wait like I do.”

“No,” Tina agreed, “but I hope your delivery goes more smoothly than mine. I’ll be there for you, you know. When it’s time. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”

“Thanks.” Kurt pressed a kiss down onto the baby’s head. “Bring Mike with you, will you? Dave was getting agitated just waiting for you to deliver. I can only imagine how it’s going to be when it’s me.”

“Will do.” She nodded at the baby. “But it’s going to be worth it. I promise you. All the pain and waiting and nervousness. It’s worth it. It’s always worth it.”

“I believe you.” He hadn’t even had his baby, and he believed it. There was no doubt in his mind that having a baby changed everything, and that it was going to be the best change of his life. He’d endure anything for that change. But he had to ask, “What about Mike?”

“What about him?” Tina wondered. 

He remembered her being worried about the gender of the baby, and the pressure Mike’s family had been putting on her. They’d wanted a boy, and after three girls, Kurt wouldn’t have blamed anyone for wanting a boy. He assumed, naturally, that if they’d had three boys, they would have been pulling for a girl. Tina had always tried to play off the pressure as if it didn’t bother her, but there was no doubt in Kurt’s mind that a boy would have been more exciting if only because it would have been something new. “About having another daughter?”

“Oh, that big pushover.” Tina leaned her head back on the frame of the bed. “The moment he saw her, I have it on good authority he started weeping. Like he was the baby. I swear it. And then later when I was holding her, and he came to visit me, he started crying and thanking me, and then crying some more. I think it’s safe to say he’s happy with her. He even let me pick the name.”

A little nervous, Kurt said, “You’ve picked all the names.”

“But he usually tells me it’s his turn before finally giving in. He’s wanted to name one of our girls after his mom forever, but he always starts to cry and I win.”

Kurt ran a soft finger over the baby’s cheek. “I thought you were going to name her Kurt,” he teased.

“We’re going to call her Kurt.”

Kurt looked over to her sharply. “You wouldn’t.”

“We’ve been trying to keep shoes on her forever. She throws a fit every time. And she’s not having anything to do with the dresses that Mike’s mom bought. I know all the experts say that she’s way too young to be forming a personality, but I’d like them to come meet her and then tell me that again. She’s going to be a wild child, Kurt. I’m going to spend all my time chasing after her. And Kirsten is a pretty name no doubt, but it doesn’t really fit for a girl who’s going to be the first of her kindergarten class to climb to the top of the playground’s jungle gym. So she’s my Kirsten, but to everyone else, she’ll be Kurt.”

“She’s going to hate you for the nickname.” But there was something akin to pride in him every time he looked down at his namesake. He’d been godfather before, and uncle, and a million other things, but he’d never had a baby named after him. It seemed the ultimate compliment. “Or she’s going to love it. No telling.”

Tina said flatly, “Don’t even try it, Hummel. You know you’re going to be her favorite person. If it’s any indication with the other girls.”

He tried to picture himself in on a couple months time, in his own bedroom, with his own baby. There’d be no giving her back to someone when she started crying, or was fussy. He’d have to take all the dirty diapers, all the two AM feedings and all of the screaming without being able to pass to anyone. It was scary.

At least until he stopped to consider that he’d have all her firsts, too. The first time she sat up on her own, and crawled, and then walked. He’d get to see her first smile and first tooth and all the firsts that you could never get back or have again. Those firsts made everything else more than bearable.

“I can’t wait until they’re older,” Tina was telling him, then clarified, “mine and yours. They’re only going to be separated by a couple of months. If we have any luck at all, I’m sure they’ll be best friends.”

“Or arch enemies,” Kurt laughed. “I don’t know which will be better.”

“Only you,” Tina snorted.

Kurt spent another half hour with the baby, chatting with Tina while the newborn slept, and then finally had to heave himself out of the chair. He passed the baby off to the newly arrived Mike and said, “She’s absolutely gorgeous, Mike. Don’t let Tina tell you that having a shotgun in about fifteen years is a bad thing.”

Mike’s eyebrows rose. “No question.”

Kurt was certain, the best thing about his own situation was that he didn’t need a shotgun. He had Dave. He could imagine the first person who came to pick up their baby for a date. They wouldn’t know what was coming. 

“Where are you going?” Tina asked, wincing as she shifted on the bed. She’d been talking to him, but her eyes were completely on Mike as he headed towards the nursery. Kurt could understand. His baby wasn’t even born yet and he knew the paranoia that came with the mere idea of letting her out of his sight. “No one is running you out of here.”

Carefully Kurt draped his bag over his shoulder and said, “No, but you’re tired. I can see it. You probably need to rest and I don’t want to be the one to keep you up. Plus, I need to run to the store and pick up a few things.”

“The store?”

“Grocery store,” he clarified. “I’m going over to the firehouse today. Oh, Tina, you should see their refrigerator. Nothing but Chinese cartons and three day old pizza. It’s horrible. It’s inhumane. But it makes sense, actually. Half the guys are bachelors and absolutely burn water when attempting to cook, and the other half have kids, so they don’t have anyone who can spare a few hours out of the day to come cook for them.”

Tina looked absolutely devilish. “You’re going to cook for your boyfriend and his coworkers.”

“Out of necessity,” Kurt ground out. “Because I don’t want Dave to die from food poisoning, and it would be best of the whole of Queens didn’t burn because their firehouse’s occupants were busy in the bathroom because of unsanitary food. I’m just going to teach them how to cook a few things like Spaghetti, and meatloaf and a casserole. It’s no big deal.”

“Mm-hm.”

“They could possibly starve without me.”

“Sure.”

Kurt wrapped his fingers around his strap. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t woo Mike in the early stages of your relationship. This is not different.”

“Except,” Tina pointed out, “I wasn’t sure how Mike felt about me. I just wanted him to like me. I don’t think we have any doubts as to how Dave feels like you.”

Kurt called over his shoulder, “You’re impossible. I’ll see you later.”

He was in and out of the grocery store with time to spare, and then over to Queens before lunch.

The giant retracting doors of the firehouse were open, revealing two of the prepped and ready to go engines when he pulled up. A couple of the rookies were outside with a hose, cleaning the truck and they spotted him right away, hollering back into the house, “Kurt’s here! Kurt’s here to feed us!”

“You’re children,” Kurt laughed when they ran to his side to take his bag from him. “And there are two more bags of groceries in the car. Could you please bring them?” They took off without question and Kurt was left with a smiling Dave watching him from the front door.

“Hey there,” Dave greeted.

“Hi,” he returned. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Dave leaned down for a soft kiss when Kurt was close enough, and palmed his stomach asked, “How are the two of you doing?”

“We’re good,” Kurt promised, smiling into another kiss. “Can you show me where the kitchen is again?”

Dave led him into the firehouse, a hand at the small of his back, and explained in a low voice, “You know, it’s not exactly kosher to have partners in the fire house. At least during peek hours.”

“Should I not be here then?” Kurt asked suddenly, feeling out of place. “I can go. I have the kitchen almost finished at home. I could cook everything there and then bring it here to be dropped off with instructions I’m fairly sure you guys could follow. I could--”

Kurt was cut off sharply by a strong, female voice that rumbled, “It’s a safety procedure. A call could come in at any second. But we make exceptions. For our favorite people, at least.”

Kurt stiffened up. “Chief Beiste.”

The intimidating woman came around the corner suddenly, dressed casually. “We also make exceptions for things that benefit this firehouse. And you benefit it.”

Kurt blushed. “I’ve got an invested reason for wanting to keep the men here fed.”

She nodded deeper into the firehouse. “Kitchen is down the hall and to the right. You don’t clean up anything, got it? That’s the rule here. If you cook, you do not clean.”

“That’s a rule?” Dave asked confused. “Since when?”

Beiste cuffed Dave over the back of the head. “Since always. No one ever cooks, so no one knows the rule.”

Kurt pulled at Dave’s wrist. “Come along, Dave. I need you to be my assistant.”

“I can’t cook worth a damn,” Dave warned. 

Kurt entered the kitchen and flipped on the light. “If you can stand there and look pretty, I’m happy enough to just have you here.”

“But you’re the pretty one.” Dave stole a kiss to his cheek and went to put Kurt’s bags on the countertop.

“What’re you making us?” A voice asked from the doorway, and when Kurt turned he could see half a dozen men crowded into the small space, each of them looking excited and curious.

“Azimio,” Dave called out, passing an apron to Kurt. “Get them out of here so Kurt can work, will you?”

It took a few minutes, and Kurt had to answer a couple of questions, but eventually the herd began to move on, at least until Kurt was left with one warm body lurking just out of frame.

Dave called out, “That means you too, Ryder.”

Wide eyes came into view as the young man, probably the youngest in the firehouse said to Kurt, “My grandmother raised me. She liked to cook all the time. I like to cook, too. Do you think I could just … watch?”

Dave frowned. “What do you mean you like to cook? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Kurt withdrew his ingredients and said, “If you want to help, feel free. We’re going to start with a nice meatloaf, because it’s almost impossible to mess that up.”

Ryder slinked his way into the kitchen. “I’ve spent the past six months being this firehouse’s bitch. I was afraid to tell you guys I could cook. I might’ve ended up never leaving the kitchen if I did.”

Dave shrugged and tried to steal a piece of cheddar cheese, only to have his hand smacked away by Kurt who gave him a dark look. “You get to eat the final product. Not anything before.”

Dave pouted. “No fair.”

Kurt was a whirlwind in the kitchen. He knew he was. He’d always been. It went back to when he’d been young and his father had tried so hard to provide him with well balanced meals that never turned out right. He’d learned to move fast, and get meals done before his father got home from work and could protest. After a time, it just became the way he cooked, and he’d rarely found people who could keep up with him.

Ryder could. Dave wisely stood back and did any heavy lifting of things they needed, but as Kurt cooked, Ryder followed him easily enough. Before long they had their meatloaf in the oven, had the homemade pasta boiling on the stove, and were nearly finished with the casserole. 

“I’m leaving all of my directions here,” Kurt said, holding up a large piece of paper. He tacked it to the refrigerator. “A monkey could execute these dishes, but something tells me now that the guys know you can cook, Ryder, it’ll be up to you. But I suggest you start teaching the less hopeless ones the more basic dishes. They’ll never do for themselves if you always take care of them.”

“That feels like a dig at me,” Dave piped up.

“Of course not dear!”

Ryder hid a laugh behind his hand and said, “I like to cook, but I’m not nearly as good as you.”

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Kurt promised.

The casserole was finished first, and when Kurt called the firefighters for their meal he could have sworn the ground shook. Before a minute had passed he had a full commissary, the benches lined with men who were fighting over portion sizes and which pieces they wanted.

Dave leaned down to whisper in Kurt’s ear, “I’d go try and get some but I get the feeling I’d loose my hand.”

Safety mitts on his hands, Kurt pulled the meatloaf free of the oven and took it over to the middle table. He’d barely gotten it down on the table before the men started digging in.

“Don’t worry,” Kurt said to Dave as he supervised Ryder putting the spaghetti together. “I saved some back for us. I wasn’t born yesterday”

Dave put an arm around Kurt’s waist and kissed him fondly. “You’re the best.”

Kurt didn’t think he’d ever get tired of Dave’s kisses.

“Hey, you ungrateful runts!” Beiste called out. “Thank your chef!”

A series of happy shouts came at Kurt right away, along with a loud round of applause that made Kurt smile. 

“You did good,” he heard Dave say quietly. “And let me tell you, it’s a mess trying to get these guys to come together like this.”

One of the firefighters Kurt didn’t know by name spoke up a while later, asking about desert. He added, “You brought all those sweets before!”

“Special occasion,” Kurt said, trying to enjoy a small bowl of pasta. On average carb heavy food made him a little sick to his stomach, especially so late in his pregnancy, but the casserole and meatloaf were long gone, and he was hungry. He could hear his stomach rumble with a demand for food so he powered through his meal, too tried to cook anything else and feeling a little off balance. “I am by no means a baker. Baking is a science, and I was never good at science. You’re on your own for that.”

There was talk of running down the street for ice cream, but by then Beiste was yelling at the men to start in on the dishes.

“Kurt?” Dave asked, looking a little concerned as he put a supportive hand at the base of his elbow. “You okay?”

“Just having a moment,” Kurt promised. “Uneasy feelings come with the territory.”

“Maybe you should sit down.”

A couple of the guys were already fighting over who got to rinse and who would be drying. Some of the others were trying to duck out, but Beiste was corralling them back into the kitchen.

Kurt set his bowl down. “You know, I think you’re right. I’m feeling a little light headed. I went and saw Tina earlier today, and then went to the store. I’ve done a lot.”

“You spent hours on your feet,” Dave reminded. “Let me grab you a bottle of water and I’ll take you into the commons where you can sit down. Or do you want to take a nap? There might be a couple of guys sleeping in the sleep room right now, but they won’t bother you. I’m going to get you that bottle of water and you let me know what you want to do.”

Kurt braced a hand on the countertop as Dave headed to the refrigerator. The room was starting to spin around him and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be sick or not. It was the in-between feeling that he still got once in a while and hated. 

“Are you okay?” Ryder asked, taking Dave’s spot.

“I need to sit down,” Kurt said, and he didn’t think he could wait for Dave. “Can you get me over to one of the tables?”

“Of course.” Ryder looked absolutely terrified. “Yeah. Lean on me. It’s okay.”

Kurt braced himself on Ryder’s strong forearm, and finally was able to push off against the counter top. The benches the firemen had eaten lunch on weren’t that far away. He was certain he could make it.

He just hadn’t taken into account the level difference between the non-slip mat in the kitchen and the slick floor of the eating area. It was a half inch difference, but enough to make his knees lock up for one terrifying second, and then unlock with a feeling of rubber that had them bowing out. He lost his balance completely. He had no control over his body, and he was careening back into the long countertop that he’d previously been leaning against. 

It was instantaneous. As Ryder lost his grip, Kurt lots his balance, and he smashed into the cold stainless steel. 

He could hear people calling his name, and hands supporting his head, bracing his neck from moving. His feet were elevated, and his shirt pulled up as something chilly pressed against it.

“Kurt!”

He blinked open his eyes to groan in pain, suddenly struggling against the too many hands on him, and too many warm bodies pressing in closer.

“Kurt. Kurt! It’s me!”

He found Dave among the series of people, leaning over him with an ashen complexion and a stethoscope around his neck.

“Dave?” He was confused.

“I’m here,” Dave promised. “I’m a trained medic. I’m going to look you over. I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

“Back up!” Beiste ordered, shooing most of the firefighters away. “Get back and give him some room.”

“What happened?” Kurt asked him, groaning as the cold touch was back, and he could see Dave checking his vitals. 

“You fell,” Ryder squeaked from behind Dave’s shoulder. “I thought I had a good grip on you, then I lost it. I’m so sorry. I didn’t--”

“Shut up,” Dave barked. “Juts shut up. I’m listening for the baby.

Oh, his baby. Kurt had forgotten about is baby, and it seemed foolish now. And sad.

The eruption of pain in his abdomen had him shouting, and the men panicking and everything turning to chaos.

“Kurt!” Dave called out again. “You have to lie still.”

“It’s my baby!” Kurt called out, tears pooling in his eyes. “Something is wrong.”

“I know. I know.” Dave bowed over him, his forehead pressing into Kurt’s. “I know. We called an ambulance already. You have to try and stay calm, okay? Because I’m really freaking out here. I’m really panicking, and I don’t usually panic. But I am, and I want to be calm for you, so we have to do it for each other. If you freak out, I’m going to freak out, and I can’t.”

It just hurt so badly, and it had his breath hitching as he asked, “Did I hit her on the way down. Did I fall on her?”

“What?” Dave asked, eyes wide. “No. No, baby. You didn’t.” Dave pulled back suddenly, shouting over his shoulder, “Bring me that blood pressure cuff!”

“Dave. Dave.” Kurt couldn’t get his fingers to coordinate, and he couldn’t flex them. In fact he couldn’t do much with any part of his body, but he was determined to get Dave’s attention once more, and he pressed his fingers up against the man’s neck. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure you didn’t land on her when you fell.” He gave Kurt a dry kiss. “She’s going to be just fine. I promise you. I swear it. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

If Kurt hadn’t known Dave so well by then, he probably would have believed him. But there was uncertainty in Dave’s face. He didn’t know any more than Kurt did. “I couldn’t stand it if I hurt her Dave. It feels like I hurt her. Oh. God. It feels like … I think I’m having contractions.”

He felt Dave’s hand grip his stomach tightly, feeling for the outward signs of labor. “Don’t jump to conclusions. It’s not labor.”

“It is!” Kurt snapped. “I’m in labor and it’s too soon.”

“Then we will stop it!” Dave grabbed him by the shoulders maybe too roughly. “I will get you to the hospital and we will make the contractions stop. But you have to calm down for me. You have to stop. Try. Just try for me.”

“I don’t even have a name for her. What if she dies without a name?”

He could see the anguish on Dave’s face. “She is not going to die. You’re past twenty-eight weeks. She’s got a shot if she absolutely has to be born today. But she is not being born today. She is not dying. And she … she doesn’t not have a name.”

“She doesn’t?”

The world outside of them didn’t feel like it existed. Kurt could see the rest of Dave’s coworkers, and hear the updates for how long the ambulance was out, and he could still feel them touching him, but it was as if they didn’t matter. None of them mattered. It was only himself and Dave, and the special, safe world they had created for the two of them.

“I …” Dave said nervously. “I didn’t want to say anything about it. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I didn’t want to make you feel pressured. It’s just I’ve wanted to--”

“What?” Kurt snapped, breathing loudly through the pain.

“I want to name her after my brother.”

“You want to name our daughter Andrew? No.”

“Not Andrew.” Dave bent to kiss his stomach. “I was thinking Andrea. That’s a pretty name. And then we could call her Andy for short.” Dave made a face. “I know. That’s a stupid idea. I just wanted to honor my brother somehow, because if it wasn’t for him, and for June, none of this ever would have happened. I would never be a father.”

Beiste called out loudly, “Ambulance is thirty seconds out. We need to move him down to the ground floor for easy access.”

“I got him,” Dave told her, daring anyone else to try.

He couldn’t quite lift Kurt all the way. Kurt was just too bulky and too heavy so far into his pregnancy, and even Dave couldn’t manage on his own. But he took the majority of Kurt and let Ryder get his feet as they moved him along.

“Andrea,” Kurt tried out. His eyes clenched closed as something ripped through his stomach. “I … I like it. And shit. That was a contraction. That was a fucking contraction.”

“Hold on,” Dave breathed out. “We’re almost down there.” He paused. Then asked, “You really like Andrea?”

“That’s her name,” Kurt decided. Then he let himself go limp in Dave’s arms as the ambulance sirens were unbearably loud and there were new hands on him, promising to take care of him. The only promises he believe were Dave’s, and as he was loaded up on the ambulance, Dave never left him.

Somewhere between the firehouse and the hospital, Kurt passed out. He remembered the continued contractions, and then being given something that numbed him magnificently well. Then nothing. Not until he woke up to the steady sounds of a fetal monitor and the starchy feeling of hospital sheets.

“Hey they gorgeous.” A hand ran through this bangs.

Kurt made a couple of mumbling sounds, then asked, “Baby?”

“What did I tell you?” Dave asked gently. “I said I’d make sure the both of you were okay. I swore she’d be safe.” Dave’s free hand petted his belly. “You both are all worked up, but on the road to recovery. You’re going to be just fine.”

Kurt blinked the sleep from his eyes, achy all over. “Did I go into labor?”

Dave nodded soberly. “You were having contractions. But we got you here in time. They managed to stop them. Your doctors are optimistic that you’ll still go full term without any complications. I gave them all your information and they were able to talk to your other doctor? Doctor O’Neil? They’re in agreement that you need to spend a good while recovering. That means no work. You have an official doctor’s notice about that so don’t even think for a second that you don’t have a valid excuse. And don’t give me that look. You know it just means you’re going to have the time to stay home and get the house just perfect for the baby when she comes. This is a good thing, Kurt. You get to take care of you and our girl, and everything else can wait.”

Kurt said, “I’m not good at not being a busy body.”

Dave caught the edge of his mouth in a kiss. “This doesn’t mean you can’t be a busy body. While you were sleeping I talked to your doctors for a long time. You can still go out. You can go to the store. You can go visit your friends. You can still lead a normal life for the next few months. You just have to limit your outings to once a day, and limit the time you spend on your feet.”

“Alright,” Kurt gave in. “I could stand to finish the house.”

“There’s something else,” Dave added. “The doctors want to get Finn in here so they can talk to him about watching for signs of early contractions again, or bleeding, or things that can happen now that you’ve had this scare. He’ll probably spend the most time with you, right?”

Kurt made a grimace. “Doubtful. He just started a new job. He works nights now, working the front desk security of an office building just outside of Harlem. It’s low stress for him, and he gets to spend his nights thinking about the classes and meetings he goes to during the day, which is something he really needs. Plus, he’s been talking about taking a few units at the nearby community college. He’s never home anymore. He barely does more at the house than sleep. I’m … mostly on my own.”

“He doesn’t spend any time with you?” Dave asked angrily. “I thought he came here with you from DC to be here for you? Doesn’t he have any free time?”

“Of course,” Kurt said with a shrug, “but I guess things are getting serious with Schue and I don’t want to pull him away from the first real relationship he’s had since his marriage ended. Dave, Finn is more than welcome to have a life of his own, and that doesn’t mean he’s neglecting me. I’m not emotionally fragile. I don’t need him to hold me while I cry over a tub of Rocky Road ice cream.”

“You need someone with you,” Dave said bluntly. “Not because you’re incapable. But just as a precaution. And you may not want someone, but trust me, I know personally that living alone or spending a lot of your time alone can be lonely. It’s nice to have someone to come home to. It’s nice to have someone to have breakfast with, or just talk to.”

“I have her.” Kurt grinned down at his stomach. 

“Hear me out?” Dave asked, lifting Kurt’s chin with a finger. “The doctors were willing to release you tomorrow morning under the stipulation that you’d have Finn there for you. I promised them you would. I’m not sure they’ll release you without him there. So I was thinking … maybe, if you want, I could be there.”

“You?” Kurt asked, head cocked. “What do you mean?”

Dave eased out, “You’re two months away from a full term delivery, and that’s what we’re shooting for. So I’m thinking maybe, just for those two months, I could move in with you. I mean absolutely I’ll sleep on the couch, and I won’t get in your way, but I want to be there for you, in case you need anything. I’m not trying to pressure you or our relationship. Please don’t think that. I just think it would be for the best.”

“You want to move in with me,” Kurt asked with a sly smile. “That’s very progressive of you. I didn’t actually live with Blaine until I was married, and my dad made no qualms about letting me know how he appreciated that.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dave said right away.

“Who says I don’t?” Kurt squeezed Dave’s hand. “It’s always nice to test drive something before you commit to it. Our relationship is new, but it feels good, and eventually I think we would have gone this route. We will get serious enough one day to move in together, and this could let us know if it’s bound to work, or what kind of sacrifices we need to be wiling to make.”

Dave hastened to add, “I’ll still be a the firehouse a lot. I’ll still have my twenty-four and thirty-six hours shifts. You still won’t see me for days at a time. But for your last month I’m gong to ask the Chief to take some of my paternity leave.”

“Will she give it to you? She still doesn’t know, does she?” As far as everyone at the firehouse was concerned, Dave was simply playing the dutiful father to someone else’s child. Eventually Kurt assumed he’d want to tell them all the truth, but for the moment it was too complicated and too soon.

“I told her,” Dave said, refusing to look sheepish. “I thought she had the right to know, especially with me wanting special treatment when it comes to you and my time off. She knows Andy is mine, and that means I get my eight weeks paid paternity leave. I figure I’ll take four before the birth and four after. That sound good?”

Kurt nodded slowly, but inquired, “You really want to sleep on the couch?”

“You offering me something better than the couch?”

“We made a baby together and you’re worried about sharing a bed?”

“We didn’t exactly sleep together to make the baby,” Dave said while pulling Kurt in for another kiss. 

“True.” Kurt kissed him back. “I say we just see how it goes. We’ve been going that route so far and it’s worked for us.”

“I’m so thankful you’re alright.” Dave leaned his head against Kurt’s and closed his eyes. “We need to never do that ever again.”

“Never.”

Dave let out a long breath and wrapped his arm around Kurt’s waist. “We’re okay. We’re okay now and we’re going to stay okay.”

“We’re going to be better than okay.”

Dave grunted in agreement and Kurt kissed his temple.

***

Kurt drew his socked feet up onto the sofa and answered his father, the phone cradled to his ear, “Yes, dad. I swear. I’m fine.” He crossed his feet at his ankles and rolled his eyes at the way Dave laughed at him from the armchair. “Dad. Dad! Will you just calm down. I told you. I swear. I’m fine. I’ve been out of the hospital for over a week now. I’m at home. I barely do anything. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m being taken very good care of.”

He could hear the frustration in his father’s voice as the man said, “What am I supposed to think, Kurt? You call me up a week after you have a labor scare just to let me know?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. And I really am fine.”

“I can be there by dinner.”

“Dad,” Kurt sighed. “The baby isn’t coming. Not for seven or so more weeks. It’s pointless for you to be here until then. And I really didn’t want to strain your heart. There’s no use in getting all worked up over something that is fine.”

“Your brother is watching out for you?”

Once more Kurt looked to Dave who was sitting cross legged on the armchair, partially dressed in his uniform for his shift later that day, the newspaper open in front of him. “Finn is … getting even more independent. It’s good for him. And I’ve got someone better here.”

“Better?”

“I’ve got Dave. We’re … working on our relationship right now and it’s going well. You’re going to like him when you come to visit.”

Dave made a choking sound and Kurt could see the panic on his face.

“He’s so excited to meet you.”

Dave nearly took a nosedive off the chair.

His father demanded, “You’re taking it easy? You swear?”

“I swear.” Kurt eased back on some of the cushions as the baby threatened to destroy his kidney. “But you’ll be pleased to know that your granddaughter officially has a name now. You can tell Carole she can go to town on buying embroidered things. I know she’s wanted to for months.” 

Dave frowned. “Didn’t you say the most of embroidered things for babies are tacky?”

Kurt covered the mouthpiece with a hand and said, “Not when it’s my stepmother embroidering the baby things. When you meet her you’ll know why she’s the exception.”

“--going to keep me guessing here?” he heard his father say.

“Well,” Kurt eased out, “it’s really a long story, but to condense it down for you, we’re naming the baby after someone important to Dave who passed away. We’re going to call her Andrea. And Andy for short. We just haven’t decided on a middle name. I was … do you think it would be weird if we named the baby after two dead family members?”

He’d had the conversation before with his friends, and at the time he’d been likened to agree that it was odd and unsettling to name people after dead family members, but idea was starting to grow on him.

“Your mother?”

“How does Andrea Elizabeth sound?” He looked to Dave as he spoke to his father and gave the man a shrug.

Dave shrugged back, then nodded. “Elizabeth is pretty.”

His father said, “Andrea Elizabeth Hummel. Not bad.”

Kurt felt panicked. Was his daughter going to be a Hummel? She would have been a Anderson-Hummel if he’d still been with Blaine for his pregnancy and the aftermath. But that was because they were married. They’d been a couple for forever. That made sense. And yes, he and Dave were certainly going places, but did that make their baby a Hummel-Karofsky? Or a Karofsky-Hummel? Was the baby a Karofsky at all? Something told Kurt that Dave would want his last name on there somewhere, and Kurt just wasn’t sure where.

“Kind of has a ring to it,” Kurt admitted, shaking off the concerned look Dave was giving him. “But there’s still time to think about it. Now, are you going to promise me that you won’t be here any sooner than my last couple weeks? I love you, but you know your job is important, and I don’t want you here any sooner than we agreed.”

“Agreed,” Burt grumbled. “But I will be there in six weeks, and I will bring Carole and you’d better be prepared to be dotted upon. This is my … my first grandchild.”

“Dad …”

“I love Finn,” his dad blurted out, which told Kurt he was alone, or at the least Carole wasn’t in the room, “but you’re my flesh and blood. You’re my legacy, Kurt, and Andrea is going to be my first blood related grandchild. That’s a big deal for an old guy like me.”

“You’re not old, Dad.”

“Getting there. Listen, I have to go, but I love you. Tell Finn I love him too, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.” Kurt hung up the phone with a sigh and set his cell on his lap. He told Dave, “One crisis adverted. Trust me, the last thing we need is my dad here, smothering me with his brand of love and affection which translates to being overbearingly protective.”

“You think your dad is going to like me?” Dave asked curiously, folding the paper in half. “I want him to like me.”

“He’ll love you.” Kurt swung his feet to the side. “You should have heard him, going on about how important Andy is to him. You helped create her. You’re her father. For that alone, he’ll like you. Plus, you’re a good guy. You’re easy to like. I’m not worried.”

Dave wondered, “What if he hates me?”

“Then I’ll tell him not to. But short of you trying to push me down a flight of stairs, he’ll like you.” Dave looked horrified at that. “Probably because he’ll see you as a giant upgrade from Blaine.”

Dave’s eyebrows pulled together. “Your dad didn’t like Blaine?”

Kurt thought for a moment. “I couldn’t say he disliked Blaine. He just never properly bonded with Blaine, I think. They never had anything in common, and Blaine always had the tendency to come off a little … smug. My dad deals with smug all day long. He’s not fond of it. In any case, he loved that Blaine always made sure I never wanted for anything, regardless if I could support myself or not. But he didn’t like the idea that Blaine would try to overcompensate. Blaine wasn’t there a lot of the time and it shows with all the things I had in storage.”

Dave hummed quietly, then asked, “How are you feeling today?” They’d had a late breakfast after sleeping in, but not much else. The doctor had cleared Kurt for light activity and Dave wondered, “Feel like going out?”

“Out for what?” Kurt asked, holding a hand out for Dave. He was there a moment later, helping him up into a kiss. 

“Well,” Dave explained, “I still have five or six hours before I need to head up to the firehouse, and you always get antsy if you get cooped up in the house for too long, so I want to take you to see someone. It’s a surprise, too, so don’t bother asking.”

“I don’t like surprises,” Kurt told him flatly.

Dave kissed him again, this time with a hint of tongue. “I think you’ll like this one. Need me to help you up the stairs?”

Kurt felt no shame as he nodded, remarking, “It gets harder and harder to get up and down them, but they’re going to be great exercise for when the baby comes and I want to get my figure back.”

“I’ve never actually seen you as anything but pregnant,” Dave mused. “I’ve seen you barely pregnant, but always pregnant.”

Kurt gave him a salacious look. “You just wait until I get all the baby weight off. I’m going to rock your world with my skinny jeans.”

Dave’s hands tightened on Kurt. “You’re such a tease.”

It was another half hour before Kurt was dressed and ready to go. He asked on he way to Dave’s truck, “Are you sure you won’t tell me who we’re going to see?”

“Nope.” Dave smiled. “But I can tell you we’re leaving Manhattan.”

Kurt made a face. “Are we going to be driving long then? You know I have the bladder the size of a pea right now. You can thank your darling daughter for that. She’s sitting right on it.”

Dave laughed a rubbed a hand over Kurt’s stomach. “Don’t listen to your daddy, Andy. He’s just overly hormonal and testy.”

“She just kicked me,” Kurt snapped.

Dave rubbed harder, requesting, “Settle down.”

Miraculously the kicking stopped and Kurt was able to breathe a sigh of relief. “She’s practicing for something in there.”

“The women’s US soccer team for the 2028 Olympics?”

They drove for a while longer before Dave said, “We’re going to Long Island.”

“Long Island?” Kurt looked out the window as they crossed the bridge to take them into the borough. “What’s in Long Island?

Dave looked a little gaunt, hands tight around the wheel. He explained, “We’re going to the Long Island National Cemetery.” He bit his lip and asked, “Are you completely freaked out? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now. We can turn around and go right back, if you want.”

Kurt repeated, “The Long Island National Cemetery.” It took him a few moments more to realize what Dave was saying. “We’re going to see your brother?”

Dave nodded slowly. “It’s where he’s buried. My mom and dad had him up at the family plot in Jersey, but when they died I had him moved up to Long Island. He’s a war hero, Kurt. He served his country and defended people who couldn’t defend themselves. He was selfless and charitable and he deserves to be buried in a place dedicated to honoring that. Long Island offered him a spot and that’s why he’s there.”

“Do you go visit often?” Kurt couldn’t imagine Finn being dead, and having to go visit him at a graveyard. The idea churned his stomach, as much as when he thought about his father’s failing health. He’d been lucky enough to not lose anyone over the past few years, and so he was unfamiliar with the notion that Dave was probably intimate with.

Dave took them off the freeway. “When I can. I hope Andy understands. I want to think he does, wherever he is.”

“Dave.” Kurt’s hands bunched in his lap. “I … I’m an atheist. I don’t want to disrespect your brother if you think that’s going to be a problem.”

Dave only seemed confused. “Why would it be a problem? Everyone has the right to believe what they want. I like being able to think Andy is in heaven. If you don’t, then it doesn’t hurt me. And it’s not disrespectful.”

“It doesn’t bother you that I don’t think your brother is in heaven?”

Dave let out a low chuckle. “It’s not like you think he’s in hell. Kurt, it’s just religion. What works for one person, works for them. That’s good. But it doesn’t mean it’s for everyone and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s disrespectful because you have a difference of opinion.”

Kurt gave him a small smile. “That’s good to know. Not everyone has been okay with my beliefs over the years, or lack of them.”

“People are stupid,” Dave shrugged. “You and I are both old enough to realize that. People are varied and different and that’s what makes them wonderful. Religion is just one of those differences, and it’s not right for anyone to try and force that on someone, no matter what type it is. It’s really kind of an asshole thing to do. I believe in god, and you don’t judge me for it, so why should I judge you in your lack of faith?”

Kurt tapped his belly. “What about our baby? Do you want to raise her in a certain religion? What if I don’t?”

“I think,” Dave said softly, “we teach her right and wrong when she’s young. We teach her to be a good person, and to be considerate, and to recognize the right choices from the wrong ones. Religion has nothing to do with that. You don’t need religion to teach you to be a good person. And then, when she’s old enough to understand what religion is, and the implications of it, we let her decide for herself. That sounds good.”

“Perfect.” Kurt pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks.”

They reached the cemetery before long, and parked in the designated area. Dave rounded the truck quickly to help Kurt down. “It’s not that far a walk. I think we’re going to be good. But if you start to get dizzy or tired you tell me right away.”

“Trust me,” Kurt said seriously, “I won’t hesitate.”

The wind was blowing hard, and it was cold outside, so Kurt took the opportunity to press up against Dave as they walked the distance to where Dave said his brother was buried.

“When he first got moved up here,” Dave said, helping Kurt up a slight incline, “I was still really messed up about Andy’s death. Six months after and I was still trying to figure out how I was going to get through my day without him. He really was my best friend, Kurt. We talked all the time. We did everything together. I didn’t know how to be just Dave, and not Dave and Andrew.”

Kurt insisted, “That’s more than understandable, Dave.”

“I turned into a real creeper,” Dave laughed. “I’d come up here and just prowl up and down the lines of gravestones. I’d spend hours talking to his grave, and hours more wandering around but never leaving. I visited my parents once after they died. Once. And even then I made myself go. But Andrew? I visited him every other day. And I felt guilty it wasn’t more.”

Kurt observed, “But not anymore.”

Dave agreed. “I got the job at the firehouse. And I started seeing a psychologist more frequently. I guess I just worked through the worst of it. It took a lot of time, but that’s what I needed. Time. I’ve only been to see him once since I met you. When the truth came out and we put some distance between us. I didn’t realize that until now.”

Andrew Karofsky was burred in what Kurt counted as the third row of the second grouping after the small hill they climbed. The area was well kept, the grass trimmed nicely, and everything seemed to be in order. There was no graffiti anywhere, and only silence around them. They were alone, as far as Kurt could tell, in the military cemetery.

The headstone was simple and relatively small sized, uniform with all of the other grave markers around them, but Kurt noted the small, white lilies that were placed in front of it as Dave said, “The cemetery has its own workers, but I know June still comes out here herself. She still brings him flowers and she personally makes sure everything looks good with his grave. She’s been here already. Maybe this morning, maybe last night.”

“They’re beautiful flowers.”

Dave knelt down and picked one up, holding it out to Kurt. “When June and Andrew were first dating, her parents didn’t want her to have anything to do with him. He was a rowdy boy, not bad, just rowdy, and she was … maybe a little sheltered. I guess that’s what happens when you’re the only child in your family, especially the only daughter. Andy used to say that she was the sweetest, purest girl he ever met, and when he went to pick out flowers to get her for their first date, the woman at the florist shop suggested white lilies. They’re supposed to represent a cleanliness or purity in a person. And every time after that, Andy always brought her lilies. When they got married, the only flowers they wanted were lilies.”

“Then,” Kurt guessed twirling the flower between his fingers, “it’s sort of like their secret message to each other when she leaves him lilies. Something only a few people would understand.”

“Right.” Dave put a heavy hand on the grave marker. “Andy knows. I choose to believe that he knows she’s leaving their flower and he’ll watch over her forever because of what these flowers mean to them.”

“I hope so,” Kurt said, and really meant it. Regardless if he believed in a god or religion, he loved Dave. He absolutely loved Dave, and he wanted Dave to be able to find solace despite the bad things that had happened to him and his family.

Finally Dave stood all the way and braced his hands on his back as he stretched.. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Andrew, this is Kurt. Kurt Hummel. Okay, laugh it up, you know I said I never saw myself settling down with anyone or starting a family, but it happened. Kurt made it happen. We have something special, really special, and we’re having a baby. It’s a girl and we’re naming her Andrea. I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t mind us calling her Andy.”

Kurt might have felt foolish talking to a headstone, but he had firm memories of years passed when he’d done the same to where his mother was buried. He knew the feeling of attachment to a piece of rock. He knew how it felt to not be able to leave a place where someone you loved so much was interned. 

“I’m pretty sure,” Kurt said with a laugh, “she’s going to grow up knowing all about you Andrew. Dave is going to tell her all the stories from when the two of you were kids and got into heaps of trouble. Maybe she’ll learn from your mistakes and not make them herself.”

Dave grimaced. “Like that time we thought it would be a great idea to paint Mrs. Wachoski’s dog bright blue because she ratted us out for buying those stink bombs.”

Kurt leveled Dave with a serious look. “I’m beginning to understand where our baby is getting all of this activity from.”

They spent at least another half an hour at the grave site, Kurt trying not to show how cold he was while Dave had some quality time with his brother. But then eventually Dave said, “Thanks for being so patient. Let me get you back to the car now and out of the cold.”

Dave turned the heater on as soon as they were in the truck and Kurt warmed his hands in front of the vents as he said, “That we really nice, Dave. If we’re ever end up back in Ohio, I want you to come meet my mom. I’ll show you where she’s buried.”

Dave looked serious and nodded. “I would absolutely love to meet her.”

They drove back to Manhattan in a comfortable silence, the radio on low and Kurt dozing against the window. He startled away when he realized Dave had stopped to pick up an early dinner for him, kissing him on the cheek as he turned off the car and saying, “I have to head out to work as soon as we get back. But I don’t want you up and cooking after all that walking we did. I’m just going to run in and grab you something to eat.”

A little sleepy Kurt turned and caught Dave in an awkwardly misplaced kiss and said, “No red meat.”

“I remember,” Dave laughed. “It’s Indian food. Mostly vegetarian.”

The scent of food when Dave got back in the truck was enough to wake Kurt properly and he could barely wait to get home and eat it.

“We didn’t have lunch,” Kurt remarked. “So I’m going to eat double for dinner.”

“You’re supposed to be watching your weight,” Dave reminded. “We just got you up to where you’re supposed to be. You don’t want to go the other extreme.”

“Are you saying I’m going to get fat?” Kurt deadpanned.

Dave paled, face falling. “What? No! Of course not!”

Kurt hugged the food closer to his chest and smirked. “You’re just too easy sometimes, Dave. Too easy.”

Dave sputtered, then laughed. 

“Here we are,” Dave announced when they pulled up in front of Kurt’s house. “Now, how about we get in there and get to the food before it gets cold. I think I have about twenty minutes before I need to leave. You’ll let me steal a few bites won’t you?”

Kurt gave him a mock look of surprise. “But this is my food. You’re trying to tell me you’re going to take food away from your pregnant--” His voice dropped off and he stiffened right away.

“What’s wrong?” Dave demanded, trying to follow his line of sight.

It was Kurt’s worst nightmare. It was quite possibly the worst thing he could imagine happening. He’d bought his house to have a fresh start away from the frantic life he’d had before, and away from Blaine. To start over. 

And yet here was Blaine seated on the steps to his home, elbows on his knees and looking patient. 

“What’s he doing here?” Kurt asked, voice shaking. 

“Okay, calm down,” Dave took the food from Kurt and eased it down the floorboard. “If you want me to go run him off, I will. I’ll get him out of here if you just say the word and you don’t even have to get out of the car.”

“No,” Kurt said right away, hand already at the door. “I’m not going to let you fight my battles for me. I can’t let you. I’m a grown man. I’m an adult. And this is just Blaine. I can handle this.”

He knew the moment Blaine spotted him. His husband … soon to be ex-husband, was off the front steps and nearly running to him. “Kurt!”

Kurt readied himself. “What’re you doing here Blaine?”

Blaine stopped, stunned, and then sputtered, “I had to talk to you. I had to see you. I … uh … I spent a lot of time thinking lately. I took some time off. Went out of town.”

“I heard,” Kurt said flatly. “But really. Why are you here?”

Blaine took him in. “You got … huge. Wow. You look great. You look … like you were always meant to be.”

Kurt wanted to snap at him. He wanted to yell. He wanted to shout at the top of his lungs that Blaine had done everything in his power to make sure Kurt never got pregnant. But he could feel Dave come up behind him, and he took comfort in having the man with him. “I am pregnant, Blaine. This is what happens.”

There was easily readable confusion on Blaine’s face as he looked between Kurt and Dave and said, “Yeah, but you still look great. You’ve always looked great.”

“You know, it’s really uncalled for you to be here, at my personal residence. I know you used your connections to find out exactly where I lived and that is not okay. I’m not above filing a restraining order against you.”

“You’re really, really angry,” Blaine sighed out.

“Blaine,” Kurt said quietly. “Did you get the divorce papers?” Blaine nodded silently. “Then you know exactly how angry I am.”

“We need to talk.”

“I’m tired,” Kurt said a little snappishly. “I’m tried and I’m hungry and all I want to do is go into my home and take care of me and my baby. You can’t be here. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to talk to you, and even if we did, this isn’t the time or place.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“Go,” Kurt ordered.

“No,” Blaine said right back. “Not until we talk.”

“Listen,” Dave cut in, stepping around Kurt. “I think Kurt just told you exactly what he wants to happen. So I know you’re going to respect him by stepping to the side. If not, I’m going to make you, because I don’t care about your feelings. Only Kurt’s.”

Blaine arched an eyebrow. “Karofsky, right?”

Dave held his ground. “David Karofsky.”

When Kurt made to say something, Blaine interrupted by stating, “You’re not the only one who can find out sealed information. I might even know more about him than you do by this point.”

“I doubt it,” Kurt said put a punctuated look, wrapping his hand around Dave’s.

“I see,” Blaine said. Blaine ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “Kurt, I still love you. I know I messed up. I know what I did was horrible. But we’ve been through so much. We have so much history and love together. I don’t want a divorce.”

“I don’t care if you want it or not.” Nothing, absolutely nothing was going to make him take it back. He’d filed for it after a lot of consideration and nothing had been taken lightly. “I do, and that’s what matters. I’m having a baby, Blaine. I have a new home. I have … something in Dave that I haven’t had with you in years. I’m sorry if that hurts you. I truly am, but we don’t have anything to talk about and I’m not dismissing the divorce petition. I want my divorce. I want to move on.”

There was a burst of anger on Blaine’s face. “How can you want to divorce me the first time something seriously bad happens in our relationship? And you don’t even want to talk about it? That’s not how the real world work, Kurt. You can’t just toss people to the side when they get too hard to del with.”

“That’s not what I did and you know it! And stop trying to make it seem like I’m the guilty one here. I know I made mistakes. I’m not claiming to be completely innocent, but your lies and your deceit brought us to this point. You drove us here. It’s you. So you had better give me my divorce. If you still love me like you claim to, sign the papers.”

“No.” Blaine said stubbornly, “I won’t sign those papers until you agree to talk to me. I’ll drag you through years of court if I have to, but I won’t sign until you agree to listen.”

Kurt leaned back against Dave and the man declared, “Okay, that’s enough. Get out of the way before I make you. I’m taking him inside and you’re not coming with us.”

Kurt was aware of food being pushed into his hands, and then suddenly Dave was pulling him up the stairs and past Blaine, and slamming the door behind them. 

“Asshole,” Dave snapped.

Kurt settled down into a chair at the kitchen table. “He’s scared. I could see it in his eyes.”

“You okay?” Dave slid into the chair next to him. “You look pale.”

“I’m okay. Just surprised. Well, I guess I shouldn’t have been. Blaine has never been known to give up anything he likes. And he claims to still love me. I should have known that he wouldn’t sign the papers, and that he wouldn’t give up without a fight.”

“Do you think he’s dangerous?”

Kurt pulled back. “Dangerous? What? Blaine? No. Of course not. He’ll be persistent, but he’s not dangerous. He would never hurt me or the baby, Dave. Don’t think that.”

Dave took a deep breath. “Okay. Sorry. I’m just … really paranoid about you two lately. I think it goes with the new parent territory.”

Kurt kissed his forehead chastely. “I understand. It’s okay.”

“I have to go get ready for work.” Dave stood and pushed in his chair. “But if you don’t feel safe here, or even just comfortable, I’ll call the Captain and tell her I’m having a family emergency. She’ll understand.”

Kurt waved him off. “Finn is going to be home in a couple of hours, and he has tonight off. He’ll be here the whole time. There’s nothing to worry about. You can go to work and save cats from trees and be very heroic.”

“Firefighters don’t think of themselves as heroes,” Dave told him. “We’re just average guys who do a job.”

“It’s a good thing other people know you’re heroes then.”

Dave gave him a kind smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too.” He frowned and called to Dave as the man was leaving, “Hey, Dave, I don’t ever want you to feel insecure about Blaine. I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve never lied to you about how I’ll probably always love him. He was my first true love. That love doesn’t go away. But I am in love with you. I want to spend my future with you. And we’re going to raise this baby together. As her parents. As her parents who love her and love each other.”

“Thanks,” Dave mumbled. “I … guess I really needed to hear that.”

Kurt offered, “Do you want me to get a restraining order against Blaine? Do you want me to not ever speak to him? Would that make you more comfortable?”

Dave made a face. “I want you to do what’s right for you. I appreciate your consideration for my feelings, but this isn’t about me. It’s about you. You do what you have to, and I’ll be there to support you 100%.”

Dave headed off to get dressed for work and Kurt popped the carton on his Indian food. Even with all the turmoil going on with Blaine, when he thought of Dave he knew that he had never been happier than he was right now.

He was a fool in love and he never wanted it to end.

***

“Tell me you have good news,” Kurt requested, all but heaving himself into the chair across from his lawyer. Getting around was next to impossible now, and as he stretched into his eight month the last thing he wanted to do was get out of bed. His doctor was still advocating mild exercise, and Dave seemed to spent most of his time with Kurt trying to get him motivated. But Kurt was perfectly happy to flop around like a beached whale and complain. He thought it went with the territory.

Marco Shepard, the man who’d been handling his divorce proceedings from the beginning gave him a long look. “You know I don’t have any for you, and you knew that before you came in here.”

Kurt slumped down. “Then at least tell me something. Tell me anything.” He hated being in the dark. And he hated knowing Blaine was on the move while he did nothing.

Shepard leaned down and opened a file cabinet, drawing out a heavy stack of paperwork that he plopped down on the desk. He told Kurt, “Meet your divorce case.”

“Why so much?” Kurt’s eyes widened. “I told you, I’m not asking for anything. I don’t want the summer house, I don’t care about the loft, Blaine can keep all his money, and I’m certainly not asking for spousal support. What in the hell is in there to make that much paperwork?”

“Your husband,” Shepard said, “is being represented by Thomas Legion. He’s flashy and pricy, but he’s also the best. He’s nothing but trouble for us, because he’s good at getting what he wants.”

“You came highly recommended,” Kurt pointed out. “I hope my time and effort isn’t misplaced.”

Shepard nodded once, sharply, and added, “I’m going to assume, by what you’ve told me about your husband, that he hired Legion not because he wants to keep you from getting anything in the divorce proceedings, but because he wants to stretch them out for as long as possible. Your husband has the recourses to do that, and Legion has the skills to make it happen. Right now they’re contesting the validity of your claim as to the reason for you filing for divorce. If they want to, they can take this to court, and you’ll have to prove your claims before we can ever start on the separation process.”

“I put down irreconcilable defenses,” Kurt reminded, “because I don’t love him anymore. Because we have issues that marriage can’t fix, and because we can be healthier apart, than together. People fall out of love all the time, Mr. Sheppard. And they file for divorce all the time.”

“This is also one-sided a great deal of the time. As is the case now.”

Kurt rubbed a hand across his forehead. “What else? What else is there after that?”

“If,” Shepard said, “we go to court, and we tie up that issue, I have no doubt your husband is going to instruct Legion to insist that the major issue be the distribution of the assets.”

“Which I already told you I don’t want.”

“They’ll insist you take some, not that you take none.” Shepard told Kurt bluntly, “Believe it or not, your husband insisting you take everything. He’s going to try and prove you have a significant claim. Even with you relinquishing all need or want, it could put a significant hold on the court affairs. In a divorce everything has to be accounted for and formalized. Nothing can be left standing. If the both of you refuse to take something, it can’t simply be left in limbo.”

“Then I take what he wants me to,” Kurt tried, “and I’ll donate to charity, or something like that. Mr. Shepard, these parlor tricks are nice, but it can’t be legal for Blaine to deliberately draw this divorce out. We’re talking months here, right? Or worse?”

Shepard balked. “Your father is a state representative in the senate. And you don’t think it’s legal to stall in court?”

Of course it was. Kurt knew that. And he knew that Blaine would be very good at it. Blaine knew the law better than anyone else Kurt knew. And Blaine hated to lose. 

“Can I offer you some advice?” Shepard asked.

Kurt nodded. “That’s what I pay you for. Representation and advice.”

“Find out what your husband wants, Mr. Hummel.”

“He wants me.” Kurt crossed his arms. “He wants us to work through our issues. To … to start over. He loves me still, in the way that I don’t love him. So there goes that.”

Shepard eyed his stomach for a moment, then said, “If we go to court and this turns into a lengthy battle, we’ll also have to consider custodial rights. And custodial benefits. That’s a whole different can of worms, and far more complex than who gets the summer house.”

“Oh.” Kurt started. “No. No. Um. How do I say this delicately? The baby isn’t … it isn’t Blaine’s.”

“Does your husband know this?” Shepard was already taking notes.

“I would hope so,” Kurt laughed dryly, “He was there when I got pregnant. He held my hand and was with me through the process of choosing our donor at the fertility clinic.”

Kurt watched as Shepard’s hand stilled. The truth was Blaine hadn’t really been there for any of it. He’d held Kurt’s hand, that was true, but there hadn’t been any real involvement. Blaine hadn’t wanted it.

“The baby won’t be an issue,” Kurt assured. “It’s not biologically Blaine’s, I moved out before there were any significant costs incurred in related to the baby. It was a joint account that paid for the fertility clinic.”

Shepard set his pen down. “I’m going to try and save you money and tine right now, Mr. Hummel. I’m telling you, your husband wants something. He wants something beyond this divorce not happening. It’s usually the case with divorces of this nature. If you find out what that thing is, you may solve this quickly and save yourself years of trouble.”

Kurt suggested, “Blaine did ambush me outside of my house a while ago. He said he wanted to talk. He refused to sign the papers unless I was willing to. Maybe that’s all he wants? To talk?”

“Try,” Shepard advised. “Usually I do not encourage my clients to speak with their spouses in a divorce case, but under these circumstances? It couldn’t hurt.”

Kurt left Shepard’s office annoyed and frustrated and mad at Blaine for being so petty as to simply not give him the divorce he knew they both needed. Blaine deserved the kind of partner tailor made for his lifestyle, and Kurt wanted Dave, who wanted a family with him, and a future full of tiny feet and Halloween costumes and scrapped knees.

Instead of trying Blaine’s personal number, Kurt called Jillian, Blaine’s assistant, who answered on the second ring.

“It’s Kurt,” he told her simply, and he could tell how surprised she was by the way she rushed to ask how he was doing, and what she could do for him. “Is Blaine in the office?”

“Yes,” she answered promptly. “Did you … want to talk to him?”

“No.” Not over the phone at least. “Does he have anything scheduled for tomorrow around one?”

“Kurt,” she drawled out slowly. “You know I’m not supposed to give personal information like that out, considering I know you and Blaine are … separating.”

“It’s about that,” he said abruptly. “I need to meet with him tomorrow. Tell him if he wants to get what he was asking for, he’ll meet me tomorrow for lunch. I can fax you the directions or just the address. It’s in Harlem. And Vegetarian, but maybe you shouldn’t tell him that last part, or he might not show up.”

“Harlem? Vegetarian?”

Kurt sighed. “I’ve got a house in Harlem now, and it’s hard for me to travel that far without getting tired or straining myself. I had a labor scare a bit ago, so I have to be extra careful. And my doctor suggested a vegetarian diet when she noticed how high my fat and cholesterol levels had shot up over the past few weeks. No pork, no red meats and no chicken. Can you do that for me, Jillian?”

She promised, “I can pass the message along. Do you think he’ll go?”

“I know he will.” Kurt had no doubt about that. “You just tell him not to be late.”

When Kurt hung up the phone he felt apprehensive and anxious, but also a bit optimistic. 

“I’m going to meet with Blaine,” Kurt told Dave that night, climbing into bed after a quick moisturize. His back was throbbing and he turned on his side, the only position he could ever really get comfortable in now.

“Okay,” Dave said plainly, stretched out next to him on top of the blankets. He moved a hand down to the small of Kurt’s back and rubbed gently. “You seem tense. More than usual. Worried?”

“About the meeting?” Kurt closed his eyes. “No. And I swear, I will kick you out of this bed if you stop that.”

Dave chuckled. “I got you. Don’t worry.”

Kurt heard Dave shift around on the bed and then he was rubbing more firmly, and in a better position. “Thanks,” Kurt breathed out. “Your kid is determined to make this as difficult for me as possible.”

“I thought you wanted to soak in the wonders and joys of pregnancy. It’s the miracle of life. Embrace it. Love it.”

Kurt snorted in an undignified way. “Anyone who ever said any of that has never been pregnant. I just hope this backache goes away for tomorrow. It’s the last thing I need while I listen to Blaine try and explain away his lies.”

“You want me to go with you?” Dave offered. “Not to be like, intimidating or anything, but just as moral support.”

Kurt considered for a moment, then said, “Yes, but no. Does that makes sense at all?”

Dave laughed again and pressed a kiss to the shell of Kurt’s ear. “Surprisingly enough, yes. I think I’m getting good at understanding what you mean when you say something a little confusing.”

“Good mumbled,” Kurt mumbled, and he fell asleep before Dave even finished rubbing the tension out of his back.

Blaine had a tendency to be late for things. It came with a hectic schedule, a list of responsibilities a mile long and a demanding job. Kurt had never tried to hold it against him before, but it was something he’d come to expect. So it came as one giant surprise to him that Blaine was a the restaurant before Kurt. In fact as Kurt entered through the front door he could see Blaine already seated at a table in the back, hands folded in front of him.

“Sir?” a host asked, a few menus pressed to his chest.

Kurt waved him off. “I see my party.”

Blaine got to his feet the minute he saw Kurt, helping him into the chair across from him and then rounding back to his own seat. “You look good,” he told Kurt. 

“I’m bloated,” Kurt said flatly. “Everything is swollen and inflamed and double the size it should be. I’m getting breakouts I haven’t had since I was fifteen and my hair hasn’t had a glossy shine since my first trimester.”

Blaine told him seriously, “You have always looked beautiful to me, and you always will.”

Kurt said nothing to that. Instead, he asked, “Isn’t this what you wanted? To talk to me?”

“Without your guard dog,” Blaine said dryly.

“I don’t want to talk about Dave,” Kurt said sternly. “This is about me and you, and not him.”

“But it is,” Blaine snapped peevishly. “This is about some guy that you claim to be in love with. Was it that easy, Kurt? The first guy who wants kids as bad as you and you just throw away everything that we have?”

Kurt felt his jaw fall open a bit. “Are you crazy? Just because Dave is embracing his newfound fatherhood doesn’t mean he every expected to have it. He was a donor at a fertility clinic. He wasn’t lining them up around the block to get pregnant. He didn’t want a family, not like I did. He’s just adapting to the situation. And I didn’t just throw away what we had over him. You know we’ve had problems long before him. We just spent a good time ignoring them, and then pretending like a baby would either make things better or be a good distraction.”

“We did not have problems,” Blaine argued. “We had a marriage. We had something special.”

“We had lies,” Kurt said finally. “We had something based on lies and deceit and some more lies, maybe just for fun. Maybe you had a marriage, but I didn’t. I’m not saying I didn’t love you. I’m just saying that we never had any real honesty between us, and now I can’t tell what was real and what wasn’t.”

Blaine reached across the table for him, but Kurt drew back as he said, “We had us, and that was real.”

Kurt wondered, “Do you really think filing for divorce was easy for me? I didn’t file because Dave asked me to, or because I thought it would be easy. I did it because I didn’t think there was any other choice. I took my marriage vows to you very serious. I planned to love and honor you for my entire life. And even when things were hard, and our problems were running rampant, I still stayed dedicated to you. I still … I still chose you. It was you, Blaine. No matter what, it was you. Until I found out.”

“You should have talked to me before going straight for divorce.” Blaine shook his head. “We never talk anymore.”

“You and I talk fine,” Kurt said glumly as a waiter arrived to take their order, “we just never listen to each other.”

When their orders were sent to the kitchen, and Kurt had made the first of many trips to the bathroom, he returned with one question in mind.

“What is it?” Blaine asked.

Kurt ran his finger tips across the rim of his glass. “I’ve had my own theories for a while, but I want to hear straight from you. Why did you lie to me about your infertility? Why did you string me along for so long, and let me hope for something that was never going to happen?”

Blaine threw him completely off guard by asking Kurt, “Do you remember how we first met?”

The truth was, Kurt remembered it like it had only just happened. The moment was still so fresh in the mind, and he couldn’t bring himself to hesitate. “At the Met. I’d only been in the city for a couple of months and I’d finally gotten a job. I made just enough money to pay my bills, and to buy a ticket into the Met. I was standing in front a Rembrandt. It was the first time I’d seen one in person. And you were standing next to me telling me it was your favorite.”

Blaine smiled a bit awkwardly. “I never told you the truth about what really happened that day.”

Kurt felt his stomach fall out from under him. That memory, the day he’d met Blaine, was one of his most precious. He couldn’t bear to know it was a fake like so many others. “The truth?”

“I saw you on the street that day,” Blaine said looking bashful. “I was bringing a set of court briefs back to the office and I was already running late. The traffic was horrible and I figured it would just be faster to walk the rest of the distance, than to sit in traffic. But then I saw you, Kurt. I saw you going into the Met and you were … the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. I still remember exactly how you had your hair, and what you were wearing, and the bag you had with you. I remember what color your belt was, and the type of shoes, and … and I just knew if I let you go, if I didn’t go after you, I’d never see you again. I was so late, but I didn’t care. I went in right after you, and I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to find you.”

“You did?”

“I did,” Blaine swore. “Then I saw you standing in front of the Rembrandt collection with this look on your face, like it was the most amazing thing you’d ever seen, but you didn’t know why. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to say to you, and I just assumed you were a fan, so I walked right up like I was an expert. I thought it was the only way you’d pay me the time of day. Someone like you, I imagined you had boys lined up down the street for you.”

Kurt smiled at the memory. “I did. I mean, I actually had a date later that day with a coworker. Chase. But you were so sweet and earnest and attentive. You gave me so much of your time, and you were a proper gentleman about it. My father said men like you didn’t exist in New York. So when you gave me your number, and requested that I call if I were interested, I canceled on my lunch date. And I called you instead.”

Blaine laughed quietly. “I almost got fired that day. I came into the office two hours late, and even the bad traffic excuse didn’t really hold up then. But you were worth it. You still are.”

Kurt pursed his lips. “Why did you lie?”

“Because of that day,” Blaine shrugged. “That day when I saw you, and when I talked to you, and when you let me take you out for dinner? That was when I knew I was going to marry you. I knew you were the one and I just had to be patient until you knew I was the one.”

“Blaine--”

Blaine continued quickly, “We spent so much time together and I wanted to know everything about you, but when that happened I started to figure out how much a family meant to you. It was … your singular goal in life, aside from being successful. You got this look on your face when you talked about kids that … that I just knew I couldn’t take away from you. But I couldn’t lose you, either. I didn’t know what to do. We were getting in deep and I panicked and when you asked if I wanted kids I said whatever you wanted was good. And then I decided then, I wasn’t going to tell you. I was never going to tell you so long as I could.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I know, I know,” Blaine said, and actually looked embarrassed and guilty. “But I knew you wouldn’t marry me if you knew I couldn’t give you kids. I knew you only wanted to be with the total package, and that meant a guy who could give you the family you dreamed of. I couldn’t stand to lose you, so I lied, because I wanted you to marry me, and I loved you and I thought I could make you love me so much that maybe kids wouldn’t be so important. I thought we could be enough for each other.”

Kurt hid his shaking hands under the table. “I figured as much.”

“I never did it to hurt you.”

“But you did,” Kurt ground out, refusing to meet his gaze. “You have no idea how badly those seven years hurt me. I thought it was me. I thought … Blaine. Why did you lie when the doctor told me your tests came back conclusive? Were you scared that after seven years of being together I would leave you over not being able to have biological children?”

Blaine nodded silently.

Kurt wondered if then he wasn’t at least partly to blame. Maybe he’d made such a big deal about it, and fussed so extensively over having children that Blaine hadn’t thought there was any other choice.

“Do your parents know?” Kurt asked suddenly. Before Blaine could give an answer he snapped, “But regardless if they do or don’t, it’s pretty horrible that you let them nag at me for years about grandchildren, and make me feel inadequate, when you knew all along that we couldn’t.”

“I didn’t ever tell them,” Blaine said quietly. “I was never their main priority in life, Kurt. It was easy for them not to know. But they’re still my parents, and I still love them, and I didn’t want to tell my mom for the same reason I didn’t want to tell you. It just thought maybe the truth was something we could work around. And maybe, if I was very lucky, it would never be an issue.”

“The truth did come out, though,” Kurt said. “The doctor told me that you were infertile, and I didn’t leave you. We were having so many problems, but I didn’t go. Instead we went the genetic donor route. And things only got worse. Do you see how things got worse?”

Blaine took a long drink from his glass of water, and it was a while before he told Kurt, “I thought I could deal with it. I love you. There isn’t anything I won’t do for you. So I thought I could deal with you being pregnant with another man’s baby. I thought I could get through it.”

“We decided it was just genetic material. It wasn’t another man’s baby, Blaine.”

“It was!” Blaine caught himself when his voice rose. He laid his hands out on the table in front of him and stared. “That’s what you told yourself and that’s what I went along with. Because I love you, and I wanted to give you what you wanted, because I didn’t want you to leave. But it was always another man’s baby. At least to me.”

“Oh, Blaine.”

“And at first there was no evidence of your pregnancy,” Blaine continued, “I could concentrate on you and that made everything bearable. But you started to have undeniable symptoms, and then you had your baby bump, and I went from being able to distance myself from the idea to being confronted by it. I … it even made me a little sick to see you, Kurt. I hate that I have to say that, but I’m trying to be honest here. Seeing you, and seeing your pregnancy progress I started to realize how much I didn’t want it. I couldn’t tell you I didn’t want the baby, but I felt it. And I resented you for it, whether that resentment was misplaced or not.”

“Is that why you got down on your knees for Sebastian?”

Blaine looked visibly ill as their food arrived and halted the conversation. Kurt dragged his fork through his vegetarian lasagna as he tried to keep his composure. He’d always known that it would come down to the infidelity between them. The lies and infidelity. They’d had problems before, but nothing so big as those two. 

“Jesus, Kurt,” Blaine hissed at him the moment they were alone again.

Kurt demanded, “Do you want me to pretend like it didn’t happen? I’m supposed to just excuse your mishap because you weren’t feeling loved enough, or had too much to drink, or I made you mad? I’m not to blame because you couldn’t hold yourself together. We’re responsible for our own actions, Blaine. And that’s the truth of it.”

“But I did feel like I wasn’t getting any attention from you,” Blaine responded. “Your whole world revolved around your pregnancy. Nothing but the baby mattered to you. Can you imagine how that feels? Your own husband replacing you in his heart.”

“That is not true.” Kurt leaned across the table with narrowed eyes. “I tried so hard to work on us. I tried for us and for our future. Don’t you dare say that the only thing I cared about was the baby. But if you feel that way, I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. That doesn’t make it okay, but I’m sorry.”

Blaine’s food was untouched in front of him as he said, “What about you? I’m not the only one who--”

“I kissed Dave,” Kurt said calmly. “I told you because I chose you and I was sorry and I knew it was wrong because we were together and having a baby and I had to be honest. It happened twice and I told you because it was important for you to know. But I never, and I meant this Blaine Anderson, I absolutely never would have done with Dave what you did with Sebastian. Under any circumstances. And yes, that is part of the reason why I want a divorce. Even if it were the only reason, I think I’d still be asking for a divorce.”

Blaine looked uninterestedly at the veggie burger in front of him. “You’re not in love with me anymore?”

“You were my first love, and I thought my only love, but if we’re only telling each other the truth here, then yes, I’m not in love with you anymore. I don’t see myself having a future with you. I will always care about you, and want the best for you, but I don’t want to raise my baby with you. I don’t want to stay married to you, and no matter what, I will never be in love with you again. That time has passed, Blaine. Too much has happened to us.”

“But what if there was a chance to save us. Any chance? You don’t even want to try?”

Slowly Kurt shook his head. “We were never that compatible in the first place. We were just always too in love to notice the incompatibility. But honestly, I’m in love with Dave now. I’m having his baby. I’m probably going to marry him some day, and have even more kids. He makes me happy and makes me laugh and he supports me in all the ways he doesn’t even know he’s doing but I desperately need. I’m not telling you this to hurt you, I just want you to understand that I’m really happy with him, and nothing you say is ever going to make me change my mind about being with him.”

“You’re happy,” Blaine repeated slowly.

“Very,” Kurt confirmed. “And I want you to be happy, too.”

“I’m happy with you.”

“I want you to be happy with someone else,” Kurt clarified. “Even if you can’t see that happening right now, I want you to have that chance. I want you to have the same chance that I have. But we are never going to be together again, and if it takes you dragging me through the court system for years, then so be it.”

Blaine rattled the table by standing as quickly as he did, tossing his napkin on the table and storming off. Kurt sat back in his chair and took a deep breath. He assumed that was the end of it. He couldn’t be more clear with Blaine or say anything differently. 

“Sir?” The waiter appeared at the table with a concerned expression. “Is everything okay?”

Kurt gave him a soft smile. “Yes. It’s okay. Do you think I could have the check?”

As the waiter left the smile fell from Kurt’s face. He felt absolutely horrible.

“You did what you had to,” Dave said when they were getting ready for bed. “You did the right thing by not giving him false hope. I know you feel bad, but it’s for the best.”

“Maybe.” Kurt rubbed a comforting hand over his belly. “Time will tell.”

Kurt slept restlessly that night, which was nothing new with the stage of his pregnancy, but this time it was due to racing thoughts and not a wiggling baby. And in the morning he left a still snoring Dave and went downstairs for his orange juice and the morning paper.

“You should have woken me,” Dave grumbled, coming into the kitchen a while later. “You know I don’t like you going up and down the stairs on your own.”

“Made it just fine,” Kurt said distractedly. “And you needed the sleep. You’ve been pulling extra long hours, getting ready to take paternity leave. I made some coffee for you.”

Dave froze. “I thought I smelled it … but we agreed that I wouldn’t have what you couldn’t have. Or at last I wouldn’t do it in front of you.”

Kurt had his laptop out in front of him on the kitchen table and the refolded newspaper next to him. “I thought you deserved it. You’re good to me. You do for me what you don’t have to and I appreciate that. So I think you deserve to have some coffee this morning before you go pull a twenty hour shift.”

Dave kissed the top of Kurt’s head. “Love you, babe. I’ll make us some wheat pancakes.”

Kurt hummed a response.

Breakfast was long over by the time Dave finished his second cup of coffee of the morning. Kurt had managed two full stacks of pancakes and was eyeing a third despite his full stomach when the doorbell rang.

Dave was tucking his shirt into his pants when he heard the chime and he called out, “Stay there, Kurt. I’ll go see who it is.”

“I’m not useless,” Kurt called back with false sweetness, and settled for just the pancakes he’d already had. “Who is it?”

“Package,” Dave said, coming back into the kitchen. It was a flat, non-descriptive white envelope. He handed it over and said, “It’s for you, and the guy at the door made me sign for it. Didn’t even want to let me have it instead of you at first.”

“I wonder what it is.” Kurt turned the envelope over in his hands until he caught the pull tab. “I’m not expecting anything.”

Dave asked with a laugh, “Are you sure? Things come for you from Amazon all the time and you barely remember ordering them.”

“Very funny. You know I get distracted by the free shipping sometimes.”

“Fair enough. What’s in the envelope?”

Kurt pulled the side open and then reached in, drawling out a series of papers held together by a thick paperclip. “Looks like something from Shepard. More things for me to sign, I’m sure. I told him it was okay for him to send things to the house from now, considering it’s hard for me to get out to see him every time something in the case changes.”

“I don’t mind swinging by his office to pick stuff up for you if you need--”

“Dave!”

Kurt managed to his feet on his own as Dave moved to his side demanded, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Kurt thrust the packet into Dave’s hands, demanding, “Read!”

Dave skimmed the first lines of the top page and then said, “I’ve read this a million times, Kurt. I was there when Shepard went over it with you. It’s just the--”

“Look.” Kurt nearly punched a hole through the paper as the pointed down at the bottom of the page, indicating first his signature, and then Blaine’s.

Dave dared to ask, “Is this what I think it is?”

Kurt nodded almost gleefully. “He signed. Oh, Dave. I can’t believe he signed.”

There was no mistaking Blaine’s stubby but clear signature down at the bottom of the paper. Blaine had signed the divorce papers. He’d signed and that was the end of it. There’d be no court muddling and no years of fighting. There were only two simple signatures and the end of something that had started so beautifully. 

“So … you’re divorced?” Dave asked.

Kurt swallowed hard and couldn’t take his eyes of the paper. “I guess so. I mean, we still have to have this validated by the judge, but after that … it’s done. We’re done. I’m … I’m divorced.”

Dave kissed the corner of Kurt’s mouth. “Why do you look so upset? I thought this is what you wanted?”

“I did,” Kurt was quick to tell him. “It’s just sad. I was so happy when I married him. And it ended so badly. I never would have seen it coming. Not in a million years.”

Dave kissed him again, this time at the temple. “I understand.”

Dave left him to finish getting ready for work and Kurt eased himself down onto a kitchen chair. All he’d wanted for what felt like forever was to be divorced from Blaine, so he could start a new life without the haunting of his old one. But he did feel sad, and a bit like a failure, and he thought for sure the idea of being divorced was something he’d have to grow into. And deal with, not matter that it was the right thing to do.

***

Taking off his ring was quite possibly harder than filing for divorce, which seemed a bit laughable, but still hurt. Maybe it was stilly, too, because he hadn’t actually worn his wedding ring on his finger for months now due to the swelling of his pregnancy. The gold band had been kept on a chain around his neck, tucked close to his heart when he thought he and Blaine still had a chance, and forgotten when Dave had become his future.

But the time was right. Both he and Blaine had signed their divorce papers, their respective lawyers had settled on the distribution of assets, and the judge had finalized the proceedings. For the first time in what felt like forever, Kurt Hummel was officially not married. So the ring had to come off.

“Everyone is asking where you are.”

Kurt lifted the necklace off of himself and held it in the palm of his hand, rolling the ring between his fingers. “I just had to do something important.”

Dave hugged him from behind, his big, strong arms still managing to fit around Kurt’s stomach. “More important than your baby shower?”

Kurt held up the ring for Dave to see. “Just a little bit.”

He could feel the frown on Dave’s face as the man pressed their cheeks together. “Is that your wedding ring?”

Kurt nodded. “I thought it was time it came off. Blaine and I are officially divorced as of yesterday. I guess part of me just forgot about the ring until now, or maybe I just didn’t want to think about it. I’ve had it for a long time. It’s hard.”

“You know, it’s a good thing it’s hard.”

Kurt turned to him. “Why?”

“Because,” Dave chuckled, “it means you have a heart, Kurt Hummel. It means you have a kind and very large heart. It means that your marriage meant something to you, that it was real, and giving it up, even if it’s for the best, hurts you. You were in love with him for a long time, and you had amazing moments with him, memories that I would never want you to try and forget or give up. Being married helped define you for a long time. It was a little piece, but an important one. That’s hard to do. That’s not something you do without thinking about it for a long time. I watched you agonize over the whole process. I’d worry if it was too easy for you to take the ring off.”

Kurt pursed his lips. “A lot of people thought I married Blaine too fast. My family included, and a lot of my friends. We met and fell in love right away. We were young and impulsive and we got married six months later. We didn’t even know each other proper. Maybe if we had taken more time things would have lasted longer.”

Dave’s hands slid down his stomach, following the movement of their baby. “Seven years isn’t exactly a short time for a marriage. I think we both know people who had their marriages last less than half that.”

“True,” Kurt conceded, “but when I married Blaine I thought it was going to be forever. Seven years seems short in comparison to forever.” He turned up towards Dave, lips grazing the man’s jaw. “I don’t regret my decisions for a second. Not the decision I made to marry Blaine, and not the decision I made to divorce him. I’m just saying.”

“I know.” Dave’s fingers scratched idly and gingerly as the baby kicked at his palm. “But think of it like this. It’s how my psychologist used to put it when I was seeing her after Andrew died. Our lives are one giant book. The great American novel, if you will. And great books need diverse chapters. Each event in our lives, be them good or bad, is a chapter, and we have to finish one completely before we can start the next, and you always want to start the next. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s a natural progression. It’s progress. Books, like people, are nothing without progress. You’re just closing one chapter, Kurt, and you’re starting the next. The book isn’t even close to being finished yet, and that’s the best part.”

“I still feel guilty,” Kurt admitted with a mumble. “I wanted this divorce. Blaine didn’t. I practically crushed his heart.”

“Things aren’t that simple, and you know that. A lot of factors went into the implosion of your marriage.”

Kurt spied the ring’s inscription and then sighed. “Do you think I should give it back to him? The wedding ring? That’s proper decorum, right? Whoever breaks the marriage has to give back the ring unless it’s mutual?”

“I think that’s just engagements,” Dave said, his voice a warm rumble. “I think that’s engagement rings.”

Slowly, leaning back against Dave, Kurt pulled open the stop drawer of his dresser, the wood creaking as he did so carefully and gently. There were no pieces of clothing in the top drawer, only small boxes and carefully placed items.

“What’s with the dresser?” Dave asked, finally releasing Kurt and stepping around him to get a proper look at the faded wood of the dresser that seemed to be on its last leg. “Everything in here is so …” Dave finally settled on, “expensive. Except for this. Is it important to you?”

Kurt tucked his old wedding ring away and smiled over at Dave, explaining, “When I was little, five or six, I was absolutely obsessed with my mom’s things. I loved her high heels, and her jewelry and her perfume. I used to want to play dress up with her things all day long. I’m obviously not saying I wanted to be a woman, but her things were more interesting to me than my dad’s old football that he wanted to toss around in the backyard with me. Anyway, my point is, she’d tell me that some of her things were for grown ups, like her perfume that she kept on top of her dresser. I never listened, and one day, when she was gone to work, I knocked over an entire bottle of it trying to figure out the spray nozzle. It soaked into the wood, and down into the bottom drawers. I tried to clean the mess up by blotting it with some of her clothes in the dresser, but I only manage to smear it around.”

Dave had to lean close, but underneath the smell of the candles Kurt kept in the room, and the faint smell of cleaning solution coming from the adjoining bathroom, he could pick out the scent of lavender. “This is your mom’s dresser?”

Kurt kissed Dave’s cheek. “It is. She came home and I thought she was going to be furious with me. She loved her perfume. It was something only my dad bought her, and she wore almost every day. But she only sat me on the bed and we had a long talk about respecting personal property. She didn’t yell, she didn’t punish me, and to this day I remember all of what she said to me. I have trouble remembering her face at times, but I still remember her voice.” Kurt laughed feeling him caught up in one of his best memories. “She went out the next day and bought me my own bottle of perfume. I wore mine whenever she wore hers, and the kids at school made fun of me for it, but I didn’t care.”

Dave asked, not completely sure, “Carole is your step mom, right? Your birth mother died, right?”

“When I was eight,” Kurt said. “At first my dad couldn’t stand to touch anything of hers. Everything stayed exactly how it was. Sort of like a shrine to her. And when I was sad, or upset or mad or anything, I’d go into my parents bedroom and smell her dresser. I know, that sounds weird, but the smell never came out of the wood, and it reminded me of her more than anything else.”

“So how did you end up with the dresser?”

Kurt tapped the wood firmly. “Eventually dad did put her things into storage. Some of it went to the attic, and some went to the rental space he had downtown. This went with it, and I got older, so I didn’t need the smell so much. When my dad married Carole, they ended up having a lot of things between the two of them, and he had to clear out some space. He didn’t want to throw mom’s dresser out, but he didn’t want to disrespect Carole by keeping it. He ask if I wanted it. I was … it was something amazing to realize that so many decades after being in storage, it still smelled like her.” 

Kurt scrubbed a hand over his eyes as Dave said, “We are having a girl, you know. Maybe one day she’d like to have the dresser. It’ll be her grandmother’s.”

“I’m not sure it’s going to stand the test of time,” Kurt pointed out. “The paint is chipping badly and one of the legs is more than a little unsteady. I half expected the thing to fall apart before Finn and Sam got it up the stairs. And no, before you ask, I don’t want to restore it. This is … this is my mom’s dresser, and I want it as is. I still remember how it got that nick down on the left side, and I still remember why there’s a splash of paint on the edge here. It has memories I don’t want to disturb.”

Dave shrugged. “Fair enough. But we really are missing your party. And everyone came.”

Faintly Kurt could hear the rumble of people downstairs. “You didn’t have to invite everyone, you know. My house isn’t that big.”

Dave held up a finger. “I did not invite everyone. I invited a handful of people, and it was like this weird ripple effect just happened. One person invited another, and then everyone had a plus one, and suddenly we have a whole house full of people.”

Kurt eyed him carefully. “You don’t have a lot of female friends, do you?”

“No?” Dave said a little nervously.

Kurt took him by the hand and led him to the top of the stairs. “It happens this way a lot with women. You learn to anticipate it. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

“Kurt!” his dad called out when they were visible to the group of people in the house’s living room, “Mercedes is telling me you said no baby shower games.”

“Nope,” Kurt beamed at his father. “That was the rule for me agreeing to this madhouse.”

“But dude,” Fine squinted at him, “that’s like, the point of baby showers. Right? To guess the name and weight and due date and all that.”

Kurt ticked off on his fingers, “Her name is Andrea Elizabeth, Doctor O’Neil says she’ll be between six and seven pounds, and her due date is December fourth. Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

Sam mused aloud, “When Mercedes had her shower we played this game where we had to guess what was in the diaper.”

Kurt groaned. “That’s exactly why we’re not playing games.”

His dad caught him in a soft hug as he reminded, “Your mother didn’t want games at her baby shower either.”

“No?” Kurt couldn’t help his unabashed interest. His father never talked about his mother anymore, maybe because of Carole, or maybe because it was still too painful. “She thought they were in bad taste too?”

His dad laughed and shook his head. “She spent the whole time crying in the bathroom because my mom told he she looked a little bloated and wanted to know if she’d been eating dairy like she told your mom not to. Your mom wouldn’t come out for anything, and after everyone went home she made me sleep on the couch until her water broke three weeks later.”

“No way,” Kurt breathed out.

“Way.”

“Well,” Marley announced coming in from the hallway connected to the kitchen, “if there aren’t going to be any party games, we’re at least going to eat well.” Carole followed her out, each of them with trays of sweets. “We made petite cakes, an assortment of pastries, cupcakes, cookies, and we also picked up a few candies from the store. Where’s … Ryder!”

The young firefighter nearly ran into the back of Carole as he caught up with them. “Here,” he panted a little out of breath. He had a tray of brownies in his hands. “I just had to pull them from of the oven.”

Marley tapped her foot. “Honestly. If you weren’t so good in the kitchen I wouldn’t have even let you in to begin with.”

He gave her a blush and a smile.

Dave leaned down to whisper in Kurt’s ear, “I think the kid is in love.”

Kurt whispered back, “Marley’s baby’s father is completely out of the picture right now. He chose the other woman. If Ryder is interested, I think Marley is too.”

“I’ll let the kid know.”

Kurt made his way over to where Tina was reclining on the sofa, his namesake asleep in her carrier while Tina rooted through her baby bag. He asked her, “Everything okay here?”

Tina gave him a sharp look. “I’m fine, Kurt. Stop being so worried about me. Little Kurt and I are fine.”

“Oh, she’s going to hate you so much for that,” he reminded.

Kurt kissed Tina’s cheek as he tried to block out the sight of his brother stealing kisses from Schue.

Sugar was apparently the right thing to put everyone into a better mood. Kurt had one piece of the larger cake in the corner, rolling his eyes as Dave reminded him quietly about what sugar did to the baby’s energy levels, but everyone else seemed determined to put themselves into a diabetic coma. In fact he knew for certain that Noah was working his way through his third piece, Lauren matching him easily, and Nick had been seen physically wrangling cookies away from Jeff. 

After they were properly sated with sugar, Harmony decided, “Now we’re opening presents.” She shot Kurt a dirty look. “And don’t think you’re off the hook just because you opened up two baby registries. That did not make things easier, especially since you said specifically that you already had all the baby furniture that you needed. The essentials at least.”

“I was confused,” Brittany said, head tilted. “Are you having two babies, Kurt? Why did I have to buy something from two places?”

“What? Brit. No.” Kurt shook his head.

Dave rubbed a hand over Kurt’s stomach and told them all, “For the record, there is only one baby in here. Only Andy. And we had two registries to try and be considerate of everyone’s different financial situations. Not everyone might be comfortable shopping at the same place, so we wanted to give options. But no one was obligated to buy anything.”

Kurt snorted in an undignified manner and stated, “Now that’s a lie. Anyone who didn’t get me anything has to leave now.”

Mercedes threw a cookie at Kurt’s head.

There was squabbling over exactly who’s presents Kurt needed to open first, but eventually there was a line of sorts formed, and Kurt started with Tina first as he thought it only fair that she was tethered to the couch with a sleeping baby.

His friends got him most of the things that Kurt hadn’t even thought of, or Dave, if the expression on his face meant anything. He’d thought of the crib and the washcloths, but not the practical things like the bottles and pacifiers and even diapers. Jeff and Nick gave them a baby sling, and Noah and Lauren had been to thank for the humidifier that looked disastrously expensive.

When Ryder had presented Kurt with a wrapped, oversized box Kurt had told him, “I thought I told Dave to let you know you didn’t have to get me anything. We haven’t known each other that long, and you did a lot of the cooking and baking here.”

Ryder only shrugged and said, “It’s more like it’s from all of us at the station, the Captain included.” The box consisted of stacks of swaddling blankets and burp cloths. Ryder insisted, “Some of the guys swear by those swaddling blankets. Pray to the alter of them. Some newborns aren’t happy unless their swaddled, and I’ve been around enough babies to know you can never had too many burp cloths.” Behind Ryder, Finn nodded seriously.

The rest of his friends had gotten him mountains of clothing and shoes and adorable baby bonnets that Kurt had cooed over until Mercedes had huffed that he get on with it so he could open her present. She looked overly proud at her gift of a baby bathtub and a massive grooming kit. “You don’t know you need these until it’s too late. You’re welcome.”

Dave held up a pair of sheers and gulped.

Kurt tore through the last of his presents gleefully, oohing over the expensive, designer baby bag from Wade, and the carseat that Dave gave him even though Kurt had insisted that it was their joint baby shower and he didn’t need to buy any presents himself.

“I got you something,” he dad said when they were only two boxes left in front of him. He pushed the bigger one towards him and said, “Now I didn’t buy it from the store, but I was thinking it’s better than anything I could have found at Neiman Marcus.”

What Kurt found in the box was … “A dress,” Kurt said, holding up the long, white, perfect dress. “A very long dress.”

“Kurt,” Mercedes breathed out, daring to touch the lace fringe and exquisite beadwork on the tiny dress. “Do you know what this is? This is amazing.”

“A dress?” Kurt looked between his father and Mercedes. “A very nice dress.”

His father smiled and put his arm around Carole’s shoulders. “It was your mom’s christening dress.” His father hurried to add, “Now I know you’re not religious, and you’re probably not going to christen Andrea, but you might consider having professional pictures taken of her in the dress. There’s more in the box. Look.”

Underneath the dress was a bit of bubble wrap, but when Kurt pulled that free he was looking at a large, glass framed portrait of a baby in the same dress he’d passed to Dave to look at. The picture was in black and white, and obviously old if the fraying around the edges meant anything. And there was something vaguely familiar about the face of the baby. 

“That’s your mom,” his father said. “That’s her christening photo, and she’s wearing the dress that her mother made for her for the occasion. That’s the dress your grandmother made, and it’ll be Andrea’s great-grandmother who made the dress. Your mother and I were so sure that we were going to have a little girl that it was supposed to be your dress, but when you were a boy, and when we realized we weren’t going to be able to have any more children, we decided we wanted you to save that for your daughter.”

Kurt nearly flew into his father’s arms, hugging him tightly as he mumbled his thanks. “I didn’t know you saved it,” he said. “I can’t believe you saved this all these years.”

He felt Carole’s hand rub his back as his father told him, “She would have wanted you to have these things more than anything. I never would have lost of forgotten about them.”

Carole, as it turned out, also had a present for Kurt, one that she’d kept hidden up until that point. Kurt unwrapped from her a baby monitor designed to be hooked easily onto his belt and carried around.

“But wait,” Jeff spoke up, catching everyone’s attention as the wrapping paper was being rounded up, “there’s still one present left.”

Kurt had barely noticed, surrounded by gifts and amazing friends. “Who’s it from?” Kurt asked, looking around. Everyone was accounted for. He’d even gotten an early present from Jillian and Santana that morning. 

“It’s from …” Jeff frowned at the name on top of the package. “It says it’s from Blaine.”

Kurt froze and he could feel his father tense up from where the man was seated next to him. Across the room Dave found his gaze right away, asking silently what he wanted to do.

“Kurt?” Mercedes asked warily. “You want me to toss it?”

“I don’t think it’s a bomb,” Sam said, shaking it a little.

Kurt held a hand out. “Give it here.”

His hands shook a little as he unwrapped the plain paper, and opened the white box that was waiting for him.

“What is it?” Dave asked, venturing nearer.

“It’s a … pair of jeans.” Kurt felt his mouth dry up. He knew the pair in hand. He recognized the faint fading along the inseam. “It’s my jeans.”

“Your jeans?” Dave wondered, “Why did he send you a pair of jeans?”

Kurt took a deep breath. “They’re my skinny jeans. For when I’m not pregnant anymore. They’re my favorite skinny jeans.” He set the jeans back down in the box. “I …”

“There’s more,” his dad pointed out. There was a smaller box hidden underneath the jeans. “And a card.”

Kurt handed the box over to Dave as he opened the card, reading out loud, “If she’s anything like you, she’ll handle this like a pro.” Confused, Kurt looked over to Dave, only to find him having already opened the box, and he was holding up a set of keys.

“What are these?” Dave asked slowly.

Kurt’s jaw fell slack. “We joked about it. Well, I joked about it. Blaine … he … his dad collects cars like baseball cards. He gives Blaine cars all the time, and Blaine never knows what to do with them. So I jokingly said that when the baby turns fifteen and wants to get its permit, at least we wouldn’t have to worry about getting a car. And he said there was no way any baby of ours was going to drive anything but a classic. I know those keys with the red chain, Dave. I know which car he just gave our unborn baby.”

“1957 cherry red Corvette?” Tina asked.

Surprised, Kurt said slowly, “How do you know that?”

“These are keys to a corvette?” Dave demanded.

“A very expensive corvette,” Burt said, an impressed tone to his voice.

Tina thumbed out the window she was seated in front of. “It’s been parked outside for about an hour now.”

“Oh, wow, Kurt breathed out. “Wow.”

“No, really,” Mercedes said, eyes wide at Tina. “How do you know what that car is?”

Tina said seriously, “When you spend as much time on bed rest as I did, you read a lot. Mike had a book on the history of Chevy. I read it. Twice.”

Dave put the keys in Kurt’s palm and said, “I think we’re going to have a long talk later about what we consider an okay baby present and what maybe isn’t. I don’t know if I’m okay with this.”

Sam plucked the keys out of Kurt’s hand. “By all means, feel free to pass that car my way.” Mercedes elbowed him in the ribs.

The party only lasted a few more hours, and by the end Kurt was tired from both the excitement of the day and the sugar rush his baby was currently enjoying. 

Mercedes took her job seriously of herding out the guests while Kurt insisted to his father, “You don’t need to stay at a hotel. We have room here. It might be a tight fit but I’m sure Finn can sleep on the couch and you and Carole can sleep in his room.”

“Hey!” Finn said from the foyer where he was standing with Schue.

Kurt hissed at him, “You spend most of your time at your boyfriend’s place anyway.”

Finn sputtered.

“No, no, sweetie,” Carole said, kissing his forehead. “You’re in your last few weeks. Trust me, from a woman who’s had a baby, you’ve already begun nesting, and it’s only going to get worse. In the last few weeks before you deliver you’re going to become very territorial over where everything is, where everything goes, and who invades your space. Your father and I want to be here for you, but we want to keep you as comfortable as possible. We’re staying at a very nice hotel, and we’re going to be here first thing in the morning.”

His father nodded. “We don’t want to put you out in any way, son.” He leaned in close and said quietly, “Also, try not to ride your brother too hard. This is the first time he’s taken an interested in someone or something in years. Let him have … whatever this is that he has.”

“Okay,” Kurt said, because that was fair enough, and because Finn had supported him when he’d needed him the most. The least Kurt could do was put up with a weird boyfriend. 

When Finn left to drive his dad and Carole to the nearby hotel, Kurt was left alone with Dave and their mound of gifts.

“You have some pretty incredible friends,” the man told him, arms full of baby things.

“More than I realized,” Kurt admitted. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Kurt slid the key to the car parked outside into his pocket. He understood why Dave had a problem with them accepting such a gift from Blaine, but it wasn’t for them. It was for their baby, and he didn’t want to make any hasty decisions because of that. “You know you can ask me anything.”

Dave let the things in his arms fall to the ground and he made his way to Kurt’s side, dropping a kiss to his open mouth. “Go out to dinner with me tomorrow?”

“Like a date?” Kurt laughed.

“Yes like a date.” Dave looked serious.

“We’re about to have a baby,” Kurt said, pointing to his stomach. “You sleep in my bed. I think we’re past the date stage.”

“Just because we’re doing it out of order, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Now, will you go out with me or not?”

Kurt returned the kiss from earlier quickly and said, “Okay, but my dad is here now, which means you have to have me home by eleven, you keep your hands above my waist at all times, and you don’t kiss me within a mile of him.”

“Or what?” Dave joked. “He’ll get out his shotgun?”

Kurt gave him a pointed look.

“Kurt. Come on. Be serious. He flew. You know you can take a shotgun on an airplane.”

“He flew private,” Kurt said with a grin, hands on his hips. “And he is a huge advocate of his second amendment rights. I guarantee you he’s packing, even if you can’t see it.”

“Are you … are you messing with me?”

Kurt squeezed his hand as he passed. “You’ll do the same for our daughter.”

When Dave said date, Kurt came to understand that he actually meant date. Two nights later he brought Kurt a bouquet of red roses, something that Carole giggled over from the living room, and properly asked Kurt to accompany him out to his car. Burt stood in the foyer and glared at Dave, even though Kurt knew his dad and Dave had hit it off, and even though Kurt was a grown man.

They went to a restaurant that Kurt had never been to before, about twenty minutes from home, and Dave escorted him to his seat with his arm held out like a gentleman and helped Kurt into his seat even after Kurt left to use the bathroom moments after arriving.

“You know you don’t have to woo me, right?” Kurt checked, nudging Dave playfully under the table.

The man didn’t look put off. “Maybe I do. You’re not mine yet, you know. You’re free to walk at any time, and I just want to remind you the perks of being with me.”

“I could walk,” Kurt repeated. “But I don’t think there’s any danger of that happening.”

“Nice to know.”

Kurt steadied himself quickly, preparing for something he’d thought about a lot over the past few weeks, and especially since his divorce had come to pass. “Dave,” he said, wondering if he could even imagine not having the man across from him in his life for the rest of his days. “Do you remember our agreement? About you staying with me until the baby is born?”

Dave nodded, “What about it?”

“I want you to stay,” Kurt all but blurted out. “After. I mean.” He stopped, heart racing. “We agreed that you would stay with me until I had the baby because I might need some extra help, and because of my labor scare I could experience complications. But I was thinking, I really like going to bed with you at night. I like coming home to you, and having dinner with you, and us fighting over where to move stuff. I like you wanting to watch ESPN and me wanting to watch Bravo, and us compromising on AMC. I want that every day, even after the baby is born. I don’t want Andrea asking why her daddies don’t live together if they love each other, and why she has two bedrooms. I want you to move in. I mean, I want you to stay.”

The corners of Dave’s mouth hitched. “But what about all that work we put in to making my apartment baby safe? And the nursery? A lot of time went into that.”

Kurt bit his lip nervously. “You don’t want to?”

Dave nearly tipped their table, standing so fast and leaning over to catch Kurt’s jaw with his free hand and kiss him deeply. “I want every day with you,” he swore. “I just want to make sure you’re as ready as I am.”

“I can clear out a section of my closet tomorrow.”

Dave smiled into another kiss. “Very ready, then.”

“Dave,” Kurt groaned as their kisses grew and it was harder to get control back. “Public space.”

Dave beamed foolishly as he settled back into his chair. “Finn is really going to feel like the third wheel now.”

Dismissively, Kurt decided, “He was never going to be a permanent resident. He is, of course, welcome to stay as long as he would like, but I know he’ll go soon. His daughter is waiting for him in California, and I think things are getting serious between him and Schue. Plus, he might want his own place, once there’s a screaming baby in the house. He won’t stay.”

Reaching for his pocket, Dave said, “I have something for you.”

“You’ve gotten me enough,” Kurt insisted. “You do too much already.”

Dave cleared is throat as he pulled out a small, velvet box. “Now I know you said that it was really hard for you to take your ring off, so I was thinking I could maybe do something about that.” He handed the box over and Kurt cracked it open immediately, revealing a slim silver ring. 

“Dave.”

“It’s only a promise ring,” Dave rushed to add. “We aren’t ready for anything else. But it is a ring that is my promise to you that we are going somewhere. We are going to make it, and I’m not saying it’ll always be easy or smooth sailing, but I think we’re worth fighting for, and I think we’re a real family. That’s my promise that when Andrea is older, and we’re in the best place we can be, that I’m going to swap that ring out for an even better one, and you’re going to get to plan the wedding of your dreams.”

“I’ve had a big wedding before,” Kurt said, taking the ring out of the box carefully. “With three hundred guests and traditional vows. I want … I want a wedding on the beach. With no shoes. At night--no, at sunset.”

“Whatever you want,” Dave insisted, helping Kurt slide the ring on. “When we’re ready, we can have whatever you want.” When the ring was on firmly, Dave said, “I wanted you to be able to wear it, so I had it sized up to fit you right now. I’ll replace it when all the swelling in your fingers goes down. I just … I wanted you to wear it. And to get what it means to me, and hopefully to you.”

“I do understand,” Kurt said kindly. It was then that he noticed a second, much smaller ring in the box. “What’s this?”

Now Dave looked unsure. “I know you said that baby jewelry is gaudy and tacky, but I was buying your ring and I saw this little girl, she couldn’t have been more than three, and she was the most adorable thing, Kurt. She had a ring on a chain around her neck and I thought if I was getting a promise ring for you, why shouldn’t Andy get one too? I’m making this promise to her, too. So I got one for Andy. Maybe we could put it on a chain for her and maybe we just wait until she’s old enough to appreciate jewelry. But I want her to know that when I made the promise to her daddy, I also made it to her.”

Kurt hid his face in his hands suddenly, afraid he’d start crying.

“Kurt?” Dave asked worriedly. 

“I love you,” Kurt told him, voice muffled. “I love you so much.”

Dave smiled kindly. “I love you too.”

***

“Do you have it?” Kurt called from the kitchen, flat on his butt, digging deep into the cabinets in front of him. “Dave?”

“Coming!” Balancing two bags in his arms Dave struggled to get the front door closed as the harsh end of November wind blew snow at him fiercely. In his battle against the elements the hood to his jacket had been kicked up and he could barely see anything. “Give me a hand?”

Kurt pulled out a stack of cooking pots, housewarming presents from coworkers months ago. “Busy! Can you hurry up!”

Dave sighed, “Love you too, babe.” He finally managed his way into the kitchen. “I got it.”

Kurt looked up from his pots and pans and frowned. “You tracked snow and dirt all through the house.”

“Oh.” Dave looked down at his boots. “Sorry. I just--”

Kurt thrust a hand out to Dave to be hoisted up. “Now I have to clean the floor. Dave. Can you be more careful?”

“It’s just the floor.”

Kurt bit out, “It’s my floor and you just got it dirty. Now did you get what I asked for?”

Dave pointed to the bags he’d just brought in. “No and yes. I got you the cleaning things you wanted, just not the bleach.”

Kurt crossed his arms. “I asked for bleach.”

“Bleach is harmful.” Dave poked playfully at Kurt’s stomach. “To our girl, if you’ll remember. No harmful chemicals near you or her. That’s the rule. I didn’t make it, I just enforce it.”

Angrily Kurt kicked the pot next to him, demanding, “How am I supposed to get everything clean if I don’t have bleach!”

Dave flinched a bit as the pot went sailing across the room. “I’m going to assume that is a hormone spike and not a temper tantrum like you’re two.”

“I’m pregnant,” Kurt seethed, “and the size of a small freighter, or maybe a large one, I don’t know, ask my feet, I haven’t seen them in months. That means I get to do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Dave, dear,” Carole said, all but waltzing into kitchen. Dave hadn’t even known she was there. She hooked an arm through Dave’s and said, “Why don’t you come with me. We’re cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush right now. You should come help me and let Kurt have his space.”

As they left the kitchen Kurt shouted after them, “Come back when you have bleach!”

When Dave was gone Kurt took a deep breath and surveyed the damage around him. He was behaving like a toddler, Dave hadn’t been wrong, it had just hurt to hear it from the man. He didn’t understand. Even Kurt didn’t understand. There was an itch under his skin, maybe even a paranoia, that told him his house wasn’t safe for his baby. It wasn’t clean and babies, especially newborns, couldn’t live in places that weren’t clean. He could hurt his baby if he didn’t make it safe, and bleach was safe.

For his fit he had to show a bent pan and a dented cabinet. And that was a shame, because his kitchen was beautiful and he’d ruined it.

A moment later all he felt was guilty. For yelling at Dave, and making him feel bad, and not appreciating the fact that his boyfriend had gone out in a miniature blizzard just for him because he’d needed something that absolutely couldn’t wait. Dave hadn’t deserved what Kurt had just given him. 

A spike of pain raced through him and he blew out a long breath.

It took him a few more minutes to stop feeling sorry enough for himself to go track Dave down in the master bath. He leaned against the door frame as he watched Carole and Dave scrub the rim of the toilet with toothbrushes. They had a pile of them to the side, along with a bucket of steaming soapy water that smelled better than bleach to Kurt’s nose at the moment. 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbled, startling them both. “I’m being a jerk. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

Dave leaned back on his knees. “I get it, you know. You’re achy. You’re always tired. You have had someone in you, bothering you for almost nine months now. You just want this to be over. I get that. I do. But I’m trying. I’m trying more than I thought I could, and it doesn’t seem to be good enough for you.”

“Sweetheart,” Carole said, her hand on Dave’s shoulder. “You know you’re nesting, right?”

Kurt gave a sharp nod. “I figured.”

“You get that I’m trying, right?” Dave asked Kurt.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt repeated, a hand to his stomach. “I’m being difficult and you don’t deserve it. Thank you for going out. Thank you for getting me my cleaning supplies. I really appreciate you, and I’m sorry I haven’t been showing it.”

On his knees Dave scooted his way over to Kurt and kissed his stomach. “You’re being difficult, but I love you, so we’re going to call it a draw. And did you even look at what I bought you?”

Slowly, Kurt shook his head. “Oxyclean?”

Dave laid his cheek against Kurt’s stomach. “No. Actually, I went to three different stores trying to find you something to clean with that is as strong as bleach and not as toxic to you in your condition right now. It took me those three stores, but I found it. It’s a santizer made of a bunch of organic things. It was really expensive, so expensive I don’t want to tell you, and it may smell a little funny at first, but it’s going to work just as good as bleach.”

“Thank you.” Kurt dropped a hand to the top of Dave’s head. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Dave mumbled.

“Kurt, sweetheart,” Carole asked. Her hair was tied up by a rag and she looked a bit sweaty. It was then that Kurt realized how hot it was in the bathroom, between the heat in the house and the hot water in the bathroom, not the mention how hard he’d seen her scrubbing.

“Carole,” he interrupted, helping her up by the elbow. “I’m insensitive and rude. I’m sorry. Where’s my dad?”

She looked a little unsure as she pulled the rag from her hair. “Down the basement unpacking most the appliances you have down there. I think he’s working on the steamer. You did say you wanted it in the basement. Remember? Near the washer and dryer?”

Kurt winced at that. “I repeat, I’m inconsiderate and horrible. Please, can you go get my dad and tell him that I’m really thankful for you guys, and I’m sending you out for a nice diner at my favorite restaurant in Midtown. You can take the car. I want you guys to go have a good time. I’m going to be the one cleaning my own bathroom on my hands and knees, not you.”

Carole kissed his cheek with a smile. “You’re my son, Kurt. And you are pregnant. As far as your nesting goes, this isn’t nearly as batty as I’ve seen from others, myself included. I’m here helping you clean everything because I want to. No one is forcing me, and I certainly don’t feel obligated. I love you, sweetheart. And I understand.”

Kurt pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you,” he told her, and she was simply amazing. “But I meant what I said about you and dad getting out tonight. You haven’t had a night alone at a nice restaurant yet and you’ve been in town for almost two weeks now.”

She allowed, “It would be nice to have dinner at a fancy restaurant.”

“Don’t you have dinner all the time out in DC?” Kurt teased. “With all of those fabulously entertaining senators.”

Carole made a face. “Most of the time, no, if you can actually believe that. And your father tells me that when they do go out to dinner most of them end up falling asleep before the entrees arrive.”

Kurt gave her a gentle push. “Go tell him. You guys feel free to take the car and I’ll put the directions in to the GPS for you. You’re going to love Marico’s pasta.”

When she left, Kurt told Dave, “I really am sorry.”

Dave hooked an easy arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “I know.”

“I just want to make this place safe for our baby. I want everything perfect for when she comes home. She’s going to … she’ll probably go home before I do.”

“Before you do?” Dave frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s healthy. For her, being born is going to be a walk in the park. Most newborns are kept anywhere from twenty-four to forty-eight hours, and then released to go home if everything is fine, which I expect from our daughter. But a cesarean operation, which I will be having, while routine these days, is still major surgery. I’ll be in the hospital for a lot longer than two days, and even when I’m able to go home, I won’t be that mobile. You’re going to be home with her long before me, and that’s a scary thought for me. I’ve spent so many months protecting her, and now I have to let her out of my sight.”

“I …” Dave was unclear on what he wanted to say. “I didn’t realize …”

“I trust you,” Kurt said explicitly. “I absolutely trust you with her. I know you’re going to be amazing. But it’s making me crazy. And the least I can do, if I have to let her go home without me, is make sure she’s coming home to a sterile environment.”

“Hey, hey Kurt.” Dave’s fingers grazed Kurt’s jaw. “I swear to you. Nothing is going to happen to her. We’re going to be so great as parents. You know we won’t let anything happen.”

Kurt gave him a weak smile. “My nerves are absolutely shot,” he admitted. “I’m not sure of anything right now, other than my anxiety.”

“I am sure.” Dave framed his face with both hands and kissed his lips. “I’m absolutely sure. And you trust me, right?”

“I trust you.” Kurt nodded.

The toothbrush was still in Dave’s hand and he looked down at it. “Since your parents are going out tonight for dinner, did you want to maybe help me clean the bathroom? We can do the kitchen after.”

Both of Kurt’s hands came to his stomach and he winced for a moment before his face eased out. “I don’t think so,” he said, sounding a little breathy. “Not while I’m having contractions, thank you.”

Dave dropped the toothbrush. “Contractions?”

Kurt guessed, “For about and hour and a half or so. No big deal. I wasn’t even sure if they were the real deal at first.”

Dave nearly shrieked, “How can you be so calm about this?”

“Because,” Kurt said, hands on Dave’s shoulders, “they’re about twenty-five minutes apart right now. And they’re not coming any faster or getting more painful. That tells me we have a lot of time. Hours even, before we need to head to the hospital.”

“But it’s labor!” Dave grabbed him a bit too harshly. “Kurt, this is nothing to play around with.”

“I know.” Kurt patted him gently. “So take my word for it when I tell you my parents are going to go out tonight, have dinner, and by the time they finish I’m still not going to be ready to have this baby. Did you do the reading I left for you about labor and delivery?”

Dave gave a shaky nod, openly sweating now as he eyed Kurt’s stomach. “I did … but I can’t even remember my full name right now. Can you … do …”

Kurt said simply, “For men, because we can’t physically push the baby out, labor takes on average anywhere from twelve to fifteen hours, and that’s after the initial contractions start. Contractions are just the way for my body to tell my doctor that it’s time to start prepping me for surgery, not that it’s time for the baby to come out. We won’t know for certain until I get to the hospital, but from all of the reading I’ve done, and Doctor O’Neil agrees, if the contractions are more than twelve minuets apart and the pain is bearable, I don’t need to rush.”

Calmly, Dave said, “I would still really like to go to the hospital right now. I’m freaking out, okay? I want to go to the hospital now where I know you’ll be safe and looked after.”

Kurt leveled a heavy finger up at Dave. “Fine. If you want to go sit at the hospital for another five or six hours while we wait for my contractions to not be twenty or so minutes apart, then okay. But my parents are going to be dealing with a baby for the next two weeks. They’re going to be changing diapers, being spit up on, and cleaning up things you can’t even begin to imagine. So they’re getting their dinner tonight. We’ll call them after.”

Slowly Dave agreed. “Fine. But we’re getting your bag and I’m calling us a cab. You think up an excuse for them as to why we’re leaving now.”

In the end it wasn’t that difficult to say that they were simply going out for more supplies. Carole was too excited for a fancy dinner and his father was equally distracted by e-mails from work. 

It took another twenty minutes to get to the hospital, and another half hour before they would admit Kurt as a patient after he told them his contractions were still only twenty-five minutes apart.

Kurt said, once he was changed into his hospital gown and reclining on a bed, “It’s going to be a long night.”

Dave steeled himself, “I’ll drink coffee.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and said, “Go call Mercedes and Tina, will you? Here, wait, I made a list of contact numbers. Let them know how far my contractions are apart, and let them know the time frame. I haven’t even seen my doctor yet.”

Dave looked scandalized. “You want me to leave?”

“To go down the hall and make a few phone calls in the designated area,” Kurt clarified. “I told you, we’re going to be here all night. This baby won’t even be here until tomorrow. Go make some calls. I’m not going to magically pop it out while you’re gone.”

“But--”

“Dave,” Kurt said gently. “I know you’re a little scared and a little excited and a lot you don’t know. And you don’t want to miss anything. But I promise, nothing is going to happen for the next twelve hours at least. I’m here and I will still be here in fifteen minutes when you get back. Better yet, I’m about to have a baby, so there goes my vegetarian diet, so how about you run down the street to the first decent burger place you can find and bring me back something. With bacon.”

Dave blinked at him. “You’re serious.”

Kurt wrapped a hand around Dave’s shirt and pulled him close. “You made me come to the hospital early because you panicked. I agreed. And now I’m about to spend the next day in pain. So I suggest you go get me my burger.”

“With bacon,” Dave echoed. 

Kurt nodded. “Don’t forget the bacon.”

Kurt ended up eating the burger half an hour later in the bathroom, trying to block out the smell from the prying nurses and finish it before anyone showed up. Dave fretted at him the entire time. 

People began to trickle in over the next few hours, guys from the fire station, coworkers of Kurt’s, and their closer friends. 

Jeff told Kurt when he arrived, with obvious glee and envy, “Harmony started having contractions earlier this morning. She didn’t want anyone in there with her or I would have called you. She swore me to secrecy. Can you imagine, you guys are going to have your babies so close to each other. I wish I was having mine right now.”

“He’s early,” Dave said in a strangled voice, “a week early and I don’t like it.”

Kurt said, “Ignore him. He’s having a meltdown. But on the note of being premature, you, Jeff, are still a month away, and a week is much different from a month.”

Jeff pouted. “But Marley is only two weeks out. You guys are all going to have your babies before me.”

A contraction pulled at Kurt in that moment and he gave Jeff a firm push and a snappish answer of, “Don’t be so quick to have it, okay? Be thankful.”

Dave leaned forward in his chair. “I think they’re getting closer. I timed that one at seventeen minutes. Are they getting stronger?”

Kurt panted for a moment then nodded, leaning back against his pillow. “Gee, I could sure use another burger.”

Dave was not amused.

Things got a bit chaotic as Finn found out from Sam, and Finn then told Kurt’s parents. The last of Kurt’s good friends showed up, and it was a packed house before Kurt could blink. There was loud talking, lectures about priorities, and excited bets being taken on the exact birth weight. 

By the time Kurt’s doctor arrived, and his contractions were down to nine minutes. The nurses were able to run most of the people out of the hospital room and to the waiting room down the hall. 

“You ready to have this baby?” Doctor O’Neil asked Kurt as another contraction passed. She looked like she’d only just rolled out of bed and for the first time since he’d come in, Kurt looked at the clock on the far wall. It was hard for him to believe that it was almost midnight. Time, despite the contractions, had flown by for him. 

“How are they doing?” Dave asked anxiously. He was the only one left in the room except for Burt. “Those squiggly lines on the monitor are good, right?”

Burt put a heavy hand on his shoulder and said, “Relax, son. They’re doing great. Just calm down. You don’t want to pass out, do you?”

“We get one of those once in a while,” O’Neil said, taking note of Kurt’s readings. “And yes, both Kurt and the baby are doing well. I like the numbers and we’re right on track to start prepping for surgery. I think another hour should do it, and then we’ll be down into the range I like to start at.”

“See,” Kurt told Dave pointedly. “I told you. Nothing to worry about.”

Doctor O’Neil made a noise. “Aside from that bacon cheeseburger.”

Dave held up his hands. “ I didn’t say anything to anyone.”

The doctor laughed and said, “I can smell it on you, Kurt. No more food from now on, okay? Just drink lots of water for me.”

Burt came up to Kurt’s bed and wound his fingers around the high railing, asking, “Are you going to allow anyone in the delivery room with you?”

“I was just getting to that,” she assured them. “Kurt’s stats look good, and the baby looks even better. I don’t anticipate any complications, and with that I’m going to allow one person in with him, for moral support. Have you decided who it’s going to be? You, Mr. Hummel?”

Kurt piped up, “Dave’s still deciding. If it isn’t him, then it’s going to be my dad.”

“Decide soon,” Doctor O’Neil advised. I’ll need to go over procedure with whoever it’s going to be.”

Without hesitation Dave surged to Kurt’s side and declared, “It’s me. It’s going to be me. I need to be in there with him. With them. It’s me, okay. It’s me.”

“It’s you,” Kurt laughed. “I promise.”

Dave looked to Burt who conceded to him right away. “Father of the baby takes precedent, even over father of the adult.”

Nervously Dave asked, “I just have to stand on the top half of the sheet and hold Kurt’s hand, right? I don’t have to look down there?”

Doctor O’Neil raised an eyebrow. “You look quite squeamish. I wouldn’t suggest it.”

When she was gone Kurt asked, “What made you decide?”

Dave took Kurt’s free hand and held it to his cheek. “Nothing. I don’t … nothing. I just knew it’s where I need to be. I have to be there with you. I have to see her right away.”

“Come on.” Burt clapped Dave on the back. “We should go get coffee for the troops. Most of them are determined to wait the night out. The least we can do is buy them a round of coffee.”

Dave looked hesitant, but Kurt insisted, “I’m just going to lay here and enjoy my ice chips. Go get coffee.”

Dave gave a slow nod and let Burt pull him off in the opposite direction of Kurt.

The nurse near Kurt’s fetal monitor smiled at him kindly and said, “It’s always nice to see the ones that are overly concerned. It means they care. He’ll likely cry.”

“I hope so,” Kurt said with a chuckle. “I’d love to be able to tell my daughter one day that her daddy cried on the day she was born because he loved her so much.”

“Get some sleep,” the nurse advised. “While you can. If you can. I’ll leave you in peace.”

Kurt settled down and part of him wanted to complain about the sheets and the smell, but he was happy enough with the idea that his daughter was going to be born soon, and then everything he’d ever wanted, the family he’d dreamed about, would finally be his.

He did drift off to sleep. He hadn’t even been tired, and the contractions were a constant reminder, but at some point, he drifted. And when he woke up there was an odd pull to his stomach, different from the contractions. Tighter and more painful and not centralized. His skin seemed to vibrate and he choked out a pained cry as he fumbled for the nurse call button.

“Something is wrong,” he told the nurse when she arrived. She wasn’t the same one from earlier with the happy disposition. This one was stern faced.

She studied his numbers for a moment, then said, “Mr. Hummel, do try to calm down. Everything is fine.”

“No,” he told her through gritted teeth. “I can feel it. It’s my own damn body. This feels different form a contraction. I don’t .. .get my doctor in here.”

“Contrary to your belief, Mr. Hummel,” she said, “you are not Doctor O’Neil’s only patient. I can’t page her because your contractions are uncomfortable.”

Kurt gave her the dirtiest, foulest look he could manage as he fell to his side, short of breath and vision spotty with pain. “Listen you old hag,” he snapped, finger smashing down on the nurse call button once more. “There is something wrong with my baby, and I don’t give a damn if you believe me or not. So either you go get me my doctor, or I will get out of this bed and crawl my way to another nurse if I have to. And then I’ll sue you and this hospital for everything you’re worth. Don’t you dare test me. I am in pain, I am having a panic attack and I was married to a lawyer for seven years.”

She looked like she wanted to restrain him, she was reaching for him and without any pleasantries, but then she was being pushed back, and another nurse was there, brushing the fringe of his bangs back off his forehead, asking if he was okay.

Kurt gripped the new nurse’s wrist as hard as he could and pressed it against his stomach. “I don’t care what my numbers say,” he told her, feeling light headed. “This isn’t right. Get me my doctor, or get me a lawyer.”

The room burst into a flurry of activity moment later, several more nurses appearing at the call of the woman touching his stomach. She ordered his doctor being paged and felt him carefully with an impassive face.

“What?” Kurt demanded, knocking over his tray in a fit of pain, sending his ice chips down to the ground. “What’s wrong with my baby?” He could hear his monitor picking up, almost frantic as it tracked his pulse.

“I want you to take deep breaths for me,” the nurse said, giving him a warm smile. “I’m just trying to figure out where your baby thinks it’s going. It’s shifting around a lot.”

“She’s turning?” Kurt asked, confused. “Breech?” But he thought that shouldn’t have mattered. He wasn’t delivering naturally.

“I’m not sure.”

And then he couldn’t breathe. In a single felled swoop he couldn’t breathe at all. He tugged frantically at his nasal cannula and pulled it free, gasping for breath.

“Kurt!” That was his doctor’s voice. He could hear the inflection in the way she said his name, heavy Irish accent sounding like a blessing. “Don’t panic.” She pushed one hand down on his chest firm so he couldn’t move and forced a larger oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. “Now take long breathes for me. Come on, Kurt. You affect your baby.”

It took several tries but eventually he was breathing again, and he couldn’t tell if his panic attack had stopped his breathing or something else.

He hear his doctor call to prep an emergency room and Kurt tried to catch her attention, demanding, “It’s not time yet.”

“It’s time,” Doctor O’Neil said encouragingly. “Your baby does not want to wait or go through the proper steps, which makes things more difficult, but still not abnormal. We’re going to go ahead and deliver now, Kurt. Are you ready to become a father today?”

“Dave,” he choked out.

She assured, “I sent a nurse to go prep him for your surgery. He’ll meet us there. But we have to go. Your baby is sideways, Kurt, and there isn’t enough room for her to be that way. She’s pressing against your lungs and several other organs. If you want to stay safe, both you and her, we need to go now.”

“Okay. Okay.” He would do anything for her. Even if it wasn’t what he had planned for.

True to O’Neil’s word Dave was there, in full scrubs the moment he was wheeled into the operating room. “Dave!” he called out, hand already stretched out for him.

There was one terrifying moment where they struggled to get the epidural in him, and one more when he was petrified it would take and they’d have to put him out, but then he couldn’t feel anything from his lower half and when they started the IV full of good drugs in his arm, Doctor O’Neil swore the only thing he’d remember for years to come was a strong pressure.

Dave stood by his head, holding Kurt’s hand and bent down low to give them the illusion of privacy. He whispered, “You told me everything was going to be okay. I dropped my coffee all over the ground when the nurse came to get me.”

“Sorry,” Kurt mumbled, feeling a little loopy but mostly there. “We’re going to have a baby today.”

Dave kissed him dryly on the mouth. “You’re right. Our little girl.”

Kurt felt his teeth clink together as he forced himself to remain calm. “Andrea. Andrea Elizabeth. Oh, Dave, we didn’t decide about her last name yet.”

Dave suggested, “How about we cover our bases and go with Andrea Elizabeth Karofsky-Hummel.”

“Long name,” Kurt breathed out as Doctor O’Neil let them know she was starting.

“Long names are distinguishing,” Dave decided. “And we’re going to call her Andy for short. Plus, doesn’t Tina have a little girl named Kurt?” The teasing smile was reassuring on Dave’s face. “I have a feeling Kurt and Andy will have a lot to bond over. They’re going to be great friends, just like their parents.”

Kurt couldn’t say for sure just how long it took for the delivery. He only knew Dave’s face and his words and the ample distraction that they provided until Doctor O’Neil was announcing their baby girl was there, and holding her up for everyone to see.

She was, without doubt, covered in grime and blood and all kinds of things Kurt didn’t want to think about, the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen. He could have stared at her all day if she didn’t need to be passed off to a nearby nurse to make sure everything was okay.

“Dave?” Kurt asked when he realized he hadn’t heard anything from the man since they saw their daughter.

Dave’s face pressed down into Kurt’s shoulder and he cried quietly. “Kurt.” Kurt brought his free hand up as best he could, a little awkward, to wrap around the back of Dave’s neck comfortingly. Tears leaked out of his own eyes and he knew this was the best day of his life.

After the delivery, however, he didn’t remember much. At some point Dave had to leave, and then Doctor O’Neil was talking to him in words that blended together. A haze of sleepiness settled over him and as he made to ask about his baby, and when he could see her next, but instead he fell asleep.

The sound of a baby crying woke him, and hushed voices, and then he was awake, staring straight up at Dave’s smile and the most perfect thing he’d ever done. Ever made.

“She,” Dave proclaimed as Burt help Kurt sit up, still a lot numb but on the good stuff, “is an absolute rockstar.” He held Andrea up so Kurt could get his first real good look at her.

“She’s beautiful,” he mumbled, still trying to pull himself together. He was becoming increasingly aware of the amount of people in the room. 

Burt cleared his throat and trailed his fingers across Kurt’s hand as he announced, “Alright everyone, out of the room. You can all come visit Kurt and the baby when they’ve had a few minutes to themselves.”

Kurt heard Mercedes protesting, and Finn shouting that he had the right to stay, but the only thing he could see was Andrea. He reached out for her, barely strong enough to touch her butter smooth skin.

“She’s healthy?” Kurt asked.

“She’s perfect. Here, crook your arm a little.”

Then Kurt was holding her. She was dozing quietly, eyes shut as she opened and closed her mouth slowly, fingers curling up into little fists. She was gorgeous, tuffs of brown hair on her head and a rosy blush on her cheeks. 

“We did it,” Kurt said, tearing up a little. “We made her.”

“You and I.” Dave leaned over the both of them and gave each a kiss to the forehead. “She is everything I never knew I wanted, not until you came along. Not until you made me see.”

Kurt thought he’d always known. He’d always known she was what he wanted, and she was what made him a better person. What made him the person he was supposed to be. 

“I’m still tired,” Kurt admitted, blinking slowly. “But I don’t want to miss anything with her.”

Dave pulled a nearby chair up close to the bed and ran a finger along his daughter’s cheek. “You’re going to be tired and sore for a while. Go ahead and rest. She’s as healthy as you can get, and she’ll still be here when you wake up. I won’t let anyone take her from you. Then, when you get to go home, we’re going to spend every single day with her, playing with her, teaching her, and loving her.”

“I love you,” Kurt insisted, eyes falling closed and staying that way.

Dave’s lips brushed Kurt’s. “I love you too.”

***

Kurt wanted to honestly know who was the genius who thought it was okay to make the Power Rangers complicated. Back when he’d been a kid it was simple, with five basic colors and one bad guy. Okay, to be fair, there was a sixth color, but there was obviously a reasonable explanation for the Green Ranger, and the bad guy was actual a bad girl, but Kurt thought that was just semantics. The point was, it was straight forward and easy to follow.

He looked down at the packaging in his hands. Since when were the Power Rangers dinosaurs? And now they had magic? Okay, Kurt drew the line at them being samurai. Ninja and samurai were not the same thing.

A high pieced scream rattled Kurt’s ears and he winced, setting the toys down quickly, eyes jetting off towards the sound. 

He might have predicted he’d find his daughter, who was so absolutely terrible at sharing it was hard to believe she wasn’t an only child, engaged in a tug of war with her equally as stubborn little brother who looked like he was willing to die before he’d relinquish the toy they were fighting over.

“Andrea Elizabeth Karofsky-Hummel.” Kurt stalked over to the pair and took some pleasure in the way she froze, obviously knowing she was in trouble. “Are you being mean to your little brother?”

His daughter pouted immediately. “I had it first. Henry took it from me!”

Kurt put his hands on his hips. Obviously she was mistaking him for her other father if she thought the pout was going to work on him. He wasn’t a giant softie, not like Dave. Her pouting wasn’t going to work with him when he had two bratty children in front of him.

With a groan Kurt carefully knelt down next to his young son and asked, “Henry, did you take the toy from your sister?”

There were tears in bright blue eyes as the boy nodded. “I wanna have it.”

Kurt plucked the toy out of both of their hands and gave it a good look over. Despite having children he felt so absolutely out of the loop. He didn’t have a clue the kinds of things they watched on TV in the morning and then wanted as toys later on. Dave was the morning parent while Kurt went to work. Kurt knew exactly what they liked to eat for dinner and which books to read them at bedtime. But cartoons and toys?

“Please!” the two voices coursed up at Kurt in unison.

Kurt wasn’t phased. “We’re here shopping for your cousin’s birthday and you two are only thinking about yourselves.” Andrea had the sense to look at least a little ashamed, but Kurt reminded himself, Henry was only two, still a baby in most ways, and he was still trying to grasp the concept of others being more important than him at any given time. He’d learn, though if his sister was any indication, it wouldn’t be easy.

Kurt didn’t think it was fair at all that he and Dave had created the most beautiful children on the planet, who just happened to be the most stubborn as well.

“Can we get something too?” Andrea asked, hands pressed together in a begging motion. “We can be really good. Really, really good.”

Kurt sighed. “You should be good without the bribery.”

“Kurt?”

As Kurt lifted Henry up to his feet he turned to the sound of his voice, expecting Dave to be back from the bathroom, and instead finding someone he hadn’t seen in years, and frankly hadn’t thought of either.

“What … uh … Blaine.” Kurt tucked Henry onto his hip and begged silently for Andrea to stay close. The last thing he needed was for her to go running off. “What’re you doing here … in a toy store?” And there was Sebastian, standing just behind him, previously distracted by a wall of Lego toys.

“Kurt,” Blaine said, taking a few moments to really look at him, making Kurt feel uncomfortable. “You look …”

“What’re you doing here?” Kurt repeated, hooking a hand under Henry’s bottom as he squirmed a little. He mumbled to his son, “Careful with your feet, please.”

Blaine looked lost for words, but Sebastian sashayed right in front of him and said, “I’m not surprised you turned into a baby making machine, Hummel.”

Suddenly Kurt felt not ashamed, but very aware of his two children, and of his expanding waistline that left no guesswork to his condition. “Nice to see you think you’re as witty as ever.”

Andrea peered up at Blaine and asked, “Do you know my Papa?”

Blaine looked completely lost for a moment, then he gave a slow nod. He leaned down slightly to say, “I knew him a long time ago. In fact, I knew you when you were still in his stomach.”

Her jaw fell open and she declared, “That is so cool!” She thrust a hand out, one that Blaine met shakily. “My name is Andrea Elizabeth Karofsky-Hummel. I have two last names. Because my family is awesome.”

Pride exploded in Kurt’s chest as he finally gave into Henry’s wiggling and fitted him into the child seat of the shopping cart near him. He pressed a toy into his arms and turned back to find Andrea trying to explain something about a toy. He interceded easily by taking her gently by the shoulders and saying, “While your brother is distracted could you please attempt to find a present for your cousin?”

She looked unhappy to be parted from Blaine, and it kind of tilted Kurt’s world to recognize the wide eyes for what they were on her when she looked at Blaine, but eventually she sauntered off to do as told.

“Do you two just hang around toy stores these days?” Kurt asked at Sebastian. “Besides creeping around in a way that would make one assume you’re registered in a database somewhere.”

Sebastian made a face at him. “If you have to know, and clearly you’ve always been so concerned with my business, my niece is having a birthday party next weekend. Blaine and I need a present.”

Quietly, Blaine said, “I knew you’d have more kids, Kurt.” He didn’t say it like he was jealous, or bitter. Only like it was a fact.

“I always wanted kids,” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice even. “At least a couple.”

Blaine nodded to Andrea. “She’s something.”

A smile cracked onto Kurt’s face. “Infuriating at times, but the most perfect, wonderful thing I could hope for.” He wondered if Blaine looked at her and saw something that could have been his. If he wondered at all. Maybe not. It was probably better if he didn’t.

An awkward silence seemed to fall over them and Kurt wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t certain if it was right to ask how Blaine had been doing, and he didn’t really want to share any of his personal life with the man he’d been married to previously. That part of his life was over, and it was still uneven ground for him when he stopped to think about it. 

“Kurt! Crisis aborted!”

Dave came swinging back into the picture with a wiggling, giggling little boy in his arms.

“You made it?” Kurt asked, perking up. He held his hands out to the child and took him into his embrace, bracing him against his hip like he had with his brother moments ago. “Did you go to the bathroom?”

A shaggy head of brown hair nodded and the boy said, “Daddy helped.”

Kurt kissed his cheek and made sure to praise, “I’m very proud of you Adam.” He set the boy in the basket where his brother was already twisted around in his seat talking animatedly about the toy in his hands. Potty training was still a nightmare, but at least one of his boys was doing okay.

“Twins?” Blaine asked, looking between the boys and Kurt.

Kurt knew the moment Dave finally recognized who was in front of him, made evident by the way he seemingly plastered himself to Kurt’s side and curled his arm so far around his waist his fingers brushed his baby bump.

“Not planned,” Kurt said with a shrug, because the twins had been as much a surprise as anything. “And there weren’t any fertility drugs or procedures used in their conception. It just happened.” They were still the best surprise ever.

Dave asked, “What are you doing here, Anderson?”

“Getting territorial?” Sebastian snipped. “How devolved of you.”

Kurt tried to defuse the situation by saying, “They’re just here doing some shopping.” Then Kurt paused, noting the way they stood together, the closeness and almost intimacy of how their fingers brushed. “Are you two … together?”

Sebastian only glared as Blaine said simply, “Yes.”

“Married?”

It was Sebastian who barked out, “No,” and laughed adding, “absolutely not.” They didn’t really seem the type to get married. At least not Sebastian, and Kurt would have understood Blaine’s reluctance without the man having to say a word. Dave was absolutely everything and anything Kurt ever wanted in a partner, an amazing husband and an even better father, but it had still taken until the twins were born to get Kurt ready for marriage again. But he had gotten his beach wedding, the one he always wanted, at sunset and with only the most beloved of family there.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Andrea skidded to a stop and held a toy up over her head with a determined look. “What about this for Sam?”

Kurt couldn’t see what the toy was, but Dave gave a sure nod and said, “I think she’s going to love it, Andy. Put it in the cart?” The little girl raced off and Dave turned to Kurt, saying, “How about we get out of here before all of our children want toys.”

Kurt thumbed towards the cart where the twins were still enamored with their toy. “Agreed, now, you just have to go get that toy away from your sons without making them cry, and we’ll be ready to leave.”

Dave paled.

“I guess, uh,” Blaine spoke up, “we should get going. It was nice to see you, Kurt.”

Sebastian looked bored out of his mind and Kurt chose to ignore him, taking a step closer to Blaine as he asked quietly, “Are you happy?”

Blaine thought for a moment, then settled, “Content, and sometimes that’s good enough.”

Kurt wanted him to be happy, Kurt was happy, but he supposed content would just have to be good enough. He couldn’t force Blaine to be with someone. He couldn’t force Blaine to be happy. He had to be satisfied and hope that Blaine was too. 

“So I’ll see you around sometime?” Kurt asked not sure how to part with his ex-husband.

“Probably not.” Blaine had a small smile. “It took five years for us to run into each other accidentally. It could be another five before I see you again.”

Kurt shrugged. “Okay. Well … I hope you have a good day.” Life? He still didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if anything would be the right thing to say.

“Kurt?” Dave called. “A little back up please.”

Kurt offered a final, awkward wave to Blaine, and even to Sebastian, and took off towards Dave who was, like Andrea had been, now in a tug of war contest with their son over a toy. 

“Honestly, Dave,” Kurt said, not sure if he ought to be amused or not, “he’s two years old.”

“Then he’s freaking Superman,” Dave laughed out. “And we need to get this kid signed up for karate tomorrow.”

They ended up getting out of the store with their wallets barely intact, and as they drove home they had three children and four toys, and Kurt still wasn’t sure how it happened.

Later that night, after bedtime stories had been read and teeth had been brushed and there were three sleeping children down the hall, Kurt climbed in bed next to Dave and said, “I think I’m going to sleep for about a week, okay?” 

Dave chuckled and rubbed a warm hand over his belly. “You guys feeling okay? Just tired?”

Kurt tapped his fingers across the back of Dave’s hand. “Just tired.”

Dave helped Kurt get comfortable for a moment, then posed, “Crazy running into your ex at the toy store today, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t feel threatened,” Kurt mumbled. He closed his eyes and curled a hand against his stomach. It was still too soon to feel his baby move, but soon.

Dave said sharply, “I don’t feel threatened.”

“Mm-hm.”

“I don’t!” Dave huffed a little. “It’s just … I didn’t think it would make me feel so …” He paused and then admitted, “Okay, threatened. Don’t make fun of me.”

Kurt blinked himself awake and then propped himself up on an elbow. “Why would I make fun of you?” 

“Because it’s stupid.”

Kurt kissed him on the cheek and sat up fully, folding his legs underneath himself. “Dave. He’s my ex-husband. Emphasis on the ex, and I hadn’t seen him for … five years before today, more than that because it was before Andy was even born. You know I’m not going back to him. Did you think I was just going to leap into his arms or something?”

Dave made a face then said, “No. But it just … it churns my stomach. This guy … you loved him for so long, Kurt, and I worked so hard to win your heart. We have a family and we have something really special, really unique. I don’t want to lose that to nostalgia.”

Kurt leaned forward and kissed him squarely on the mouth. The bed dipped forward as Kurt deepened it, making sure Dave understood exactly how he felt about him. “You,” Kurt said eventually, “are my husband and I love you. I have a beautiful daughter and two amazing sons with you. You are my future. I’ve always said that and I’ve always meant that. I think the baby in my belly right now is proof enough of that.”

At the mention of his pregnancy a smile broke onto Dave’s face. “Yeah.”

“And I came home with you, didn’t I?”

Dave asked carefully, “You don’t think about how your life could have been different if you’d never met me? Or stayed with him?”

Kurt shook his head in a show of honesty. “Never once.”

Dave held his gaze for a moment, then nodded and returned Kurt’s kiss. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“No worries.” Kurt settled back down, hooking a leg between Dave’s and his head settling on Dave’s chest. “But I really am tired, so can you hit the light?” He knew Dave preferred to read before bed, but Kurt really just wanted to turn in for the night.

“No problem.” Dave pulled the switch on the light and suddenly they were in darkness. Blankets were pulled high and Kurt closed his eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Huh?” Kurt asked, barely awake. He wasn’t even sure he’d heard Dave properly. “For what?”

He felt Dave’s fingers brush his stomach. “For this baby. For our daughter. Our sons. Your love and our marriage. For you. Just … everything. Thank you.”

Kurt found his hand in the darkness and brought it to his mouth, kissing it with dry lips. “I love you, David Karofsky, and you never have to thank me for that. If anything, I’m more thankful to you. You gave me my children and fulfilled my biggest dreams.”

“Kurt,” Dave said, sounding all choked up. “I love you so much. You just … you don’t have any clue how much I love you and our kids and what we have.” He gave the smallest of a sniffle and Kurt couldn’t help grinning. Family never failed to get Dave all worked up and emotional. 

“Dave?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Kurt kissed the back of his hand again and then stilled. “Go to bed. It’s past eleven. I have work in the morning, you have a two day shift at the firehouse coming up, and tomorrow I have to try and talk my parents out of coming up next week for Adam and Henry’s birthdays. My dad is still getting over his pneumonia scare. No more talk, sleep now.”

Kurt felt Dave kiss his bangs, then he said, “Yes, dear.”


End file.
